In my opinion, disowning a family member says alot about the strength and integrity of your honor and your love.
I really don't think of it in terms of right or wrong on this issue, I think of it more as a reflection of your character and values.
One of my friend's was disowned by her family because she married a Mexican. Up until that point, they loved her, were proud of her, she graduated college, got her Masters in Business, etc and then she "wasted it" by marrying a Mexican (according to her parents). They cut her off like a light switch. Then, they cut off her sister because her sister refused to disown her and had the audacity to attend the wedding and side with her...
Is it right that they disowned her and her sister?
To me, it's not right or wrong, just a reflection of the character and values of those doing the disowning. If they are strong of character then it will take a serious transgression to warrant "disowning". If they have little to no character or they value the wrong things, then it won't take much to warrant "disowning".
Liked this.
But I do see it in terms of right and wrong. Look... not all parenting is equal just like not all boxing coaching is equal. And under my "life coaching" to any child I have I will--I hope--adequately instill the value of deep family loyalty. Deeper than anything I was raised with. Fortunately for me, may immediate and extend family
are far from the worst. But on critique, comparing and contrasting to the best of families, then mine are a few pegs down. Many actually.
I wish my immediate and extended families were like that family in the movie
My Big Fat Greek Wedding. And the young Mexican lady that does my hair. Every birth of a child she has had thus far her mother has traveled
from Mexico for the grand event. In fact, she made a statement recently that blew my mind. She said, "Yeah, but my mother
only stayed for a month," on this last birth. I was thinking to myself,
"Only!" LOL. Cool. Very cool.
I've seen strong families and I've seen very weak families that are extremely internally divided. I thank my lucky stars my immediate and extended family (on both sides of my family) are not as weak and divided as some families I know. It is very tragic to see. Nonetheless, none of my family is comparable to one of the non-biological black families I grew up knowing in which case this particular family is always gather together for something. Not that they have not been rocked by some feuds and various things (e.g. substance addictions, prisons etc.) but they are
resilient as an extended family. When one of them inquired about my own extended family, and if we gather frequently, she thought is
tragic ("a shame") that we so rarely do.
To be honest I don't like doing family gatherings for the most part--on either side of the family. I don't care all that much about immediate family gatherings either. But I think some things are influenced if not passed down from one's own family culture. So, I'm saying, my siblings are not like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" because none of us came up in a family culture like that. They are more Germanic and Anglo-Saxon distant. The Anglo-Saxon part coming more from our Black-American side of the family. But not like that frequently gather Black-American family I was speaking about: with music blasting in the half the neighborhood can hear and the scent of grilling BBQ waffing through the air. My brother has his own marital sins (supposedly domestic violence), so, I find it a bit rich he holds our deceased black grandfather in such contempt (once upon a time he did not--this is rather recently he's come to this new enlightenment). Both him and his wife have their share of marital sins. So, I'm thinking, worry about your backyard first. I know my old man has a lot of anger--a lot justified--towards his now deceased old man. But one good thing about gramps was he was a happy drunk and not a mean drunk. He used to have me laughing when I was a kid and he'd be drunk. Nonetheless, he was no model husband or father.
Let me say... when I was shot and recovering from bullet wounds it was my aunts that took me in and took care of me. Two of my black aunts and one of my white aunts. My white aunt is lesbian and she drove me all around to my appointments and even kept an appointment calendar for me when I was literally too weak and in pain to keep up with all that stuff. She bought me food and along with my two black aunts treated me very
aunt-like, Christ-like.
Some people speak of disowning family because they have personally went through sheer hell in their own families. A hell I'm fortunate I've never gone through. On the other hand there are people that speak of disowning their family because they have never even glimpsed upon what hell looks like. They think a swat on the butt from the hand of a parent is "hell." They don't have a clue what hell is. I know a cat who was knocked out cold by his own father when his pops grabbed a bat and cracked him over the head with it. Another guy who has 300 pound nephew (built more like a NBA Shaq) that broke his leg when in a fight with each other he fell on it. And that's not a 10th of what he's gone through in his family.
