Info on Marriage

[JillLars]

I am looking for some information on what the bible says about marriage.  What sort of ceramony does the bible require? (if it requires one at all)  what makes you officially married according to the bible?  Did Jesus ever perform a wedding ceremony, were wedding ceremonies perfomed in Jesus's time?  I am very curious about the history of this, and I'd like to hear any input anyone has, as well as verses that I could look up to find more info in the Bible. Thanks!

 

[seebs]

There were wedding ceremonies - after all, His first miracles were at the Marriage at Cana.

I have not seen solid evidence either way. I have seen claims that the Church only took over marriage hundreds of years after Christ's death; before that, it was seen as essentially an "obvious" state, although some civil authorities may have kept records of marriages. This may be false. During the middle ages, in Europe, if you were a peasant, you moved in together and started pumping out kids, and if a priest came by before you died, he blessed you.

 

[JillLars]

How did Adam and Eve come to be "married", was it that God told them to be together, and that made them married. I am just curious as to whether a person really has to go to a church and get married by a preacher to be considered "married" in God's eyes. I have been doing a little research but haven't been able to find much yet.

 

[Evening Mist]

I always thought that in biblical times the purpose of a legal marriage was to protect the status and ensure care of the "wife," and also to legitimize any children -- so that they would be cared for and receive whatever inheritance. I don't have any reference for you -- just what I was always taught.

In our contemporary society, things are just a bit different. Status and security come in other packages. But I can still kinda see the value of having a marriage "legitimized." There was a line in the movie "Up Close and Personal" that I really liked -- something like, "I want to know that you are legally obligated to be there in the morning." I liked that line -- a legal marriage provides a sense of security -- esp. for the wife and any children she may get "stuck with" otherwise.

But I think there exists a state of committment between 2 people that cannot be defined by a legal document, and can certainly exist without it, that God still considers "marriage."

Sorry. This doesn't really answer your inquiry.

There is always Genesis 2:24 -- "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Clearly this means marriage, but it doesn't say anything about a ceremony in a church or a legal license.

I dunno.

 

[seebs]

One thing often cited is Paul's "know ye not that he who is joined to an harlot is one flesh?", which has been taken by some to indicate that it is the joining as one flesh that is "marriage".

 

[Evening Mist]

There are also analogies between Christ + church and marriage. And I'm pretty sure I could still be a Christian even if I were not baptized. Though, I guess some Christians would disagree with me on that one too. I wonder if it matters that I was not baptized by a minister or in a church? Hmmm.

Too far off topic, maybe?

 

[JillLars]

I was doing a little research and one thing I read that I thought was kind of interesting suggested that marriage ceramonies performed by the church became extremely important when the seperation of church and state began in this country. There was question whether the church or the state should have authority over the contract of marriage. The article I read suggested that the Christian church began to place more emphasis on being married in a church to keep their authority over that contract or marriage, and authority over people's lives...I'm not sure if that's right or not, but its an interesting thought.

 

[seebs]

Today at 11:28 PM JillLars said this in Post #7 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=678564#post678564)

I was doing a little research and one thing I read that I thought was kind of interesting suggested that marriage ceramonies performed by the church became extremely important when the seperation of church and state began in this country. There was question whether the church or the state should have authority over the contract of marriage. The article I read suggested that the Christian church began to place more emphasis on being married in a church to keep their authority over that contract or marriage, and authority over people's lives...I'm not sure if that's right or not, but its an interesting thought.

It wouldn't be surprising. I mean, if you look back far enough, obviously "marriage" predates Christianity; the original advice about not being "unequaly yoked" caries with it the implication that you *can* have been married to a non-Christian before Christ even started teaching. So, marriage obviously exists in some other context.

I still think of marriage as a "common sense" thing. We all know when people are married. Why all the endless nattering?

 

[JillLars]

Yesterday at 11:33 PM seebs said this in Post #8

It wouldn't be surprising. I mean, if you look back far enough, obviously "marriage" predates Christianity; the original advice about not being "unequaly yoked" caries with it the implication that you *can* have been married to a non-Christian before Christ even started teaching. So, marriage obviously exists in some other context.

I still think of marriage as a "common sense" thing. We all know when people are married. Why all the endless nattering?

Well, I am asking because (as I'm sure you know already) I get a hard time from a lot of people for living with my boyfriend before we are married (I don't want to get off the topic though) so I thought I would post the question to see why people place such importance on being married by a pastor, priest, or minister, and when this importance began.  Some people would consider my boyfriend and I married (especially if it were in the middle ages) except that I'm not popping out an kids yet  but most people don't like that idea very much so I just thought I'd do a little historical research into it...

 

[seebs]

Well, whatever you do, people will give you a hard time for it sooner or later. You might look at trying to find a way to "be married" to make them more comfortable, but I'd tend to think of this as a thing to do on behalf of others.

 

[lucypevensie]

I am no expert on the subject but I have done a tiny bit of reading about one little word--covenant . The Bible speaks about marriage as a covenant agreement. There are several aspects of covenant agreements. Here are just a couple:
1. Some type of promise or oath is given (marriage vows in our culture)
2. Some symbolic object is given or exchanged (rings in our culture)

I have not seen anything that implies that this must be done in the company of other believers or by a "pastor". Personally, I would've been happy to get married down at the couthouse and saved some $$. But the church just gave it a nicer touch, and it meant a lot to have family and friends witnessing the event. But I dont' think there's anything wrongd with a courthouse wedding.

At my own wedding the pastor officiating gave a very good talk about how our marriage is to be a covenantal relationship. Of course, being all giddy and excited that day I didn't listen very well. I would like to do an extended study on the subject.

I'll stop yapping now. I'm not trying to be a know-it-all, truly I'm not! Just giving a couple thoughts, that's all.

 

[JillLars]

So, from what I've found in my research so far, and from all the help you have all offered me, I can temporarily conclude that in God's eyes my boyfriend and I are married. We have made the same promises and oaths as are said in marriage ceramonies (and as a matter of fact we have told others, and God about these promises which raises accountability) Its a very interesting topic, and I plan on looking into it a little bit more. I have always believed that my boyfriend and I are married in God's eyes, which is something many people will disagree with (which is fine, everyone's entitled to their opinion), but I like to hear evidence for both arguments, keep the replies coming, thanks!

 

[JillLars]

Ok, I have another question to add to this...the bible speaks out against fornicators, who according to the bible are unmarried people who shared in lewd acts....lewd acts focused on lust, and selfishness...while the bible is very clear on this issue it never explains how people should be married, or how they receive the spiritual and physical relationship from God. Is is possible for unmarried people to share in sexual acts that are both spirituallly and physically significant...in my opinion a fornicator would be someone who has very little respect for sex or has not plans of marriage...I don't know for sure. A girl in a chat room told me that we should get married in the way our culture tells us too, that's all fine and dandy but if we did everything our culture told us to do we'd all be in a lot of trouble...so that's why I feel its important to look to the bible or a answer, so far I have found none.

 

[Evening Mist]

You are right -- the difficult part is defining "marriage" not defining "fornication."

I still maintain that your heart condition is the *most* important aspect of your situation. KWIM?

 

[tonya]

Well, I am asking because (as I'm sure you know already) I get a hard time from a lot of people for living with my boyfriend before we are married (I don't want to get off the topic though) so I thought I would post the question to see why people place such importance on being married by a pastor, priest, or minister, and when this importance began.  Some people would consider my boyfriend and I married (especially if it were in the middle ages) except that I'm not popping out an kids yet  but most people don't like that idea very much so I just thought I'd do a little historical research into it...

So glad I found this thread, this has been an ongoing qustion for myself...I have looked the bible over for scriptures also...

 

[Whitestone]

Looking to the bible for answers is the best thing you can do.

My understanding about marriage and the religious signifigance is that when two people are getting married, they make their vows to eachother, but more importently those vows are promises to God on how you will treat your spouse.

I have one question, if you think you are almost married, why not get officially/legally married?

Whitestone

 

[charligirl]

My understanding of marriage is that it is a holy covenant that reflects the relationship between God/Jesus (bridegrrom) and the church/his people (bride) to show the unity and love. So to be this witness it needs to be a public declaration of commitment with vows.

In order for it to be 'marriage' in our countries it must also be a legal contract and as God tells us to abide by the laws of our land then I don't think a couple is married unless it is legal.

In other words if a couple undertake a civil marriage ceremony they are married legally and in the eyes of God (as God is always present) but if they only have a church ceremony with no legal marriage then they actually are not married as they have not fulfilled all the requirements as they have not abided by the law of the land.

 

[JillLars]

Romans 2:28-29 talks about the law regarding circumcision. Here it says (NLT):

28 For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the Jewish ceremony of circumcision. 29 No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not a cutting of the body but a change of heart produced by God's Spirit. Whoever has that kind of change seeks praise from God, not from people.

In my opinion, this passage clearly shows that the law is not the most important thing, the "change of the heart produced by God's Spirit" is by far more important than any traditions, or any law of the land. It is very clear from this verse that the changing of the heart produced by God's spirit does not need to be verified by the law to be recognized by God. After all, our heart is what God judges, he doesn't care about the traditions he cares about our hearts.

I do understand that it is a hard concept to grasp, especially with the culture of casual sex our society promotes. It is hard to believe that two people could commit themselves to one another, and to God without going through the traditions of a legal wedding ceremony. Unfortunately in our society today, many people who do go through the ceremony and fulfill the law of the land, don't fulfill the promise them make to God and to their spouse, and ultimately that is what is going to matter. If I choose to leave my spouse, I will be held just as accountable as someone who divorces their mate. The heart is what God judges, and when I make a promise to him, he holds me to it, whether or not the government does. Afterall, it is extremely easy to get a divorce, the government permits it, but that doesn't mean God will allow us to back out of our covenant. It is a very serious committment for anyone to make, whether going through the ceremony or not, and I am lucky to have found someone who understands the gravity of the issue.

I have one question, if you think you are almost married, why not get officially/legally married?

We are getting legally married exactly 2 years from today We are in the process of planning right now. Due to the legal aspects of being legally married, we are waiting until we are finished with college. The government has added entirely new aspects to marriage that go far beyond howGod designed it.

We've made a covenant, God knows that, and he will hold us to it.

*On a side note* This is a very old thread.

 

[charligirl]

Romans 2:28-29 talks about the law regarding circumcision. Here it says (NLT):


In my opinion, this passage clearly shows that the law is not the most important thing, the "change of the heart produced by God's Spirit" is by far more important than any traditions, or any law of the land. It is very clear from this verse that the changing of the heart produced by God's spirit does not need to be verified by the law to be recognized by God. After all, our heart is what God judges, he doesn't care about the traditions he cares about our hearts.

They are talking here about the Mosaic law, not the law of the land as set out by government - which God told us to respect and follow. Of course it is the heart that God looks at and there are many engaged couples who have committed them selves to each other for ever.. etc etc, but that doesn't make them married in our country until the public legal ceremony has taken place. So when we are talking about whether 2 people have become husband and wife without a legal ceremony I would still say no they haven't.

Christian marriage is an outward sign of God's covenant with us, it is a witness to the unbelieveing world so I would argue that whilst the couple may be happy that they are ok with God they are not portraying the image God intended them to and could be a stumbling block to others who are seeking.

BTW I didn't notice the date!!