I'm tired.

[Caty]

I'm tired of going back & forth to whether or not ive done that uf-sin. some people say yes, some no. I really will never be able to know. I feel useless & im just tired, this has physically worn me dry. I dont want to really do anything, whenever im not worrying its like something punches me in the stomach & fear strikes me again, i can never escape it and this scares the life out of me. PLEASE someone answer how can a sin be unforgiveable if Jesus died for them ALL??????????

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your heart hun. private message me if you want my take on it.
here i just want to empart a warmfuzzy. xo dee

 

[gracealone]

I really will never be able to know.

Bingo!! Caty. That's the trap of OCD - the continual insistence that you search for certainty. The only way out is to stop looking for the exits.
I'll write you more later on today.
Just now I'm on my way to church.

Mitzi
PS: No sin... is unforgiveable for a Christian. But keep in mind your OCD is not likely to accept that answer nor any other.

 

[Caty]

Im mean that even Christians an Christian webpages have told me that I'll never be able to know. To me I dont think I fit into that "christian" catagory. I hada thought this morning directly about the Holy Spirit. & it scared me but I cant really remember how it came about or why? I hope wasnt angry or being stupid or something, but how will I know if I did the sin if I cant really recall the circumstances in which the thought occured??

 

[keryakos]

I really will never be able to know.

Bingo!! Caty. That's the trap of OCD - the continual insistence that you search for certainty. The only way out is to stop looking for the exits.
I'll write you more later on today.
Just now I'm on my way to church.

Mitzi
PS: No sin... is unforgiveable for a Christian. But keep in mind your OCD is not likely to accept that answer nor any other.

Ah you have something there Mitzi this begs the question whether or not Caty or i or any of us are truely saved if we are then there is no unpardonable sin for us ...but then the question becomes are we truely saved which opens up yet another torrent of questions and searches for certainty .. it is exhausting ..

 

[gracealone]

Exactly Keryakos, (This is for you also Caty)
"Well then what if I'm not really or have never really been saved? - How do I prove to myself with absolute certainty that I'm saved?"
So then the search for certainty begins. The checking to try and ascertain whether my faith is still locked is not unlike the OCD checking of an actual doorknob. But the more you check the more worried you become that "it might not really be locked after all!"
In my experience all OCD questions/doubts leave room for uncertainty. With our relationship with God we are asked to choose to believe in Him and then to have faith that He has saved us. Not because we feel saved but because He is true to His Word and worthy of our trust. When we have OCD the doubt can really tear at us but it can never remove our free will. We can "act as if" we are saved even when our brain is attempting to trick us into believing we aren't. How do we "act as if" we are saved? By obeying Christ - by doing all the things that He has told us to do to the very best of our ability. "Be ye Holy - for I am Holy" does not mean feelng Holy and the very fact that He has to command us to do so means that we don't automatically behave in a Holy way after we recieve Him.
I believe this is why Jesus used the relationship of marraige to teach us about our relationship with Him. When my husband asked me to marry him and promised to love me and be faithful to me there was no way I could prove that He would. But I made a choice to believe that he would and chose to commit myself to him in marraige. I chose to have faith in his love for me. Now I live out that choice in my day to day relationship with Him - even when I don't feel like it. We make these type of faith decisions many times in our lives and while people might fail us God never will. When He says, "whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved", we must choose to believe Him and to act upon that belief even while our imbalanced OCD emotions are wreaking havoc with our mental peace. At some point I just decided to give up on OCD's demand for certainty and just walk in faith. Though I felt that my faith was inadequate I could imagine Christ saying this to me - "Mitzi!! Faith is not found in you but in all that I AM, so get over yourself."
It's hard to give up the search, quit checking the lock, or looking for the exits but doing so is the key to stopping the compulsive activity of this type of Pure "O" OCD.
All I can tell you is to press on and that patience and perseverance are your greatest aids in managing this disorder.
Praying for you guys!
Mitzi

Ah you have something there Mitzi this begs the question whether or not Caty or i or any of us are truely saved if we are then there is no unpardonable sin for us ...but then the question becomes are we truely saved which opens up yet another torrent of questions and searches for certainty .. it is exhausting ..

 

[Caty]

it's just hard when you have these thoughts & Im not sure if they are from me & to me its like if they are you are NEVER gonna be forgiven because they are what the pharasiess said (but they are my thoughts) but then its hard to distinguish which is from me or "ocd" I just feel like Im hopeless without ever a chance...but i try to think that maybe God wouldn't put someone through this if they couldnt even have him. but i really dont know if He loves me or not?

 

[gracealone]

it's just hard when you have these thoughts & Im not sure if they are from me & to me its like if they are you are NEVER gonna be forgiven because they are what the pharasiess said (but they are my thoughts) but then its hard to distinguish which is from me or "ocd" I just feel like Im hopeless without ever a chance...but i try to think that maybe God wouldn't put someone through this if they couldnt even have him. but i really dont know if He loves me or not?

You said you "have" these thoughts - not "I want to have these thoughts". Having unwanted/instrusive and disturbing thoughts does not mean you agree with them or that having them is tantamount to acting on them. If the thoughts cause you extreme distress, anxiety, guilt etc. then you are safe to label them OCD. Caty, the more you focus on trying to unthink them or solve them or battle against them, the more they will plague you. That is how OCD operates. I've had blasphemous thoughts in my head and thoughts that I hate thinking in regard to my faith and on other themes also. The only way I've been able to get out of that black hole of obsessional fear and compulsive checking is to just let them be there without demanding certainty about the questions they pose.
You have to be willing to run the risk and let them be. God understands that you will be trying to get better and learn to manage your disorder.
Praying for you.
Mitzi

 

[Caty]

I know that sometimes Im mad at God but Im afraid that, that means they are from me. I dont ever recall agreeing with them (it makes me anxious/scared thinking about if I have ever agreed with them) but whenever they happen I get this rush of hott feeling over me & I get a "punched" feeling in my stomach & I jsut want to sceam. If that ocd sounding?? Even if they are from me I DO NOT want them to be if that is who I am the I DO NOT want to be that person. do you think God cares about that?

 

[gracealone]

Really Caty as far as OCD is concerned and religious OCD in particular everything you just wrote is abnormally, normal.
It all sounds exactly like OCD and far too familiar to me. God already knows that these thoughts, this disorder makes you miserable only because you care so deeply about your relationship with Him. We with OCD are always begging Him to forgive us, be merciful to us, and we feel so unworthy of His grace. But really no one is worthy of His grace. It's only who He is, perfect in love, mercy, compassion etc. that makes it possible for Him to accept us. It's hard not to view Him through the lens of our human nature and having the disorder of OCD makes that even harder.
But in the end the weakness and inadequateness that we feel from our OCD does not in any way impede or interfere with His love for us.
My best advice to you is to treat your disorder as a disorder and quit second guessing that choice. I did that and I'm so glad I did.
Praying,
Mitzi

I know that sometimes Im mad at God but Im afraid that, that means they are from me. I dont ever recall agreeing with them (it makes me anxious/scared thinking about if I have ever agreed with them) but whenever they happen I get this rush of hott feeling over me & I get a "punched" feeling in my stomach & I jsut want to sceam. If that ocd sounding?? Even if they are from me I DO NOT want them to be if that is who I am the I DO NOT want to be that person. do you think God cares about that?

 

[Caty]

but see to me I dont know if I was ever saved, I dont know if I care about God, I dont know if I truly believe in Jesus, I'm so scared of everything. Im afraid if i put the fears aside,ill be lieing to myself about something & ill never address it and maybe I dont really believe. Im afraid the thoughts are from me, but question on the thoughts. If they were truly 100% my heart (or anyone else's on here) do you think we would even care to post? About Hell, even if its the fear of Hell. Because Im worried that maybe I dont care about God & im jsut worried about Hell. I mean I want a good relationship with Him & if I dont love Him I want to, but what do you think??

 

[JohnnieGuy]

Caty, if you want to believe, just BELIEVE. It's not hard. Believe that Christ has saved you! Just believe it! Quit beating around the bush, get your eyes off of yourself and BELIEVE.

 

[Caty]

I do believe.
But to me, the Bible does say that you can believe, but if you do that uf-sin it doesn't matter. it's like you either cannot/or will not be forgiven.

 

[JohnnieGuy]

But if you believe then you haven't committed it. The unforgivable sin is rejecting the salvation of Christ. You want it, so you could not have committed it.

 

[Caty]

Okay, I really do want to believe that is what that sin is, but please--please answer this for me. What did Jesus mean by "speak a word against the Spirit" & you wouldn't be forgiven and after that it says, "He said that because they were calling His Spirit (that bad thing--I dont want to type it)."

 

[JohnnieGuy]

It's likening what Christ has done for evil. It's very rare and some would say impossible to commit today.

 

[JohnnieGuy]

It's saying Jesus Christ is evil, it's calling all His glory and goodness of the devil, but meaning it. So you see, you fear that which you want least to do, because you have OCD. But there are people out there who reject the salvation of Christ and call it evil. If you had done this, there would be no hope for you, but you wouldn't care in the least. It's obvious your heart loves God and you do not want to do anything wrong to Him, and you want to follow Him. But you have to understand that nothing you can do will save you, but putting your faith in what Christ has done.

 

[gracealone]

What you mean by "I don't know" is that you want 100 percent proof. But God asks us to have faith. Faith isn't about proof, it's about trusting God because He is worthy of that trust. All relationships are based in trust, none of them are based in proof.
OCD is always demanding proof/100% certainty. It can't bear even the tiniest smidgen of doubt. That's why it's called the "doubting disease." It drives us to continually seek reassurance, to continually "check" to make sure our faith is locked. It doesn't do this just in regard to our faith in God but it attacks many different realms of our life.
"What if I go crazy and harm my child? How can I be certain I won't? What if I contract a horrible disease if I don't continually wash my hands? What if I ran over someone accidently but just didn't see them? What if I am unfaithful to my spouse or he to me? How can I be sure? How can I get final proof that this or that won't happen?"
The answer is that you can't obtain that perfect proof. You might get a temporary "fix" from the checking activity but the OCD will always remind you that you can't really be certain - so you need to keep checking. Therefore, the key which lets you out of this trap is learning to live with the feelings of uncertainty. Until you let go and run that risk you can't move forward in managing the illness.
This is OCD Caty.
It was hard for me to finally acknowledge these same type of fears as illegitmate and label them OCD but that was the first big step in my therapy.
I won't feed your OCD by offering you yet another reassurance. That might seem mean but to do so legitimizes the obsession and makes it bigger and more threatening and I don't want to make matters worse for you.
I'll keep praying for you to get unstuck.
Love you!
Mitzi

but see to me I dont know if I was ever saved, I dont know if I care about God, I dont know if I truly believe in Jesus, I'm so scared of everything. Im afraid if i put the fears aside,ill be lieing to myself about something & ill never address it and maybe I dont really believe. Im afraid the thoughts are from me, but question on the thoughts. If they were truly 100% my heart (or anyone else's on here) do you think we would even care to post? About Hell, even if its the fear of Hell. Because Im worried that maybe I dont care about God & im jsut worried about Hell. I mean I want a good relationship with Him & if I dont love Him I want to, but what do you think??

 

[keryakos]

What you mean by "I don't know" is that you want 100 percent proof. But God asks us to have faith. Faith isn't about proof, it's about trusting God because He is worthy of that trust. All relationships are based in trust, none of them are based in proof.
OCD is always demanding proof/100% certainty. It can't bear even the tiniest smidgen of doubt. That's why it's called the "doubting disease." It drives us to continually seek reassurance, to continually "check" to make sure our faith is locked. It doesn't do this just in regard to our faith in God but it attacks many different realms of our life.
"What if I go crazy and harm my child? How can I be certain I won't? What if I contract a horrible disease if I don't continually wash my hands? What if I ran over someone accidently but just didn't see them? What if I am unfaithful to my spouse or he to me? How can I be sure? How can I get final proof that this or that won't happen?"
The answer is that you can't obtain that perfect proof. You might get a temporary "fix" from the checking activity but the OCD will always remind you that you can't really be certain - so you need to keep checking. Therefore, the key which lets you out of this trap is learning to live with the feelings of uncertainty. Until you let go and run that risk you can't move forward in managing the illness.
This is OCD Caty.
It was hard for me to finally acknowledge these same type of fears as illegitmate and label them OCD but that was the first big step in my therapy.
I won't feed your OCD by offering you yet another reassurance. That might seem mean but to do so legitimizes the obsession and makes it bigger and more threatening and I don't want to make matters worse for you.
I'll keep praying for you to get unstuck.
Love you!
Mitzi

but once entertained the thought wilfuflyy questioning if he was evil ...does this mean i cannot be forgiven ..

 

[JohnnieGuy]

but once entertained the thought wilfuflyy questioning if he was evil ...does this mean i cannot be forgiven ..

Don't you see that if you thought He was evil that you wouldn't care if you thought you thought He was evil? You would just think He was evil, and that's it.