Is it sin to touch?

[Han1977]

My wife refuse to have sex with me, its been more than a month now. Once and a while I just do it (masturbation) and I'm trying to think about my wife while I'm doing it.

I'm trying to pray but I'm not that strong, sometimes the desire, its just too strong, or perhaps I'm not struggling enough.

Do you think that it is a sin?

Is it possible to have a sexless marriage? I mean when I look at her, sometimes the desire came to me, but I didn't dare to talk about it with her. Its hard, I'm not very good at talking and when I try to casually put my hand on her back or arm, trying to start a conversation, she just look at me coldly and said, "Don't even think about it" or "Don't touch me"

 

[Life2Christ]

Have you seen a marriage counselor about it? This is a very common problem. Very common.

 

[Han1977]

Not yet, never been in one, but I think I mentioned it once to my wife about counseling and she said that she doesn't believe in the counselor, she said that they are just going to blame me/her or something like that.

I'm not sure that it will help as well so I just shrug my shoulder, do you think it will help?

 

[Life2Christ]

Have you had an honest conversation with your wife about how you feel?

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

My wife refuse to have sex with me, its been more than a month now. Once and a while I just do it (masturbation) and I'm trying to think about my wife while I'm doing it.

I'm trying to pray but I'm not that strong, sometimes the desire, its just too strong, or perhaps I'm not struggling enough.

Do you think that it is a sin?

Is it possible to have a sexless marriage? I mean when I look at her, sometimes the desire came to me, but I didn't dare to talk about it with her. Its hard, I'm not very good at talking and when I try to casually put my hand on her back or arm, trying to start a conversation, she just look at me coldly and said, "Don't even think about it" or "Don't touch me"

Hi and thanks for sharing something which is more common in marriages than what most of us would think.... a sexless marriage.Many marriages are sexless due to several possible reasons : Great unending disharmony among Spouses ,physical limitations such as a cripling disease , or a womans self esteem problem in the way she looks (typically after a huge weight gain making her morbidly obese)

First, there is nothing in the bible that would show masturbating to be prohibited ; in fact, when you are doing it...you say that you are thinking of your wife instead of having lustful thoughts toward other women...so that is good.

Secondly, you obviously need to get the animousity sorted out on your wifes behalf toward you, as its pretty plain to see she isnt feeling connected to you emotionally, physically, or sexually. Until you do, you will not have a sexual relationship in your marriage of any substance (if at all) . So, its time to get this thing sorted out asap. If she wants to go to counselling, then go with her . But work on the problem of your marriage..and dont get focused on the symptom too much, for, when the real problem gets rectified, your sexlife will too.

Thirdly, until you can get your marriage to a good level, dont let Satan move you toward pornography or consideration of an extra marital affair as you are weak currently and are vulnerable . If you can get into a mens small group to discuss mens issues, then so much the better.

 

[HIS Geeky Girl]

This is not about masturbation, this is about a serious marital crisis. If your wife refuses to go to counseling with you, go alone. You need to start somewhere, or this marriage is doomed. Keep encouraging her to seek help along with you; hopefully, sooner or later she'll agree to go.

 

[BFine]

Even if your wife won't go with you to marriage counseling, you should go.
Communication is key.

Your wife asked you not to touch her?
There's some underlying issues that haven't been resolved--you know what's
been going on in your marriage...usually one or more of the following has occurred:
Ignoring problems, not being affectionate, inadequate communication, not meeting
his/her needs, taking your spouse for granted/neglecting, an affair etc...

I encourage you to go to marriage counseling.

 

[Life2Christ]

First, there is nothing in the bible that would show masturbating to be prohibited ; in fact, when you are doing it...you say that you are thinking of your wife instead of having lustful thoughts toward other women...so that is good.

The OP said he's trying to think of his wife which indicates a struggle here. This is a problem the both of them need to be talking about together.

 

[COG2013]

My wife refuse to have sex with me, its been more than a month now. Once and a while I just do it (masturbation) and I'm trying to think about my wife while I'm doing it.

I'm trying to pray but I'm not that strong, sometimes the desire, its just too strong, or perhaps I'm not struggling enough.

Do you think that it is a sin?

Is it possible to have a sexless marriage? I mean when I look at her, sometimes the desire came to me, but I didn't dare to talk about it with her. Its hard, I'm not very good at talking and when I try to casually put my hand on her back or arm, trying to start a conversation, she just look at me coldly and said, "Don't even think about it" or "Don't touch me"

No it isn't. It actually relieves pressure that could lead to sin.

 

[Gottservant]

It is not a sin to touch, it is a sin to release your seed.

You are supposed to shoot blanks, if you are frustrated.

If you don't know how to shoot a blank, you'll have to let the Lord teach you.

 

[manitouscott]

You may not like this, but remember it's coming from a married guy...

Have you talked to your wife? I don't mean "Honey, let's go upstairs" I mean actually asked her to tell you what is going on?

This kind of thing isn't easy, I would recommend praying and reading Ephesians 5:22-31, paying careful attention to verses 25 on, and then preparing some time to listen.

We are called to love our wives just like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, so if our Lord could die for the church, we can give up some time to try and communicate with our wives.

I am not trying to judge, but brother, you are not the first husband to wonder why THAT is not happening when, from the wife's perspective, it should be totally obvious.

Sorry to be blunt. I may need you to do the same in the future.

 

[tbogunro]

Paul actually says we shouldn't avoid sex in marriage for a long period because the devil can use that opportunity to tempt us into other things. Also when marriage happens, your body isn't yours anymore but your wife and vice versa. Either way leave the matter to Jesus. God isn't concerned about sin because we're ALL forgiven so sorry I'm not going to talk about whether you're sinning our not, actually it's pointless . The ONLY people that look at sin is the devil and humans. All that matters is Jesus and His unquenchable desire to make you happy. So you want things to change between your and your wife? Leave it to God to handle it. Trying on your strength will get you no where and wondering whether you're sinning will also get you no where. Put your concerns and worries in God's hands and let Him deal with the consequences. Jesus wants a RELATIONSHIP so continue ENJOYING Him, be THANKFUL, LEAVE the consequences to Him, and go about your way. Whether you touch or not that doesn't matter. What matters is are you looking at what you do or what Jesus is willing to do for you when you stop looking at yourself or what's going on in the marriage? Be loving to her like how Jesus is loving to you and don't worry about what sin you do or don't do. Be more conscious of Jesus and let Him deal with it. You're called to freedom so ENJOY the freedom with Him . Don't worry God will take care of it, just relax

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

The OP said he's trying to think of his wife which indicates a struggle here. This is a problem the both of them need to be talking about together.

Yes, I agree...and....I responded to the OP by strongly urging him to talk to his wife and go for professional counselling to get their marriage back on track. But the OP DID bring up masturbation , so i discussed that issue as well.

 

[HIS Geeky Girl]

It is not a sin to touch, it is a sin to release your seed.

You are supposed to shoot blanks, if you are frustrated.

If you don't know how to shoot a blank, you'll have to let the Lord teach you.

You've got... to be kidding me...

 

[harvester77]

It is not a sin to touch, it is a sin to release your seed.

You are supposed to shoot blanks, if you are frustrated.

If you don't know how to shoot a blank, you'll have to let the Lord teach you.[/QUOTE


Seriously this guy makes is own rules up!

 

[Maximillia]

It is a sin and is prohibited. Your wife is also committing a sin and I hope that both of you will open the lines of communication to see what is really going on.

I love sciences all of them, I've been saying that sciences prove the existence of God again and again. In this case science says that masturbation leads to brain damage in the front lobe region, the same as if you suffered a head trauma from a car crash.
God clearly forbids masturbation because it changes your brain, your nature and the nature of your relationships with the opposite sex. It starts out innocently and ends badly because first it is a selfish act, it leads to fantasy thinking ( with your wife or others) which can NEVER be reproduced in real life. It robs your wife of intimacy ( even if she does not it) it leaves you empty, not replenished. Your wife is also committing a sin by withdrawing from this Godly bond between husband and wife. The act of sexual activity merges the parties into one flesh, if you were to think of your wife you would become one flesh with your fantasy not a real person. Speak to people that are porn addicts they'll tell you how they can no longer perform in real life.
My advice if I may is get underneath the symptoms and find out what the real problem is, you sound like a good man and wish you both the best.

 

[harvester77]

It is a sin and is prohibited. Your wife is also committing a sin and I hope that both of you will open the lines of communication to see what is really going on.

I love sciences all of them, I've been saying that sciences prove the existence of God again and again. In this case science says that masturbation leads to brain damage in the front lobe region, the same as if you suffered a head trauma from a car crash.
God clearly forbids masturbation because it changes your brain, your nature and the nature of your relationships with the opposite sex. It starts out innocently and ends badly because first it is a selfish act, it leads to fantasy thinking ( with your wife or others) which can NEVER be reproduced in real life. It robs your wife of intimacy ( even if she does not it) it leaves you empty, not replenished. Your wife is also committing a sin by withdrawing from this Godly bond between husband and wife. The act of sexual activity merges the parties into one flesh, if you were to think of your wife you would become one flesh with your fantasy not a real person. Speak to people that are porn addicts they'll tell you how they can no longer perform in real life.
My advice if I may is get underneath the symptoms and find out what the real problem is, you sound like a good man and wish you both the best.

'Yawns' what I want and I am sure others would like to see as well is proof in the bible that masturbation is a sin? Have you ever masturbated? I would dare say it is not. Please just one person to show me a reliable passage. Thank you

 

[Maximillia]

Ok 'yawn what I want' I will quote you when you wake up from your slumber.

 

[Knee V]

'Yawns' what I want and I am sure others would like to see as well is proof in the bible that masturbation is a sin? Have you ever masturbated? I would dare say it is not. Please just one person to show me a reliable passage. Thank you

The Pharisees of Jesus' day justified divorce for any reason, and that was consistent with an explicite reading of the exact letter of what the Scriptures allowed. But even though they followed the exact letter of the law considering marriage and divorce, they were still wrong. To show them how they were wrong, Jesus referenced what God established marriage to be in the Garden. He said that since in marriage the two become one flesh, do not tear apart what God has brought together.

Similarly, even though the exact letter of Scripture may not explicitly rule out masturbation, the original created order of marriage and sexuality in the Garden leaves no room for masturbation. Sexuality is to be expressed in marriage between one man and one woman for the purposes of bonding/one flesh as well as for creating children. Masturbation does not fit into that anywhere. Masturbation is sex with oneself. It does not further growing in one flesh, and it does not produce life.

That said, that is the least of what you're going through; it seems to be a symptom of a larger problem. Although masturbation may not be the best thing, you're probably better off tackling the real problem, which is your relationship to your wife. But keep in mind that as you and your wife are healing your relationship, masturbation can serve to harden your heart against her.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

.....
God clearly forbids masturbation because it changes your brain, your nature and the nature of your relationships with the opposite sex. It starts out innocently and ends badly because first it is a selfish act, it leads to fantasy thinking ( with your wife or others) which can NEVER be reproduced in real life. It robs your wife of the intimacy...

The Bible does not address masturbation even remotely. Further, it is not a sin for a husband (or wife) to do it and think of their Spouse ...for instance during a deployment of some 6 months or longer. It is a sin if you do it and think of another woman because that would be Lust . However, if the action can be done mechanically for release then it is not a sin...and...it typically reduces the lust level daily. It is a matter of conscience whether one believes it is right or wrong for them, and again, God is silent on the matter.

Lastly, there is no 'brain harm' from doing it otherwise every boy would be brain harmed as would adult men and women who are single (in particular) . There is so much psuedo science reports out there on this particular subject .

That said, if a person feels that masturbating is wrong for them, then it is wise to obey ones conscience in the matter...otherwise, it falls into the category of freedom in Christ decision making.

Lastly, we do not base whether something is right or wrong on the subjectivity of another saying it is 'dirty, filthy, unnatural, etc..' We all have a God given sexual nature and we are warned in the Bible not to use our sexuality in a harmful way WITH ANOTHER ; it is near unfathomable to think that our Creator wouldnt want Single people or married people who have to undergo huge amounts of time away from their spouse, not to enjoy the very nature that he has given us in a wholesome responsible way that brings pleasure and release .

In closing, as i said before...you need to get your marriage back on track first and foremost so you can both enjhoy the sexual relationship that God has ordained for marriages.