Is anyone else embrassed to still be a virgin?

[leothelioness]

Don't be one of those people.

I see the sense in that argument, though. I think it would be rather difficult to not associate sexual activity with adulthood since adults normally have sex and all. lol

 

[Blank123]

I see the sense in that argument, though. I think it would be rather difficult to not associate sexual activity with adulthood since adults normally have sex and all. lol

lots of kids/young teens or preteens have sex too on a regular basis. I wouldn't associate it with adulthood.

 

[catzrfluffy]

No. Why think about such things?

 

[Sketcher]

I see the sense in that argument, though. I think it would be rather difficult to not associate sexual activity with adulthood since adults normally have sex and all. lol

And we see casual sex on the TV and in movies all the time by people who appear to be functioning adults, etc. But that's really propaganda. After all, we know that most adults don't have sex on the first date, but the media makes it look like the norm.

In the meantime, we have so many guys with child support payments, so many gals having abortions, and so many single parents, and so many people spreading diseases. What is "adult" or "responsible" about any of that?

 

[leothelioness]

And we see casual sex on the TV and in movies all the time by people who appear to be functioning adults, etc. But that's really propaganda. After all, we know that most adults don't have sex on the first [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]' date, but the media makes it look like the norm.

In the meantime, we have so many guys with child support payments, so many gals having abortions, and so many single parents, and so many people spreading diseases. What is "adult" or "responsible" about any of that?

Nevermind.

 

[K9_Trainer]

To the OP: don't worry about it.

We live in a crazy over sexed society right now. Thats all. There's nothing wrong if you aren't having sex or haven't. Its just an act you haven't experienced yet and it says nothing about who you are or what your life is. Besides, your sex life, or lack thereof, is really nobody's business but yours and your future husbands.

 

[white dove]

Just a random thought, but for a lot of people losing one's virginity is akin to officially stepping into adulthood. Retaining one's virgin status is like holding onto childhood.

That is something you have to be at peace with in yourself. To some people, if you're not living independently by the age of 19, you're not an adult. If you don't have a job, you're not an adult. If you don't have a family of your own, you're not an adult. What makes you an adult in your own eyes can vary. I can see why you would feel this way because at least for me, I've never believed teenagers should be having sex. So to me, having sex (or not having sex) is an adult's decision. Having sex does not make teenagers or anyone else an adult though. To me, what makes someone an adult is having integrity, to follow what they feel is right in all situations. It is being responsible for one's actions. If you can do those things and not have sex, you are still an adult. Likewise, if you can do those things and have sex, you are still an adult. Again, your sexuality is your own. The labels you give to it and to yourself matter a whole lot more than any that can ever be given to you by someone else because this involves a very intimate part of you -- including your intrinsic beliefs and morals. To me, you are an adult because you think as an adult. In your posts, I can see that you think things through before making any hasty decision. That is something an adult does.

 

[white dove]

Ps. Count how many times I said "adult" up there. ^

 

[leothelioness]

That is something you have to be at peace with in yourself. To some people, if you're not living independently by the age of 19, you're not an adult. If you don't have a job, you're not an adult. If you don't have a family of your own, you're not an adult. What makes you an adult in your own eyes can vary. I can see why you would feel this way because at least for me, I've never believed teenagers should be having sex. So to me, having sex (or not having sex) is an adult's decision. Having sex does not make teenagers or anyone else an adult though. To me, what makes someone an adult is having integrity, to follow what they feel is right in all situations. It is being responsible for one's actions. If you can do those things and not have sex, you are still an adult. Likewise, if you can do those things and have sex, you are still an adult. Again, your sexuality is your own. The labels you give to it and to yourself matter a whole lot more than any that can ever be given to you by someone else because this involves a very intimate part of you -- including your intrinsic beliefs and morals. To me, you are an adult because you think as an adult. In your posts, I can see that you think things through before making any hasty decision. That is something an adult does.

That was a great post. Thanks for that.

 

[scraparcs]

Embarrassed? Why be? As many said before and as many will say in other places and at other times, it's all about owning your sexuality.

I would caution that being a virgin later in life may be a point of discussion in a relationship. I'll be frank, with a potential marriage partner, I'd be more curious as to why they were a virgin if they were 35 than if they were 20. At 20 virginity is pretty common; at 35 it's much less common. So if I met someone who was perhaps my age and they were a virgin, I would want to know their reasons. Strong moral commitment? That's very admirable. Virgin because they have no sexual desire at all? That would be problematic. Virgin because they spent their entire adult life in prison and never met anyone they could have sex with for years? Sizable red flag.

While it shouldn't be an issue to a respectable partner as long as abstinence is due to a desire to live out Biblical ideals, I just wanted to clarify that to me, respecting such a decision doesn't mean it won't be discussed.

 

[Mea Culpa]

I'm 28 and I have to be honest, there are times when I'm embrassed to still be a virgin at this age. I know that according to the bible I'm doing what's right by waiting for marriage, but what if I never get married. The thought of dying a virgin bothers me!! Does anyone else feel this way?

HA! 35!

 

[woodpeace]

I am 61 years old and not embarrassed about being a virgin. Looking back on my life I would like to be married and have a sexual relationship, but it looks like God's will for me is the path of singleness.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I know a woman who wasn't giving up even at 74. ><;

 

[Janetlove]

I am not embarassed at all to be a virgin . BUT...a small part of me wonders if I am missing out on being young because everyone else my age is having sex. The rational side of me knows that way of thinking is wrong, and that it is better for me to wait. However, I can't shake that nagging fear of reaching 40 and being completely alone not having had any experience of any sort. Sometimes I think it is easier for those who become christians later on in life because at least they had a little bit of a wild side beforehand and could experiment without worrying about the consequences. Throughout most of my life, I have been the sensible one, but sometimes I want to do something crazy or let loose because I feel a little repressed. Argh...I know that is stupid thinking and I don't want to think that. I actually have two sides to me: I know that if I was to really conform to the world's standards that I would regret it and feel dirty and used.

Ever since uni has started, I felt the pressure more than ever. Two guys from my course tried to push me into things, and this guy at the ball wanted me to go off with him - I was drunk on all occasions but I still said no. All the guys made me feel like a freak for saying no.

Unfortunately, the people who know that I am a virgin, tend to see me as being righteous and judgemental and so I don't fit quite in because of that. Even being a christian seems to be taboo in this country.

I definitely understand!! I have a bad rebel streak in me that wants to go and do what I want!! But God kept shutting opportunties and doors in front of me, so I never had that chance. If I had my choice I would have gotten rid of my virginity a long time ago, but God's hand, grace protected me and still does!! I look at a family friend who sleeps around, I see the hurt she has because none of the men she sleeps with loves her or wants a relationship with her after they've gotten what they wanted. It's sad!! Now shes left with two children by different fathers and neither father is in the picture. Plus she has a bad reputation in are city. So in the end is it worth it, probably not!!

 

[WantingToServe]

I wouldn't say embarrassed but I won't imply that I am around other people. There is no reason for them to know about it, but they can probably tell since I never contribute to conversations where all the guys talk about sex. I'm sure they can tell. I've heard "Man you need to get laid" a few times. I just say I work to hard and to much to have the chance. I know you're thinking you need to say I'm in the wrong crowd. It was work related and I had no choice at the time but to be around non-christians.

I am however, tired of being a virgin though. I'm nearly 27, and its not easy turning easy chances down when they present themselves. I don't like knowing I'm missing out on something millions of people all around the world are enjoying every second. But I'm putting all my chips in with waiting for someone else that is also waiting, and that waiting for marriage will help to make things between whoever I would be with and myself much deeper and closer and surely pleasing to God too.

For years God wasn't even the reason why I didn't lose it early in life but He preserved me at times when I would have if I could have when I was a lot younger. Before knowing Him I had wanted to have my first time with someone I loved and it turned out that I never fell in love. I'm more afraid of being called and never having known what really falling in love and getting married is like. From what I've read and observed I don't think there is anything that can top that aside from probably having kids. Dying a virgin would suck a lot multiplied by a bunch but compared to dying and never knowing true love with another, its a small fry. And at the same time its sad to see its something that is taken for granted.

It was extra difficult to wait when I was living in Los Angeles. I don't know if any other people here live there or have lived there but it is a demon infested abomination I tell you, especially North Hollywood. Sex is everywhere now. If it wasn't for God I would've been done for years ago. There were a few times where I would have given up all hope in finding anyone but He didn't let me and that was before I knew Him. And I'm grateful. But since coming to Him in October its gotten easier. Aside from reading the bible I find christian music helps a lot in keeping focused on him. Along with talking to Him as much as possible.

Casting Crowns has a lot of good songs, praise you in this storm, who am I , east from the west.

I love the idea of waiting for marriage with a girl I love but I know that will be even more difficult than being a single virgin. I wouldn't want to be with someone else that wasn't. I've gone through my own living hell being aware of and avoiding situations where there is a high sex risk. Going through loneliness and at times intense sexual frustration. I don't think its wrong to want someone else who also went out of their way to not cheat on their future spouse too. It'll be a miracle if it were to actually happen in the plainly obvious last days that we're in now. But a man needs hope.

If he blessed me to meet a nice christian girl that was also close to Him, who also willingly put herself through the same internal hell for the same reasons, all good perfect things that happen come from God himself. And to give in before marriage in that situation I feel would be no different than smacking Him in the face. That's how I see it anyway. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". Its not an excuse, its a warning.

Stay strong and close with God/Jesus fellow virgins. He's the answer to everything.

 

[leothelioness]

I know a woman who wasn't giving up even at 74. ><;

I heard of a 90+ year old woman who was still a virgin.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I'm not embarassed. But thankful. It's a hard thing to hold onto and I'm very glad I have been able to as I want to honor God and my spouse. In fact if I could go back and do things over, I wish I had not even as much as kissed another guy until meeting the man I'm with now, who I know I'm going to marry. Not that he holds it against me but I just think it would be nice to know he was the only guy I ever kissed. B

Though I'm not embarrassed to be a virgin, it is annoying, the fact that most non christians just assume everyone has sex, including christians. Most of my relatives are not christians and even though they know I am a christian and go to church, I get the impression most of them assume I'm having sex as well. So I could forsee an embarassing situation if one of them who believed differently found out and yelled out something like, what, you are a virgin!?? on my wedding night in front of everyone or something. . . lol, that would be embarassing. Or if it was brought up in front of a group of people in a way that made it seem like there was something wrong with me. But I'd have no problem with someone asking me about it one on one and explaining it to them, if need be. Unfortunately, I can't really make it super clear to everyone without telling each person bluntly that I am a virgin and am waiting until marriage. I honestly think a lot of people just wouldn't understand the concept.

 

[Blank123]

its funny this actually came up at work yesterday. One of my coworkers is a psych major and she's considering becoming a sex therapist when she's done with school which led to discussing the importance of having sex outside of marriage because apparently most marriages break up due to sexual problems. it came quite close to talking down virgins as simply foolish. i think they only stopped short of that because they all know i'm a Christian and they may just assume i'm a virgin.

I was just sitting there trying to think of how to explain that its not the sex but the people who break up marriages and this woman (who is not a Christian as far as i know) sitting next to me blurted out quite bluntly what i was thinking. The people cause the problems which leads to problems with intimacy which leads to broken marriages if the problems aren't addressed. sex may be the excuse, but its not the culprit.

 

[gzt]

Right. Neither sex nor money break up marriages. They are sources of tension, but the things that break up marriage are how you deal with the tensions. Everybody has money issues and everybody has sex issues.

 

[Janetlove]

I wouldn't say embarrassed but I won't imply that I am around other people. There is no reason for them to know about it, but they can probably tell since I never contribute to conversations where all the guys talk about sex. I'm sure they can tell. I've heard "Man you need to get laid" a few times. I just say I work to hard and to much to have the chance. I know you're thinking you need to say I'm in the wrong crowd. It was work related and I had no choice at the time but to be around non-christians.

I am however, tired of being a virgin though. I'm nearly 27, and its not easy turning easy chances down when they present themselves. I don't like knowing I'm missing out on something millions of people all around the world are enjoying every second. But I'm putting all my chips in with waiting for someone else that is also waiting, and that waiting for marriage will help to make things between whoever I would be with and myself much deeper and closer and surely pleasing to God too.

For years God wasn't even the reason why I didn't lose it early in life but He preserved me at times when I would have if I could have when I was a lot younger. Before knowing Him I had wanted to have my first time with someone I loved and it turned out that I never fell in love. I'm more afraid of being called and never having known what really falling in love and getting married is like. From what I've read and observed I don't think there is anything that can top that aside from probably having kids. Dying a virgin would suck a lot multiplied by a bunch but compared to dying and never knowing true love with another, its a small fry. And at the same time its sad to see its something that is taken for granted.

It was extra difficult to wait when I was living in Los Angeles. I don't know if any other people here live there or have lived there but it is a demon infested abomination I tell you, especially North Hollywood. Sex is everywhere now. If it wasn't for God I would've been done for years ago. There were a few times where I would have given up all hope in finding anyone but He didn't let me and that was before I knew Him. And I'm grateful. But since coming to Him in October its gotten easier. Aside from reading the bible I find christian music helps a lot in keeping focused on him. Along with talking to Him as much as possible.

Casting Crowns has a lot of good songs, praise you in this storm, who am I , east from the west.

I love the idea of waiting for marriage with a girl I love but I know that will be even more difficult than being a single virgin. I wouldn't want to be with someone else that wasn't. I've gone through my own living hell being aware of and avoiding situations where there is a high sex risk. Going through loneliness and at times intense sexual frustration. I don't think its wrong to want someone else who also went out of their way to not cheat on their future spouse too. It'll be a miracle if it were to actually happen in the plainly obvious last days that we're in now. But a man needs hope.

If he blessed me to meet a nice christian girl that was also close to Him, who also willingly put herself through the same internal hell for the same reasons, all good perfect things that happen come from God himself. And to give in before marriage in that situation I feel would be no different than smacking Him in the face. That's how I see it anyway. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". Its not an excuse, its a warning.

Stay strong and close with God/Jesus fellow virgins. He's the answer to everything.

WantingtoServe, I started tearing up reading your post!! You've given me hope that there are men out there that want love, instead of a hookup! I pray that God blesses with the Christian girl of your dreams.