Is it me?

[Nanopants]

Why is it payback or revenge just because he has distanced himself from her? Honestly, in some situations it is for the best to do things this way.

What is it exactly that you're disagreeing with?

 

[marksaysay]

Right. So do you want payback? Do you want to see her punished? I'm not going to judge you for wanting these things, because I experienced it myself. But just being honest here, the decisions you make from that state are not the decisions that you will wish you had made when you come out of it. This isn't about her, it's about you.

Again, the question is who is being coddled? Also, everyone handles the betrayal of infidelity differently. You may have emotionally detached from your wife because of her infidelity that you didn't care anymore.

But after spending the last 12 years of my life with this person, to see her change so drastically, to see her live so recklessly, to see her abandon the Christian morals she once lived by (at one time, she was extremely disgusted at her sister because her sister was cheating on her husband) is painful to watch because I still care. Actually, I STILL LOVE HER.

I did not decide to end communication with her on a whim. It was after months of trying to win her back and showing her the changes I was making (knowing there were things she also had to change). It was after realizing my love for her was not enough to keep her from living her life on this manner.

This decision was not rash.

In terms of punishment or revenge, I don't see it that way. I call them consequences. There are consequences to adultery and an immediate one has been me extracting myself from her life. I'm sorry, but my vows included me being husband, lover, and friend. If I can't be all, I don't want to be none.

There WILL be more consequences for her down the road. I've prayed for Gods mercy to be extended towards her continually. I know, though, that when he decides to deal with her in his own time and way, I can't stop it. I've even prayed that my love for her be preserved enough to be willing to be there when her joyride comes to an abrupt end. In order for that to happen, I couldn't continue to be a first-hand witness to her lifestyle.

 

[dorig59]

And there you go. I don't think anyone could have handled the situation any better.

 

[marksaysay]

I'd just like to give an update for all who may be interested....

I've been doing pretty good for the most part. I've accepted the divorce but I continue to "stand" for my marriage. I still haven't had any contact with my wife (yes, I still call her that). I did a complete overhaul on my wardrobe which has done wonders for me. My relationship with my daughter is better than it has ever been. I quit my 9-5 job because I could no longer deal with hating to get up every morning to go to work. I'm working more hours now at my part-time job. I have started learning Greek to aid with my biblical understanding. I've been counseling a local young couple with all I've learned throughout my situation and they seem to be responding.

I still haven't taken my ring off. I don't have a desire to date and I'm not sure if and when I will. I still pray for my wife regularly. And, yes, I still have hope in spite of the fact we are now divorced. Many, I know, will not agree with that but I can't say I really care what others think. If I'm crazy to them, then so be it.

My unconditional love still remains....

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.