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Internet Addiction

Chilaha

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I have had a problem with "xxx" material for almost a year now. And, I don't really know what to do. Since, it is never specifically addressed in the Bible I try and tell myself it is OK. But, I guess it isn't. I'm very ashamed of the type of things I am looking at now too. Things started from "soft" category and now I have moved to BDSM stuff. I'm becoming very deceitful trying to conceal all this and I feel very helpless to stop. Other than that, I don't know what else to say. So, whatever advice you have is appreciated. But, please don't tell me to talk to someone in real life. Cause I am too uncomfortable with that.
Thanks you,
Chilaha
 

Inkachu

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There is a porn addiction area in the Men's section, just FYI. You might find some good support and understanding there. I don't know if you can post there as a minor... maybe a mod can answer that question.

The Bible DOES address this directly, because it speaks directly about sexual purity. You know this is wrong, and there is no justifying it.

I know you said you don't want to talk about this with anyone in person, but looking at your age, I see that you're still a teenager. This is a very serious issue when an underage person is involved. This stuff can impact your entire future, and should not be dealt with alone. You're still a kid (not insulting you when I say that), you're still growing and developing, and porn can have devastating effects on someone your age. It will stunt your growth in the areas of relationships and sexuality, and that can impact you for years to come.

This is nothing something to take lightly or just hope it goes away with a little prayer and online posting.

I'd encourage you to contact your pastor or another trusted male, Christian authority figure in your life. This struggle is SO common among men, believe me, you would not be telling them anything shocking. The sooner you face this head-on and deal with it, the better your future will be.
 
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Romans 5:17 NLT
For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God's wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ.

Romans 6:14 NLT
Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace.

Romans 7:24-25 NLT
Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? [25] Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

Romans 8:1-2 NLT
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. [2] And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.
 
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LoricaLady

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The Bible does address the issue of unclean thoughts. For example Messiah told people that if they even lusted after a woman in thier hearts, then they had committed adultery. We are also told to "Bring every thought captive" to Him.

Since you do not seem to know these things, I'm guessing that one part of the solution to your problem is to study the Bible very intensively. We're supposed to do that anyway. It brings so many blessings.

Your story is very familiar, so many have experienced the exact same addiction and progression. You're certainly not alone. You might want to check out the Every Man's Battle site, and/or book. Perhaps you can get some insight and/or support. One of the things they teach is that you have to so carefully screen what kind of entertainment you put before your eyes.

"Anyone who continues to sin becomes a slave to sin" is also in the Bible.

You are wasting your time trying to "Just say No", therefore. "Without Me you can do nothing." The one and only cure for a problem that has become a big "stronghold" is the Stronghold Breaker, Messiah.

Your answer will be in your prayers, and hopefully with some fasting - maybe a 24 water fast once a week, not too strenuous as fasting can damage your adrenals.
Do not expect that you will say one prayer and Boom you are "fixed." That could happen if you really pray in a deeply humble way. Btw desperation is goooood! It's so humble and Abba loves humility. "Humble yourself in the sight of YHWH [aka the Lord] and He will lift you up."

And really, you'd be surprised to know that it may not be the porno that is the biggest problem in His eyes. The biggest problem for us all is a general heart of rebellion and the sin is just the symptom. My suggestion, since you asked, is not to pray first to be freed from that particular sin. Pray for a heart filled with humility. Pray for faith that what He has to offer you is infinitely better than whatever you have been looking at.

Pray for healing of anything in your past that has led to you wanting that kind of stimulus. I have no idea, but you may have some kind of pain that it distracts you from, maybe from the past. Whatever. So often - again I have no idea about you - people have been messed with as kids and that can lead to pornography too.

Ask for forgiveness. Later, after all that, ask for healing from the porno. And oh yeal, even before the prayers, praise a lot. "YHWH inhabits the praise of His people..." and where he is the devil (who is behind all the porno) cannot be.

I also think we should say, not mechanically but reflectively, the Lord's Prayer every day. After all it says, "Give us this day our daily bread."

We are told to praise far more than we are told to pray. "Come into My gates with thanksgiving and into my courts with praise." Praise first & most. Don't know what to praise for? Look around you. You obviously have a computer and an education 'cause you can type. You have food, shelter. The list of things to praise for will never be exhausted. Also you can go to sites that list Bible promises and praise with them. "Thank You Abba that you say 'Sin shall have no dominion over me...Thank You that Messiah died that unimaginably horrific death on the cross for me so that I could be freed and forgiven..." Stuff like that.

It takes time to get freed because it takes time for us to humble ourselves enough before the Almighty. We are so resistant and prideful, more than we even admit to ourselves.

Abba doesn't just want you free from porno. He wants you focused on Him. How often? Around the clock. It may seem like a burden, but as He leads you, it's really freedom that brings so many blessings and protection. "He who keeps His mind stayed on me will be kept in perfect peace." Only He can give you the strength and persistence in doing that, and only prayer can get His help.

It's not just porno that is "Every Man's Battle", it's life that is everyone's battle. Life will be a battle til the day you die in one way or another. Your best defenses, your best weapons are praise and prayer and fasting. But through them you will be refined and made ready for Heaven.

My personal experience has been that if we are being strongly tempted, we haven't prayed well enough. If Messiah is in the battle, the temptations, if any, are small & easy to handle. If He isn't we lose sooner or later, usually pretty soon.

When you do get deliverance, you have to hang onto it the same way you got it! See the parable of the man who had one demon, got his house cleaned up, fell into temptation again and then got 7 demons. See the story of the man Messiah healed who was told, "Go and sin no more lest a worst thing come upon you." (Not that, if you do fall again, He won't be there to help you, it's just that your problem may be even worse thereafter.)

You have every reason to be hopeful! Countless people have gotten free from countless sins through Messiah's help, and that certainly includes me.

Praying for your freedom....
 
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Hospes

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But, please don't tell me to talk to someone in real life. Cause I am too uncomfortable with that.
In other words, you desire your sin to go away, but the desire is not really that great.

Jesus said "if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away." His point was you have to recognize sin as horrendous and do whatever it takes to rid your life of it.

You are not there yet. If God is merciful to you, as you detest more and more what this sin is turning you in to, you'll turn to the most "uncomfortable" means of getting rid of it.

Recognize though, God may redeem you from this sin, but the sin will bear some nasty fruit. ("Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap." - Gal 6:7) The longer you wait before you turn to "uncomfortable" action, the more fruit your sin will bear. Get uncomfortable soon.

Grace to you.
 
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LoricaLady

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But, please don't tell me to talk to someone in real life. Cause I am too uncomfortable with that.
In other words, you desire your sin to go away, but the desire is not really that great.
---------------
I disagree on that. His desire is obviously very great to get over this problem. But we don't always know whom we can trust, whom we can "burden", and we all feel reluctant to tell bad things on ourselves. It doesn't matter. As I said, above, there is the Every Man's Battle website, no doubt other places on the web where one can talk to people anonymously about the problem. Hasn't he already done that by coming here?

Do you go around telling everyone all the bad thoughts you have or bad things you do? Rhetorical Q.
 
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Hospes

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But, please don't tell me to talk to someone in real life. Cause I am too uncomfortable with that.
In other words, you desire your sin to go away, but the desire is not really that great.
---------------
I disagree on that. His desire is obviously very great to get over this problem. But we don't always know whom we can trust, whom we can "burden", and we all feel reluctant to tell bad things on ourselves. It doesn't matter. As I said, above, there is the Every Man's Battle website, no doubt other places on the web where one can talk to people anonymously about the problem. Hasn't he already done that by coming here?

Do you go around telling everyone all the bad thoughts you have or bad things you do? Rhetorical Q.
So, do you really believe you can anonymously "confess your sins one to another" and yet keep the spirit of this command? Do you equate internet relationships with flesh-and-blood relationships? Can you have an internet version of the Church, the Bride of Christ? Absolutely not.

I'd be reluctant to gouge out my eye, but Jesus calls us to be strong and humble enough to do the equivalent when dealing with our sin.

No, I do not tell "everyone" all my sins. But, yes, I confess my sins to flesh-and-blood fellow believers whom I have learned to trust via having flesh-and-blood face-to-face relationships. Could I do it better? I confess, I could do better.

Anonymity has some benefit, but also has dangers. It is never a substitute for the Church.
 
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The Fire Rises

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Hospes has a point. Male support groups, which every church should have, are enormously beneficial to their members. They require a lot of self-sacrifice, and yes, they will come with the possibility that someone may betray your trust. But that simply comes with the territory.

Forums such as these certainly serve a purpose. There are some questions that ARE better asked anonymously. However, anonymity inevitably means a lack of accountability. No one on here will know whether or not you follow through with a promise, or how your struggle with sin is going. You could tell everyone that you've completely kicked your addiction, when in reality it's worse than ever. And no one would ever know.

Also, I've noticed that a lot of the people who post questions on the Advice forum begin to actually argue and debate their point, because they want people to give them the answer that THEY want to hear. A lot of them actually aren't interested in getting genuine advice, but rather justification for their actions. (I'm not saying that you're doing this OP, just saying that this is a common trap people fall into)

Praying that God aids you in your fight against this addiction
 
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Kurama

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I have had a problem with "xxx" material for almost a year now. And, I don't really know what to do. Since, it is never specifically addressed in the Bible I try and tell myself it is OK. But, I guess it isn't. I'm very ashamed of the type of things I am looking at now too. Things started from "soft" category and now I have moved to BDSM stuff. I'm becoming very deceitful trying to conceal all this and I feel very helpless to stop. Other than that, I don't know what else to say. So, whatever advice you have is appreciated. But, please don't tell me to talk to someone in real life. Cause I am too uncomfortable with that.
Thanks you,
Chilaha

Well all I can say is that you've already shown a tremendous amount of courage and initiative by posting this on CF...the great majority of teens would simply deny that they have anything to do with pornography (while of course we're underaged, about 9 in 10 teens have gone on ''XXX'' sites, that is a fact).

All I can say is that you must develop a sense of self control. Think of it as a diet, you're not going to be tempted by xxx material...no matter what! Pray to God, show your commitment to Him by praying to Him regularly. He will help you, your faith will heal you!

I suppose you could install a filter software on your computer, but I think that would only be necessary if you really can't control yourself. The fact of the matter is that you have to prove to yourself that you won't give into pornography, so using filter software is irrelevent.

I wish you the best of luck and I will pray for you!
 
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Porn is another way to show that you can be loved and show love to others. The problem with porn is that it uses no rules or self-control in a fantasy situation and not in the real world where everyone most of these days work for a living, and having more than one partner such as polygamy, for example, a husband with two wives, can lead to one of the female partners feeling inadequate - not getting the full loving experience of the husband because he is sharing his time with the other female partner.:
Marriage is a full-time trustworthiness-like occupation and that means two partners sharing their experiences together whether good or bad, every hour 24 hours a day, even if they are working or some other activity such as shopping, they know that there are times that they will not see other for a while, but spiritually they are united as if they Siamese Twins .;'*;.
:liturgy:
 
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Kurama

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Porn is another way to show that you can be loved and show love to others. The problem with porn is that it uses no rules or self-control in a fantasy situation and not in the real world where everyone most of these days work for a living, and having more than one partner such as polygamy, for example, a husband with two wives, can lead to one of the female partners feeling inadequate - not getting the full loving experience of the husband because he is sharing his time with the other female partner.:
Marriage is a full-time trustworthiness-like occupation and that means two partners sharing their experiences together whether good or bad, every hour 24 hours a day, even if they are working or some other activity such as shopping, they know that there are times that they will not see other for a while, but spiritually they are united as if they Siamese Twins .;'*;.
:liturgy:

Well in my opinion, porn is not really love, it is just a form of profit and a way of people to ''release themselves'' (perhaps lowering stress levels, though the long term effects are no good). There is no love between the ''actors'' in the porn industry, there's only greed for more money. Nor do the viewers of porn express love to the ''actors'' (well I sincerely hope they don't), they just want to find pleasure quickly (same goes for prostitution; no love).

To me, love is far deeper than a physical attraction. Anyone can ''make love''...but to truly love someone is what you've just mentioned; sharing your life with them. In Saint Paul's letters, it is stated that a husband will own his wife's body, and the wife will own her husband's body (meanwhile in the Quran, the husband owns the wife...period).
 
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DreyDay

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Do you have a girl in your life right now? Do you have an outlet for this type of situation? I know, feeling that urge to lust is powerful. It's almost impossible to fight because it's just such a powerful feeling, I know. But let me tell you something.

You're a son of God. Why are you lusting after these women when you're the one who's the catch? God and you together are more than this problem. You're the one who should be lusted after. Are you doing everything you can to be the man that women would want? Are you working out consistently and learning the social dynamics it takes to be able to attract the women that you want? Really, what are you doing right now that will empower you to get a woman into your life that will satisfy your needs vs. just getting the 2-D version?

I hear about this over and over again: "I struggle with lust, I pray, blah blah blah, God isn't helping me." All the time. Buuuuut, how are you helping you? God is waiting for you. What are you doing that will allow God to work through you? Are you getting yourself out there and talking to girls? Are you creating a self-image that naturally attracts women? How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a victim or a hero? How do you see women seeing you? What identity have you established when you're around them? Do you have any inferiority issues?

You see, the lust struggle can have some deep seated issues that the individual might need to tackle and do some introspection. What specific questions can you ask yourself to finally dismantle any negative belief systems you created or were brainwashed with?
 
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