Is it wrong to only want to marry a Virgin

[RDKirk]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

Rahab.
Praised by scripture.
Ancestor of Jesus.
Not a virgin.

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

No, she doesn't "apologize." She states it in defiance of the dainty court ladies-in-waiting in Jerusalem, the daughters of the wealthy who had never spent a day of honest labor.

She said her brothers punished her, and a fair woman was considered most attractive amongs Egyptians and I am sure Hebrews as well.

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

Rahab.
Praised by scripture.
Ancestor of Jesus.
Not a virgin.

Not all marriages in Jesus in Jesus ancestry were ideal, but weren't all of them were concieved in marriages after repentance...?

 

[RDKirk]

Not all marriages in Jesus in Jesus ancestry were ideal, but weren't all of them were concieved in marriages after repentance...?

That's the situation the OP described:

I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much....She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence.

 

[RDKirk]

She said her brothers punished her, and a fair woman was considered most attractive amongs Egyptians and I am sure Hebrews as well.

She is not apologetic about having to work for a living. She did no wrong, but was wronged. She is not like the court women described by Isaiah 3:16.

 

[faroukfarouk]

there are a few but very few.

The bigger picture is for both bride and groom already to know the Lord Jesus by faith and be cleansed from their sins. This is an even greater blessing than physical virginity.

 

[Owen GB5]

A77 - if virginity is that big a deal for you - that is fine. Stick to your guns.
So if you think this relationship may be headed for marriage - ask her already.

We confessed our virginity to each other not long after we met; we both somehow knew we would marry. It was exciting knowing the other person had waited!

 

[seashale76]

Hi, I'm going to try to make this short.
Basically I need another Christian to talk to about this issue.
Nobody else seems to understand me.
I'm a 19 year old male, and I am a virgin. Abstinence is a huge deal to me and always has been. I've always been hoping that my future wife would be a virgin as well. I've recently met a girl at church and I really, really like her. She's so sweet and loves God very much. But she's 22 and I'm not sure if she's a virgin. We've been talking a lot and seeing each other outside of church but it's still a mystery to me. She wears a purity ring but didn't say if she was still a virgin she just said it's her promise to God to practice abstinence. I don't know a polite way to ask, but it's really bugging me. I don't want to fall for her and find out she's not a virgin because it would make it really difficult for me to have a serious relationship with her.
I've tried to talk to friends about this but nobody gets why it is so important to me, one friend called me a "sexist pig" for feeling this way. Is it wrong? What can I do? What should I do? I can't just change the way I feel about purity and everything. I don't want to be with someone who didn't wait for me, but at the same time I've already developed feelings for her and I can't make myself stop seeing her if she wasn't.

This is coming from someone that was a virgin and married a virgin.

And here I thought those ridiculous rings were the modern way to blatantly advertise a woman's only worth and marriage eligibility in certain circles. You don't need to ask- she's already advertised the fact to you that she is a virgin with a gaudy and unnecessary ring.

Also- let's be honest- you're not even dating her. This is never an appropriate question to ask- even to someone you are interested in. It leaves no doubt that her only value to you is if she has a hymen and hasn't had sex, which is, admittedly, somewhat demoralizing, dehumanizing, and personal (meaning not your business).

It's more than fine that you want someone that shares your views on the matter and is on the same page. It seems she has gone out of her way to advertise she is on the same page. It's more than a little weird that you are overly focused on this. She is twenty-two and you're nineteen. Not that age gaps are wrong, it's just that I'm assuming she has been to college and is now working. You've got a long row to hoe on that score. Would it be fair to make her wait for someone even longer until you grow up enough for her?

You've already said she's sweet, loves God, and makes sure everyone knows she practices abstinence with her words and that blasted ring. Your issue here isn't whether this girl is a virgin or not. Your issue is insecurity and immaturity. Seek God more and worry about your own walk.

 

[Radrook]

That's like asking is it wrong to want to have only a new car or a new guitar. Under the Mosaic Law the high priests were to marry only a virgin.

Lev 21: 13
The high priest may marry only a virgin.