Is it a bad idea to marry a woman who is not a virgin?

[Britg89]

God looks at we're we're going,. If we've repented, what we've done is washed away- just look at those in the bible who are called righteous. Was one of them worthy? no. But their heart for God's will and to be made pure by his blood is what made them pure again.

 

[dayhiker]

I find it pretty sad to say someone who has had sex is spoiled. I've never considered any woman to be spoiled as in rotten. We might be spoiled if our parents did everything for us and gave us everything we might have wanted. But that is a completely different thing.

 

[LinkH]

It sounds like you wonder if virginity is a requirement. I had a similar thread http://www.christianforums.com/t7536958/ .
If her lack of virginity is a concern you may want to look deeper at your own faith & pride. Ask her to share her history. Maybe this was before she was a believer, maybe she had bad role models, maybe she traded sex for affection, and this could just be bad choices. If you love her than her sexual status should be non-consciequencal because the greatest gift is love... Not virginity…

In the Old Testament, if a man married a woman and it turns out she was not a virgin (under the pretense that she was since the man paid the bride price for virgins), he could have her stoned to death for playing the harlot in her father's house. This was a law God gave and it is holy, just, and good.

The implication is that it is reasonable for a man to expect his bride to be a virgin. It is not an unreasonable expectation for a man to do the same thing.

A man can marry a non-virgin if he so chooses, but she shouldn't con him by waiting until the wedding night to tell him. God apparently considered that to be a death penalty crime in the Old Testament, so it is pretty serious.

I don't believe it is wrong if a man has standards and only wants to marry a virgin. If he is one, especially, that is a reasonable expectation. Unfortunately, much of our society is not living up to reasonable expectations. If a man loves a woman, he may be willing to overlook a lot of things. It works in the opposite direction, too.

 

[mattyb1982]

It seems like the choices we make determine what kind of person we are. Is marrying a woman who isn't a virgin a bad idea?

No it's not a bad idea, but it's a sign of immaturity in our times to be making virginity such a "big deal".

Forgetting people who become Christians later in life, but just for a moment concentrating on people brought up in the church. There are very few "virgins", male or female. I am well aware of the virgin/non virgin dynamics, but it really is to be viewed as a bonus or icing on the cake.

What men should be looking at is past sexual history, if your brave enough to ask. I looked at if the girl I was dating had sex within monogamous relationships, or was she ever a friends with benefits, ONS type of girl. Even if she is the latter, look into how long she has been celibate, her conviction of past sexual exploits as sin and working through the damage that has been caused to her own sexuality.

Is she feminine, and dress modestly? Or does she look like she never changed from her club garb?

How does she feel about the Biblical standards for marriage, and roles that God has given each gender. Does she feel that divorce is a failure?

 

[Autumnleaf]

God looks at we're we're going,. If we've repented, what we've done is washed away- just look at those in the bible who are called righteous. Was one of them worthy? no. But their heart for God's will and to be made pure by his blood is what made them pure again.

Life is full of circles. People follow their own little circles most of the time. If somebody smokes a cigarette, gets drunk or has premarital sex they will probably do it again and again and again...

If people don't do those things then they probably won't do those things.

 

[Tracy103]

It seems like the choices we make determine what kind of person we are. Is marrying a woman who isn't a virgin a bad idea?

if she has repented of it them no it isn't a bad idea. Sin is Sin. Her having sex before marriage is no greater than if you ever told a lie (even small ones), slandered someone, have taken even something small from the office (stealing), gotten drunk, cursed..etc God sees sin, not one weighs more on the scales in heaven...if you judge her based on a past mistake then you are saying that Jesus' blood wasn't capable of covering her. You won't find that in the bible. As a matter of fact, Jesus caught a woman in the very act and He told her He doesn't condemn her...so who are you to cast a stone?

 

[Autumnleaf]

if she has repented of it them no it isn't a bad idea. Sin is Sin. Her having sex before marriage is no greater than if you ever told a lie (even small ones), slandered someone, have taken even something small from the office (stealing), gotten drunk, cursed..etc God sees sin, not one weighs more on the scales in heaven...if you judge her based on a past mistake then you are saying that Jesus' blood wasn't capable of covering her. You won't find that in the bible. As a matter of fact, Jesus caught a woman in the very act and He told her He doesn't condemn her...so who are you to cast a stone?

Jesus wasn't thinking about marrying the girl. If he was I suspect he would have called the whole thing off.

 

[Tracy103]

Jesus wasn't thinking about marrying the girl. If he was I suspect he would have called the whole thing off.

Ummm, don't believe I was going there with that but that fact that He didn't condemn her shows that he cleansed her of her sins. "Therefore, if ANY man (woman) be in Christ, he(she) is a new creature..." Her virginity status isn't an issue any longer if she is repentive. She is made new. And your response couldn't be more wrong...I know for a fact that Jesus wouldn't have called it off if He was thinking to marry the girl because he did something greater, He died for HER!!! What sin has a hold of you that we can question if you are marriage material?

 

[richard william]

the only thing that really matters is the kind of person she is. And everyone deserves a second chance in life....

 

[lisah]

It seems like the choices we make determine what kind of person we are. Is marrying a woman who isn't a virgin a bad idea?

The choices one makes do not determine what kind of person one is. It does reflect what one's mindset is at the time, but that often changes. People make all sorts of choices, both good and bad. Hopefully one learns from them both. Which, in turn, can make a good mate.

I was told once by a man who considered himself an "master at seduction," that a married woman who has only been with her husband is an easy target for seduction because of the lack of experience with men.

Maybe that is true? Not that I advocate promiscuity.

 

[UK Fred]

?

 

[CounselorForChrist]

This is a complicated subject. Obviously there are more important questions that should be asked first, but these kind of questions do make a diffrence too. If a person isn't <insert subject> should you marry them. It can be said about anything. Do they smoke to much, gamble to much, watch to much tv...etc.

To me if anyone does one thing TO much, then I'd question marrying them. We all have our vices and the question is can we do less or give them up for the marriage to work. Being a virgin matters to some degree. Not so much they have to be a virgin, but how much sex they have had. If someone is a nympho then I could never really trust them to stay loyal.

Example. I've had one sexual partner (before marriage) and relationship wise have been with three people. Currently I am engaged. So overall I would pick someone like myself because theres not alot of sexual activity, haven't had a billion relationships. See what I am getting at?

There are red flags when someone does to much of something. If I was going to date a 25 year old and found out she had like 5 sexual partners and about 20 relationships, it would be a no go for me. Thats to much and to me signals they don't know what they want yet and also can't hold back having sex until marriage.

So no, it shouldn't matter if she is a virgin, although that would ensure shes trustable. But of course you have no real way of knowing if shes being truthful until the wedding night. At the same time though I'd worry if she is a virgin that once she has sex, would she want to have it with someone else to see if its the same? Paranoid I know, but in todays world weird things happen.

 

[ParentofChildren]

No. Is it wrong to marry someone who covits, is prideful, shows anger. We are all fallen one way or another.

 

[technofox]

Marry only if you truly love that person.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Yes. We have all sinned. If she has repented, and now abstains, forgive her. Someone forgave me, and I started a walk with the Lord to this day.

 

[Romanseight2005]

This is a complicated subject. Obviously there are more important questions that should be asked first, but these kind of questions do make a diffrence too. If a person isn't <insert subject> should you marry them. It can be said about anything. Do they smoke to much, gamble to much, watch to much tv...etc.

To me if anyone does one thing TO much, then I'd question marrying them. We all have our vices and the question is can we do less or give them up for the marriage to work. Being a virgin matters to some degree. Not so much they have to be a virgin, but how much sex they have had. If someone is a nympho then I could never really trust them to stay loyal.

Example. I've had one sexual partner (before marriage) and relationship wise have been with three people. Currently I am engaged. So overall I would pick someone like myself because theres not alot of sexual activity, haven't had a billion relationships. See what I am getting at?

There are red flags when someone does to much of something. If I was going to date a 25 year old and found out she had like 5 sexual partners and about 20 relationships, it would be a no go for me. Thats to much and to me signals they don't know what they want yet and also can't hold back having sex until marriage.

So no, it shouldn't matter if she is a virgin, although that would ensure shes trustable. But of course you have no real way of knowing if shes being truthful until the wedding night. At the same time though I'd worry if she is a virgin that once she has sex, would she want to have it with someone else to see if its the same? Paranoid I know, but in todays world weird things happen.

It gets even more complicated when you don't marry until you are older. I was a hippie wild child, and looked very young for my age, but I didn't marry for the first time until I was 37. now, I had a past because I ran away from God for a long time. But when He came to get me, He really got me, and I turned around completely, 180 degrees. So when I met someone else with a past, who also claimed to be walking in the opposite direction, I believed him, because I knew that God really does completely change people. It happened to me. I was honestly a completely different person, who didn't hold on to any old habits that I knew God wouldn't want me to. I am not saying that I was perfect, but I truly did not do anything that I knew God was against. When I discovered something He was against, I threw it away, that kind of thing. So here is the thing. While there is an ideal, sometimes we can't do the ideal because we ruined that in our past. It's wise to look at someone's past, but we also have tp make room for God work in a person.

 

[Humble Pie]

Deleted, sorry I thought this was the singles forum!

 

[Larry Mondello]

It seems like the choices we make determine what kind of person we are. Is marrying a woman who isn't a virgin a bad idea?

Gabe,
I would say you're putting too much emphasis on your virginity.

Perhaps this perspective will help:

When I was in my early 20s in college and a new Christian, I wanted to date and marry a
"...godly, Christian virgin woman...."
Of course, I gave-up that "requirement" (it was more of a preference) as I got older and now realize a woman can be the first two without being the third.

Yes, "Christian" women (and men) have sex before marriage and also end up with many regrets.

Plus, many women, like the one I married and some I dated, though they weren't virgins, had only 1-2 partners, like a former fiance she had sex with before they got engaged (in my wife's case).
Or, she thought the guy loved her so gave it up to later learn he was a jerk.

My "preference" was also invalid as I wasn't a virgin.
Lost mine in HS @17-18.
We both felt a lot of guilt and is a big regret of mine.

However, what I wanted, and thought God would provide me, was a virgin girl. But that was a wrong motive and expectation.
And truly, I didn't focus on that. Just wanted a godly woman.

Men and women are human and make mistakes.

Please also understand you're human. Even "dedicated" Christians fall to the trap of sin, sexual or not.

 

[Gibsonian]

Pretty easy to sin with sex imo.

 

[PrinceOfPeace75]

Hi Gabe7,

The question of virginity came up in another group and I gave my views, which I think might be useful to you. Basically what I said was that I don't think it is such a black and white issue and, as with many things in life, whether or not something is done correctly depends largely on many of the factors involved in each case and it also depends on how important the virginity factor is to those involved. While to some people it may not be so determining, there are many people for which the question of virginity, even in this day and age, is still very important and I think we should all respect that high standard. I don't think it would be fair to look down or criticize someone who ends a relationship because of that. Holding such a high standard should not only be respected, but applauded.

That said, I think it is also highly praiseworthy if a partner is able to look beyond the matter and not make it an issue. Forgiveness is one of the most beautiful spiritual qualities that a human being can possess and, in a relationship, we must be willing to forgive the past transgressions of our partner knowing that he/she has the capacity to grow and learn from his/her mistakes.

Hope that helps

God bless
JR