Is divorce sin

[mghalpern]

That one I might take issue with.

Jesus told Peter to forgive 7x70 times (arguably, per day). The inference there is that we should forgive and put that incident behind us (wipe it clean, perhaps) and then open ourselves up to that person again. If that wasn't the case, there would be no reason to forgive more than 1, 2 or the 3 times that many people set their limits at.

This is especially true in a marriage realationsihp, I think. And while I'm not condoning abuse or infidelity, by any stretch of the word, I think there is something bigger at stake here - God's words.


Two very important things here - The first is a question, why is it that "not all slighted spouses can continue in their marriage"? That's an incorrect statement. The truth isn't about what they "can" or "cannot" due, because ALL is possible with God. The issue is what they "want" to do. And flesh wants rarely line up with the word of God.

Secondly, if a person cannot open themselves up again - that implies in ALL relationships, which we also know is not true.

If a person cannot open themselves back up to their spouse, I would argue that true forgiveness has not happened.
bkg

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Very well said bkg. The only thing that I would add is that we need to learn how to guard our "feelings." Removing ourselves from those things that produce pain in our lives is not always the best (God's will) way to deal with our hurts. More often, He wants us to gain the skills that are required to persevere through our pain, and this can only be accomplished by a deep relationship with Christ and a complete reliance upon Him. A professional Christian counselor can help you in this area...Michael

 

[Kristi1]

Is divorce sin? When is divorcing your spouse not sin?

I would say No. I have been married twice and divorced two times. My First Ex left with another, my second Ex threw me in the streets in 2001. I did Not leave my marriages they left me to sin, not I.

I choose to remain Single now, because my Heart is For God now Only, He Promised never to leave me Nor Forsake me!! I Do Love Everyone, in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


Love Always, \o/

KristiAnn

 

[mghalpern]

I would say No. I have been married twice and divorced two times. My First Ex left with another, my second Ex threw me in the streets in 2001. I did Not leave my marriages they left me to sin, not I.

I choose to remain Single now, because my Heart is For God now Only, He Promised never to leave me Nor Forsake me!! I Do Love Everyone, in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


Love Always, \o/

KristiAnn

KristiAnn, I am so sorry to hear of your plight through two marriages. I truly mean this, but to further discuss/debate the issue of divorce, can you please respond to the following scripture verses in light of what you believe/said about divorce...




Matthew 19 (NLT)

3Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason?”​

4“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’£5And he said, ‘this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’£6Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together.”​

7“Then why did Moses say a man could merely write an official letter of divorce and send her away?”£ they asked.​

8Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had originally intended.9And I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”​

​

Again, I'm so sorry you had to experience what you have. But I would contend that a legal separation (if one is looking for a legal remedy to liability exposure) is the best option we have...scripturally speaking. Now, if either one of your husbands had filed for divorce (you didn't make it real clear who filed), you may have a scriptural basis for remarriage. In essence, this is like letting a non-believer leave the marriage. I know this may be controversial and only God knows if they are saved, but I personally could support this, and feel quite comfortable regarding remarriage in this case. I hope I said this clearly enough. I also don't think that once a person has been divorce (by their former spouse) that the first thought should be about remarriage to a new partner. I'm a firm believer in doing everything in your power (starting with prayer) to reconcile the original marriage, and giving this option a long time to work. My wife had been married twice before (this is my first marriage) and we are now separated. She has mentioned (several times over the past few months) that she plans to file for her third divorce. That is between her and the Lord. I am standing for my marriage and pray that God will help us bring about a reconciliation...Michael

 

[johnny_redeemed]

i suck!

 

[johan777]

Dear mghalpern

You asked KritiAnn to respond, but I want to ask you to respond.

I know this may be controversial and only God knows if they are saved, but I personally could support this, and feel quite comfortable regarding remarriage in this case

On what scriptural basis do you feel comfortable to remarry?

Johan

 

[mghalpern]

Dear mghalpern

You asked KritiAnn to respond, but I want to ask you to respond.


On what scriptural basis do you feel comfortable to remarry?

Johan

I kind of wish you had quoted more of my post because I am only referring to the idea of remarriage after an "unbelieving" spouse divorces you. You have to determine whether or not you truly believe that your spouse is saved or not. The following information from the Bible, along with Matthew's Henrys commentary supports what I wrote (IMHO)...Michael

In my post you are referring to, I mentioned a persons "hardness of their heart" from Matthew 19.

In his comments on “hardness of their heart,” Matthew Henry writes:

[1.] Their understandings were darkened, v. 18. They were void of all saving knowledge; yea, ignorant of many things concerning God which the light of nature might have taught them. They sat in darkness, and they loved it rather than light: and by their ignorance they were alienated from the life of God. They were estranged from, and had a dislike and aversion to, a life of holiness, which is not only that way of life which God requires and approves, and by which we live to him, but which resembles God himself, in his purity, righteousness, truth, and goodness. Their wilful ignorance was the cause of their estrangement from this life of God, which begins in light and knowledge. Gross and affected ignorance is destructive to religion and godliness. And what was the cause of their being thus ignorant? It was because of the blindness or the hardness of their heart. It was not because God did not make himself known to them by his works, but because they would not admit the instructive rays of the divine light. They were ignorant because they would be so. Their ignorance proceeded from their obstinacy and the hardness of their hearts, their resisting the light and rejecting all the means of illumination and knowledge.


How will we know if we are disciples of the Living God…

John 13 Amplified Bible (AMP)
35By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves].



Matthew 7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

18 "A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.
19 "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20 "So then, you will know them by their fruits.
21 "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.
22 "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'
23 "And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'



Galatians 5 New Living Translation (NLT)

22But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.
24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives.



1 Corinthians 7


10And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master's command, not mine. 11If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.



12For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages--Christian married to nonChristian--we have no explicit command from the Master. So this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. 13If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. 14The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.
15On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go. You don't have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. 16You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.



1 Corinthians 7
From: Matthew Henry’s Complete Commentary

In this chapter the apostle answers some cases proposed to him by the Corinthians about marriage. He, I. Shows them that marriage was appointed as a remedy against fornication, and therefore that persons had better marry than burn (v. 1-9). II. He gives direction to those who are married to continue together, though they might have an unbelieving relative, unless the unbeliever would part, in which case a Christian would not be in bondage (v. 10-16). III. He shows them that becoming Christians does not change their external state; and therefore advises every one to continue, in the general, in that state in which he was called (v. 17-24). IV. He advises them, by reason of the present distress, to keep themselves unmarried; hints the shortness of time, and how they should improve it, so as to grow dead and indifferent to the comforts of the world; and shows them how worldly cares hinder their devotions, and distract them in the service of God (v. 25-35). V. He directs them in the disposal of their virgins (v. 36-38). VI. And closes the chapter with advice to widows how to dispose of themselves in that state (v. 39, 40).

Verses 10-16
In this paragraph the apostle gives them direction in a case which must be very frequent in that age of the world, especially among the Jewish converts; I mean whether they were to live with heathen relatives in a married state. Moses's law permitted divorce; and there was a famous instance in the Jewish state, when the people were obliged to put away their idolatrous wives, Ezra 10:3. This might move a scruple in many minds, whether converts to Christianity were not bound to put away or desert their mates, continuing infidels. Concerning this matter the apostle here gives direction. And,

I. In general, he tells them that marriage, by Christ's command, is for life; and therefore those who are married must not think of separation. The wife must not depart from the husband (v. 10), nor the husband put away his wife, v. 11. This I command, says the apostle; yet not I, but the Lord. Not that he commanded any thing of his own head, or upon his own authority. Whatever he commanded was the Lord's command, dictated by his Spirit and enjoined by his authority. But his meaning is that the Lord himself, with his own mouth, had forbidden such separations, Mt. 5:32; 19:9; Mk. 10:11; Lu. 16:18. Note, Man and wife cannot separate at pleasure, nor dissolve, when they will, their matrimonial bonds and relation. They must not separate for any other cause than what Christ allows. And therefore the apostle advises that if any woman had been separated, either by a voluntary act of her own or by an act of her husband, she should continue unmarried, and seek reconciliation with her husband, that they might cohabit again. Note, Husbands and wives should not quarrel at all, or should be quickly reconciled. They are bound to each other for life. The divine law allows of no separation. They cannot throw off the burden, and therefore should set their shoulders to it, and endeavour to make it as light to each other as they can.

II. He brings the general advice home to the case of such as had an unbelieving mate (v. 12): But to the rest speak I, not the Lord; that is, the Lord had not so expressly spoken to this case as to the former divorce. It does not mean that the apostle spoke without authority from the Lord, or decided this case by his own wisdom, without the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. He closes this subject with a declaration to the contrary (v. 40), I think also that I have the Spirit of God. But, having thus prefaced his advice, we may attend,

1. To the advice itself, which is that if an unbelieving husband or wife were pleased to dwell with a Christian relative, the other should not separate. The husband should not put away an unbelieving wife, nor the wife leave an unbelieving husband, v. 12, 13. The Christian calling did not dissolve the marriage covenant, but bind it the faster, by bringing it back to the original institution, limiting it to two persons, and binding them together for life. The believer is not by faith in Christ loosed from matrimonial bonds to an unbeliever, but is at once bound and made apt to be a better relative. But, though a believing wife or husband should not separate from an unbelieving mate, yet if the unbelieving relative desert the believer, and no means can reconcile to a cohabitation, in such a case a brother or sister is not in bondage (v. 15), not tied up to the unreasonable humour, and bound servilely to follow or cleave to the malicious deserter, or not bound to live unmarried after all proper means for reconciliation have been tried, at least of the deserter contract another marriage or be guilty of adultery, which was a very easy supposition, because a very common instance among the heathen inhabitants of Corinth. In such a case the deserted person must be free to marry again, and it is granted on all hands. And some think that such a malicious desertion is as much a dissolution of the marriage-covenant as death itself. For how is it possible that the two shall be one flesh when the one is maliciously bent to part from or put away the other? Indeed, the deserter seems still bound by the matrimonial contract; and therefore the apostle says (v. 11), If the woman depart from her husband upon the account of his infidelity, let her remain unmarried. But the deserted party seems to be left more at liberty (I mean supposing all the proper means have been used to reclaim the deserter, and other circumstances make it necessary) to marry another person. It does not seem reasonable that they should be still bound, when it is rendered impossible to perform conjugal duties or enjoy conjugal comforts, through the mere fault of their mate: in such a case marriage would be a state of servitude indeed.

Henry Bible Commentary

 

[johan777]

Dear Mghalpern

I kind of wish you had quoted more of my post because I am only referring to the idea of remarriage after an "unbelieving" spouse divorces you. You have to determine whether or not you truly believe that your spouse is saved or not. The following information from the Bible, along with Matthew's Henrys commentary supports what I wrote (IMHO)...Michael

I do apologize for not quoting more of your post and I do agree with what you posted.
Johan.

 

[mghalpern]

Dear Mghalpern


I do apologize for not quoting more of your post and I do agree with what you posted.
Johan.

Thank you...Michael

 

[Leanna]

My darling believers,

In response: I do believe we should follow the whole Bible. My point isn't that people should be able to get divorced. I will continue to believe that if your husband or wife cheats on you it is still wrong to run out and get a divorced based solely on that situation. THAT is my point. People should really consider whether their marriage is still worth saving, because I think it can be. There are men and women who take this religious approach that the Bible lets them out, so they go, and then they regret it later. I have seen it, maybe you have also. I have seen marriages recover and become healthy and successful after infidelity. Don't give up so easily, God can work wonders. God WANTS to work wonders. I believe this.

We need to give God more credit for what he is able to do and stop wussing out. Don't give me this "oh, theres an exception clause! I'm free!" That was what I was trying to say. Call that emotional.

P.S. There is no emotional way on the abortion issue. That's a baby, don't kill him/her. It isn't the baby's fault. The end.

 

[bkg]

We need to give God more credit for what he is able to do and stop wussing out. Don't give me this "oh, theres an exception clause! I'm free!" That was what I was trying to say. Call that emotional.

Perfectly said!

 

[mghalpern]

We need to give God more credit for what he is able to do and stop wussing out. Don't give me this "oh, theres an exception clause! I'm free!" That was what I was trying to say. Call that emotional.

Ditto...Michael

 

[got_jesus]

I think divorce is fine, I also think remarriage is fine. For instance my mom and my dad split when I was three, so I went to live with my mom, and when I was about 6 I would go over to my dads house every weekend. Well guess what? I hated it! He never abused me, but he ignored me, and he wasn't fun to talk to, or anything at all. Sure he was nice, but I never liked being around him. When I was around 3 or 4, my mom met a guy, she dated him for 6 or 7 years, then finally made the decision to marry him. They got married and guess what? He's a great guy! I couldn't ask for more! My step dad is more of a father then my father was!

 

[blessedlady70]

God Bless you all.

 

[mghalpern]

I would like to ask a question...I am new to this forum...

My question is...what about the woman at the well? When she met Jesus she had been divorced 5 times and was living with a man who was not her husband? And she was forgiven...Do you not believe that people can get forgiveness for getting divorced (not because of adultery)?

If there is no chance for forgiveness for this, then what are the chances of making it to heaven? Or is there no chance?

I have struggled with this...I have prayed about it and sought God about it and I feel like he led me to the story about the Samarian woman at the well...

Anyone's thoughts...

Every sin is forgivable except the sin of rejecting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This is less about forgiveness and really about how quickly and simply we jump at the option of divorce. Forgiveness does not prevent us from dealing with the consequences of our actions (divorce). Divorce has become such an epidemic and it has some very specific biblical guidelines for its occurrence, which leads to the idea of remarriage and whether or not you are committing another sin (and quite possibly, living in sin). I think what many in this forum believe is that marriage is for life according to God's design and many people aren't living like this. They are more concerned about happiness, comfort, pleasures, etc., and not what God thinks.



If you wish to share some of you story, you may get some specific feedback that may be beneficial to you. It's very difficult to give very broad advice...Michael

 

[johan777]

Every sin is forgivable except the sin of rejecting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This is less about forgiveness and really about how quickly and simply we jump at the option of divorce. Forgiveness does not prevent us from dealing with the consequences of our actions (divorce). Divorce has become such an epidemic and it has some very specific biblical guidelines for its occurrence, which leads to the idea of remarriage and whether or not you are committing another sin (and quite possibly, living in sin). I think what many in this forum believe is that marriage is for life according to God's design and many people aren't living like this. They are more concerned about happiness, comfort, pleasures, etc., and not what God thinks.

Amen and Amen

 

[bkg]

Every sin is forgivable except the sin of rejecting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This is less about forgiveness and really about how quickly and simply we jump at the option of divorce. Forgiveness does not prevent us from dealing with the consequences of our actions (divorce). Divorce has become such an epidemic and it has some very specific biblical guidelines for its occurrence, which leads to the idea of remarriage and whether or not you are committing another sin (and quite possibly, living in sin). I think what many in this forum believe is that marriage is for life according to God's design and many people aren't living like this. They are more concerned about happiness, comfort, pleasures, etc., and not what God thinks.

Phu-no-mi-nal post, Michael!!!!

 

[Jennifer615]

I personally don't believe that this is a black and white issue. I believe that God intended marriage to be for life, and we must do our utmost best to work on our marriages and do everything in our power to resolve any problems.

If someone, for examples, leaves their spouse for selfish reasons, say for someone else, or to be free etc, then that is very very wrong. It makes a mockery of marriage. If someone caves in after a few minor problems, then that also is wrong.

However, adultery, abuse (BOTH physical and emotional) and abortion changes everything. We all know it says in the Bible that one can leave their spouse because of marital unfaithfullness. I also believe that this can be resolved with alot of work and prayer. I believe that abuse is worse than adultery, because the the spouse is being harmed. It is the abused spouse's choice whether they work on the marriage or not. I also believe that if a woman selfishly aborts her husband's child, then he is no longer bound to her. Again, it is his choice if he wishes to work on the marriage.

I believe God is a compassionate God and does allow a way out for some people. I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually abused by my ex-husband, and after years and years of counselling, praying, reading books, etc, I couldn't take it anymore. My daughter was also severely affected by our constant fighting. I had to leave him. I am now remarried to a wonderful man. He is more a father to my daughter than her father, and we have a son as well.

I believe every situation is different and God judges each accordingly.

 

[bkg]

However, adultery, abuse (BOTH physical and emotional) and abortion changes everything. We all know it says in the Bible that one can leave their spouse because of marital unfaithfullness. I also believe that this can be resolved with alot of work and prayer. I believe that abuse is worse than adultery, because the the spouse is being harmed. It is the abused spouse's choice whether they work on the marriage or not. I also believe that if a woman selfishly aborts her husband's child, then he is no longer bound to her. Again, it is his choice if he wishes to work on the marriage.

Can you provide Scripture to support this, please...

 

[mghalpern]

Can you provide Scripture to support this, please...

Hey bro...she won't be able to provide any Scripture to support her statements. She is basing her thoughts on "self," not God. This is okay for her, but my concern is that others may be influenced by her comments and she is not admitting that her decision to divorce was a choice she felt comfortable with, yet not able to support through the Word of God...Michael

 

[Jennifer615]

mghalpern, I am very offended by what you have written above and would like an apology. HOW DARE YOU say I left my husband because of a "choice I felt confortable with"!!!! You were not there to see the years of abuse I suffered at his hands!! HOW DARE YOU suggest I must stay with a mean, cruel, manipulative man!! HOW DARE YOU!!

I have come across you in other threads, and thought you were able to give a argument with respect for the other person, but after this post, I have changed my mind. You have no right to judge me!

Just last weekend I had a heart to heart with my 9 year old daughter. She was in tears telling how much the fighting between my ex and myself affected me (I didn't even know she remembered it as she was 2 1/2 when we separated). She told me that her life has been so much better since the day we separated. I believe that this was Gods way of telling me that I did the right thing by leaving. This confirmed it for me!

If you actually read all my posts, you would realise that I am not saying that divorce is an easy perfectly OK option, however forcing a woman to stay with an ABUSIVE husband is EVIL!!! I pray one day God will reveal this to you.