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I'm thinking of walking away from God, here's why...

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Strix, Dec 13, 2009.

  1. Strix

    Strix Guest

    +0
    Hi guys

    As a lot of you know, I've struggled for years with suicidal thoughts and tendencies, self harm, OCD, panic attacks and now a nicely developing addiction. On top of this, I work in an incredibly dehumanising, stressful environment, have an alcoholic father and a mother who has destroyed my life with guilt. my face is the net result of 2 bungled NHS operations which have left me looking like frankenstein's monster, I have no friends and, most importantly to me, I can't get a girlfriend. When I pray, God doesnt speak to me, the Holy Spirit seems to be continually absent despite my sincerest efforts and I still dont see anything changing.

    In short, I do not have one single positive thing in my life, at all. Nope, not one thing...

    Reading the Bible, it makes all these promises about what God wants to do, how we can be blessed, and prospered in the desert, and how God loves us and wants the best for us. Yet, we all know all things happen in accordance with God's will. Now, God's will for me seems for me to suffer needlessly, to face constant disappointment and upset and never to be happy. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I bind/rebuke/claim victory/whatever Joel Osteen says to do, nothing changes.

    I'm not naive, I didn't expect life to be easy after coming to Christ, but I didnt expect things to get worse on a daily basis.

    So my thought is, if God wants me to suffer constantly, why is that something I should accept? And why would a loving father treat me so badly, after he rebukes others for doing the same?

    Can someone please provide me with some guidance? I don't want to walk away from God, but I will not invest my love and adoration into a relationship that seems massively one sided at the moment.
     
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  2. favoredbyGod

    favoredbyGod Regular Member

    444
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    God never promised us an easy life, so we will have to suffer, but he did promise that he would never leave us nor forsake us.

    Dont walk away from God please, run to him. That is what the devil would desire you to do, thats why he is fighting you so hard to make you think that your efforts are in vain, when they are not.

    Even Christ suffered, but the good thing about having to suffer is that it is only temporary even though it seems like forever.

    Keep praying and reading your bible, it always gets worst before it gets better. Don't give up!

    Praying 4 ya
     
  3. Macx

    Macx Well-Known Member

    +327
    Anglican
    Private
    US-Libertarian
    I don't know what NHS surgeries are & didn't have much luck with Wiki/ Google.

    I did dig up who Joel Osteen is & . .. I am not surprised that his words haven't done much good.

    I understand having scars & disfigurements.

    I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Sometimes it feels onesided boy don't I know it! The book of Job goes on for 37 chapters before God FINALLY speaks to Job in chapter 38 . . . . have you read Job? I have lived through the Book of Job myself, hence some of the scars, but the end of the book is remarkable. Really. Now with wife and children . . . happiness and contentment. Hang in there, there aren't easy answers, but there are answers.
     
  4. fm107

    fm107 Psalm 19:1-4 and Romans 1:20

    +129
    United Kingdom
    Protestant
    Married
    Both good and loving responses.

    Macx, NHS means National Health Service, Strix is probably making reference to the NHS in the UK.

    Strix,

    I'm extremely disappointed to see that you are willing to walk away from God, or for that matter even contemplate it!

    Friend, it's quite easy to think to yourself that your life is going horribly. You and indeed I do cannot even contemplate how blessed we really are. First and foremost, you appear to know about God. To be accounted among those who are chosen before the foundation of the world to become adopted sons of God is the greatest blessing any could ever even hope to be given. Praise be to God! Now think of the billions who have lived and died, you are among a minority of people who know God.

    Matthew 7:13-14
    “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

    Now lets look and basic essential things, you have food, clothing, warmth. There are millions of people on this earth who live knowing that they cannot find food to feed themselves let alone their children.

    How fortunate are you to live in a country with a National Health Service? Again millions of people do not even have this luxury.

    You said you have been living for years with suicidal thoughts, self harm etc. This shows me that you are not close to God. Could this be down to sin?

    So your face might not look nice, well at least you’re not missing a hand or a foot like the people in war-torn countries.

    You said you have no friends, well I can see you lonely. What about those at Church?

    This guy Joel Osteen, I've on recently found out who he is, from a video I seen on youtube, he doesn't appear to be a true Christian. Instead of looking at what Joel is telling you, try reading the bible more. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.

    Regarding, you’re testing times:

    Matthew 5:45
    He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

    James 1:2-3
    Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

    You also go on to talk about a one-sided relationship. Don't you think what God done on the cross for you was one-sided? How dare you say that the relationship is one-sided. After all that God has done for you.

    Friend, go away have a think over the good things you have, God has blessed you abundantly, so much in fact that you have lost sight of that.
    If your feeling distant from God, then I think it is probably due to sin, I know from experience. God is merciful and loving, pray to him, and pray too for faith.

    God bless.
     
  5. AliveOne

    AliveOne Newbie

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    Seeker
    Hello strix,

    You say you live with guilt, why don't you forgive yourself? In other words it sounds like you don't love yourself. You say you don't have one good thing in your life but I can tell you that you do. You have the ability to change the lives of other people by loving them. To overcome depression and pain we need to focus our attention on others and not of ourselves. We weren't called to be live for ourselves but for others. With love the pain will go away. It starts with yourself.

    Don't give up faith in Love(God).
     
  6. Ex-Sinner

    Ex-Sinner New Member

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    It seems like you're feeling a bit lonely. I can assure you, I have the exact same problem. I've never had real friends, never had girlfriends. Never had the love of my family and probably never will. All because I've been misformed for my whole life.

    There are 2 things that comfort me in my life:

    1. Online-Gaming:
    This is the place where I find my pleasure and comfort in. Here people judge me on my personality and intelligence, not on my looks. I have plenty of friends here in my guild/clan, people who I play with daily, who help me with all kinds of stuff!

    2. My pets.

    I never felt the need to be suicidal, because there were plenty of other stuff I could do without people that looked at me as if I am a monster.

    Good luck!
     
  7. Rocklee

    Rocklee Newbie

    275
    +17
    Christian
    Single
    Are you in the UK? Migrate :p

    A lot of people have and are going through this, you are not alone but that doesn't make you any less special. See a counsellor!! See 2! Find a close Christian uncle/auntie that you can share with regarding your family situation. Let your church group or pasta know what you're going through with your suicidal thoughts so that they can be on the lookout for you and pray for you. Discuss your addiction here or with the people mentioned, they are all willing to listen.

    The fact that you're thinking about these things is maybe because you don't feel worth it, a waste of time, you are of no value to anyone etc.

    Guess what, it could be worst, but you can inspire when you overcome your struggles, just like this guy :

    /watch?v=nQPmY4nIjVE (youtube video)

    Or search on youtube for Nick Vujicic.

    You are down right now and are more sensitive to the stresses of work and what people think of you. Everybody goes through that its what you fall onto at the end of the day that gives you strength for the next. Get well, and get support.

    Get out of the situation. Their problems should be exactly that, not yours! You need to let the blame and anger go and let God take care of it, you got to start taking care of yourself!

    Could have been worst, no face. Get it fixed but most importantly smile more.

    Again, your troubles are weighing you down, get in touch with the people I mentioned and take it from there. Friends are easy to find but they are also easy to lose, everyone struggles, even famous people. So what does that mean? People in society all try to bring something to the table that is of value to someone else, that's what makes them a friend which of course is not right. I think the best example of what a true friend is Jesus, look at what he did, what he said, and why people admired him. He also didn't have a girlfriend either because he had a much greater purpose to save all of us. Now it's your purpose to continue the life he gave us.

    Nothing is working because you're not talking or sharing with anyone. How can the HS work through you? Its like sitting at home waiting for the garden to take care of itself. Give yourself some responsibilities that you can do and feel good about doing.

    Like a lot of speakers, Joel is good at one thing only, speaking. He's not out to solve people's problems directly but to share his opinions that people feel good about listening to and that makes him feel great! He's doing the things he loves doing. But know this, if Joel had your problems he would absolutely struggle too. Yeah a lot of people who are having it good are taking a lot of things for granted, they will do everything they can to never let bad things happen to them. Some are even terrified!

    With Joel there is no exchange of ideas and opinions, you need to find people to give you that opportunity so that you can share your heart and be resoluted.

    God doesn't want you to suffer, in fact he's not the one that allows suffering. You do that to yourself, you let other people make you suffer, you let suffering become who you are. Depression does that to people, its not in our genetic makeup to be depressed but we think it is so we keep passing it onto the next generation! The plant outside is probably dying, help it, give it nourishment. You have the ability to do that and so much more! People ended up with beautiful gardens! Notice how I use garderning as a reference a lot :)

    When you said that you would walk away I started thinking of Star wars lol Something about the forces of evil, it is strong and it can be used with overwhelming effects but the end result is darth vader sitting on the seat of ego all alone by himself, probably in anger and tears because he can't get people to love him despite all the hurt he gives them. What a miserable life.

    I know I wrote a lot but people who share problems like this often want long answers ;) Most of all, you want some encouragement and I'm sure that would come in abundance on CF.
     
  8. truthrocks

    truthrocks Newbie

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    When looking at the big picture; happiness, love and life for eternity puts the short time suffering here on earth in perspective. If may seem long and hard to people now but it is really a short time compared to eternity! Jesus the son of God suffered himself here on earth!

    We all have suffering, many of us similar type's of suffering.
    Everybody has a cross to bear, often multiple ones. We all have to see loved ones die etc. We have to die ourselves. Suffering actually bonds us humans. Perhaps that is another thing we must get better at, compassion!

    Without death and suffering would there be love, caring and compassion?

    I also think that earth is a learning place, sort of being in the university of life, preparing for the true life that God want's us to have!
    And don't be to down there are many wonderful things and times here on earth to enjoy. Look at the beautiful creation God has put all around us. Maybe you aren't seeing some of the things you do have going for you! You are searching and I think you will find peace. Bad things happen to all of us, some more, some less. People really do become better after hardship if they have the right attitude. Sometime it takes time. The right girl will come along too.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  9. leeone

    leeone New Member

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    I would not knock Joel Osteen to much. When you both get to Heaven, ask him how many souls he has brought to Christ. Then let him ask you the same question.

    God bless thoughs who deserve it.
    Pastor Leland
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  10. Macx

    Macx Well-Known Member

    +327
    Anglican
    Private
    US-Libertarian
    Funny thing about that. There once was a farm hand, decent Christian man but never could bring himself to witness much. Once he had a conversation with little Billy about Jesus, the fella wasn't sure if the young man was really turning to Christ or just trying to "play along" he'd certainly not done enough witnessing to discern. So he talked the young man into trying out a tent revival.

    Billy grew up, reached about 2.2 billion listeners, by 1993 2.5 million people had "come forward at "little Billy's" crusades, he wrote 28 widely circulated Christian books, founded a few seminaries, etc, etc. Number 7 on Gallup's most admired people of the 21st century (a secular) poll .. . .

    So Leland, it is like this: Joel Osteen can do what ever he does & get whatever results he gets, but someone who only maybe reaches ONE person for Christ, may bring the next Billy Graham into the Kingdom. I'll keep looking EACH person I witness to in the eye, praying each one to be as fruitful as Billy. Besides, in heaven I am going to be too busy casting my crown at the feet of Him who is worthy of all honor and praise to waste my time with some two bit prosperity doctrine snake oil salesman.
     
  11. AngelicRose

    AngelicRose Regular Member

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    Christian
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    I avoid Joel's books/videos/teachings because based on what I've read in the Bible, they don't match up. Now what I would recommend you check out is Rick Warren's "A Purpose Driven Life" because it seems like you can't find a purpose in life, which is leading you to give up on God.

    I've dealt with depression and anxiety since I was young--- a lot of people have, which doesn't mean your depression isn't any less "bad" but people are walking in your shoes. There are MANY people who understand and want to help others out, online discussions forums have been very helpful to me and other people as well. Of course, if its getting very bad, I recommend talking to a therapist (a Christian one at that).

    My Dad is an alcoholic, my Mom has some mental issues: they both raised me as well as they could, but it's still MY choice to decide on how I want to live my life. As painful as it can be to relive certain events that your parents put you through, please realize they are the PAST, you live in the PRESENT.

    Everybody lives a different life, but I found when I stopped telling God that I want a, b, and c and THEN I would be happy, I received more blessings from Him. I wanted a WONDERFUL boyfriend and instead I ended up dating abusive guys. I stopped asking God and I stopped looking and suddenly I was introduced to a wonderful Christian guy. Same with other areas of my life.
     
  12. JusSumguy

    JusSumguy Active Member

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    Christian
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    Just sour grapes Strix.

    You'll get over it. We know you're a child of God.

    Don't fight it, it's bigger than all of us. :thumbsup:


    [​IMG]
     
  13. b.hopeful

    b.hopeful Sharp as a razor, soft as a prayer

    +268
    United Ch. of Christ
    Married
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    One thing that jumped out........you can walk away from God but your miseries will still be there. The only difference, you really will have no hope. However, continuing to walk with faith(not by sight brother, never by sight) gives you the hope that you are walking into the arms of your Redeemer.

    It truly sounds as if you are at rock bottom....the upside is you can't go lower...this is it and you survived. The glory will be all the greater.
     
  14. Christsdaughter

    Christsdaughter Member

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    You are right. We are not promised that we will always feel happy in the flesh. In fact, we are promised that we will suffer pain, suffering, trials, and temptation. If we always felt happy, we would feel self-sufficient and not realize our need for God. He allows us to suffer so that we will realize our need for Him and if we go to Him and rely on Him to fulfill our deepest needs, He will fulfill them in order to bring glory to His name. With Him, we can find true joy even in our sufferings. That is hard to imagine, but is the truth! I've experienced it myself! He is our comforter, healer, strength, power, etc. He wants us to place our dependence on Him each day. He wants to walk alongside us and help to ease the load we are carrying.

    I am reading an awesome devotional called "Springs in the Valley" by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman. Here is a quote from it:

    "How blessed to drink from the springs of health, and find our strength renewed day by day, and the life of God flowing into even our physical organs and functions!
    'All my fresh springs are in thee!'
    Beloved, God has for us these springs, and we need them every day. Let us drink of the living waters. Nay, let us receive them into our very hearts, so that we shall carry the fountain with us wherever we go."


    And another one from the same devotional:

    "Jesus never sends a man ahead alone. He blazes a clear way through every thicket and woods, and then softly calls, 'Follow me. Let's go on together, you and I.' He has been everywhere that we are called to go. His feet have trodden down smooth a path through every experience that comes to us. He knows each road, and knows it well: the valley road of disappointment with its dark shadows; the steep path of temptation down through the rocky ravines and slippery gullies; the narrow path of pain, with the brambly thorn bushes so close on each side, with their slash and sting; the dizzy road along the heights of victory; the old beaten road of commonplace daily routine. Everyday paths He has trodden and glorified, and will walk anew with each of us. The only safe way to travel is with Him alongside and in control"


    I hope that that quote blessed you like it did me!
     
  15. Christsdaughter

    Christsdaughter Member

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    I don't know anything about Joel, but you should always be care to measure what one says against the Bible and ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment. Never become a follower of man. There are lots of deceivers out there. Some of those popular televangelists are doing what they can to bring glory to themselves and get rich doing it. Just be careful! God has everything that you need.
     
  16. Jeffwhosoever

    Jeffwhosoever Faithful Servant Staff Member Assistant Chaplain Angels Team Supporter

    +2,443
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    John 16:33 (NIV):

    "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

    Matthew 22:28(b):

    "And surely I am with you always, to the end of the age."

    Revelation 22:13:

    "I am Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."
     
  17. Miss Elly

    Miss Elly Miss Elly

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    Hi there! Am praying for you. I had feelings just like you when I felt God was not listening or doing anything for me to help me. In short, I was mad at God. I even got mad and said ok God,I am going to backslide!!!! I even picked out the sin I wanted to committ, how dumb is that? In my case, I wanted to go pick out a man and have a good time, I won't go into details here. I was so lonely and felt no one cared, poor little me and God wouldn't send me a husband after all my begging and pleading!

    But you know, you may try to let go of God, but it's not that easy because he won't let go of you! He loves you, loves you, loves you! In my case, the situation I envisioned didn't come about, God blocked it! Back then, I wish I had had the knowledge just to thank and praise God for my situation, instead of complaining about it. That is what he wants from us, and trust me, it is a big sacrifice when you feel like everything is against you! But I have confidence in you and so does God. Something good will come into your life. Joel Osteen is a very happy, cheerful uplifting person and he does help and encourage people. I do know of a sinner who turned to God because of Joel Olsteen. People have different ministries.

    Don't be discouraged, be encouraged, your God is walking toward on the water. Take his hand! Let go of your fear:preach:
    :angel:
     
  18. Miss Elly

    Miss Elly Miss Elly

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    Married
    US-Republican
    Hi there! Am praying for you. I had feelings just like you when I felt God was not listening or doing anything for me to help me. In short, I was mad at God. I even got mad and said ok God,I am going to backslide!!!! I even picked out the sin I wanted to committ, how dumb is that? In my case, I wanted to go pick out a man and have a good time, I won't go into details here. I was so lonely and felt no one cared, poor little me and God wouldn't send me a husband after all my begging and pleading!

    But you know, you may try to let go of God, but it's not that easy because he won't let go of you! He loves you, loves you, loves you! In my case, the situation I envisioned didn't come about, God blocked it! Back then, I wish I had had the knowledge just to thank and praise God for my situation, instead of complaining about it. That is what he wants from us, and trust me, it is a big sacrifice when you feel like everything is against you! But I have confidence in you and so does God. Something good will come into your life. Joel Osteen is a very happy, cheerful uplifting person and he does help and encourage people. I do know of a sinner who turned to God because of Joel Olsteen. People have different ministries.

    Don't be discouraged, be encouraged, your God is walking toward on the water. Take his hand! Let go of your fear:preach:
    :angel:
     
  19. scrofford

    scrofford God Seeker

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    I can actually relate to your going through the tough times. You know God will allow us to go through these trials to build us up for great things He has planned for us. You don't see it now, but let me assure you that if you are going through these things, you are actually being prepared for something the Lord has for you to do.

    Let me tell you, I understand about things getting worse on a daily basis. I understand about it seeming that God isn't hearing you and that nothing you do to stand against the enemy works. All I can tell you is from experience...when you have done all to stand, stand and trust that God is bringing you through. It's not easy. It sucks. Growing in God is never easy. We grow in the valleys my friend-not on the mountain tops. I have been learning this first hand!

    You aren't suffering needlessly although you are suffering. Let the Lord lead you through this and bring you to the place he has for you. It IS worth it! Continue to pray and seek His face. Grow in the Word of God. He has a plan for you. Don't listen to the lies of the enemy. You are being molded and fashioned into something that He wants you to become.
     
  20. christandisrael

    christandisrael Regular Member

    682
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    Non-Denom
    Don't give up on the Lord. Don't listen to a man, listen to the Lord. If you leave, you will regret it, because the Lord wants the best for you. If you don't believe me now, there is the best part which is the home in the future. Keep praying because God does love you and He does have a plan for you and will bring you into joy. Read the book ok Job. That will be inspirational for you. The Lord is good, don't get rid of him.
     
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