Is It My Fault?

[Dreamer1999]

I feel horrible right now. My grandmother has left and hasn't been back in over three months.

My relationship with her used to be great. The two of us used to play together all the time when I was a small child. We did many things together and we loved each other very much.

Everything changed when I was five. She was diagnosed with cancer. Her cancer was never bad, she never lost her hair or anything. She only got very sick once or twice, but she has been okay as of now.

During this time, out relationship became strained. I would always want to play with her, but she always said she couldn't. Even on the days she was feeling good she wouldn't play with me. We didn't do anything together. I kept on asking her to play with me and she never did. I soon stopped and I didn't talk to her in a while.

Suddenly, a year later, she wanted to play with me again. I was so happy! Our relationship was getting better as the year went on. I thought it would be like this for the rest of my life.

Sadly, I was wrong. She began to start fights with my parents and said horrible things to my mother(I don't want to talk about that). She soon went out as much as possible and seemed to ignore me completely. The days she would stay home she spent them in her room all alone. Once again, she didn't play with me at all. She only talked to me a few times.

Now in present time, things are slightly different. My grandmother rarely talks to me and I don't talk to her. When she does talk to me, she claims that I don't love her anymore. That is a lie, I do love her. But, I don't feel like she loves me. She must hate me, since she doesn't bother to even start a real conversation with me. I don't try to have a relationship with her anymore because I know it will never work out. I have spent many days as a little child asking her to do something with me and she never did. I tried to have a relationship with her many times over the years, only to have my heart shattered.

A few months ago, she left to stay with a friend of her's. She hasn't come back. I do worry about her because of the cancer, but she has been doing better, at least I heard she was. She only sent me a few cards with I love you written in them. I do love her, but I think she doesn't love me. If she truly loved me, why wasn't she home, trying to have a relationship with me?

Is it my fault that she ignores me now? It must be my fault. I understand that she is sick, but she completely ignores me. I tried so hard to have a bond with her, but my attempts always fail. She hates me and I know she does. If she doesn't hate me, then why won't she show love to me? Just saying I love you isn't love to me. Words only can't show love. Why must she cause my heart to break?

 

[Dreamer1999]

I'm so sorry if the post is too long, but I had to let my feelings out. Also, I forgot to mention that she has a horrible relationship with my parents and it seems to get worse and worse. Am I to blame for that too?

 

[joey_downunder]

No way is it your fault!!!! God knows that you are only responsible for what you say and do.

Grownups can act and talk like kids when they are stressed, upset or ill. You are not responsible for what people *choose* to do or say - even if they are mean enough to try and put the blame on you.

 

[Dreamer1999]

No way is it your fault!!!! God knows that you are only responsible for what you say and do.

Grownups can act and talk like kids when they are stressed, upset or ill. You are not responsible for what people *choose* to do or say - even if they are mean enough to try and put the blame on you.

I try to think that, I really do. But my grandmother likes to blame everything she does on other people like me.

 

[Spunkn]

I try to think that, I really do. But my grandmother likes to blame everything she does on other people like me.

No it is not your fault. You are not responsible for the actions of others, only yourself. It sounds like your Grandmother is going through some issues that she's having troubles dealing with, and she seems to be taking her stress out on other people, which is common, but doesn't make it right.

But that's not your fault. All you can do is try to love her, but if she gets upset with you, then just back away and leave her alone. You don't deserve to be yelled at or blamed for things.

She has to be a grown up and stop pushing her issues onto other people.

 

[joey_downunder]

My heart really goes out to you. When adults have fights with each other they too often forget about what effect it might have on the children. This problem is between your grandmother and your parents *only*. It is sad that she has been like this, especially when everyone would have been so worried about whether she would get better or not.

When I was a nurse in a nursing home many years back, I noticed that some residents (elderly people who lived there) would act very childishly or grumpily *especially* as they got older and older.

That is no excuse for that behaviour at all but I making an observation. Sometimes sickness can have a lot more effect on people than just sick they are, it can affect their mind and mood a lot as well. That is not their family's or medical staff's fault at all.

 

[Joshua0]

The two of us used to play together all the time when I was a small child.

Wow how lucky you are to have those good memories. I remember once my mom took me over to see my grandparents when I was three years old. I wondered off and I was playing with my grandfathers shoes in the closet. He was fine with that, he seemed nice and friendly. I remember when he answered the door to let us in his house. I remember when they found me playing with the shoes and we were talking about it. He had those shoe stretchers in them, so I think I was turning the knob on that. He died when I was very young and this is the one memory of him. I hope to see him in Heaven, then we can get to know each other better. Maybe go places and do things together. I am sure there is a lot I can learn from him.