I agree that those things are all vital in marriage. Waiting for the partner God has for you is also a very honourable trait, though I am not saying that people cannot change, or cannot be forgiven, or cannot become pure through Christ.
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Is it wrong to only want to marry a Virgin
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However, you do need to understand that the older you get the harder they are to find as not all people feel that same way. For example, I am still a virgin just over two months shy of my 24th birthday, but MANY people my age are not. As I have never been in a serious relationship and realize I am getting older that is off my list of MUST bes that I would NOT marry a non-virgin
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razzelflabben
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I think the answer would vary depending on who you ask but for many it is two fold...1. a covenant to Love only one in the relationship of marriage and 2. it is an intimate thing that some find distasteful to think about sharing with others. Let me see, how to put this delicately...with the intimacy being "internal" the image of who all you have been with and where all you have been is a turn off for many. It's a kind of purity, not just of the flesh but of the whole person that many people attach to it. Right or wrong, those are the two most common things I have heard. This would include but not be limited to disease and the emotional baggage that comes from previous partners. A 3. would be no reason other than God saying so.
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How about the emotional baggage that comes from someone subsiding their sex drive for years or decades in order to stay a virgin?
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razzelflabben
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Not sure I have heard of such a thing, so I wouldn't guess it would be high on the list of worries. If it was, I would think we would here a lot more about it. In fact, I just did a quick web search out of curiosity and all that comes up is advantages to abstinence before marriage, nothing about emotional stress caused by it.
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faroukfarouk
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razzelflabben: I think the main thing is for a believer to want to marry someone who is cleansed by the blood of Christ by faith. It may well involve someone who has not 'been' with some before but not always.
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Well - from someone who has lived thru that scenario - let me tell you it can be pretty bad.
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razzelflabben
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I totally agree...I also understand how being a virgin would be a testimony to that cleansing. In fact, it's a biblical concept.
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razzelflabben
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Other then when I was molested, I was a virgin until married at 29, not really any baggage from that purity...not even sure what that would look like other than feeling bad because you aren't like the world, which is suppose to be a concept that is in opposition to the believer. Can you provide some reasons for this supposed baggage I can't find when it comes to being a virgin until marriage? Thanks.
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faroukfarouk
Fading curmudgeon
razzelflabben: Yes, I agree. There are also uncleansed virgins - many of them; and cleansed non-virgins, right?
Blessings.
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faroukfarouk
Fading curmudgeon
razzelflabben: So it kind of follows that that from a pastoral point of view, the question is not, Are you intact (down there)? but, Are both of you cleansed by faith in Christ?
Blessings.
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Certainly. The mental gymnastics and situation-changing actions to avoid having or respoonding to sexual feelings. After a couple of years they can become so automatic that they continue into marriage and you do not have a clue how to change them.
That can lead to a situation written about here in a different forum; a guy had been married 7 months when he wrote the OP and they both were still virgins. That had not changed the last time he posted. She just could not go thru with the deed.
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razzelflabben
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From a pastoral point of view, yes, from the standpoint of a potential spouse other things might be involved...for example I previously mentioned that many people have a problem with the thought of where all the other persons genitals have been, as in "how many people you are sleeping with" in relation to extra marital affairs. I'm not saying that this is right, or good or wise, or whatever, I'm just saying it is primary to some people who strongly desire to marry a virgin.
Previously when we talked about the issue of being cleansed, I mentioned that only God knows for sure, because He sees the heart. This applies here and now as well. If there is a demonstration of cleansing, whether that be from promiscuity, or something else, I see no spiritual reason to think that God has not cleansed the person of all unrighteousness, but we don't always see through God's eyes and we can't see the heart. For some, virginity becomes the measure, a measure that might be a bit off from the biblical standpoint
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razzelflabben
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Still not following....before I was married, knowing that sex was reserved for marriage, I would avoid temptation by putting myself in a different situation. For example when my husband and I were engaged and struggling to wait, we would make sure there was a chaperone...not that hard. After we were married there was no need for that, so it became a very easy habit to break. Thus, I'm still not following what emotional baggage you are claiming as a result of maintaining a purity in your sexual life. Please elaborate and clarify, thank you.
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For example: my wife started those "feelings" about age 12. By 13 she had found a way to eliminate them. Emotionally, when someone started getting close and may try to raise those dormant feelings, she would get angry. VERY ANGRY. And in that way she kept her virginity intact until we were married. But those "safeguards" she erected in her mind are still there (but have been lessened) some 37 years later.
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KitKatMatt
stupid bleeding heart feminist liberal
http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge
This link isn't condoning sex before marriage, but is looking at the idea of forcing kids to make their virginity part of their identity, and how it can hurt them once they are married when they start to have sex with their spouse when that part of their identity is stripped from them.
We had these pledges pushed on us at my church and school (public school). I refused to pledge because of how creepy it seemed to me.
This link isn't condoning sex before marriage, but is looking at the idea of forcing kids to make their virginity part of their identity, and how it can hurt them once they are married when they start to have sex with their spouse when that part of their identity is stripped from them.
We had these pledges pushed on us at my church and school (public school). I refused to pledge because of how creepy it seemed to me.
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razzelflabben
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ah...so in our own power...that makes more sense. We are suppose to do it in God's power and not through finding ways to eliminate the feelings, but rather finding ways to prevent ourselves from giving into those feelings, as in learning self control vs. learning to find outlets...thanks for the clarification.
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