(Continued from previous post)
I studied Catholicism, as well as other religions and philosophies, more and more, searching for an answer to my dilemma. I knew that there had to be an answer to the reason for all the evil in the world, and also why goodness could shine forth in spite of this evil, and that there had to be a way I could change and become a great person myself, but that I needed help to do so.
Then finally, the answers slowly began coming to me, through many different people, whether in school, EWTN, my family/friends, or even just strangers. God began to work in my life, despite my stubborness.
Everything just took that one explanation that made sense for me to accept it. I attacked the Catholic Church with everything I could think of, as I do with everything else in my life, to see if it would stand the tests. And, to my surprise, it did. Every question I had, the Church had an answer to that made sense to me. And what shocked me the most, was how much it all interrelated and fit together, I loved it. It was like a gigantic puzzle. At first it's tough to get a few pieces together, but once God started arranging the pieces, everything began to fall into place.
The biggest thing that kept me going, was actually witnessing God work in my life. People would say things to me, or I'de read something in the paper, or hear something on the radio or the television, and I could feel God telling me, this is for you, listen! It was not an audible voice, but it was a spiritual feeling that cannot be mistaken. Those who have also experienced it can probably do a greater service in describing it than i can. I just knew that it was God, and that He was trying to teach me His ways.
It was tough though, especially at first. There was much that I didn't want to give up, and much of my own erroneous thinking that I wanted to hold on to. The parable of the potter and the clay comes to mind. He molds us into the image of His Son, but it can be painful at times, especially when there is much that needs to be stripped away. I must say though that, looking back, it was without a doubt worth it. I can see how foolish and prideful I was back then, and how much I've grown as a person and like His Son now.
It's an incredible experience, living your life with God. I had everything before I become a Christian, according to the world's view, but it was all meaningless in the end if you think about it. We build up our earthly treasures, and yet when we die what are we left with, nothing but the story of our lives. Everything else is taken from us, no matter how powerful we think we are. Having God in your life is the best possesion one can obtain.
The thought of eternity also entered into my journey home to Jesus Christ. I dwelt on the afterlife for a long time. I could not fathom just ceasing to exist after death, or that life was just an accident, or a seemingly impossible and improbable set of circumstances which led to my coming into existence. I believed that there had to be more to it than that, especially when I looked at the scientific statistics for something like the universe coming into being the way it did. If it was in regards to anything else but creation, the incredibly small probability of it occuring would cause everyone to say that it was, for all intensive purposes, impossible without a higher being, i.e. God to have made it so. But, since it was in regards to creation, many would not admit to this. That to me sounded like an extremely dishonest viewpoint to have. Plus, the arguments made for the complexity of things such as the human eye etc influenced me greatly, and led me toward my belief in God.
Ultimately though, I would have to sum up my journey by saying that I basically just tried Catholicism and it worked for me, in such a magnificent way that words cannot do it justice. I found the Lord, or should I say He found me, and I've never been the same since. I cannot tell you how many times He's revealed Himself to me in such incredible and unmistakable ways, that it just made me smile that the creator of the entire universe, and you and I, would want to spend time with me and that He loved me enough to send his only Son to die for me on the cross, so that I can be with Him forever in heaven.
Give God and His Church an honest and sincere try, and I'm sure you'll be surprised as well, the incredible things He'll do in your life.
I hope that helps.
May God bless you and Mary keep you in her prayers always.
YinandYang