is getting remarried wrong?

[gom]

my pastor says that the bible does not honor a 2nd marriage which i have trouble disagreeing with him now, but my belief is that if God set up the right circumstances and i pray about it and know it is the lord's will than i will get remmaried. i do not feel that it is in my future but i believe it is possible. divorce was not my choice. i cannot help the fact my wife decided she loved someone else more than she loved me. if it helps clarify things we were not living a christian life, but shortly after she left i decided to. i found a verse in hebrews 13:4 i think that says god honors all marriages except for fornicators and adulterers which i am neither. but he refers back to matthew where he writes that basically second marriages are adultery. i don't have a significant other but i would like to think that someday i can if i feel it is god's plan for my life. can anyone help me understand this better?

 

[Dad Ernie]

my pastor says that the bible does not honor a 2nd marriage which i have trouble disagreeing with him now, but my belief is that if God set up the right circumstances and i pray about it and know it is the lord's will than i will get remmaried. i do not feel that it is in my future but i believe it is possible. divorce was not my choice. i cannot help the fact my wife decided she loved someone else more than she loved me. if it helps clarify things we were not living a christian life, but shortly after she left i decided to. i found a verse in hebrews 13:4 i think that says god honors all marriages except for fornicators and adulterers which i am neither. but he refers back to matthew where he writes that basically second marriages are adultery. i don't have a significant other but i would like to think that someday i can if i feel it is god's plan for my life. can anyone help me understand this better?

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:7-11 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

Mark 10:2-12 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. 3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? 4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. 5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. 11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Romans 7:1-3 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? 2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

1 Cor 7:8-16 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

1 Cor 7:27-28 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

 

[shastajade]

I believe that according to this passage, if you get a divorce based on anything except marital unfaithfulness by your spouse, and remarry, then it is sin. However, God forgives. He has grace. But don't take advantage of that grace.

 

[shastajade]

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:7-11 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. 10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.


I believe that according to this passage, if you get a divorce based on anything except marital unfaithfulness by your spouse, and remarry, then it is sin. However, God forgives. He has grace. But don't take advantage of that grace.


Mark 10:2-12 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. 3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? 4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. 5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. 11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Romans 7:1-3 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? 2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

1 Cor 7:8-16 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

1 Cor 7:27-28 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

Shastajade

 

[shastajade]

oops, sorry guys, still learning how to work these forum things. Hehe

 

[tqpix]

Those are great sets of scriptures you just posted, Dad Ernie! Great job of highlighting the relevant sections too!

 

[christian-only]

1 Cor 7:8-16 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry:

I would note that this verse is to the unmarried. In the eyes of God, someone whose divorce is unscriptural, that is against Mt 5 or Mt 19, is STILL married. So, someone who divorced or was divorced for any reason other than fornication cannot remarry regardless of whether they feel they can contain or not, because they are still married already.

for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases:

Meaning they are not under bondage to reconcile to that person but not meaning they are free to remarry - they are still married.

1 Cor 7:27-28 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Whoever was divorced or divorced for any reason other than fornication is still bound to that spouse and therefore should not seek to be loosed.

 

[Dad Ernie]

Greetings Christian-only,

Whoever was divorced or divorced for any reason other than fornication is still bound to that spouse and therefore should not seek to be loosed.

You may want to check with Bible expositors on this. I have gone through a divorce and was subsequently remarried. I sought to reconciliate at first and after many days of diligent prayer, I saw the hand of God appear from heaven and severed what appeared to be like an "umbilical cord" between my ex and myself. Then He turns around 4 years later and gives me a Christian lady and proved to me through many miracles that our marriage was of Him.

Certainly God "hates divorce", but if and when it happens, God is willing to forgive and allow a person to remarry. It is better to marry than to burn.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

 

[tqpix]

for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases:

Meaning they are not under bondage to reconcile to that person but not meaning they are free to remarry - they are still married.

I disagree. Look at at the orignal passage above and notice the word "bondage". Now look at the word "bound" in 1 Corinthians 7:39 and Romans 7:2-3:

1 Corinthians 7:39
(39) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Romans 7:2-3
(2) For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
(3) So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Just like a widow can remarry because she is no longer "bound" by the law, a person married and divorced to an unbeliever can also remarry, because she is no longer under "bondage" but "loosed from the law" (i.e. she is no longer tied to the law):

Romans 7:2
(2) For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

However, just like a widow, I believe this person can only be remarried to a Christian:

1 Corinthians 7:39
(39) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

This is the only disagreement I have with your post. I agree on everything else you've mentioned.

 

[ThereseTheLittleFlower]

I thought that, believing remarriage is adultery, was just a Catholic belief, it isn't?

God Bless!

Renee

 

[Blessed2003]

I hesitate to post this, but oh well, what the hey. I got married when I was 18 years old and I married for all the wrong reasons. I grew up not having a relationship with my mom and the man I married had 2 kids from a previous marriage whose mom had died in a car accident. The very first time I saw them, (the kids) I made up my mind to marry their dad and be their mom so they would not have to grow up without a mommy. (what the hey was I thinking?) so, we had a horrible 8 1.2 year long marriage. I was saved during the course of the marriage and took our 4 children to church faithfully and taught them the best I knew how. Everything was hunky dorey for a few years. My dad got sick (obviously I was extremely close to him) and he died. I flipped. Call me silly. He was my dad, I know, we all have to go through it, probbly, but I flipped. I became severely depressed, and I left God and church. Anyway, I know I seem off track, but here, I got divorced, frankly, I got tired of 'doing good' I determined to go my own way, I got selfish, tired of 'putting up with his bull'
I remarried about 3 months after my divorce was final, get this *warning, crazy person* I thought God wanted me to, I thought it would help me find my way back to God!!!! SO, here I am wrestling with the above verses, which PLAINLY imply, depending on intrepretation, that it is wrong to re marry. I am already remarried, now after some HUGE backsliding, what am I to do? Should I adhere to these black and white quotes or go with my heart and consider others feelings, I mean hey, If I thought for one second that I would bust hell open for my marriage then I'd go get divorced today, but come on, God is so much bigger than that? NO? I still haven't figured out what to do with my life, but I know that surely God will in His great mercy consider my circumstances? Maybe I lie to myself, and I am condemned unless I get divorced. Only God really knows. If you feel touced by my situation please pray for God to reveal His will to me. I desire to do what is right in His sight, and He desires I treat other humans as I would treat myself, thanks.
Brandy

 

[Blessed2003]

Greetings Christian-only,

[/font]

You may want to check with Bible expositors on this. I have gone through a divorce and was subsequently remarried. I sought to reconciliate at first and after many days of diligent prayer, I saw the hand of God appear from heaven and severed what appeared to be like an "umbilical cord" between my ex and myself. Then He turns around 4 years later and gives me a Christian lady and proved to me through many miracles that our marriage was of Him.

Certainly God "hates divorce", but if and when it happens, God is willing to forgive and allow a person to remarry. It is better to marry than to burn.

Blessings,

Dad Ernie

I am always encouraged by your openness and honesty. God Bless you Dad Earnie, and a great big THANKS.

 

[Crazy Liz]

I would note that this verse is to the unmarried. In the eyes of God, someone whose divorce is unscriptural, that is against Mt 5 or Mt 19, is STILL married. So, someone who divorced or was divorced for any reason other than fornication cannot remarry regardless of whether they feel they can contain or not, because they are still married already.

Can you please explain in detail how you reach the conclusion that such a person is still married? I am not following your logic.

 

[Crazy Liz]

Brandy, I think the Bible teaches against divorce quite consistently. You believe it was wrong for you to divorce your first husband. I don't see anything in the Bible that says anything other than that it would be just as wrong to divorce your second husband.

I know there are Christians who disagree with me, but I have yet to hear a persuasive argument that the advice against divorce applies only to first marriages. That is never stated in scripture.

 

[Blessed2003]

Good point Crazy Liz, thanks for your input.
God Bless You.

 

[gom]

so what i gather here is that because my wife cheated on me i should remarry if god wills it. because of the fact our covenant was broken by her unfaithfullness. i don't understand why my pastor is so against this. anyone here take his viewpooint? is there any scriptures here that specifically say not to remarry under any circumstances? i'm looking for specifics here.

 

[tqpix]

If your wife cheated on you, then you are correct, gom.

 

[Crazy Liz]

so what i gather here is that because my wife cheated on me i should remarry if god wills it. because of the fact our covenant was broken by her unfaithfullness. i don't understand why my pastor is so against this. anyone here take his viewpooint? is there any scriptures here that specifically say not to remarry under any circumstances? i'm looking for specifics here.

Please review the scriptures posted on the first page.

Based on these scriptures, a minority of Christians think a divorce does not really end a marriage in God's eyes, and that is what Jesus meant by the statement that someone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. According to this view, a second marriage is, and will always remain adultery and will never be a real marriage. Therefore, anyone who has committed this sin needs to divorce the second spouse and either stay single or go back to the first. It may be that this is your pastor's viewpoint.

A second view is that divorce is a sin against God, the marriage and the other spouse which is similar to and just as serious as adultery.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul counsels divorced people to try to reconcile their marriage if they can, and if not, to try, if you can, to remain in your current marital status. This advice is often skipped over too quickly. We want to jump to the end and say, "But it's really OK to remarry. It's not a sin." Your pastor may be counseling you not to remarry right now for reasons discussed in 1 Corinthians 7, rather than because he holds the minority position I described first.

Although I think a second marriage is a real marriage, in most cases I would take a lot of time to counsel against remarriage, but eventually, if it is absolutely clear that no reconciliation is possible, enough time has gone by for healing, and it is clear that the person is not gifted by God to live a celibate life, then a Christian remarriage should be allowed. Now, this doesn't mean that I would encourage any and every remarriage. Many divorced people make even worse mistakes in their second marriages than in their first. Second marriages are usually even harder than first marriages. Statistically, while most first marriages last until one spouse dies, most second marriages do not. There are many good reasons to be cautious.

 

[gom]

thank you dadernie and crazyliz. i'm not looking to remarry , but i like to think i still have that option and i'm only going to do what i feel god has put on my heart regardless of opinions. at this point(divorced a year now) god has not even put someone in my life to consider as more than a friend. and honestly i'm not looking and don't care if i ever get remarried. i have plenty of other stuff he is calling me to do right now.

blessed2003, i will definitely be praying for you. and as you continue to pray and seek his guidance i know his will will be revealed to you!

 

[gom]

Please review the scriptures posted on the first page.

Based on these scriptures, a minority of Christians think a divorce does not really end a marriage in God's eyes, and that is what Jesus meant by the statement that someone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. According to this view, a second marriage is, and will always remain adultery and will never be a real marriage. Therefore, anyone who has committed this sin needs to divorce the second spouse and either stay single or go back to the first. It may be that this is your pastor's viewpoint.

if that is my pastor's viewpoint than i can take solace in the fact i didn't divorce her. she divorced me. i tried to reconcile and convince her of God's love. that particular part i believe is in mark, does not say that the one on the recieving end commits adultery if they remarry. not that i would remarry on those grounds alone.