Is it alright?

[TryingTo]

Hello, I was just wondering if sleeping with your girlfriend was an okay thing to do. I am not talking about any type of sexual intercourse, but just sleeping on the same bed with her hugging. Can anyone tell me if it is wrong or right because I need some help.

 

[SirKenin]

No it's not wrong unless it causes someone else to stumble. Other than that you're fine. There's no Biblical argument against it. Just keep yer mitties to yourself If it's a temptation, steer clear. I'm just not sure why you would want to put yourself in that type of position. That should be the real question.

I would encourage you to find your own faith, and not be too terribly concerned whether a message board can condone (or more likely condemn) your postion

 

[E-beth]

Well, basically, you probably already know in your heart whether it is right or wrong. But if you wanna know my opinion, I'd say that while there is nothing expressly sinful about it, you do have to be very very careful.

It's kinda like being in a candy store with a wad of cash when you are on a diet.

 

[Living4Him03]

Well said E-beth. I totally agree. Also, don't assume that your g/f doesn't get tempted when you're "just" cuddling on the bed. You'll both could be in a pickle if it's a tempting situation. Personally, I can't do that with a guy I date. It is too tempting, so I have to not put myself in that sort of situation in order to avoid it.

 

[Iggster]

It takes only one tiny ember to start a wild fire. While it isn't wrong to just cuddle and sleep together, you are setting yourselves up.

 

[Cordy]

I think it is a bad idea. I think it presents a pretty tempting situation to stumble, and the Bible says to flee such situations.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I guess it depends on the strength of your beliefs...

My best friend and her hubby sometimes slept in the same bed before they were married when he came to visit her - still managed to not have any form of sexual interaction until they were married (apart from kisses)...

Another friend and her hubby would sleep in the same room (can't say about bed situation) with the door closed - never had sex until the wedding night.

My bf and his ex-defacto slept in the same bed for a year without having sex - they'd broken up but still lived together - same bed, no touching FOR A YEAR...

I have slept in the same bed as an SO and not had sex.

It all depends on your determination to not let anything get in the way of your vow to stay pure til marriage.

However, it is a dangerous spot, and I'd be hesitant to recommend it to people - I can only speak on mine and other experiences when it has been able to happen without sex.

Sasch

 

[Living4Him03]

Yah but that doesn't mean none of the above had thoughts about what they would have liked to do with each other! Purity of thought is also important. I suppose that you can sleep next to your s/o every day for a year and never do anything sexual with them, but still why make yourself suffer through that torture? Why put yourself in a situation where it is going to be tempting like that? I won't believe for one second that none of the couples was not heavily tempted at least some point during the time they slept next to one another.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

That's when it comes to protecting your mind - my best friend wouldn't let herself dwell on thoughts like that and just enjoyed the comfort of having someone beside her.

I can sleep beside an SO and not be tempted of sexual thoughts - they don't have control over me, so if they come, I just get out my bible and start reading.

I don't have to be sleeping next to someone to get them either - they can happen anywhere you are - the point is to switch off from them and dwell on something that God would have you to.

Again, I'm not suggesting that it's right for EVERYONE, I can only speak from mine and my friends experiences. They were wise enough to realise that not only was the act wrong to do before marriage, so was the thoughts.

Sasch

 

[TryingTo]

thanks guys for your thoughts

 

[bliz]

Bear in mind that anyone who knows that you have spent the night together will assume that you had sex. That isn't fair, and it isn't even logical, but that will be the assumption that neighbors or family members or roommates generally will have.

 

[Cordy]

Bear in mind that anyone who knows that you have spent the night together will assume that you had sex. That isn't fair, and it isn't even logical, but that will be the assumption that neighbors or family members or roommates generally will have.

Why isn’t it logical? Do not most couples that sleep together have sex? I am not trying to come of harsh here, but really, what does someone expect? Most serious dating couples (and even many unserious ones) that want to wait until marriage have enough trouble keeping their hands to themselves without the extra pressure of being in such a situation.

As Christians, the question isn’t “what can I get away with without techinically sinning?” – but should be “what is the absolute best and right thing to do to honour God with my life?”. I think by asking the later question rather then the first, we can remove a whole lot of grey in our lives.

 

[fiveinjuly]

Very true mbams. I don't think that it is right. I would never sleep in the same bed as my SO until we're married. I think that we're both strong enough in our determination to wait until our wedding night, but I want to save the feeling of falling asleep in his arms until that night. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. Sorry.

 

[JulesM]

As Christians, the question isn’t “what can I get away with without techinically sinning?” – but should be “what is the absolute best and right thing to do to honour God with my life?”.

That is SO true, and I wonder how many of us actually do think like this most of the time?

 

[charligirl]

Hmmm, I agree with the others about temptation etc, but I also have to say that sharing a bed with someone is really an intimacy that should really be reserved for marriage.

The physical intimacy for marriage is so much more than just sex, it's sharing sleeping space, touching in bed, brushing your teeth together, getting dressed in the same room and glimpsing the other... many many things. Whilst 'technically' you are not committing a sin by sleeping in the same bed (providing your thoughts keep pure that is!) you are stepping over a boundary which can actully spoil things for when you DO eventyually get wed.

My fiance and I shared a bed a couple of times in our engagement (before I got convicted and stopped it) and I really wished we hadn't. Nothing much went on, but that excitement and intimacy of waking up together was slightly marred on our first morning after the wedding.

 

[EmSchmem]

I totally agree with Charligirl. Great point! It was totally what I would have said if she hadn't! There is a lot of intimacy that comes from sharing a bed with someone. While maybe there is no express biblical message on it but if we really care about that other person we are going to protect them body, mind , and heart.
It would have absolutely TORTURED me to spend a night in the same bed w/ my husband before we were married. It was difficult enough the 3 times we were in the same house (1 for Xmas at his parents and the other two on retreats we had seprate floors of course).
To have put ourselves in that situation simply would not be protecting that other person.

 

[fiveinjuly]

A big amen to the 2 posters above me. When I get married, I want everything to feel new to me. I don't want there to be a bunch of things that have become old hat. Those first things are things that you never get back. Like your first kiss together (or your first kiss period), your first time doing...you know...I think that falling asleep together, waking up together and everything in between should be as new as they possibly can be after your married.

And then what happens if you don't get married. There will always be the ghost of that person in your bed...that's something to think about.

 

[Cordy]

...but I also have to say that sharing a bed with someone is really an intimacy that should really be reserved for marriage.

The physical intimacy for marriage is so much more than just sex, it's sharing sleeping space, touching in bed, brushing your teeth together, getting dressed in the same room and glimpsing the other... many many things. Whilst 'technically' you are not committing a sin by sleeping in the same bed (providing your thoughts keep pure that is!) you are stepping over a boundary which can actully spoil things for when you DO eventyually get wed.

I would never sleep in the same bed as my SO until we're married. I think that we're both strong enough in our determination to wait until our wedding night, but I want to save the feeling of falling asleep in his arms until that night.

Very good points! The joys of being newly weds are so much more than being able to have sex after waiting. It is all these new experiences with your spouse. I remember how fun it after we were wed and went on our honeymoon, just be able to take off together and just be in our own world – stuff we never did before we were married. Like my husband told my mother last night, it is like going on a long field trip together. I would try to save as much of the married lifestyle stuff (beyond sex) until you are married – you will not regret it!

 

[charligirl]

I remember how fun it after we were wed and went on our honeymoon, just be able to take off together and just be in our own world – stuff we never did before we were married.

Ahh, the honeymoon, exactly what you have just described! I actually found the honeymoon to be NOTHING like I imagined it would be, As a 'born again' virgin marrying a divorcee, I was really quite shocked (and very pleased) at how sweet and innocent and a not a little scary it was

 

[bliz]

It is not logical to assume that just becasue a man and woman could have had sex, that they did have sex. Such an assumption means that we are helpless in the face of sexual temptation and we will always yield to it.

I always say "If you don't want to get wet, stop sticking your big toe in the water to test the temperature!"