In a relationship with a Bisexual

[SnickeringFox]

So I've been dating this girl for about six months now, it's a very serious relationship, we both love each other very much. She's not a Christian but she does believe in God and she does pray. anyway she thinks she's bisexual but she's been unsure of her orientation since before we started dating and I really don't know if this should even matter, it does kind of bothers me in a way because I see it as wrong but she doesn't think it is herself, and you can't convince her it is. So I'm just curious if it even should matter she has these feelings about herself in our relationship. Us being in a relationship has brought her much closer to God, but she still doesn't consider herself a Christian, she prays as I mentioned, and she believe in Christ and the stories of the Bible to be all true and real, and she always says how I'm her blessing from the Lord, she doesn't really have much of anyone else, her family isn't great and outside her home she only has one friend besides me due to her having a hard time with socializing, so she's really thankful for our relationship, and she prays for me a lot. I do worry about her never getting saved or coming to Christ, I really want to know her in Heaven and it's just a huge worry for me that she won't, the main thing she disagrees with is homosexuality being a sin and I feel like that may be a reason why she won't come closer to God. What should I do, if anything, and why do you think she would refuse to get saved if she believes in it all? She always prays forgiveness whenever she sins because she knows that she's done wrong so why would she not get saved if she's aware of herself being a sinner?

 

[Ecclesiastian]

Keep in mind that she's a teenager. A lot of our fellow teenagers mistake normal fluctuations of hormones and the like for profound verdicts on their sexuality. She may well just lose those feelings with time. I'd just let it stay in the background for now. I'd be more focused on the fact that she's not a Christian.

 

[Jonaitis]

She's not a Christian but...

That's your first problem. "You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together" (Deut. 22:10). You have already put yourself in a position of an unevenly yoked relationship, and I cannot see it being blessed along the way as you indicate a little further...

...it does kind of bothers me in a way because I see [being bisexual] as wrong but she doesn't think it is herself, and you can't convince her it is....I do worry about her never getting saved or coming to Christ, I really want to know her in Heaven and it's just a huge worry for me that she won't, the main thing she disagrees with is homosexuality being a sin and I feel like that may be a reason why she won't come closer to God. What should I do, if anything, and why do you think she would refuse to get saved if she believes in it all? She always prays forgiveness whenever she sins because she knows that she's done wrong so why would she not get saved if she's aware of herself being a sinner?

Missionary dating, with the goal of evangelizing your partner, usually never works out and is not recommended (and very dangerous to yourself). You have already shown that she disagrees with you about what is "sin" and where she with God. Imagine if this led to marriage, then having children, there will follow so much friction between what you want out of a marriage for God (as opposed to what she wants for herself) and how you want to lead her and the family. If you continue down this path, it is going to get worse and it will become more bothersome. You will either be forced to compromise to make her happy, or create enough friction by what you stand up for that she will want to break away or lose interest in you. There will be a lot of disagreements as long as she remains where she is, and take it from people who have been down this road several times, it doesn't end good (except to teach you something in it as a form of discipline).

My advice is to break the relationship, but not the friendship. You can continue to be a great encouragement to her without being in an intimate relationship. I know you may have strong feelings for her, but listen man this is not for you. God does not want us to be unevenly yoked to people who hate God (even if she says she doesn't). Be the responsible one in the relationship right now. Pray about it, study about it, talk to your elders at church about it. If Christ would not bless this, we shouldn't. I don't mean to sound harsh, I want to help you before things get bad.

 

[SnickeringFox]

That's your first problem. "You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together" (Deut. 22:10). You have already put yourself in a position of an unevenly yoked relationship, and I cannot see it being blessed along the way as you indicate a little further...



Missionary dating, with the goal of evangelizing your partner, usually never works out and is not recommended (and very dangerous to yourself). You have already shown that she disagrees with you about what is "sin" and where she with God. Imagine if this led to marriage, then having children, there will follow so much friction between what you want out of a marriage for God (as opposed to what she wants for herself) and how you want to lead her and the family. If you continue down this path, it is going to get worse and it will become more bothersome. You will either be forced to compromise to make her happy, or create enough friction by what you stand up for that she will want to break away or lose interest in you. There will be a lot of disagreements as long as she remains where she is, and take it from people who have been down this road several times, it doesn't end good (except to teach you something in it as a form of discipline).

My advice is to break the relationship, but not the friendship. You can continue to be a great encouragement to her without being in an intimate relationship. I know you may have strong feelings for her, but listen man this is not for you. God does not want us to be unevenly yoked to people who hate God (even if she says she doesn't). Be the responsible one in the relationship right now. Pray about it, study about it, talk to your elders at church about it. If Christ would not bless this, we shouldn't. I don't mean to sound harsh, I want to help you before things get bad.

Let's say if I did decide to break the relationship off because of this, what would I tell her the reason is for it? Everything has gone well, we never fight, we get along perfectly, we truly do love eachother, and I know her not being a Christian is what will do it for me.. I feel like if we did break up and I told her it's because she isn't a Christian it might push her away from the faith and she could blame God for it, so what could I say if she asks if I did?

 

[Jonaitis]

Let's say if I did decide to break the relationship off because of this, what would I tell her the reason is for it? Everything has gone well, we never fight, we get along perfectly, we truly do love eachother, and I know her not being a Christian is what will do it for me.. I feel like if we did break up and I told her it's because she isn't a Christian it might push her away from the faith and she could blame God for it, so what could I say if she asks if I did?

If she pushes away from the faith because of you, then she wasn't or wouldn't have looked for it without you, you see? I dated someone like that for a year, and she seemed genuinely interested in my faith. She would say the right things, and even do some good things (including praying). After we broke up, it was like she was another person. She put up a show just for me, and it may have been a sincere way of her showing she likes me, but I realized that it wasn't real. I feel that many people do that in a way to show they like the person, rather than actually caring. It still happens to me when I meet people, and when I tell them I want to first be friends, they go back to how they were before. I've seen it happen again and again.

 

[FireDragon76]

.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Let's say if I did decide to break the relationship off because of this, what would I tell her the reason is for it? Everything has gone well, we never fight, we get along perfectly, we truly do love eachother, and I know her not being a Christian is what will do it for me.. I feel like if we did break up and I told her it's because she isn't a Christian it might push her away from the faith and she could blame God for it, so what could I say if she asks if I did?

Fox,
I hear you and I see the side of Jonaitis, though I feel Jonaitis is a bit harsh in their response. I do think that you shouldn't be with a non-Christian but I would pray about how to word it. If it were me I would try to be kind to her about it and let her know that: "I've been thinking a lot about this and I really do believe that I should be dating someone that is a believer in Christ. If you are willing to pursue Faith in Christ I am willing to stay in a relationship, otherwise I'd like to just remain friends until something changes such as you becoming a believer."

Let her know that you really do want to be friends and to be there for her, praying for her and reaching out to her, just that you also value your relationship with Christ and that you want to honor Him by being with someone who believes in Him. Who knows she may decide to be a believer or she may become one in the future. If you are kind and gentle about this, being respectful of her feelings while at the same time standing your ground in what you believe, including God through prayer, Jesus will honor this no matter how it turns out.

I understand that this may be a hard decision to make for you so I just pray that you have the strength and courage to do the right thing. In Jesus's Name I pray Amen!

 

[com7fy8]

@SnickeringFox
@SeventhFisherofMen

Seventh Fisher of Men has an issue with what I had written here. So, I have checked and tried to make things better clear.

Jesus does want us to love one another . . . while also loving any and all other people >

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

But ones want to seek pleasure. They can use the people who give them the pleasure they treasure. So, their love can be, really, only their feelings for their pleasure which they use people to get. So, I think any of us needs to keep praying about why we are with people. None of us is not perfect; any of us, then, in my opinion, can need to do better so we are not using anyone only or mainly for pleasure.

Because humans can tend to only use others for pleasure, it is possible that one's sexual preference has nothing to do with real intimacy and love. But ones can in reality be seeking how they prefer to get their own gratification. You can read medical material which defines preference in terms not of who people are attracted to and deeply love, but how they prefer to get themselves gratified.

And, therefore, sexual preference might not really have anything to do with reproduction, and therefore nothing to do with sex with the meaning which involves reproduction. Ones can just be using who and what they hope to use for what they want. And how much of a hope is this?

But God is about having "godly offspring" > Malachi 2:15.

And in order to have godly offspring for God, we need to be our children's example of how to be and how to relate in God's love. And our example can reproduce, so our children become examples, too.

So, I would say you need to share with mature Christian example people, including senior couples who have spent decades finding out how to love. These will be ones who know they are still getting God's correction and maturing for how to be with God and how to relate in His love. And so, they will tell you how they still are getting God's effective correction . . . still, I offer, right now. Because we children of God keep getting more and more, better and better with our Heavenly Father.

And we help each other, by sharing with one another how our Heavenly Father is correcting us. Because this is so beneficial . . . how God is able in us to change us into the likeness of Jesus and how Jesus has us loving. For examples, in my case >

Love does not have us only using anyone. So, I need to keep seeking God for how He knows I need correction not to just use anyone.

I need to not be conceited, picking and choosing who looks important enough for my attention.

I need to not be looking down on anyone, but see how I myself need real correction.

And God's real correction is not only how I might try to get myself to change, but trust the LORD for how only He is able in me to make me His way in His love.

Hebrews 12:4-14 shares about how God succeeds in correcting us.

What also helps me is >

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

I need to have hope, then, for any person, with compassion, not only criticism. Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

So, I would start with prayer, yes, and with people like this. Then see who appreciates you so much that she wants to meet and share with these people who are so good for you.

And because she appreciates how really loving you are, she will even moreso appreciate those who are more real than you and who have been helping you.

So, if you two are mainly isolating in dating > you can find really maturing Christian people and share with them who are helping you get more real with God and loving, then see how much she wants to be sharing with you and your love family people who would be glad to meet her and share with her. And do things more as family and not only or mainly with each other.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Jesus does want us to love one another . . . while also loving any and all other people >

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

But ones want to seek pleasure. They can use the people who give them the pleasure they treasure. So, their love can be, really, only their feelings for their pleasure which they use people to get.

And, therefore, a lot of sexual preference has nothing to do with real intimacy and love. But ones are seeking how they prefer to get their own gratification. You can read medical material which defines preference in terms not of who people are attracted to and deeply love, but how they prefer to get themselves gratified.

And, therefore, preference really has nothing to do with reproduction, and therefore nothing to do with sex with the meaning which involves reproduction. Ones are just using who and what they hope to use for what they want. And how much of a hope is this?...

I'm sorry com7fy8 but if I didn't know better I'd say that sounded like you were accusing SnickeringFox of using the girl he's describing for his own pleasure, and I'd say that's a very bold accusation considering you don't even know either of them. So please refrain from jumping to conclusions and accusing others of something you don't even know is happening.

I'd say from his post that SnickeringFox really does care about this significant other regardless of her being a non-believer. Be careful not to tread on other's emotions as what you might have unknowingly just done to com7fy8.

 

[com7fy8]

@SeventhFisherofMen > That is correct, that I would be wrong to make that assumption. What you say is a good warning for me or for anyone, I would say, since we all are still not perfect and so we all likely need to be reminded of this.

I have changed some things in the post. What you have quoted, above, is from how it was written before. Hopefully, what I have offered is more clear and can be helpful.

God bless you, too
Bill

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

@SnickeringFox
@SeventhFisherofMen

Seventh Fisher of Men has an issue with what I had written here. So, I have checked and tried to make things better clear.

Jesus does want us to love one another . . . while also loving any and all other people >

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

But ones want to seek pleasure. They can use the people who give them the pleasure they treasure. So, their love can be, really, only their feelings for their pleasure which they use people to get. So, I think any of us needs to keep praying about why we are with people. None of us is not perfect; any of us, then, in my opinion, can need to do better so we are not using anyone only or mainly for pleasure.

Because humans can tend to only use others for pleasure, it is possible that one's sexual preference has nothing to do with real intimacy and love. But ones can in reality be seeking how they prefer to get their own gratification. You can read medical material which defines preference in terms not of who people are attracted to and deeply love, but how they prefer to get themselves gratified.

And, therefore, sexual preference might not really have anything to do with reproduction, and therefore nothing to do with sex with the meaning which involves reproduction. Ones can just be using who and what they hope to use for what they want. And how much of a hope is this?

But God is about having "godly offspring" > Malachi 2:15.

And in order to have godly offspring for God, we need to be our children's example of how to be and how to relate in God's love. And our example can reproduce, so our children become examples, too.

So, I would say you need to share with mature Christian example people, including senior couples who have spent decades finding out how to love. These will be ones who know they are still getting God's correction and maturing for how to be with God and how to relate in His love. And so, they will tell you how they still are getting God's effective correction . . . still, I offer, right now. Because we children of God keep getting more and more, better and better with our Heavenly Father.

And we help each other, by sharing with one another how our Heavenly Father is correcting us. Because this is so beneficial . . . how God is able in us to change us into the likeness of Jesus and how Jesus has us loving. For examples, in my case >

Love does not have us only using anyone. So, I need to keep seeking God for how He knows I need correction not to just use anyone.

I need to not be conceited, picking and choosing who looks important enough for my attention.

I need to not be looking down on anyone, but see how I myself need real correction.

And God's real correction is not only how I might try to get myself to change, but trust the LORD for how only He is able in me to make me His way in His love.

Hebrews 12:4-14 shares about how God succeeds in correcting us.

What also helps me is >

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

I need to have hope, then, for any person, with compassion, not only criticism. Love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7).

So, I would start with prayer, yes, and with people like this. Then see who appreciates you so much that she wants to meet and share with these people who are so good for you.

And because she appreciates how really loving you are, she will even moreso appreciate those who are more real than you and who have been helping you.

So, if you two are mainly isolating in dating > you can find really maturing Christian people and share with them who are helping you get more real with God and loving, then see how much she wants to be sharing with you and your love family people who would be glad to meet her and share with her. And do things more as family and not only or mainly with each other.

Thank you com7fy8 for your edits, and no hard feelings. Sorry if I came off a little angry, my bad please forgive me.

 

[com7fy8]

Sorry if I came off a little angry, my bad please forgive me.

God bless you, however He knows we need to be forgiven I can be wrong and not know it. And I forgive you however you need it and I can forgive you

It does say, "forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (in Ephesians 4:32)