Is it morally wrong to disown your family? I'm struggling with this. On one hand my family are really bad people and the other, they are my family.
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Is it wrong to disown your family?
- Thread starter Seekinganswers411
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I think it is always very difficult when it comes to family.
They form the world around you and they are all you know for the longest time. Only as you get older do you start to see how they fit into the world as a whole.
I think it is especially tough trying to have a relationship with God in a hostile environment...one where the enemies turn out to be family members.
Matthew 10 v34-37 says “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."
Sometimes sharing the Gospel with those closest to us is harder than speaking to a complete stranger. They know us. They know our history and all our faults and they will try to catch you out. But our actions speak louder than words and if you allow Christ to change who you are, the effects are so visible that people notice and they are either drawn to it or they withdraw from you.
We should be like that with family.
Be your best version of Christ and either God will touch their hearts or He will direct your steps away.
They form the world around you and they are all you know for the longest time. Only as you get older do you start to see how they fit into the world as a whole.
I think it is especially tough trying to have a relationship with God in a hostile environment...one where the enemies turn out to be family members.
Matthew 10 v34-37 says “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."
Sometimes sharing the Gospel with those closest to us is harder than speaking to a complete stranger. They know us. They know our history and all our faults and they will try to catch you out. But our actions speak louder than words and if you allow Christ to change who you are, the effects are so visible that people notice and they are either drawn to it or they withdraw from you.
We should be like that with family.
Be your best version of Christ and either God will touch their hearts or He will direct your steps away.
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What is "really bad people" in this case?
My siblings are not religious but one of my siblings supposedly has remarked he disowns any biological ties one of our grandfathers. Because he doesn't like the way he treated his wife and kids. I find this self righteous. Objectively our grandfather made wrong choices, became consumed in various sins, alcoholism, adultery, gambling and so on. But I have prayed asking God to forgive him of his sins. He's passed now, so, I hope through God's mercy he was granted salvation.
The thing is that my siblings and I did not live the Jim Crow and some of the particular family dysfunctions it sounds like our particular grandfather did. So, I see it as hard to make such harsh judgements. Yes, he was not a very good father. Actually, you might say he wasn't the best grandparent either. But I never experienced him as a "horrible" person. He was a "happy drunk" too. There were and are much worst grandparents out there I'm sure. Eh, he used to charge me and my cousins money (in grade school) to drive us to the movies or something LOL! My siblings never experienced that because they weren't as connected to that extended family as I was.
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keith99
sola dosis facit venenum
It is not something to do lightly or with a broad brush.
Are there aspects of the family that are damaging to you (or your spouse or children)?
Are you sure it is all your family? This may be the harder question, take care to not distance yourself form family members who may be asking the very same things you are because of the same toxic individuals. Do not mistake silence or inaction for approval, there may be family members who simply have no solutions and are just trying to not make things worse.
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True Scotsman
Objectivist
Not so long as you have a rational reason for doing so. You have no obligation to care for or associate with someone even if they are a family member.
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lupusFati
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I'd say if your family causes you significant harm, no matter what kind (physical, mental, emotional), then perhaps it's best not to interact with them from that point on. If that counts as 'disowning', that's fine. I've all but abandoned any attempt at a relationship with my blood brother because I view him as toxic to my well-being. I do not claim any moral right/wrong to doing that, I just know what I'm doing is for my own health. Also, by toxic, I don't mean "we disagreed on a few issues and can't reconcile". What I mean is "this person has, over the course of two decades, done more harm than good when it comes to our relationship, and worrying about it any longer will stress me to death".
Sometimes, you have to let go. That's not evil or good. It's just life. But make sure you do it for the right reasons.
For instance, if you want to disown your family because "they disagree with me" or similar reasons, then maybe you just need a vacation instead of resorting to such an extreme measure. You might feel differently after some time away.
Sometimes, you have to let go. That's not evil or good. It's just life. But make sure you do it for the right reasons.
For instance, if you want to disown your family because "they disagree with me" or similar reasons, then maybe you just need a vacation instead of resorting to such an extreme measure. You might feel differently after some time away.
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Hi Seeking,
Yes, from a Christian point of view it is wrong to disown your family. But, this doesn't mean that you can't hold them accountable to some extent for their moral failures (or abuses).
Peace
2PhiloVoid
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I'd stay away from some people too. If it's best for you. That can mean parents, siblings, extended family and so on.
Sometimes those you grow up with--or serve in the military or war with or go to college with--can become more your family than those actually biologically tied to you.
Then again... even close friends that were once like your own brothers or sisters can one day become some of your biggest enemies. Kind of tragic. But it is what it is.
But "bad" is vague and can mean different things to different people. The OP could mean "bad" as in family members that are cohabiting or homosexual. Or the OP could mean child molesters. Or being a "snitch." Being a snitch in prison is like being a child molester. Or close to it to many convicts.
I don't advocate disowning your son for being gay or your sister for being lesbian. Overall, I don't recommend being self righteous. At the same time you need to protect yourself and think of your own self interest.
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Matthias Rose
1 Cor 10:23
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What does "disown" mean to you?
If you mean deprive children of an inheritance, that's pretty much your choice. If it's because they made choices you don't like, you may or may not be saying more about yourself, than about them, but it's entirely your choice.
But if you just need to distance yourself from your family -- for your own health and safety -- then by all means. Do what you have to do. Move away. Change your phone number. Change your name.
The only commandment relevant here I know of is "Honor your father and mother." And that's a big one. But sometimes you have to honor them from a safe distance. Parents who are mentally ill, especially high functioning problems like narcissism and borderline personality, are particularly damaging to their children, and the best thing you can do is get distance.
If you mean deprive children of an inheritance, that's pretty much your choice. If it's because they made choices you don't like, you may or may not be saying more about yourself, than about them, but it's entirely your choice.
But if you just need to distance yourself from your family -- for your own health and safety -- then by all means. Do what you have to do. Move away. Change your phone number. Change your name.
The only commandment relevant here I know of is "Honor your father and mother." And that's a big one. But sometimes you have to honor them from a safe distance. Parents who are mentally ill, especially high functioning problems like narcissism and borderline personality, are particularly damaging to their children, and the best thing you can do is get distance.
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True Scotsman
Objectivist
True. I should have added that. Never a minor child but if they were adults and they did something horrible enough like the recent shooting in the church, then I would. I have several extended family members that I don't associate with because they are horrible people. One is a racist. One is a flaming liberal.
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Liked this. There are some tragedies in Italian American families that have one or more members in the mafia even though TV and movies make them out to be big, happy, families that are super loyal to one another. Not always the case. Not always glamorous.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_DeStefano
Supposedly, he used to torture people in his basement (with other Outfit mobsters) while his wife and child were upstairs.
For his torture on Action Jackson: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Jackson_(gangster)
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Out of curiosity, what is a "flaming liberal" and how does that make that person "horrible"?
Not that a flaming liberal isn't a horrible person. I just don't know until I find out what a flaming liberal is.
(It's not the black woman I saw with bright, hot, pink hair is it?)
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lupusFati
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Eh Liberal is a buzz word anymore. It doesn't really mean anything since it's been so overused and misused. Same with "the right' and "conservatives" or "the left".
Meanwhile I'm here in the cool people section eating popcorn and wondering what's wrong with these people.
Meanwhile I'm here in the cool people section eating popcorn and wondering what's wrong with these people.
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Maybe he meant the liberal had a poster of Hilary Clinton hanging on his or her wall. Then the guy might actually have a point. LOL (only partly joking).
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