S
Strix
Guest
Hi guys
As a lot of you know, I've struggled for years with suicidal thoughts and tendencies, self harm, OCD, panic attacks and now a nicely developing addiction. On top of this, I work in an incredibly dehumanising, stressful environment, have an alcoholic father and a mother who has destroyed my life with guilt. my face is the net result of 2 bungled NHS operations which have left me looking like frankenstein's monster, I have no friends and, most importantly to me, I can't get a girlfriend. When I pray, God doesnt speak to me, the Holy Spirit seems to be continually absent despite my sincerest efforts and I still dont see anything changing.
In short, I do not have one single positive thing in my life, at all. Nope, not one thing...
Reading the Bible, it makes all these promises about what God wants to do, how we can be blessed, and prospered in the desert, and how God loves us and wants the best for us. Yet, we all know all things happen in accordance with God's will. Now, God's will for me seems for me to suffer needlessly, to face constant disappointment and upset and never to be happy. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I bind/rebuke/claim victory/whatever Joel Osteen says to do, nothing changes.
I'm not naive, I didn't expect life to be easy after coming to Christ, but I didnt expect things to get worse on a daily basis.
So my thought is, if God wants me to suffer constantly, why is that something I should accept? And why would a loving father treat me so badly, after he rebukes others for doing the same?
Can someone please provide me with some guidance? I don't want to walk away from God, but I will not invest my love and adoration into a relationship that seems massively one sided at the moment.
As a lot of you know, I've struggled for years with suicidal thoughts and tendencies, self harm, OCD, panic attacks and now a nicely developing addiction. On top of this, I work in an incredibly dehumanising, stressful environment, have an alcoholic father and a mother who has destroyed my life with guilt. my face is the net result of 2 bungled NHS operations which have left me looking like frankenstein's monster, I have no friends and, most importantly to me, I can't get a girlfriend. When I pray, God doesnt speak to me, the Holy Spirit seems to be continually absent despite my sincerest efforts and I still dont see anything changing.
In short, I do not have one single positive thing in my life, at all. Nope, not one thing...
Reading the Bible, it makes all these promises about what God wants to do, how we can be blessed, and prospered in the desert, and how God loves us and wants the best for us. Yet, we all know all things happen in accordance with God's will. Now, God's will for me seems for me to suffer needlessly, to face constant disappointment and upset and never to be happy. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I bind/rebuke/claim victory/whatever Joel Osteen says to do, nothing changes.
I'm not naive, I didn't expect life to be easy after coming to Christ, but I didnt expect things to get worse on a daily basis.
So my thought is, if God wants me to suffer constantly, why is that something I should accept? And why would a loving father treat me so badly, after he rebukes others for doing the same?
Can someone please provide me with some guidance? I don't want to walk away from God, but I will not invest my love and adoration into a relationship that seems massively one sided at the moment.