Is it possible?

[Sam91]

Is it possible to ever feel that lightweight feeling in your heart again?

It is 3 years in December that my partner died. He was diagnosed with cancer 2 years 7months before that.

Since he died, my gran and my youngest brother passed also.

I think it has been five years since I laughed and smiled without the seriousness of life on earth weighing on my shoulders.

I am so sad lately, thankfully only intermittently, but it is starting to hit me that people don't come back. That it just won't happen in the future that he'll miraculously be there one day. I seem to have been living with the unspoken thought that this is temporary. (He wasn't a believer. Please don't comment in that part, it's not something I'm wanting to read).

I don't know what the next couple of months will hold but I hope to find strength in Him that He'll give if I lean on Him. But I think this might be my toughest few months as reality starts to sink in. I don't think I can ignore the finality aspect for much longer, my mind is starting to bring it up more often. I'm not ready to face it. Emotionally I just can't. There is no one to pick up my duties and no one I'm willing to talk to about it. However, I have mentioned it twice to my college classmates. I might at bible study tomorrow. Last time someone tried to hug me. It is not useful to be hugged, it limits freedom to talk.
So does talking to real people, compassion seems to stop me in my tracks and I have to minimise or be optimistic and change the subject.

Oh well. I guess it will work out the way it does.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Is it possible to ever feel that lightweight feeling in your heart again?

It is 3 years in December that my partner died. He was diagnosed with cancer 2 years 7months before that.

Since he died, my gran and my youngest brother passed also.

I think it has been five years since I laughed and smiled without the seriousness of life on earth weighing on my shoulders.

I am so sad lately, thankfully only intermittently, but it is starting to hit me that people don't come back. That it just won't happen in the future that he'll miraculously be there one day. I seem to have been living with the unspoken thought that this is temporary. (He wasn't a believer. Please don't comment in that part, it's not something I'm wanting to read).

I don't know what the next couple of months will hold but I hope to find strength in Him that He'll give if I lean on Him. But I think this might be my toughest few months as reality starts to sink in. I don't think I can ignore the finality aspect for much longer, my mind is starting to bring it up more often. I'm not ready to face it. Emotionally I just can't. There is no one to pick up my duties and no one I'm willing to talk to about it. However, I have mentioned it twice to my college classmates. I might at bible study tomorrow. Last time someone tried to hug me. It is not useful to be hugged, it limits freedom to talk.
So does talking to real people, compassion seems to stop me in my tracks and I have to minimise or be optimistic and change the subject.

Oh well. I guess it will work out the way it does.

Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry for your loss. Death is always really hard to deal with. But it does get better as God continues to work in your life. I will be praying for God to help heal you.

 

[Sam91]

I'm sorry for your loss. Death is always really hard to deal with. But it does get better as God continues to work in your life. I will be praying for God to help heal you.

Thank you.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Thank you.

You're welcome. I'm sorry you're depressed. I lost my grandmother a few months ago and I thought the pain would never stop. But God healed me. He understands your pain and he will heal you. How long ago did he pass if you don't mind me asking?

*edit*

Nvm just noticed you said he passed 3 years ago.

 

[Sam91]

Hi, it's ok. I don't think I am depressed. I'm happy in general. But still have the serious of heart.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I was about to go to sleep (1am here) but came back on because it struck me, I am not alone in this. Everyone experiences loss. 50% off people who stay in their relationship lose a partner. Some near the end of life others sooner. But there is a lot of comfort knowing everyone faces it. Sounds less comforting when you write it down. But there is a security in that thought. Millions, billions of people have dealt with this and worse.

 

[Darkhorse]

Sam, your situation is very touching - and familiar. I'm so sorry for your losses.

I lost my dad 41 years ago, also to cancer. It was diagnosed on Oct. 22 and confirmed a week later. The doctors gave him 4 months; he died 1 day short of that.
I always remember those 4 months this time of year.

You will get past this. The pain never goes away, but it becomes less and less prominent.
God not only gives us strength, He carries us through the dark valleys to the other side, and grants us His peace. Keep praying, and be honest about telling Him your feelings.

I know what you mean about realizing that he's not coming back. I think part of us doesn't understand or accept that someone so important to us can be there, and then not be. The finality does settle in, and we realize that we're still alive, and should go on with life; not forgetting them, but "walking in the world for them" as well as for ourselves.

It may seem not useful to be hugged, but we all need basic, primal comforting at some points in our lives, and we often understand more through touch than through words.

You're on my prayer list. Trust God; He will lead you back to the sunlight.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Hi, it's ok. I don't think I am depressed. I'm happy in general. But still have the serious of heart.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I was about to go to sleep (1am here) but came back on because it struck me, I am not alone in this. Everyone experiences loss. 50% off people who stay in their relationship lose a partner. Some near the end of life others sooner. But there is a lot of comfort knowing everyone faces it. Sounds less comforting when you write it down. But there is a security in that thought. Millions, billions of people have dealt with this and worse.

Yeah I just have the one grandparent left but yeah everyone experiences death at some point. Its a harsh reality we all have to go through. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost my wife. So I can imagine what you're going through.

Yeah go to bed its late here too.

 

[Sam91]

Sam, your situation is very touching - and familiar. I'm so sorry for your losses.

I lost my dad 41 years ago, also to cancer. It was diagnosed on Oct. 22 and confirmed a week later. The doctors gave him 4 months; he died 1 day short of that.
I always remember those 4 months this time of year.

You will get past this. The pain never goes away, but it becomes less and less prominent.
God not only gives us strength, He carries us through the dark valleys to the other side, and grants us His peace. Keep praying, and be honest about telling Him your feelings.

I know what you mean about realizing that he's not coming back. I think part of us doesn't understand or accept that someone so important to us can be there, and then not be. The finality does settle in, and we realize that we're still alive, and should go on with life; not forgetting them, but "walking in the world for them" as well as for ourselves.

It may seem not useful to be hugged, but we all need basic, primal comforting at some points in our lives, and we often understand more through touch than through words.

You're on my prayer list. Trust God; He will lead you back to the sunlight.

Hi Darkhorse.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Yeah the anniversaries of event do bring things to mind.

The not coming back thing. I think it is to the spouse situation. I accepted quickly that aspect of my gran and brother's death. I think you are right about it being due to the bond.

The hugging I don't mind, when I'm not wanting to talk. You see people want to comfort, for me I'm not seeking comfort when I open up. It's to express things which haven't gone away by thinking to myself. Sometimes things get dealt with by uttering to another human. I'd prefer to talk to a professional but commiting to set times is tricky to arrange and I'd have parenting duties after. Plus I'm not wanting to soeak about it frequently. Just as and when I need to. But a professional would be paid to sit and listen without trying to make things better.

I'm blessed really that God does comfort and hold us and I do get untold comfort from Him. I get unlimited cuddles from the children. It's just finding listeners who don't feel compassion that is hard... it is fantastic that they care. I guess I must be too picky lol

 

[Darkhorse]

I understand now.

Have you ever explained your conversational intent to people? Most people respond immediately with compassion because sorrow is so profound, and death is something almost everyone understands. But your female friends should understand if you explain what you hope to discuss.

Men don't usually understand this - they see problems and try to solve them.

 

[Duke fan]

I will pray for God’s deepest peace to fill your heart.

 

[Sam91]

@Darkhorse I have been so blessed today. I got to Bible study early and one of my sisters in Christ came early too. She is so struggling with deoression and is pregnant so it is really bad today. I got to listen and truly listen. I got to cry with her while she was telling me and in the end I had to cuddle her because to continue to persist in just listening and asking her about things and to not cuddle would be wrong.

She needed the cuddle I guess which was the most uncomfortable thing ever because she even cuddled her head in the part where a woman cuddles into a guy and I'm not a hugger. But that adds perspective into why people cuddle me, because yeah, people do need it. I actually remember a period when my brother died and I was at my old huggy church and cuddled in to those who gave me a hug 18months ago. Because at that time I got comfort from cuddling during that period, when I needed them. At the moment my needs are met by hugging the children because emotionally I'm mostly ok. Praise the Lord. My moments come and go, and thankfully pass within a few minutes or hours.

I know where she is coming from because I have been there too in the past. A long time ago. The Lord has kept me from that in recent times and there was so much to admire in the way she is depending on Him. But my prayer life hasn't been so good lately but I have a desire to pray fervently for her and to keep doing so.

That is a blessing because to do so will drive me into the word again etc and it has helped me see I can cope with my own burden in His strength.

My own worry about coping on the fireworks has been solved too because I got to chat to a practical matter of fact older lady in another room about my own burden. She goes to the same display and I will be standing with them. So I got the hidden compassion listening I needed too.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I have been given a path to walk in and my immediate needs met.

 

[Lady O]

Hi Sam - thanks for being so courageous and sharing your story. I hope letting your voice be heard gives you that sense of belonging and attachment, even though talking on a forum is so different than real life.

I am sorry about your loss. I know it can take a long time for the grief to lessen so we can look ahead through another set of eyes.

Everyone needs their own amount of time to cope with the pain of death and separation. I have often had this thought: that if Jesus calls us to walk in His footsteps, and we are willing, that means we go through the same circumstances He did on earth - fulfilling God's purpose, facing adversity, showing compassion, sacrificing His own comforts, and finally getting to the other side of death. This can be taken figuratively as we go through the mourning process of losing loved ones.

I think it is possible to reach a point where you sense God's plan for your life does include rejoicing again. The rejoicing will come, but wrapped in a different package this time, and it will be God's gift to you. He cares too much about you to overlook this huge part of your life. Let Him show you things you've never seen before. You have so much ahead of you to look forward to.

 

[Sam91]

Hi Sam - thanks for being so courageous and sharing your story. I hope letting your voice be heard gives you that sense of belonging and attachment, even though talking on a forum is so different than real life.

I am sorry about your loss. I know it can take a long time for the grief to lessen so we can look ahead through another set of eyes.

Everyone needs their own amount of time to cope with the pain of death and separation. I have often had this thought: that if Jesus calls us to walk in His footsteps, and we are willing, that means we go through the same circumstances He did on earth - fulfilling God's purpose, facing adversity, showing compassion, sacrificing His own comforts, and finally getting to the other side of death.

I think it is possible to reach a point where you sense God's plan for your life does include rejoicing again. The rejoicing will come, but wrapped in a different package this time, and it will be God's gift to you. He cares too much about you to overlook this huge part of your life. Let Him show you things you've never seen before. You have so much ahead of you to look forward to.

Thank you Lady O. That ties in so well to the chapters in Roman's that I read when I got home.

Thankfully, I can rejoice.

I think the heaviness of heart is more of a habit now. I spent some time resting this afternoon after prayer but just being in the present and there is no heaviness after that. Maybe I need to cast it off. Unlearn it.