Is it wrong to be the one filing for divorce?

[Bazman1]

Hi,

You may have seen posts by me before. Still separated still in limbo as I call it. My wife left me and took the children but I am lucky because I do see them and that means everything to me. Problem I have is I can't take the limbo of separation and my wife is with her new fellow but in no rush to divorce me. There is no chance of reconciliation is it wrong for me to be the one if I file for a divorce?
I am wondering if I ever get over this and do file for divorce will I be allowed to remarry or be allowed to meet someone else or because I was the one who filed will mean I will have to live the rest of my life alone?
Don't even know if I can do the divorce yet if my ex wanted it then it would be easier as the decision will be out of my hands. Don't know what I want really just don't like being in limbo. How do other people on here cope with it. I have been separated for a while but it is really hard.

 

[JaneFW]

Hi,

You may have seen posts by me before. Still separated still in limbo as I call it. My wife left me and took the children but I am lucky because I do see them and that means everything to me. Problem I have is I can't take the limbo of separation and my wife is with her new fellow but in no rush to divorce me. There is no chance of reconciliation is it wrong for me to be the one if I file for a divorce?
I am wondering if I ever get over this and do file for divorce will I be allowed to remarry or be allowed to meet someone else or because I was the one who filed will mean I will have to live the rest of my life alone?
Don't even know if I can do the divorce yet if my ex wanted it then it would be easier as the decision will be out of my hands. Don't know what I want really just don't like being in limbo. How do other people on here cope with it. I have been separated for a while but it is really hard.

God gives an exception for adultery -

Matthew 5:32: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery

Matthew 19:9: I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery

You see the "exception"?

I don't know your story, but if you have attempted counseling and reconciliation, and your wife is living with another man, I think you are in the right to file for divorce, but I'm sure that another half dozen people will post after me and tell you that you're not.

If you still want her back, it may be that the divorce papers make her realize her mistake and she then attempts reconciliation.

Either way, be absolutely sure and certain that you do want this divorce, because if you are unsure, then you file, and she signs, then it may be too late to take it back, kwim?

 

[dorig59]

I agree with Jane. In addition, TRY not to put yourself on such a guilt trip. It won't do you or anybody else any good at all.

 

[Cute Tink]

You need to decide what you want and soon. If you feel it necessary, talk to your wife about whether she is willing to reconsider and come back to you. If she is not, then you should divorce her so you can move on. She is committing adultery.

You will have to face the possibility that she has already moved on in her mind and is done with you. There may be nothing you can do to win her back.

You should file soon if that becomes necessary, because you could, depending on the length of your marriage be prolonging the time where she is able to claim benefits from you in the divorce. At the very least, consult with an attorney and find out the implications of stalling on filing for the divorce.

 

[jehoiakim]

if you do not legally have a divorce and are "seperated"... and she is "with another fellow" I assume that means well... yeah... so then she is technically being unfaithful because she is still legally married to you, which is the one reason Christ seems to permit divorce... so I think you are fine on that front and should feel no guild... as to whether it is acceptable for you to remarry is another question. Except for death I don't know that it is ever ok to marry biblical speaking so I can't help you there

 

[mjmcmillan]

Been there done that. My wife ran me out of the place, demanded that I file for divorce. That was three years ago now. Like you, my wife was spending time with somebody else. By the time I finally filed for divorce, all that was left was the legal paperwork. The marriage was already done for.

I think we have to trust to God in situations like this. It's one thing if you're angrily filing because you want to leave your wife so you can be with a younger woman-- the scriptures rightfully declare that to be sin-- and it's quite another to file after your wife has left you for another man. Jesus seems to have left us a bolt-hole in such situations, since all you would be doing here is legally declaring that which is already an established fact.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If your wife commits adultery you can divorce her. That is my understanding of the Bible. So get started on the rest of your life.

 

[iambren]

I believe if there is sexual unfaithfulness in the marriage you have a right to divorce per the "exception clause" stated by Jesus.


I also believe you may get a divorce if they abandon you. Abandonment can be when they physically leave the home or make impossible to have a reasonable existence in the home. Examples: ongoing sexual rejection, verbal/physical abuse, neglect that puts you in harms way.

 

[Bazman1]

Thank you to all of you for your responses. God Bless.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Your wife is cheating on you with another man. The only exception the Bible gives us is divorce for marital unfaithfulness. Again, your wife is cheating on you and living with another man, so divorce her and move on with your life!

 

[Cain Spencer]

There is only one thing that is wrong here and that is the fact that you are upset. So do what ever you need to, to be happy or at least at peace again. Treat yourself as you would treat Jesus, He is in you after all.

Do what you want to do, not what you feel pressured into.