Is it possible to lust after your spouse?

[mkgal1]

http://www.christianforums.com/t7573716/

 

[dayhiker]

I'm very close to your definition of lust, LinkH.
When I studied the Greek work for lust in the Bible, I found more than half the uses were for a good kind of lust. Both Jesus and good angels are said to lust. The bad lust as you pointed out is used by Paul for the word covet. That's to desire what isn't yours.
So desiring another man's wife would be lust. Its also the context of what Jesus is talking about: adultery that was the taking of an other man's wife.
A desire for ones wife is a good thing. There are a lot of men (including myself) who are/were upset that their wife didn't lust/desire after them enough.

 

[Chaplain David]

I try not to overcomplicate things. As far as I'm concerned for the married couple lust and passion for each other are kissing cousins and there is nothing wrong with either. Lusting for one's spouse is the intense intimate yearning; passion is the exuberance, the breadth of desire, the depth of feeling. I had to google it though because I wanted to see what others thought about whether it was ok to lust for one's wife. I found this neat little piece and I'll link it for you here. Naturally it is titled, "Is it ok to lust after my wife?" The short answer IMO is absolutely! It is however sinful to lust after someone else's spouse.

God bless.

Link:

www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&es..._GWaEUFqd0BTqmseg&sig2=CTResNXywD36Sn5_hhMIOQ

 

[dallasapple]

Is it possible some people are over thinking stuff and worrying about stuff God has no concern about?

I think God IS concerned if a spouse has an obsesion/UNCONTROLLED EXCESSIVE sexual deisre aimed at any peron that woud include LEACHEROUS(LEWD) BEHAVIORS towards them..even IF they are married..its a DESTRUCTIVE desire ..how woud God not be concerned for the person obsessed AND there target?

Just because the BIBLE doesnt take the tiem to POINT out this is destructive doesnt mean its O.K..the Bible doesn't say not to trip on acid either..or shoot up with meth...and we all know God woudlnt approve of that under the "drunkeness" scriptures..and treating our bodies like a temple..the Bible doesnt say not to eat so much that we become grossly obese and disabeld by it but do you think God woudnt be "concerned" over that either?Would he say "its good to eat Im not concerned with THAT"?

Dallas

 

[Psalm63]

I think God IS concerned if a spouse has an obsesion/UNCONTROLLED EXCESSIVE sexual deisre aimed at any peron that woud include LEACHEROUS(LEWD) BEHAVIORS towards them..even IF they are married..its a DESTRUCTIVE desire ..how woud God not be concerned for the person obsessed AND there target?

Just because the BIBLE doesnt take the tiem to POINT out this is destructive doesnt mean its O.K..the Bible doesn't say not to trip on acid either..or shoot up with meth...and we all know God woudlnt approve of that under the "drunkeness" scriptures..and treating our bodies like a temple..the Bible doesnt say not to eat so much that we become grossly obese and disabeld by it but do you think God woudnt be "concerned" over that either?Would he say "its good to eat Im not concerned with THAT"?

Dallas

I think the Bible DOES take time to point this out:

3God wants you to be holy, so don't be immoral in matters of sex. 4Respect and honor your wife. 5Don't be a slave of your desires or live like people who don't know God. 6You must not cheat any of the Lord's followers in matters of sex. Remember, we warned you that he punishes everyone who does such things. 7God didn't choose you to be filthy, but to be pure. 8So if you don't obey these rules, you are not really disobeying us. You are disobeying God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thes 4:3-8

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among others...

What does it mean that God "didn't choose you to be filthy, but to be pure"? IMO, it pretty much rules out porn use which is epidemic among MARRIED pew sitters and pulpit pounders.

As a woman with first hand experience married to a porn user, I can tell you that not ALL sex within marriage is "pure", "holy", expressive of "respect and honor" toward the wife, and maintaining an "undefiled" marriage bed.

And those passages that MY husband loved to Bible thump about a wife's obligation to "be submissive" (BOTH the 1 Peter one AND the Titus 2 one) emphasize repeatedly a wife's responsibility to be CHASTE and pure within her marriage.

 

[Psalm63]

Here's a quote from someone who has experience counseling people with sexual addiction issues:

[FONT=Verdana,Arial]From Why do I feel so down When my faith should lift me up? by Dr Grant Mullen

[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana,Arial]quote:[/FONT][FONT=Verdana,Arial]
Sex is primarily a spiritual act of oneness symbolized with a physical act. For it to be a blessing in marriage, there needs to be emotional and spiritual wholeness, free of domination, manipulation and control from either spouse. Emotional wounding or bondage in either person will damage and distort sexual intimacy. To have a healthy sexuality, you need complete trust, mutual respect and appreciation of each other which leads to oneness of body, soul and spirit. This creates a godly sexual soul tie.

An ungodly sexual soul tie occurs when sexuality becomes a tool of control. Yes, there can be an ungodly sexual soul tie even in Christian marriage. There can even be sexual abuse in Christian marriage which gets covered up by insisting on the scriptural submission of women to the will of the male. It is a sin to dominate, manipulate or control a spouse in any way, including sexuality. It shows disrespect and treats the person as an object to meet the emotional needs of the other. Sexuality can be used as a tool of punishment or reward to control the other spouse. When it is used as a way of reassuring yourself of worth or acceptance, it can easily become an addiction that drives you for more. A very simple test of sexuality is to ask yourself this question, during sex are you lovingly giving yourself to your spouse or taking what you believe to be rightfully yours? If you are taking then you are on dangerous ground!

In my observation, most sexual problems are emotional and spiritual, not physical. The solution is the healing of our wounds. [/FONT]​

 

[His Wife]

Personally, sex is something I thank God for. These passionate desires and feelings are only good within the marriage relationship. I see lust as a strong sexual urge leading us to desire another human being. If this human isn't our spouse, then of course it's sin. If this human is our spouse then I see that nothing but good can come of it.

 

[LinkH]

Bible thump about a wife's obligation to "be submissive" (BOTH the 1 Peter one AND the Titus 2 one) emphasize repeatedly a wife's responsibility to be CHASTE and pure within her marriage.

The word translated 'chaste' in I Peter 3 is translated 'holy' elsewhere, and does not imply anything about not having sex with one's husband. Not that you are saying that, but I have read where someone else took it to have a sexual meaning.

 

[Chaplain David]

Is it possible some people are over thinking stuff and worrying about stuff God has no concern about?

Yes. Happy Christmas Eve.

 

[dallasapple]

When it is used as a way of reassuring yourself of worth or acceptance, it can easily become an addiction that drives you for more.

THIS!..I think this is EASY to find going on in many marriages...and its WRONG to exepct your spouse to be VALIDATING your exitance on earth..or relyign on SEX as the primary or even the singular way to feel acceptance by the other..It is easy for it to then become an obsession where you find the person is hounding you and stalking you and coersing you to have sex when you dont WANT to..and its never enough..

Dallas

 

[mkgal1]

Personally, sex is something I thank God for. These passionate desires and feelings are only good within the marriage relationship. I see lust as a strong sexual urge leading us to desire another human being. If this human isn't our spouse, then of course it's sin. If this human is our spouse then I see that nothing but good can come of it.

That is why there should be a distinction. I don't believe ANYONE on this entire forum believes that marital sex isn't something to be thankful for. It is when it turns to lust, that it's crossing into territory that divides....not bonds the couple. It causes the one that is lusting to be controlled by their desires (which means they cannot be led by God). That's why there is even a discussion......a question, as to whether lust is good or not. It's more than semantics....IMO (and seems the Bible backs that up).

I think the Bible DOES take time to point this out:

3God wants you to be holy, so don't be immoral in matters of sex. 4Respect and honor your wife. 5Don't be a slave of your desires or live like people who don't know God. 6You must not cheat any of the Lord's followers in matters of sex. Remember, we warned you that he punishes everyone who does such things. 7God didn't choose you to be filthy, but to be pure. 8So if you don't obey these rules, you are not really disobeying us. You are disobeying God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thes 4:3-8

​

among others...

What does it mean that God "didn't choose you to be filthy, but to be pure"? IMO, it pretty much rules out porn use which is epidemic among MARRIED pew sitters and pulpit pounders.

As a woman with first hand experience married to a porn user, I can tell you that not ALL sex within marriage is "pure", "holy", expressive of "respect and honor" toward the wife, and maintaining an "undefiled" marriage bed.

And those passages that MY husband loved to Bible thump about a wife's obligation to "be submissive" (BOTH the 1 Peter one AND the Titus 2 one) emphasize repeatedly a wife's responsibility to be CHASTE and pure within her marriage.

 

[dallasapple]

The word translated 'chaste' in I Peter 3 is translated 'holy' elsewhere, and does not imply anything about not having sex with one's husband. Not that you are saying that, but I have read where someone else took it to have a sexual meaning.

It does imply that having sex with ones husband or (wife) can be under some conditons UNHOLY..and I for one don't beleive the ONLY condition is no other person in the bed with them.

I think someone would have to be pretty dumb to think that transalted to complete sexual abstinece within marriage..Just a "dont EVER have sex with your husband" rule..thats absurd..

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Oh and just a reminder...for me?I'm thankful to God myself..that God created sex ..that under the right conditions with my husband is an AWESOME gift he and I get to share..

THANK God for that!

Dallas

 

[mkgal1]

I think we would have to think of what "holy" means to God, as well. Would that not be about "without sin" as well? Isn't "greed" ...."selfishness"...."pride"....all sin that would get in the way of that union being holy?

I mentioned awhile back of relating marital sex to the priests entering the Holy of Holies (most intimate connection). From what I remember from Bible class....there were certain rites the priests performed in order to ensure their purity before entering......wouldn't there be a parallel in the sexual union as well?

 

[mkgal1]

Oh and just a reminder...for me?I'm thankful to God myself..that God created sex ..that under the right conditions with my husband is an AWESOME gift he and I get to share..

THANK God for that!

Dallas

Just to be clear....I second that!!

 

[dallasapple]

It causes the one that is lusting to be controlled by their desires (

Exactly and the definition of the word lust states that..UNCONTROLLED and EXCESSIVE desire..that is NOT good..

I do NOT beleive GOD would smile down upon you JUST becasue you are 'married' that you are obsessed and driven by LUST within your marriage..and that you have NO control over your desires..and throw in EXCESSIVELY..exces means "too much"..

ex·ces·sive

adj \ik-ˈse-siv\




Definition of EXCESSIVE

: exceeding what is usual, proper, necessary, or normal

Dallas

 

[LinkH]

It does imply that having sex with ones husband or (wife) can be under some conditons UNHOLY..and I for one don't beleive the ONLY condition is no other person in the bed with them.

Maybe whips and chains and swords are out, too. The Greek word for 'chaste' has nothing to do with sex as far as I can tell. It doesn't in other contexts. A woman might win her husband who does not obey the word by submitting to him, living holy, and having godly fear.

I think someone would have to be pretty dumb to think that transalted to complete sexual abstinece within marriage..Just a "dont EVER have sex with your husband" rule..thats absurd..

I can't imagine husbands saying, "My wife doesn't sleep with my anymore. Here witness is so great, I think I will become a Christian."

 

[Avniel]

Exactly and the definition of the word lust states that..UNCONTROLLED and EXCESSIVE desire..that is NOT good..

I do NOT beleive GOD would smile down upon you JUST becasue you are 'married' that you are obsessed and driven by LUST within your marriage..and that you have NO control over your desires..and throw in EXCESSIVELY..exces means "too much"..



Dallas

Who picks what is excessive and who picks what is normal for a human being?

 

[Blackwater Babe]

I think God IS concerned if a spouse has an obsesion/UNCONTROLLED EXCESSIVE sexual deisre aimed at any peron that woud include LEACHEROUS(LEWD) BEHAVIORS towards them..even IF they are married..its a DESTRUCTIVE desire ..how woud God not be concerned for the person obsessed AND there target?

Just because the BIBLE doesnt take the tiem to POINT out this is destructive doesnt mean its O.K..the Bible doesn't say not to trip on acid either..or shoot up with meth...and we all know God woudlnt approve of that under the "drunkeness" scriptures..and treating our bodies like a temple..the Bible doesnt say not to eat so much that we become grossly obese and disabeld by it but do you think God woudnt be "concerned" over that either?Would he say "its good to eat Im not concerned with THAT"?

Dallas

I'd think thats overthinking, and possibly a little paranoid, to think God would be overly concerned about one's sexual relations within marriage, so long as everyone consents. But thats me.

 

[Psalm63]

I'd think thats overthinking, and possibly a little paranoid, to think God would be overly concerned about one's sexual relations within marriage, so long as everyone consents. But thats me.

Key words.

If you've never been married to a sex addict, you wouldn't understand.

God IS concerned. A couple more passages which are very harsh but describe sex addicts to a T are Jude and 2 Peter 2. You know how Eph 5 says a husband is supposed to "nourish and cherish" his wife? Jude and 1 Peter 2 speak about "clouds without rain, a well without water, a shepherd who feeds only himself."

They have eyes full of harlotry, insatiable for sin. They beguile and bait and lure away unstable souls. Their hearts are trained in covetousness (lust, greed), [they are] children of a curse [exposed to cursing]! 2 Pet 2
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