In Dyer Need of Help..

[Innvertigo]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum since this is my first time on this board but here goes. I am in need of help right now. My marraige is crumbling from beneath me. I've been away from god for some time, I'm depressed and can't control it. I know it will be a mistake to divorce my wife and I won't be happy if I do. I know this but I am miserable with her for some unknown reason. She is a wonderful person and believe it or not I love her with all my heart which makes this even more difficult. We also have a 1 year old daughter whom I love very much and don't ever want to leave her. She's beautiful.

With all that said we are polar opposites. I am easy going and she is very uptight. It was never like this before we got married but she worries about EVERYTHING when there is no need to. Everything we do ends up in some sort of little spat and builds eventually into an argument where I come off as a mean person. Sometimes I admit I am mean or I say something innappropriate or demeaning and later regret it. This whole post probably makes no sense but to me but I am desperate and I don't know where to turn. I know I will regret leaving but I am not the worlds best decision-maker when it comes to relationships.

 

[Ari5]

Well first of all there is no need to leave, that is not the wise thing to do. You have made a commitment & you need to abide by it.

Every marriage has these problems, so what you need to do is to learn what you need to do to fix the problems. Because women & men are so opposite they usually have difficulty seeing how to work things out. I would suggest first sitting your wife down & talking to her in a nice tone & explain how you are feeling & ask her to help you come up with some solutions. You need to be honest with her, but also say it in a way that will not turn her off.

Also you could seek help through your church, by going to talk with your pastor, I am sure he would be glad to help. Or look into counseling. There is nothing wrong with having problems or with getting help if you need it. We are all human & marriage is not an easy thing.

A great book you could go through together is, "His needs, Her needs" . It takes you through different aspects of a marriage & you could read it together & then discuss each chapter, they even have questions at the end. This is a MUST HAVE book for all couples, & it can really open up eyes to where the help is needed.

Most of all have you taken this to the Lord?? You need to spend time praying for your marriage, remember satan loves to help you feel dissasified in your marriage, that is his key trick. So throw away the words, I'm gonna leave, & get your butt in there & work on things!! You can do it!! I'm here if you need to talk, Ari

 

[IKTCA]

I love above post.

Well first of all there is no need to leave, that is not the wise thing to do. You have made a commitment & you need to abide by it.

And God will help you.

Rupert

 

[nowhereville]

If you know you are depressed you should be seeking help - there's no need to suffer through this when you can be helped.

You say your wife was never uptight but is now - she is most likely carrying your load and her own since you are depressed.

It is very difficult to deal with a depressed person - they do not have much to offer in the way of support or intimacy.

Seek help NOW before it's too late.

 

[Innvertigo]

Thanks for your replies. My wife and I talked last night and decided to work a little harder on our relationship. It was not my depression that made her uptight nor anything that I've done (her words) (but i'm guessing atleast a little of it may be my fault). Our talk was good and I hope that she changes somethings and I hope God will give me the strength to be a better husband and father. I'm going to go back to church (I used to go every week and attended a few years of Catholic school when I was younger) this Sunday (I hadn't been to church in about 6-7 years) though I pray quite often I don't think God is listening. Hopefully that will chance when I go back to chuch, who knows.

 

[Ari5]

God is always there, it is us who move away. God loves you very much & he died on the cross for you. When you are going through rough times that does not mean that God has left you, but that you need to go through a growing or changing period. Have you accepted Jesus as your saviour?? Only you can make that decision, but it is a crucial decision my friend.
If you accept Jesus & ask him to come into your heart, he can change your life. That does not mean that your life will be perfect, but that God will be your guide. If you have not read the Bible, I would challenge you to read the book of John & then really think about what you are feeling in your heart.

Also I would say to not look at all your wifes faults, but to concentrate on the positive things about her. It is easy to point fingers, but harder to love & encourage. None of us is perfect, however with the guidance of God he can work through us. If you have more questions about believing in Jesus, just ask. Ari

 

[Autumnleaf]

If you get depressed at times and you can't control it you should talk to someone about it. There are very cheap pills that do wonders for people whose doctors decide they are appropriate. Get checked out and it may save your life and marriage.

 

[Ashyah]

I am glad that you have talked and will be going to church together.

Don't leave your wife. You both love each other. You have that. So, there is something to work with.

In your depression she has probably taken on some of your obigations?

Seek counseling but, most of all prayer.

God bless you.

 

[TCat]

Ask your pastor about marriage and possibly individual counselling. Depression is a terrible thing to deal with and can lead down paths you don't want to take. There is nothing wrong with seeking Godly counsel, in fact the Bible recomends it, do it for your wife and child if not for yourself.
You are not living the abundant life that Christ promises if you are not seeking God through His Word and prayer each day, He is waiting and willing to carry your burdens but you need to recognize that He is waiting for you to lay them down.
Good luck and God bless you and yours.

 

[1Newcreation]

though I pray quite often I don't think God is listening. Hopefully that will chance when I go back to chuch, who knows.

God will listen wherever you are, you don't have to go to a building for God to listen to you.

I agree with Ari 5 post, I encourage you to look into your heart and I just want you to know that God loves you very much.
God wants us to come to HIm with humble hearts wherever we are, in our home, our car, in the street, it doesn't matter. And the #1 prayer God loves to hear is the one of a person who repents and asks for forgiveness of his sin, and puts their trust in Jesus Christ for their salvation. When we do this God will really start listening to our prayers.

God hears the prayer of the righteous, Proverbs 15:29, and we are only made righteous through the shed blood of Jesus Christ.

I know your desire is to be a better husband and father, and believe me, that is God's desire also. And the Lord will help you if you just trust Him with your life.

I am also glad that you and your wife talked. I noticed though that you said you hoped 'that she changes some things'.
Just wanted you to know it is rarely ever about the 'other' person changing, it is more often or not about our attitude change, it's our perception of things that have to change. Jesus is really good at transforming us, only He can do it. And guess what? when we change... those around us usually respond in a positive way and change accordingly also.

I am really hopeful for your marriage, I believe that God has some wonderful things in store for you and your wife.
God bless you both

1newcreation

 

[Pennelope]

Please don't take this as cheap cheerfulness, but it's a wonderful thing when troubles get to the point that we realize that we can't handle it ourselves and turn to God and to others for help. The truth is that we don't do a very good job at our lives sometimes, and becoming aware that there are other options for solutions is a great and hopeful thing.

I'm praying that God draws close to you and your wife now. He's more than willing -- he's eager to show you his love and care, and he dotes on marriages. Do you have a Bible in the house? Reading the Psalms or one of the Gospels can help us see God's determination to go to any lengths to be in a loving relationship with us.

Someone above gave an excellent hint. Make a list of your wife's strengths, her lovable characteristics, what charmed you when you first knew her, the things she's doing out of good will and love even though they might grate on you. If you keep the list handy and put it where you'll read it every day, it will help you get unstuck from the "I don't know if it's worth it" mentality. A lot of the battles are in our minds, sometimes.

Warm regards. Your friends in Christ are real brothers and sisters. So welcome.