I met this girl who is a great Christian and she is cute and she is rich. The thing is I don't really like her romantically. I think I could maybe learn to fall in love with her but she seems to want me romantically and I'm content to let her romance me. Is this marriage material or should I wait until I feel in love with someone?
Is it wrong to marry a girl because she's rich?
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dayhiker
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Not wrong to marry a rich girl. Take it slow and make sure the feelings develop. Just her having money and you not being into her could really mess with your head.
There are a couple of things to consider. Will you be expected to provide for her like her father has. Would be a lot to live upto.
Knowing how to handle a lot more money than your used to isn't straight forward. Your going to have to grew a lot in your fiancial maturity to know how to handle more money than you have now. Think lottery winners that blow their windfall and have nothing to show for it.
How will you feel if she ends up being the major bread winner in your family?
so think thru more than do I love her.
There are a couple of things to consider. Will you be expected to provide for her like her father has. Would be a lot to live upto.
Knowing how to handle a lot more money than your used to isn't straight forward. Your going to have to grew a lot in your fiancial maturity to know how to handle more money than you have now. Think lottery winners that blow their windfall and have nothing to show for it.
How will you feel if she ends up being the major bread winner in your family?
so think thru more than do I love her.
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Spiritlight
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If you marry a girl with lots of coin, unless you have more she just might end up wearing the pants in your family later on. Often whoever pays the bills has the biggest say. Another concern is wealthy in laws sometimes can be very influential in a child's house.
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What I say may sound harsh. please don't take offense. It's just that if you aren't romantically attracted to her but are mostly thinking of the money; if you deceive her, you will surely break her heart, and God doesn't look kindly on that sort of thing.
Like the other poster said, take your time and see if those feelings develop. Be wise and seek God in prayer as a grown man of integrity who walks before the Lord and seeks to do his will.
God COMMANDS husbands to love their wives. God also says that romance and intimacy between a husband and wife mirrors the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church.
Pray for wisdom. The Bible says that Wisdom is more precious than great wealth.
Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26. that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27. that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. 28. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30. because we are members of his body. 31. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Jeremiah 9:24
But let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.
Proverbs 10:9
Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.
Luke 6:31
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Like the other poster said, take your time and see if those feelings develop. Be wise and seek God in prayer as a grown man of integrity who walks before the Lord and seeks to do his will.
God COMMANDS husbands to love their wives. God also says that romance and intimacy between a husband and wife mirrors the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church.
Pray for wisdom. The Bible says that Wisdom is more precious than great wealth.
Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26. that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27. that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. 28. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30. because we are members of his body. 31. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Jeremiah 9:24
But let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.
Proverbs 10:9
Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.
Luke 6:31
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
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freezerman2000
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If you don't love her, don't marry her..It could only lead to major problems later on.....
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Created2Write
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Here's what my friend says about it. He says if you marry her and love her like you're supposed to love everyone anyways then you won't have to deal with lust and you won't deal with that let down that happens after marriage when the honeymoon phase is over. That really makes sense to me. What do you guys think of that?
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What makes you think that marrying someone you don't love will mean you'll never have to deal with lust? You may just lust for someone other than your wife.
Lem
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dreamer82
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What the heck? I can't tell if you're serious or just trying to stir the pot for fun. You really think it would be a good idea or even acceptable morally to marry a girl you don't love just because she has lots of money? Would you tell her you're marrying her because she's rich and you want to live the high life or just deceive her into thinking the union is about love, respect, intimacy, etc? If money is such a driving force in your life then find a way to make some without using somebody in the process. Get an education and a good job and work hard. Based on this and a previous thread you are ages away from being ready to get married. And like the PP said, if you're not even attracted to your wife, good luck not struggling with lust for OTHERS. You are setting yourself and your potential future wife up for disaster all in the name of hungering for money and putting other people's hearts aside in your want of it. If you decide to pursue her I hope you'll either be honest so she makes a decision with her eyes wide open or that she sees your motivations and desires for what they truly are...that you are interested in what she has, not who she is. 
How much money a person has shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of a lifelong, love-based commitment. Money comes and goes and the Bible warns of what love of money leads to.
How much money a person has shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of a lifelong, love-based commitment. Money comes and goes and the Bible warns of what love of money leads to.
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dallasapple
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Well wait a minute..if he is willing to "act lovingly"..what difference does it make how he feels?Isn't it touted AFTER marriage feelings have nothing to do with love or respect?
Im assuming hes referring to "feelings" when he says he doenst love her..and many members here freqently refer to "doing the right thing" as well as "showing respect " regardless if you actually posses the feeling of respect or not..in fact you can "feel" disrespect ..it doesnt matter...marriage is the ACT of respect..and the ACT of love..feelings arent in the equation..if thats the deal after marriage anyway (the MINUTE you say I do and then until you die)..whats even wrong with what he is suggesting?
Whats the big deal if he doesnt feel any romantic love for her?As long as he is willing to "act" in a manner thats loving and "do the right thing" it should be a great marriage shouldnt it?Marriage has nothing to do with "feelings"..its all about "acting' with love and "acting" with respect..
Dallas
Im assuming hes referring to "feelings" when he says he doenst love her..and many members here freqently refer to "doing the right thing" as well as "showing respect " regardless if you actually posses the feeling of respect or not..in fact you can "feel" disrespect ..it doesnt matter...marriage is the ACT of respect..and the ACT of love..feelings arent in the equation..if thats the deal after marriage anyway (the MINUTE you say I do and then until you die)..whats even wrong with what he is suggesting?
Whats the big deal if he doesnt feel any romantic love for her?As long as he is willing to "act" in a manner thats loving and "do the right thing" it should be a great marriage shouldnt it?Marriage has nothing to do with "feelings"..its all about "acting' with love and "acting" with respect..
Dallas
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Just how long do you think he'll be able to keep up this "act" before she realizes he doesn't love her? At that point, how many years will she have lost that she could have been trying to find somebody who actually loves her and who doesn't just see her as a meal ticket?
Lem
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dallasapple
Well-Known Member
Well supposedly acoriding to quite a few people around here thats what we are commanded to do anyway in marriage..Just "do the right thing"..."love" for the husband and "respect' for the wife..and its all ACTS.."act" respectful in your actions.."act" loving in your actions..the feelings do not have to be present..
How long will he be able to keep it up?I dont know but apparently when we get married we have entered a contract to "keep it up" until you die..So basically all marreid people should be "acting " liek they love each other and "acting' like they respect each other ..and inside they can not feel even close to what the "acts" are saying..its just too bad thats what "Paul said"..
So I guess if you arent willing to "act' like you love someone and "act" like you respect them day in and day out for your entire life THEN you have no business getting marreid..NOT if you dont feel it in the first place..thats acceptable..NOT acting like you do is whats sinful....
Everything you do you do whether you "feel" like it or not..or if their are any genuine feelings behind the "acts"..
So I dont see ..being thats the case ..whats the big deal to just start off that way to begin with if thats what we all have to do in the long run anyway if we ever lose those feelings if we married based on them.
I guess what Im asking ..is how is this guy any worse..than someone that does have the feelings for the person ...who then later just 'acts them out " for the sake of THE MARRIAGE which is suggested here by at least several posters on this forum routinely..for sex..and more..and its supposedly scriptural..
Dallas
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Well, I guess I see your point. But I'd say the key difference is that most marriages are at least entered into in good faith. That is, there is some history of love and affection prior to the wedding. If those feelings dissipate over the years, I'd think that is when the exhortations that you are referring to kick in. That's when you'd need to continue to act lovingly for the sake of the marriage. Now, we could debate whether that is right or wrong, but it is a reasonable, and, sadly, not uncommon, place for a married couple to end up. And it is a far cry from entering into a marriage in the first place with no history of love or affection. I'd say what this chap is contemplating is qualitatively different than the situation that most of the advice you're referring to applies to.
Lem
Lem
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