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Is it possible to get back to God
- Thread starter MCA
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- Apr 10, 2013
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havent been on the forum in a long time. i am still somehow in this fight although things are not looking well. i still dont think there is a way back but i just keep mushing. thank you all for your comments i know a lot of you really took time to respond to me and i appreciate that. i am still trying to figure this out although its hard having only natural eyes to see. my situation is very strange because i am an agnostic that can see how ridiculous his agnosticism is but yet cannot accept christianity. it is a sense of awareness that is unique. the atheist plays the role of the atheist and he is an atheist, the christian plays the role of a christian and he is the christian. but i know that the evidences observed prove god and i know that because i only have natural eyes i cannot see them, its almost as though i know god exists but i just dont believe in him or have lost my spiritual glasses so to speak. i still somehow pray sometimes and have a very primitive belief that god is listening, more like a cry of an animal in hope of rescue. i honestly dont feel i deserve to go to hell i cant think of something so awful i had to commit that got me here. unless purgatory or some place exists, or when jesus said seek me and you will find me in this life or the next. i remember when i was a christian it was so easy to say those people are going to hell, but now that i am going there i realize its not really that fair. this is a completely different topic, but in any case i am still mindful of gods existence
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joey_downunder
big sister
You are going through a spiritual battle. This book might help you. http://www.amazon.com/Pilgrims-Regress-C-S-Lewis/dp/0802806414
C.S.Lewis (especially famous for "the lion the witch and the wardrobe" series) went through your stage. The main character of his book goes through a long phase like the one you are describing.
Another one of his books is "Screwtape Letters", the fictional account of an uncle demon telling his nephew how to destroy a Christian's faith.
The whole book is online here. The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis_free online reading books
C.S.Lewis (especially famous for "the lion the witch and the wardrobe" series) went through your stage. The main character of his book goes through a long phase like the one you are describing.
Another one of his books is "Screwtape Letters", the fictional account of an uncle demon telling his nephew how to destroy a Christian's faith.
The whole book is online here. The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis_free online reading books
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You have a lot of Is in your post, like it is up to you to do something. How about humbly allowing God to forgive you? To turn your burden over to Him. God is not wanting something from you, but is wanting just to give you the greatest gifts He can give, so please accept His gifts as charity.
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ewells36
Regular Member
Here is my story. I hope it shows insight to the same issue I faced at one point in my life. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the read and I hope in some way it helps.
When I first came to Christ when I was 16, I was one of those "holier than thou, I am right and no one else is, and so much more" attitude and that actually caused me to check out the other denominations of Christianity and actually caused me to leave it and search out other religions/traditions/philosophies and for quite a long time I was running away and wanted nothing to do with Christianity. I abhored it due to those out there on the "religious right" and how they show themselves to the world.
But..........
My heart had become so callous and hard that whatever I read in the Bible or other religious texts, it never broke through to make me think. I would just read it and see it as a good read and that was it
Until...........
The other day I came across some praise and worship music on YouTube and I thought, well, it wont hurt because I did listen to that and other Christian music still. Pulled it up and pushed play and......
Then it happened.......
All those years of running away from God were melted away through the power of His Holy Spirit. I found myself on the floor on our computer room, on my knees, on my face, tears streaming down my face and I found myself asking God to make Himself real to me. And in that moment, He took away everything. Took away all my fears, insecurities, etc and granted to me forgiveness, mercy, grace, and most of all - salvation!
No longer do I ascribe to the "religious right" but now have taken the stance that Christ can do anything to anyone and if that person would humble themselves and just allow God to be God in their lives, that He will find a way to do whatever He must to do anyone. We all have faults, we all have struggles that we face, but only through the power of the Spirit of Christ can anyone find peace, love, happiness, joy, and salvation.
How can I, as a Christian, state to others that they are wrong in whatever they do when, in fact, I do not have all the answers to life's mysteries but God knows and is in control and once Christians would recognize that and allow God to be God in their lives and let the light of Christ shine forth through their lives, then I think, we would see the light of Christ shine into the hearts of those who need Him.
Hallelujah! He's alive in me today. Christ is everything!
Eric
Here are the videos that I watched on YouTube, the praise and worship music, that brought me into the presence of Christ
Worship music mix #1 ft: Chris Tomlin, Jesus Culture, Bethel Live, Hillsong and more. - YouTube
Worship music mix #2 ft: Chris Tomlin, Bethel live, Hillsong, Martin Smith and more. - YouTube
Worship music mix #3 ft: Hillsong, Matt Redman, Martin Smith, Bethel live and more. - YouTube
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What have you done to find your way back? You need to confess your sins and ask for him to forgive you and come into your life and teach you and guide you. I know, I have been there. Then get into a good bible teaching church and study his word. Once you have re dedicated yourself to the Lord he sends the Holy Spirit to teach and guide you. Then just remain faithful and he will be there for you. Stop with all the frantic searching just rest in the Lord.
Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
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~Anastasia~
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- Dec 1, 2013
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I can say that I can relate to a LOT of your life, and what you're going through. My family was not really Christian, and I had no early training as you did, but we called ourselves Christian. I majored first in the sciences at university and was convinced of their truth over the Bible. Only later was I REALLY saved, and after that time I did go through a real crisis of faith that was cemented by searching online and reading several sites that pretended to support Christianity but were really veiled attempts to undermine faith. It shook me badly, and suddenly I was "outside" my faith. For a while I thought the only way for me to continue was to become Ba'Hai (or however it's spelled).
Anyway, my difficulty did not last nearly as long as yours, but it was one of the darkest times of my life. I really thought I had lost any chance to return, and I thought I would not be able to "believe" again (strangely, because after what I've experienced, I can't NOT believe, but I thought I wasn't able to believe the "right things" and at my stage of understanding I thought "believing the right things" was the only path to salvation).
You may well be in a type of spiritual battle. If I were in your position, I would probably seek out someone I trust in the church to pray for me. I will be praying for you too, but going to a trusted spiritually mature man in person would be much better.
If it's a matter of belief, I wonder if a book (admittedly I didn't quite finish it) that I found intriguing just after my crisis was Letters from a Skeptic by Dr. Gregory A. Boyd, who was a college professor who came to faith and began a series of letters about it with his father, who thought his son had gotten sucked into a cult. Perhaps Lee Strobel's books will be helpful? (The Case for a Creator, The Case for Faith?) What I recall of those books seems they might speak more directly to your issues, if you are interested.
One thing caught my attention. You say you are afraid to go to hell? You believe in hell, and you believe you will go there, but you are ... unable to believe in God? There is a logical inconsistency there. I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I'm only pointing out that it seems to me you may believe more than you give yourself credit for. Generally speaking, atheists aren't afraid of ending up in hell.
I am also concerned that you relate this back far too much to your mother. She may be Christian, but we don't inherit our faith (my life has taught me that - our family apparently thought they did). And ultimately, she isn't too much a part of the equation. I'm not sure just what this is telling me, but this is something between YOU and GOD. If you want it for the sake of your mother, mostly ... well, something is wrong there.
I would definitely try to focus less on the problems. By dwelling on them (for so many months - that must have been spiritually exhausting for you!) you only make them more strongly set in your mind. Perhaps it is better, if you must know what they are, to try to clearly articulate your ONE most important barrier to belief, and once you have acknowledged it, seek out answers regarding that ONE problem. Once you have satisfied yourself on that count, if something else is bothering you, decide what the next biggest problem is. But be exact. You need to be able to say "I have trouble believing because xyz person said that this exact thing happened in the year abc and it gets in the way of me believing this exact Bible truth." I think letting all your doubts grow and blend together into some huge mass that you can't get through makes it look much worse than it is. Tackle them one by one in a systematic way. Ignore the others so they don't prey on you in the meantime. A little success will also strengthen you, and seeing that you are DOING something instead of just worrying is usually something that motivates all of us.
I hope that helps in some way. That is what I would do in your situation.
Oh, and do NOT neglect a devotional time, even if it seems the sky is made of brass and no one hears your prayers. The truth is that God does, and you will be in a position to renew your relationship with Him if you spend time trying.
My prayers are with you.
Anyway, my difficulty did not last nearly as long as yours, but it was one of the darkest times of my life. I really thought I had lost any chance to return, and I thought I would not be able to "believe" again (strangely, because after what I've experienced, I can't NOT believe, but I thought I wasn't able to believe the "right things" and at my stage of understanding I thought "believing the right things" was the only path to salvation).
You may well be in a type of spiritual battle. If I were in your position, I would probably seek out someone I trust in the church to pray for me. I will be praying for you too, but going to a trusted spiritually mature man in person would be much better.
If it's a matter of belief, I wonder if a book (admittedly I didn't quite finish it) that I found intriguing just after my crisis was Letters from a Skeptic by Dr. Gregory A. Boyd, who was a college professor who came to faith and began a series of letters about it with his father, who thought his son had gotten sucked into a cult. Perhaps Lee Strobel's books will be helpful? (The Case for a Creator, The Case for Faith?) What I recall of those books seems they might speak more directly to your issues, if you are interested.
One thing caught my attention. You say you are afraid to go to hell? You believe in hell, and you believe you will go there, but you are ... unable to believe in God? There is a logical inconsistency there. I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I'm only pointing out that it seems to me you may believe more than you give yourself credit for. Generally speaking, atheists aren't afraid of ending up in hell.
I am also concerned that you relate this back far too much to your mother. She may be Christian, but we don't inherit our faith (my life has taught me that - our family apparently thought they did). And ultimately, she isn't too much a part of the equation. I'm not sure just what this is telling me, but this is something between YOU and GOD. If you want it for the sake of your mother, mostly ... well, something is wrong there.
I would definitely try to focus less on the problems. By dwelling on them (for so many months - that must have been spiritually exhausting for you!) you only make them more strongly set in your mind. Perhaps it is better, if you must know what they are, to try to clearly articulate your ONE most important barrier to belief, and once you have acknowledged it, seek out answers regarding that ONE problem. Once you have satisfied yourself on that count, if something else is bothering you, decide what the next biggest problem is. But be exact. You need to be able to say "I have trouble believing because xyz person said that this exact thing happened in the year abc and it gets in the way of me believing this exact Bible truth." I think letting all your doubts grow and blend together into some huge mass that you can't get through makes it look much worse than it is. Tackle them one by one in a systematic way. Ignore the others so they don't prey on you in the meantime. A little success will also strengthen you, and seeing that you are DOING something instead of just worrying is usually something that motivates all of us.
I hope that helps in some way. That is what I would do in your situation.
Oh, and do NOT neglect a devotional time, even if it seems the sky is made of brass and no one hears your prayers. The truth is that God does, and you will be in a position to renew your relationship with Him if you spend time trying.
My prayers are with you.
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Lol, the cats out of the bag, MEOW! more like rabie effected razor teeth bats are out of the bag.
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