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Is it wrong to continue dating someone once you know you are not going to marry them?

malvina

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Can anyone provide biblical evidence to support a certain side to this. I believe that it IS wrong to continue dating someone once you are sure they are not the person God has intended you to be with. I find strong evidence in the passage of 1 Corinthians 7 where it explains that God uses singleness as a time for you to grow closer to him. I am curious to see what you guys think about it. Remember, we're assuming you are 100% this person is not the one for you.
Can anyone provide biblical evidence to support a certain side to this. I believe that it IS wrong to continue dating someone once you are sure they are not the person God has intended you to be with. I find strong evidence in the passage of 1 Corinthians 7 where it explains that God uses singleness as a time for you to grow closer to him. I am curious to see what you guys think about it. Remember, we're assuming you are 100% this person is not the one for you.
What a daft thing for a Christian to ask. Doesn't The Lord speak to you without having to search the bible to know this? Do you have His Love for your fellow-man? if so you wouldn't think about it
 
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outsidethecamp

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What a daft thing for a Christian to ask. Doesn't The Lord speak to you without having to search the bible to know this? Do you have His Love for your fellow-man? if so you wouldn't think about it

Exactly!!

I mean, if you want the verses, ok, here ya go. But, His law (law of love) is written in our hearts and you should sense that the Holy Spirit is leading you in a particular way to always show love to your "neighbor".

1Co_6:8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.

1Th_4:6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
 
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Hetta

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I usually don't post but this topic is interesting. Can we define the definition of dating? I think there is a big difference between dating and being in a relationship. Right now im dating someone but we are not in a relationship. I don't know if I want him for marriage yet. It's too soon to tell. I have a very slow and steady personality and I need to know things before jumping the gun. I also believe in making out before a relationship too. When I say making out I mean kissing etc but nothing that deals with being naked, just to be clear. I also believe I have the right to talk to other men because I don't want to put my eggs in one basket since I'm not in a relationship. I am very comfortable with the idea of no strings attached until we really get to know each other. I just think people that jump into relationships are crazy. I prefer to marry a man that's my friend first and then turned out to be my boy friend. And please don't ask me questions like would I kiss my friend because I think by my passage you can tell that I most def would. Anyways I highly agree that we need to take our time of singleness to be one with God but I also believe we need to practice on social skills with the opposite sex too. BTW I am a woman that's 26 and attempting to wait for marriage.
That's all fine so long as the person you're dating agrees with those rules.
 
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Dionne005

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That's all fine so long as the person you're dating agrees with those rules.
Ok. Just wondering. I think some may not understand that logic because they love to be grounded to someone. I would love to be grounded to someone but we only need to have been in love with one person. Not every man in sight. But it's ok to enjoy other men's company like a typical hetero sexual female would
 
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Chozen1956

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I know you asked for biblical evidence to support your theory, but I am going to respond from what I believe is God's point of view.

First of all, Paul wanted everyone to be single in the hope that you would draw closer to God.
Of course, if you are chosen by God, then you won't get any closer. He lives in you.

So the matter of being single as a means to "drawing closer" to God is purely a humanistic one. Paul had good intentions, but they were his thoughts on the matter and not necessarily Gods. In fact, God promotes family consistently through the Bible. Marriage and children are important to God.

Secondly, instead of focusing on what you think or I think is good or bad, sinful or holy, we should instead, focus on the grace of God that insists we are no longer sinners. As the righteousness of God, we (the spirit we who is hidden in Christ) are perfect, blameless and holy.

The Flesh will continue to sin until its demise. Furthermore, the flesh knows not what is good or bad. And I dare say, either do we in the Spirit.

This is why we don't work. We rest in Christ and the works He prepared for us to do before the beginning of the world, will be done, by Him and through us.

So, is it good or bad to date a person whether or not you intend to marry? I say, thank God for His life in you and dwell on Him. He'll guide your life.
 
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Courtship is cultural. It isn't governed by any particular scripture, I don't think. But just from life experience, it seems to me that there are only two reasons to date. One is to determine if somebody is a candidate to be a life partner. The other is to get laid. So one is legitimate scripturally and morally, and one is not. That's what I would go by in advising somebody.
 
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Dating is a word that has many meanings. For some it denotes a sexual relationship outside of marriage... but I am going to assume that most folks on this forum do not think that, perhaps that is a pretty big assumption in today's world, but here goes anyway. You can have a relationship with a woman or man who you think you will never marry...it is called friendship. You can go out with them, eat dinner with them, go see a show with them and not have the ultimate goal of marriage in mind. The main thing is honesty...it is wrong to "lead someone on" for your own selfish need for companionship while they think marriage is in the offing, but as long as everybody is honest and upfront about it I do not see a problem. That and never say never....I was friends with my future wife for 10 years and we had many such outings before we decided we were not going to do better than each other so we married based upon friendship and common interest, not romance. She is still my best friend and I sure would have hated to have moved on just because we thought marriage was not in the cards.... we have now been married for 36 years raised a kid and have a grandchild on the way....finally...he waited until he was 30 to tie the knot. You know....romance was never the thing for us. We liked each other's company, read the same books, liked spending time together, shared a faith...we grew into Love over time..... that is not unusual... my grandparents had an arranged marriage in the old country.... this dating thing is pretty new...just be honest with each other and respect each other....you never know what life will bring your way.
 
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Timdaniel

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getting back to the point, is there a Bible verse that says you should not "date" a person anymore if you are sure you won't marry them? No, but I think if you are being convicted of this in the first place, it is the Holy Spirit. You should listen to Him. Now, like I was, you might probably feel sorry for that person because the two of you talked about marrying and everything and got your hopes all up, but you realized, it just isn't going to work. Maybe she (assuming you are a male) is into it more than you are now, and she is putting forth all she has, even sexually, but you still think it is no good. Then brother, you need to leave her and let her go. Realize that the two of you being together is a sin and move on. You are just getting her hopes up for nothing. But it isn't just her hopes. If she continues to date you despite the fact that you have talked about not wanting to marry her anymore, then she is not caring about your feelings, and is just trying harder. Even if you did get married at this point, I do not think you can just ignore that for the rest of your lives together. For the rest of your lives together. For the rest of your lives together. It is hard to pull off a bandaid when it is on your hair, but the best way is quick. Otherwise, you might just leave it hanging there, and think of how silly that would look and disgusting. The bandaid that is... But Scripture does say we should be wise and want wisdom. The idea of dating really doesn't come up in the bible in the same way that we americans think it does. Taking a girl from the Jewish high school to the prom probably did not happen either. When they married, they married to start a family, because of family business reasons, faith reasons, obligation, and maybe sometimes love. But I really do not see that last reason in the end. Jacob married 2 women, one because he had to, and the other because he loved her. But hey, he did not break up with Leah or divorce her did he? Who knows. I think you should be single. It honestly will help you get your life straightened out and then you can think about this whole stupid ordeal once you have your head on straight again. You are probably broken hearted, jaded, disillusioned, and feeling like you do not know where you are at. But the thing that I am trying to do, and maybe you should too, is figure out where you are supposed to be. Forget about a relationship until you know where you are supposed to be, then go for that. She will also continue to live, and maybe, meet and marry the person who she is supposed to marry. But who is to say. Who cares really? You need to worry about your own life. That is all I have to say about that. Which is a lot more than I thought I would.
 
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Dave-W

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Dave-W

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Right now im dating someone but we are not in a relationship.
? ? ? ? ? How can you date somene and not have a relationship?

If you know someone and spend any amout of time interacting with them, then you have a relationship.
It may not be a ROMANTIC relationship; but it still is a relationship.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/relationship

Relationship noun
1 : the state of being related or interrelated <studied the relationship between the variables>
2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as
a: kinship
b: a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings <had a good relationship with his family>
b: a romantic or passionate attachment
 
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Dave-W

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Yes, there is solid biblical evidence that you should treat women with absolute purity. Treat younger women as sisters and older women as mothers. I think it is pretty clear!
That works unless you are looking for a wife. Would you marry your sister or mother? (aside from the fact that such a marriage is forbidden in scripture)
 
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DiJ

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In my opinion, if God has already confirmed to you that this person is not to be your spouse, there is no reason to continue in the relationship. Date Jesus, per se, and grow in the mighty woman of God that you are called to be until God sends THE ONE: a mighty man of God, to you. Do not settle for anything else.

Ask God to reveal the reason that you are unable to break things off with someone you know you aren't going to marry. Work on that reason while growing in the Lord and waiting for THE ONE!

~ I write, THE ONE, as I do, because it's a joke in the family. My daughter got tired of hearing me talk about waiting for THE ONE. However, in the end, at 28, and still a virgin, she married THE ONE, and God blessed her for it.
 
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Greg Logan

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In my opinion, if God has already confirmed to you that this person is not to be your spouse, there is no reason to continue in the relationship. Date Jesus, per se, and grow in the mighty woman of God that you are called to be until God sends THE ONE: a mighty man of God, to you. Do not settle for anything else.

Ask God to reveal the reason that you are unable to break things off with someone you know you aren't going to marry. Work on that reason while growing in the Lord and waiting for THE ONE!

~ I write, THE ONE, as I do, because it's a joke in the family. My daughter got tired of hearing me talk about waiting for THE ONE. However, in the end, at 28, and still a virgin, she married THE ONE, and God blessed her for it.

DiJ

With all due respect, while you nifty relgious advice sounds fun - it is NOT Biblical. I am 57y - long past the One - there are tens of thousands of single women who have and will never marry usually for the obvious reasons - not very attractive or some other issue. Glad your daughter found a nice man though.
 
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Greg Logan

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Admittedly while this seems like a silly thread there are some great questions

1. What is Dating? Dating is not in the Bible so using the Bible as a reference per se is not necessarily relevant - except for general concepts.

2. Inter-gender friendships - What is wrong with inter-gender friendships? I have several - and they are great. We know that the relationship is functioning in the context which we have formally agreed on.

3. Marriage - A great question was asked earlier - what marriage - the state sanctioned partnership entity called "marriage" (but it is not) or God's real marriage.

For what it is worth, I would recommend that people NOT date (however defined) until they actually create a friendship without expectation to find out really what the quality of their personal relationship is all about.

Greg
 
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DiJ

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With all due respect, while you nifty relgious advice sounds fun

nifty? Really? lol

I never insinuated it was fun...

- it is NOT Biblical. I am 57y - long past the One -

If you are single and looking then there is still THE ONE....the one for this time around...Would you settle for less because you are 57? I have been married but am now single and I am waiting for THE ONE for this time around...lol The one God has for me in this stage of my life.


there are tens of thousands of single women who have and will never marry usually for the obvious reasons -
not very attractive or some other issue

and your point is?

. Glad your daughter found a nice man though.

Thank you very much...
 
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Greg Logan

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With all due respect, while you nifty relgious advice sounds fun

nifty? Really? lol

I never insinuated it was fun...

- it is NOT Biblical. I am 57y - long past the One -

If you are single and looking then there is still THE ONE....the one for this time around...Would you settle for less because you are 57? I have been married but am now single and I am waiting for THE ONE for this time around...lol The one God has for me in this stage of my life.
.

If you have been single for a long time then you know there are women in the church who have been LONGING with BROKEN HEARTS until they are old and grey and NEVER gotten married.... How do you think your "nifty" advice/promise sounds to their hearts....?? Realistically.
 
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