Is it normal, or a character flaw....

[LovebirdsFlying]

....to get frustrated now and then when I have to keep repeating myself and people still either don't get it or just won't respect it?

Some examples: I've been going to the same church for around eight years now, and some people there still mispronounce my name when they talk to me. That INCLUDES the pastor. .... The way I see it, either people are dense, or they are deliberately disrespecting me, and I don't think they're dense.

Example two is about keeping things where I want them around the house. I'm talking about my own personal possessions. I'm not always physically capable of doing laundry myself, due to disability. When my husband does it, there is a certain dress I wear around the house that he will not hang with the dresses, no matter how many times I've pointed out to him that it's a dress and goes with the dresses. He keeps hanging it on the right side of my half of the closet, with the t-shirts, and I keep correcting him and moving it to the left side, where I hang my dresses. I don't like to look in the closet and see a zig-zaggy line. I like to see order. That doesn't matter. Even the most loving family members will not do things the way I want them done unless:

1. They completely know, understand, AND agree with my reasons for wanting it that way. I can't play "because I said so" like my parents did. The simple fact that I want it that way isn't good enough. Because my husband can't see what difference it makes, and in his half of the closet he just hangs things willy-nilly, he refuses to hear what I'm saying about wanting it hung here, not there.
2. I finally get mad and blow my stack about it. Then they'll often tell me, "Well, you don't have to be angry. You could have asked nicely," totally ignoring the hundreds of times I've already asked nicely.​

Again, either people are dense, or they're disrespecting me on purpose, and again, I don't think they're dense.

You know, every time I ask for respect, I still hear those old echoes in my head of what I've been told again and again, "You don't demand respect. You have to earn it." Haven't I done enough by now to earn it? Because if I haven't, I never will. People don't seem to understand me, and they accuse me of making a big deal out of nothing, when what difference does it make where my dress is hung? It's not about the single act of hanging a garment here, not there. It's not even about how my name is pronounced. It's about saying the same thing hundreds of times, and not being listened to. That's the key right there. I just can't seem to get people to listen to me.

Any advice? Or should I just run away and not be around people any more?

 

[turkle]

You cannot control other people in what they think or do. However, you can control what you allow to bother you. You can appreciate that they call you, even if they mispronounce your name. And you can appreciate that your husband does your laundry and hangs up your dress, even though it's not precisely where you want it. An attitude of gratitude goes a long way to stop a discontented spirit.

My husband has a few habits that I don't like. But they are habits, so he repeats them. When we married, I made the choice to not allow these habits to bother me and cause me to think in a negative way. Each time I got that knee jerk reactive negativity, I stopped and remembered things about him that I am grateful for. As I intentionally stopped those awful thoughts, I stopped the reaction. I recommend you do the same.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I apologize in advance for the sarcasm, but I feel a need to vent. I'm stating how I feel from a point of view of raw emotion, and not aiming it at any one person.

*I'm deleting the sarcasm after reconsideration.*

I probably shouldn't do it myself, since it's my own thread, but I've PM'd a recovery mod asking for this thread to be moved there.

 

[Albion]

....to get frustrated now and then when I have to keep repeating myself and people still either don't get it or just won't respect it?

Some examples: I've been going to the same church for around eight years now, and some people there still mispronounce my name when they talk to me. That INCLUDES the pastor. ... The way I see it, either people are dense, or they are deliberately disrespecting me, and I don't think they're dense.

Example two is about keeping things where I want them around the house. I'm talking about my own personal possessions. I'm not always physically capable of doing laundry myself, due to disability. When my husband does it, there is a certain dress I wear around the house that he will not hang with the dresses, no matter how many times I've pointed out to him that it's a dress and goes with the dresses. He keeps hanging it on the right side of my half of the closet, with the t-shirts, and I keep correcting him and moving it to the left side, where I hang my dresses. I don't like to look in the closet and see a zig-zaggy line. I like to see order. That doesn't matter. Even the most loving family members will not do things the way I want them done unless:

1. They completely know, understand, AND agree with my reasons for wanting it that way. I can't play "because I said so" like my parents did. The simple fact that I want it that way isn't good enough. Because my husband can't see what difference it makes, and in his half of the closet he just hangs things willy-nilly, he refuses to hear what I'm saying about wanting it hung here, not there.
2. I finally get mad and blow my stack about it. Then they'll often tell me, "Well, you don't have to be angry. You could have asked nicely," totally ignoring the hundreds of times I've already asked nicely.​

Again, either people are dense, or they're disrespecting me on purpose, and again, I don't think they're dense.

You know, every time I ask for respect, I still hear those old echoes in my head of what I've been told again and again, "You don't demand respect. You have to earn it." Haven't I done enough by now to earn it? Because if I haven't, I never will. People don't seem to understand me, and they accuse me of making a big deal out of nothing, when what difference does it make where my dress is hung? It's not about the single act of hanging a garment here, not there. It's not even about how my name is pronounced. It's about saying the same thing hundreds of times, and not being listened to. That's the key right there. I just can't seem to get people to listen to me.

Any advice? Or should I just run away and not be around people any more?

I know people who have misprounounced surnames of their closest friends, and done so since childhood. And if called on it, they will explain why it seems to them phonetically correct what they've done, as though that is all that matters.

So, I'd say that there is nothing you can do in the long run. Remember that, despite his familiarity and fame and how many times they heard it said properly, some people call Ronald Reagan "REEEE gan" to this day.

 

[chapmic]

I doubt anybody is doing those things to deliberately annoy you. Basically people have faults, it is annoying sometimes but there are many more blessings to enjoy throughout that day and sometimes we have to learn look past other faults in order to have peace for ourselves. I hope this helps! God bless!

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

ADMIN HAT ON

This thread has been moved to General Struggles per the OP Request.

If you are new to the recovery forums, please review our guidelines before posting.

ADMIN HAT OFF
​

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Now that it's moved to recovery (thanks, Kristen) I can speak more frankly, but I won't flame anyone. What I retracted from before was the feeling it's perfectly OK if I say something a hundred times and they don't listen. That's allowed. But if I get frustrated, that's entirely me having control issues, and never that they or their behavior had anything to do with it. Always my fault, never the other person's.

I know people who have misprounounced surnames of their closest friends, and done so since childhood. And if called on it, they will explain why it seems to them phonetically correct what they've done, as though that is all that matters.

So, I'd say that there is nothing you can do in the long run. Remember that, despite his familiarity and fame and how many times they heard it said properly, some people call Ronald Reagan "REEEE gan" to this day.

That's helpful. Thank you. What frustrates me most about the church is, the pastor himself has an unusual name. He says when he first meets people, they sometimes act as if he doesn't know his own name, and meant to say something else. *BUT* I have never heard him say that anyone continues to call him Nolan even when he's corrected them repeatedly. He of all people should sympathize, and yet he's one of those who keeps mispronouncing my name after being told again and again.

The following have entered my mind:

1.) Wearing a t-shirt that says, "My name is pronounced this way, not that way. Get it right, or don't talk to me."
2.) When I answer the phone and the person on the other end (usually someone from church) says, "Hi, (mispronounce)," responding, "No, there's nobody here by that name," and hanging up.
3.) Making the next time someone at church mispronounces my name, the last time I'm ever seen there, if they don't even care enough about me to get my name right.​

I doubt anybody is doing those things to deliberately annoy you. Basically people have faults, it is annoying sometimes but there are many more blessings to enjoy throughout that day and sometimes we have to learn look past other faults in order to have peace for ourselves. I hope this helps! God bless!

Thank you for acknowledging that other people have faults too. That speaks to what I changed my mind about saying in my last reply.

I don't know about it not being deliberately to annoy me. Sometimes I can't tell the difference. That's the PTSD coming in, because I know I come from a background full of people who WILL do something just to annoy me. It was that way with the fact that they insisted on calling me by a certain childhood nickname that I hated. No matter how much I hated it, they still kept calling me that, mainly BECAUSE I hated it, and they were trying to teach me I didn't have control. Which may be related to the fact that the "you can't control others" comment did trigger me.

 

[Albion]

That's helpful. Thank you. What frustrates me most about the church is, the pastor himself has an unusual name. He says when he first meets people, they sometimes act as if he doesn't know his own name, and meant to say something else. *BUT* I have never heard him say that anyone continues to call him Nolan even when he's corrected them repeatedly. He of all people should sympathize, and yet he's one of those who keeps mispronouncing my name after being told again and again.

I do understand. There's no reason for you not to be exasperated. But, alas, people are going to be that way--and I don't think that they are doing it on purpose. The most important thing for you might be to work on not letting it bother you so. I don't mean not to let it bother you at all, but not as much as it does.

I think that part of the problem may be that, to some people's ears, the sound of the two words may be almost the same, although it certainly is not to you.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I do understand. There's no reason for you not to be exasperated. But, alas, people are going to be that way--and I don't think that they are doing it on purpose. The most important thing for you might be to work on not letting it bother you so. I don't mean not to let it bother you at all, but not as much as it does.

I think that part of the problem may be that, to some people's ears, the sound of the two words may be almost the same, although it certainly is not to you.

That's a strong point. I know a lady named Dawn who keeps trying to tell people her name does not sound the same as Don. But it does to me, no matter how much I try to put the right vowel sound to it. I just can't hear the difference. I would pronounce the first names of actors Don Knotts and Dawn Wells exactly the same way.

But if those same people can say Maya Angelou's first name correctly, why not mine?

 

[Johnnz]

I am convinced traffic lights see me coming and turn red as I approach! We have foibles that we can allow to exert an influence over us, to the detriment of our character and well being, which may be quite petty issues in reality. 'Owning up' and 'growing up' is where we need to go.

However, our name is important to us. I think you are right in what lies behind your frustration. You have a genuine sensitivity.

Life can be rough and tough in a fallen world. Peter had this to say to to some less fortunate believers:
1 Peter 2:18-21 Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. NIV

John
NZ

 

[BFine]

I've heard this about respect...

Never ask anybody to respect you.
Respect is something you give to yourself... self respect.
Anybody who can give you respect, has the power to take
it away from you.

The actual definition of respect is refusing to lie to yourself...once you
start lying to yourself then you have disrespected yourself.


IMHO...
If someone is being honest, stands for God's truth, living right for the Lord
and walking with Him--then that person is to be respected and or honored.

In the world...
Respect is earned...meaning, it is purchased in some way, shape or form.

If you hold a certain position/job-- the person earns a certain amount of respect.
If you are wealthy-- the person earns respect from others due to having more money,
position, authority etc.
If you are strong, beautiful, possess a great talent etc... the person earns respect.

But... the respect others give those people, will be taken away if the person who
holds a certain position loses that position.
The wealthy person who loses their wealth, loses the respect of others.
The same goes for a strong person who loses their strength, beauty or great talent etc.

We see this played out in the news media, read about it in the Bible... It was in the span of
a few days that Jesus went from hearing praises of "Hosanna!" on his triumphant entry into Jerusalem to hearing shouts of "Crucify Him!"...sad but true.

__________________________________________________________________________

Lovebirdsflying:
Some examples: I've been going to the same church for around eight years now, and some people there still mispronounce my name when they talk to me. That INCLUDES the pastor. ... The way I see it, either people are dense, or they are deliberately disrespecting me, and I don't think they're dense.

*The people who know you and you've told them numerous
times your name is pronounced RYE-ah... but they say RAY-ah.
They are showing you that pronouncing your name is low on the list of important things.

Is this something to go to war over? No.
Is it something that's annoying? -- yes, on so many levels.

How to respond to them? keep showing them agape when you're in their presence.
Diligently pray for them.

What can be learned in all this?
Well... this could be to help teach patience, endurance, long-suffering etc.
There's coming a time when us Christians will face various forms of
persecution...we're going to need to learn to stand firm in God's Word,
we're going to have to learn how to choose our battles carefully. We are
going to need to be rooted in the Vine and submitted to God, so that we
can face such trials/tribulations.

When that time comes... how one's name is said or not said won't rank very
high when one is facing loss of home, job or life etc.

At this time....
My brother is being persecuted for taking a stand against wrong doing
by the company he had been at for 20 years....this company has delayed
his ability to draw unemployment for 11 months, nor has my brother been able to
get another job due to his former employer "blocking" his hiring.
All because he took a stand against their illegal acts.



Example two is about keeping things where I want them around the house. I'm talking about my own personal possessions. I'm not always physically capable of doing laundry myself, due to disability. When my husband does it, there is a certain dress I wear around the house that he will not hang with the dresses, no matter how many times I've pointed out to him that it's a dress and goes with the dresses. He keeps hanging it on the right side of my half of the closet, with the t-shirts, and I keep correcting him and moving it to the left side, where I hang my dresses. I don't like to look in the closet and see a zig-zaggy line. I like to see order. That doesn't matter. Even the most loving family members will not do things the way I want them done unless:
1. They completely know, understand, AND agree with my reasons for wanting it that way. I can't play "because I said so" like my parents did. The simple fact that I want it that way isn't good enough. Because my husband can't see what difference it makes, and in his half of the closet he just hangs things willy-nilly, he refuses to hear what I'm saying about wanting it hung here, not there.
2. I finally get mad and blow my stack about it. Then they'll often tell me, "Well, you don't have to be angry. You could have asked nicely," totally ignoring the hundreds of times I've already asked nicely.
Again, either people are dense, or they're disrespecting me on purpose, and again, I don't think they're dense.

You know, every time I ask for respect, I still hear those old echoes in my head of what I've been told again and again, "You don't demand respect. You have to earn it." Haven't I done enough by now to earn it? Because if I haven't, I never will. People don't seem to understand me, and they accuse me of making a big deal out of nothing, when what difference does it make where my dress is hung? It's not about the single act of hanging a garment here, not there. It's not even about how my name is pronounced. It's about saying the same thing hundreds of times, and not being listened to. That's the key right there. I just can't seem to get people to listen to me.

Any advice? Or should I just run away and not be around people any more?

*Re-read the part about respect.
Your husband is helping with chores, accept that....I know a LOT of wives
who would love to have a husband who helps with chores-- heck, they would
be happy to have ANYBODY who would help them with household chores.

Each of us have our own particular way of doing things, granted it may not
be to your liking or mine... for what it's worth, I'm grateful for having a husband
who will help me with household chores....yesterday my husband swept and mopped
the floors upstairs (I have a bad back and sweeping and mopping would cause me
a lot of back pain) -- did my husband do the "stellar" job that I would of done? no.
Did I make a big to do about it? no....I was grateful to have the work done when I'm
unable to do it....for I know when I'm able to do it the way I like, then I do it that way.

As much as it depends upon "you"...
Seek to keep peace, tranquility and unity in the home/marriage....these "trivial" matters
though small, can grow into bigger problems.

Forgiveness is KEY... we all fall short of perfection....we all need forgiveness.


To me, it seems that our fallen nature seems to "demand" that others do things
our way and if it's not done we tend to let their shortcomings "fester" within us--
and allow those shortcomings to rule and cause more emotional upheaval in our
lives and homes.
I've found this not only harms "me" it also hurts relationship(s) with others.

Colossians 3:13
"Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another,
if anyone has a complaint against another, even as
Christ forgave you, so you also must do."

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father
encourage you and strengthen you in every good thing
you do and say. God loved us, and through his grace he
gave us a good hope and encouragement that continues forever.”

 

[Carmenere]

I've heard this about respect...

Never ask anybody to respect you.
Respect is something you give to yourself... self respect.
Anybody who can give you respect, has the power to take
it away from you.

The actual definition of respect is refusing to lie to yourself...once you
start lying to yourself then you have disrespected yourself.


IMHO...
If someone is being honest, stands for God's truth, living right for the Lord
and walking with Him--then that person is to be respected and or honored.

In the world...
Respect is earned...meaning, it is purchased in some way, shape or form.

If you hold a certain position/job-- the person earns a certain amount of respect.
If you are wealthy-- the person earns respect from others due to having more money,
position, authority etc.
If you are strong, beautiful, possess a great talent etc... the person earns respect.

But... the respect others give those people, will be taken away if the person who
holds a certain position loses that position.
The wealthy person who loses their wealth, loses the respect of others.
The same goes for a strong person who loses their strength, beauty or great talent etc.

We see this played out in the news media, read about it in the Bible... It was in the span of
a few days that Jesus went from hearing praises of "Hosanna!" on his triumphant entry into Jerusalem to hearing shouts of "Crucify Him!"...sad but true.

__________________________________________________________________________

Lovebirdsflying:
Some examples: I've been going to the same church for around eight years now, and some people there still mispronounce my name when they talk to me. That INCLUDES the pastor. ... The way I see it, either people are dense, or they are deliberately disrespecting me, and I don't think they're dense.

*The people who know you and you've told them numerous
times your name is pronounced RYE-ah... but they say RAY-ah.
They are showing you that pronouncing your name is low on the list of important things.

Is this something to go to war over? No.
Is it something that's annoying? -- yes, on so many levels.

How to respond to them? keep showing them agape when you're in their presence.
Diligently pray for them.

What can be learned in all this?
Well... this could be to help teach patience, endurance, long-suffering etc.
There's coming a time when us Christians will face various forms of
persecution...we're going to need to learn to stand firm in God's Word,
we're going to have to learn how to choose our battles carefully. We are
going to need to be rooted in the Vine and submitted to God, so that we
can face such trials/tribulations.

When that time comes... how one's name is said or not said won't rank very
high when one is facing loss of home, job or life etc.

At this time....
My brother is being persecuted for taking a stand against wrong doing
by the company he had been at for 20 years....this company has delayed
his ability to draw unemployment for 11 months, nor has my brother been able to
get another job due to his former employer "blocking" his hiring.
All because he took a stand against their illegal acts.



Example two is about keeping things where I want them around the house. I'm talking about my own personal possessions. I'm not always physically capable of doing laundry myself, due to disability. When my husband does it, there is a certain dress I wear around the house that he will not hang with the dresses, no matter how many times I've pointed out to him that it's a dress and goes with the dresses. He keeps hanging it on the right side of my half of the closet, with the t-shirts, and I keep correcting him and moving it to the left side, where I hang my dresses. I don't like to look in the closet and see a zig-zaggy line. I like to see order. That doesn't matter. Even the most loving family members will not do things the way I want them done unless:
1. They completely know, understand, AND agree with my reasons for wanting it that way. I can't play "because I said so" like my parents did. The simple fact that I want it that way isn't good enough. Because my husband can't see what difference it makes, and in his half of the closet he just hangs things willy-nilly, he refuses to hear what I'm saying about wanting it hung here, not there.
2. I finally get mad and blow my stack about it. Then they'll often tell me, "Well, you don't have to be angry. You could have asked nicely," totally ignoring the hundreds of times I've already asked nicely.
Again, either people are dense, or they're disrespecting me on purpose, and again, I don't think they're dense.

You know, every time I ask for respect, I still hear those old echoes in my head of what I've been told again and again, "You don't demand respect. You have to earn it." Haven't I done enough by now to earn it? Because if I haven't, I never will. People don't seem to understand me, and they accuse me of making a big deal out of nothing, when what difference does it make where my dress is hung? It's not about the single act of hanging a garment here, not there. It's not even about how my name is pronounced. It's about saying the same thing hundreds of times, and not being listened to. That's the key right there. I just can't seem to get people to listen to me.

Any advice? Or should I just run away and not be around people any more?

*Re-read the part about respect.
Your husband is helping with chores, accept that....I know a LOT of wives
who would love to have a husband who helps with chores-- heck, they would
be happy to have ANYBODY who would help them with household chores.

Each of us have our own particular way of doing things, granted it may not
be to your liking or mine... for what it's worth, I'm grateful for having a husband
who will help me with household chores....yesterday my husband swept and mopped
the floors upstairs (I have a bad back and sweeping and mopping would cause me
a lot of back pain) -- did my husband do the "stellar" job that I would of done? no.
Did I make a big to do about it? no....I was grateful to have the work done when I'm
unable to do it....for I know when I'm able to do it the way I like, then I do it that way.

As much as it depends upon "you"...
Seek to keep peace, tranquility and unity in the home/marriage....these "trivial" matters
though small, can grow into bigger problems.

Forgiveness is KEY... we all fall short of perfection....we all need forgiveness.


To me, it seems that our fallen nature seems to "demand" that others do things
our way and if it's not done we tend to let their shortcomings "fester" within us--
and allow those shortcomings to rule and cause more emotional upheaval in our
lives and homes.
I've found this not only harms "me" it also hurts relationship(s) with others.

Colossians 3:13
"Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another,
if anyone has a complaint against another, even as
Christ forgave you, so you also must do."

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father
encourage you and strengthen you in every good thing
you do and say. God loved us, and through his grace he
gave us a good hope and encouragement that continues forever.”

Thank you!

I have to admit I recently struggled with the lose of respect and trust at work because this person wanted his way and doesn't want to listen to me. It took a while to let go of it. During that time, I controlled my tongue and was quiet because I didn't know what to say because inside of me was angry. I let it go slowly with the help of prayer and talking to my princess about it. Now when I'm at work, I focus on my dream which I keep to myself for reasons. This job is temporary and I will get out of there. I hope your brother finds a job and I praise him for doing that. I have the same problem at work with the employer. I have tried confronting the employer about the job but he won't listen to me.

 

[Inkachu]

Once you've corrected someone on your name, I just wouldn't do it anymore (unless you feel you want to). My mom has a made-up name; her mother literally just made it up. She's been called the wrong name all her life, we're talking almost 70 years. Her close friends and family say it correctly, but almost no one else does. She doesn't care. It doesn't bother her. She knows it's not intentional, and the people that really matter know how to say it correctly.

The thing with the dress... I'd just let it go. It's a man thing, if you ask me. I've asked my husband certain things a hundred times, and they just don't remember. It's not worth making it into a battle or letting it stress you out. Just move the dress to the right side and thank God that you have a husband who does the laundry.

 

[WoundedDeep]

@Lovebirdsplaying

I can identify with you the frustration when people don't do things the way you believe is right even if you've told them repeatedly. I think as trauma survivors we become more sensitive to these things and tend to take things more personally.

The simple way is to change how we think about people's conduct. All of us know there are disrespectful people in this world, so its not necessary for us to be offended or hurt by them. Now I just try to not be bothered by such people and let time teach them a lesson. Many, however, are just less sensitive to others and thus they do disrespectful things without actually meaning it. Forgive and let go as much as possible.

If the things they do are destructive enough, I would just separate myself from them (both physical and emotional) until they realise the magnitude of their error. If someone truly cares enough about you, your physical and emotional separation from them should ring a bell and let them know they might have done something seriously wrong. I do believe this works for some cases.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I don't bother saying something over and over after awhile because its in Gods hands. If I had to repeat myself over and over and over I'd just be wasting my life on something I have no control over.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

The heart of the matter is, as I see it, the fact that around the house, people will not comply with what I ask unless they fully know, understand, AND agree with the reason I'm asking. If one of those isn't true, it's not happening. The simple fact that I want it that way is not good enough. It was good enough for my parents, who could play that "because I said so" card to death, but it doesn't work for me. Even the ones who claim to love me don't really give a rip what I want just because I want it that way. I have to explain all of the whys in exactly the words that will get them to see it before they'll even consider trying to do it that way.

The most common attitude is, "What are you complaining about? The house looks OK. Nobody sees the inside of the utility closet. Who cares if it's all neat and pretty?"

Well, it's not about looks. I have mobility limitations, and I can't get much done if I have to spend too much time hunting stuff down because people didn't put them back where they found them. When a light bulb blows and I have to replace it, I'm exhausted after I've had to fish through a bunch of containers randomly filled with light bulbs, batteries, screwdrivers, rolls of duct tape, etc. I want to just go to where the light bulbs are kept, and get one. But I can spend all day sorting things into individual containers, wearing myself out, and within a week the containers are all full of random stuff again because, back to square one, everybody else thinks it doesn't matter what the inside of the utility closet looks like. Again I try to explain that it's not about what it looks like, and.... I get nowhere.

I suppose the alternative is not to do any work around the house, because their lack of cooperation is making it too difficult for me?

 

[parsley]

Frustrating.
I think part of the problem, is these days people are so busy and information flies at them all day, so they learn to block out parts of conversations. You told them, but they weren't taking it in. You told them again, and they heard but overreacted.

I get similar frustrations -- people putting food-filled plates in the sink, moving things I just set up, throwing out things I'd just bought. But after many years of it I decided to train my brain to sort out what's important. I don't get riled up even if I deserve to.
(Not always! Lol.)

That way I can live in a more eternal mindset, less focused on earthly details-- things that come and go. For you the mobility limits give you more reason to want things in order, so that is understandable. But the name... meh. I get that too with my last name, with people who've known me for decades.

Breathe deep, move on. Tell them twice the first time, so it sinks in. Have you noticed that TV commercials have started building that in? They will repeat things ten times, knowing people blur over it the first time.