In a relationship with a wonderful guy. Are we overstepping boundaries?

[Jordana]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. He is always very respectful and caring of my physical and emotional boundaries. Both my family and I love and respect him dearly. We have been dating for 5 months but have had a strong friendship for a year prior. It is both our first relationship. I am 18, he is 17.

Recently we've become closer physically; we hold hands, hug, and cuddling while watching a movie. We haven't kissed yet but I forsee that in the near future. We talk about where we are in our relationship often so we are clear what eachother is comfortable with.

Is it wrong if he rests his hand on the side of my butt? I am comfortable with is and don't deem it as sexual or a turn on. He asks permission before he does so and makes sure I'm ok with it first.

I am asking for advice from an outside opinion because I know that sometimes it's hard to see things from another perspective when you're in the situation. Thanks!

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I am 18, he is 17.

Is it wrong if he rests his hand on the side of my butt? I am comfortable with is and don't deem it as sexual or a turn on. He asks permission before he does so and makes sure I'm ok with it first.

A rough and tuff question.
This old guy remembers many of those days and nights.
Honestly -- in time that hand will probably wish to go further.
If tested -- You may crave that or he may crave that or both of you may crave that.

As a man I must admit -- once started that hand has a mind of it's own!
It's too easy for us to put God on the back burner for a while.
And we can sure pay a price for that.

M-Bob

 

[Instrument150]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. He is always very respectful and caring of my physical and emotional boundaries. Both my family and I love and respect him dearly. We have been dating for 5 months but have had a strong friendship for a year prior. It is both our first relationship. I am 18, he is 17.

Recently we've become closer physically; we hold hands, hug, and cuddling while watching a movie. We haven't kissed yet but I forsee that in the near future. We talk about where we are in our relationship often so we are clear what eachother is comfortable with.

Is it wrong if he rests his hand on the side of my butt? I am comfortable with is and don't deem it as sexual or a turn on. He asks permission before he does so and makes sure I'm ok with it first.

I am asking for advice from an outside opinion because I know that sometimes it's hard to see things from another perspective when you're in the situation. Thanks!

I can say as a man that his desire to place his hand on your rear at 17 is an attempt to satisfy his crazy sexual desires for you that he has been suppressing like an inner wild man this entire time. Do not allow it. It is also a subconscious attempt at tempting you into feeling the same desire yourself with said action(which you dont yet) thus giving you the choice whether or not to sin with him and both help each other better understand these sinful desires.

And before you try to argue his pure intentions, Know that I do not doubt them. At least, not on a conscious level. But trust me sweetheart, there is no OTHER REASON to want to put a hand on your rear unless there is a fire there or something ridiculous of that nature

 

[Jordana]

A rough and tuff question.
This old guy remembers many of those days and nights.
Honestly -- in time that hand will probably wish to go further.
If tested -- You may crave that or he may crave that or both of you may crave that.

As a man I must admit -- once started that hand has a mind of it's own!
It's too easy for us to put God on the back burner for a while.
And we can sure pay a price for that.

M-Bob

Thanks for your advice!

 

[Jordana]

I can say as a man that his desire to place his hand on your rear at 17 is an attempt to satisfy his crazy sexual desires for you that he has been suppressing like an inner wild man this entire time. Do not allow it. It is also a subconscious attempt at tempting you into feeling the same desire yourself with said action(which you dont yet) thus giving you the choice whether or not to sin with him and both help each other better understand these sinful desires.

And before you try to argue his pure intentions, Know that I do not doubt them. At least, not on a conscious level. But trust me sweetheart, there is no OTHER REASON to want to put a hand on your rear unless there is a fire there or something ridiculous of that nature

Thanks for your honesty and insight!

 

[rockytopva]

A woman's bargaining tool is her body. Many woman just give it away, and when they do, they have nothing left to bargain with, unless they have a good enough lawyer to make the man cough up the cash to pay for the relationship. I simply would set boundaries.

 

[Hawk Flint]

Recently we've become closer physically; we hold hands, hug, and cuddling while watching a movie. We haven't kissed yet but I forsee that in the near future. We talk about where we are in our relationship often so we are clear what eachother is comfortable with.

Is it wrong if he rests his hand on the side of my butt? I am comfortable with is and don't deem it as sexual or a turn on. He asks permission before he does so and makes sure I'm ok with it first.

I would first like to say that i think kissing should wait until you're married. For me, the very thought triggers lust. If you two kiss, but then lust for one another, you may end up in fornication. So I'd say to wait until marriage for kissing (It'll make it so much more sweeter too (; ].

Now about resting a hand on the rear...it depends on his intent. If he isn't feeling lustful or trying to, and if he isn't trying to trigger lust in you, and you don't feel it either, then he might not be doing anything wrong. I'll sometimes sit with my baby brother and cuddle with him, and I'll cuddle him in such a way that my hand is on his rear. Am I sinning? No. I'm not trying to do anything perverted to him. It's just me cuddling with him. I hope this helps.

Shalom. God bless, protect, heal, direct, keep and help you and yours.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. He is always very respectful and caring of my physical and emotional boundaries. Both my family and I love and respect him dearly. We have been dating for 5 months but have had a strong friendship for a year prior. It is both our first relationship. I am 18, he is 17.

Recently we've become closer physically; we hold hands, hug, and cuddling while watching a movie. We haven't kissed yet but I forsee that in the near future. We talk about where we are in our relationship often so we are clear what eachother is comfortable with.

Is it wrong if he rests his hand on the side of my butt? I am comfortable with is and don't deem it as sexual or a turn on. He asks permission before he does so and makes sure I'm ok with it first.

I am asking for advice from an outside opinion because I know that sometimes it's hard to see things from another perspective when you're in the situation. Thanks!

The Bible says that we are to honor the Lord with our body...it also says that married people have the right to each other's body and that it is permissible for them not to "indulge" when it's for a specific time and they mutually agree.
I haven't found any scripture about boyfriend/girlfriend having those privileges.

Bible verses:
Chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians
2 Timothy 2:22

 

[Instrument150]

A woman's bargaining tool is her body. Many woman just give it away, and when they do, they have nothing left to bargain with, unless they have a good enough lawyer to make the man cough up the cash to pay for the relationship. I simply would set boundaries.

I rebuke the idolatry found in this statement. Idolizing both the female body and money.

 

[Jordana]

Thanks for sharing your opinion. I would like to say in response to your feedback that I understand your message but would like to expand. I agree that one of a woman's bargaining tools is her body, however I would say that it is not her only bargaining tool. Of course there can be repercussions from giving it away. Women also have worth in who they are, their core values and beliefs, passions, and relations with others. so to say that they have nothing left to bargain with is a bit of an exaggeration.

In the context of my original post I see why you would word it like this. Thanks for sharing!

 

[rockytopva]

I rebuke the idolatry found in this statement. Idolizing both the female body and money.

I was not referring to good, solid, Christian men, but worldly ones. There are many out there who have their desires set on one thing. And, if a woman allows it, does so at her own expense.

 

[Instrument150]

I would first like to say that i think kissing should wait until you're married. For me, the very thought triggers lust. If you two kiss, but then lust for one another, you may end up in fornication. So I'd say to wait until marriage for kissing (It'll make it so much more sweeter too (; ].

Now about resting a hand on the rear...it depends on his intent. If he isn't feeling lustful or trying to, and if he isn't trying to trigger lust in you, and you don't feel it either, then he might not be doing anything wrong. I'll sometimes sit with my baby brother and cuddle with him, and I'll cuddle him in such a way that my hand is on his rear. Am I sinning? No. I'm not trying to do anything perverted to him. It's just me cuddling with him. I hope this helps.

Shalom. God bless, protect, heal, direct, keep and help you and yours.

And when you do this, do you say, "Son, is it ok for me to place my hand on your rear? This place that is private to all but you and your wife..." Or do you just simply put your hand there randomly because there is no reason to ask the question? Him asking her if he can do it proves that even HE knows the answer to this puzzle.

 

[Instrument150]

Thanks for sharing your opinion. I would like to say in response to your feedback that I understand your message but would like to expand. I agree that one of a woman's bargaining tools is her body, however I would say that it is not her only bargaining tool. Of course there can be repercussions from giving it away. Women also have worth in who they are, their core values and beliefs, passions, and relations with others. so to say that they have nothing left to bargain with is a bit of an exaggeration.

In the context of my original post I see why you would word it like this. Thanks for sharing!

You have worth only in who you are, your core values, beliefs, passions, and relations with others.

Your body is not a bargaining tool of any sort and anyone who thinks it is is following the words from Satan's own lips.

 

[Jordana]

I would first like to say that i think kissing should wait until you're married. For me, the very thought triggers lust. If you two kiss, but then lust for one another, you may end up in fornication. So I'd say to wait until marriage for kissing (It'll make it so much more sweeter too (; ].

Now about resting a hand on the rear...it depends on his intent. If he isn't feeling lustful or trying to, and if he isn't trying to trigger lust in you, and you don't feel it either, then he might not be doing anything wrong. I'll sometimes sit with my baby brother and cuddle with him, and I'll cuddle him in such a way that my hand is on his rear. Am I sinning? No. I'm not trying to do anything perverted to him. It's just me cuddling with him. I hope this helps.

Shalom. God bless, protect, heal, direct, keep and help you and yours.

Thank you! We are in no particular hurry to kiss as we are working on becoming closer "mentally" rather than physically. I think it's important to be working on both aspects of a relationship rather than to rush into one while neglect the other. It's healthy to find balance.

I agree with your second paragraph; intent and context is significant in actions. Thanks again for sharing!

 

[HereIStand]

It's good that you are concerned about this. Many people would not be. It sounds like you are on the right track. Be careful though, because things could quickly escalate. Maybe have your brother check in you in movie den/basement. Seriously though, don't be totally alone together, where things might get out of hand.

 

[rockytopva]

It's good that you are concerned about this. Many people would not be. It sounds like you are on the right track. Be careful though, because things could quickly escalate. Maybe have your brother check in you in movie den/basement. Seriously though, don't be totally alone together, where things might get out of hand.

I remember our old conference Christian Education director had daughters. Whenever they would go out he would ask what kind of plans they had for the evening before making the decision of letting his daughter go out on a date.

 

[St_Worm2]

Thank you! We are in no particular hurry to kiss as we are working on becoming closer "mentally" rather than physically. I think it's important to be working on both aspects of a relationship rather than to rush into one while neglect the other. It's healthy to find balance.

I agree with your second paragraph; intent and context is significant in actions. Thanks again for sharing!

Hi Jordana, in this case however, you are not your 18 yr old boyfriend's baby brother

I was right where you are now many moons ago and I can promise you (at least from a teenage boy's perspective anyway) that you two are playing with fire!

As Christians, we also have an enemy who spends a lot of his time trying to get unmarried couples together in ways they shouldn't be while, at the same time, trying to separate those of us who are married (1 Peter 5:8-11).

It's a wonderful thing to see you two honoring & glorifying God in this way .. Matt 5:16; 1 Thess 4:3-5

Praying for you!

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - keep guarding your hearts

 

[St_Worm2]

It's good that you are concerned about this. Many people would not be. It sounds like you are on the right track. Be careful though, because things could quickly escalate. Maybe have your brother check in you in movie den/basement. Seriously though, don't be totally alone together, where things might get out of hand.

This is excellent advice

 

[HereIStand]

This is excellent advice

I was young once, during WWI.

 

[com7fy8]

Possibly, his hand touching means your physical person is getting too much attention. He needs to feed on your good example, and learn how to love with you, not to find ways he can use you for more and more pleasure and stimulation.

We need to share with different growing and mature Christians, including successful couples who can help us find out how to relate in marriage and other close relating . . . so we grow in family sharing and are not getting isolated with only some one favorite.

Attraction needs to be because of how we help each other to grow in Jesus and mature in learning how to relate in His love. We need to be looking for someone who will be a good example for us and for bringing up our children to be God's way and know how to love in marriage.

So . . . physical attraction and sensation does not bring us to this, does it?