I'm Tempted...

[Redguard]

To sit here in front of my computer (at almost 1:00am) and vent about an argument that I just got into with the wife.

But at the same time, I know that I don't want to invite all of you into my house because it's inappropriate.

Yet, I find that a lot of people do it anyway... and I know that I've done it in the past, only to come across the same post later on once I'm feeling better... and feeling like a complete idiot for airing out my dirty laundry for all to see. I've promised myself not to do it again.

So why am I so tempted to vent everything out on the keyboard and seek for the opinions or disapprovals of people on the 'net? Right now, I'm feeling the anger of 1000 suns towards my wife, but I know that it'll be better in a matter of days... or weeks... lol.

Right now, I'm just looking for something to make me feel better. I guess that CF can be my catharsis at times. CF... and Xbox (which I'll probably play once I log off).

I also find that when I'm really angry, I 'know' that I should pray about it, but I really don't feel like doing that.

I could really do without these emotions right now.

 

[InTheFlame]

Probably because you want to get that anger out by talking about it (normal and fairly healthy, IF done in the right way) and because you're not currently feeling very 'approved' of right now... and you'd like to tell people all about it to get sympathy and approval

How about you write it all out on paper, then burn the paper? This has a couple of uses... it helps you organise your thoughts about the argument, AND the burning has a certain symbolism (letting go of the anger now that you've expressed it). Oh yeah, and there's no damning evidence of how selfish, arrogant, whatever you were feeling, left lying around!

(remember to talk to your wife about whatever set it off once you've both calmed down and had a good sleep)

 

[Magic]

it is normal when you feel angry to tell to whole world how you feel. but in those moments we have to come to our senses and do what IS right to do even if we don't feel like doing it!PRAY!

 

[Evie]

To sit here in front of my computer (at almost 1:00am) and vent about an argument that I just got into with the wife.

But at the same time, I know that I don't want to invite all of you into my house because it's inappropriate.

Yet, I find that a lot of people do it anyway... and I know that I've done it in the past, only to come across the same post later on once I'm feeling better... and feeling like a complete idiot for airing out my dirty laundry for all to see. I've promised myself not to do it again.

So why am I so tempted to vent everything out on the keyboard and seek for the opinions or disapprovals of people on the 'net? Right now, I'm feeling the anger of 1000 suns towards my wife, but I know that it'll be better in a matter of days... or weeks... lol.

Right now, I'm just looking for something to make me feel better. I guess that CF can be my catharsis at times. CF... and Xbox (which I'll probably play once I log off).

I also find that when I'm really angry, I 'know' that I should pray about it, but I really don't feel like doing that.

I could really do without these emotions right now.

yep.I'm kinda the same way. It's our way of blowing off steam or like you said "venting" It's okay,we're here to listen. Praying that everything will clear up for you and your spouse. God bless

 

[fruitrach]

It's all too easy isn't it? To discuss things online which are all to personal/intimate/embarrassing/humbling to say to someone face to face.

I've been thinking about it lots lately and am trying to pull myself back from being so open online. We ruin intimacy with our spouses by sharing it with other people. One of the biggest and most important challenges in marriage is to hold the spouse in higher esteem than we hold ourselves - I find it SO hard... is everything I say about Dan positive? are the negative things I say necessary? why do I feel the need to say those things? etc etc.

 

[GirlieGirl]

Be strong man! Would it make your situation better or worse if she knew you were discussing it here? Think on that and then try to do the best thing.

 

[Mr Wesley]

I know I've done this exact thing at least once here on CF, and later discovered that my ranting elicited much more... dramatic response than I expected.

I think the issue--with myself, at least--is one of anonymity. Although I have a good group of guys I can discuss things with, I can't always get to them as immediately as I can with folks here. The people here don't know who I really am, and I have a lot more freedom to go overboard with my emotions than I would be face to face because nobody can interrupt my ranting with logic.

One one hand, when the Web was still young and message boards a novelty, they helped me find my voice and gave me the confidence to speak my mind without renumeration when I wouldn't have been able to do so face-to-face. On the other hand, when taken to extremes, message boards can be a crutch for me to quash my true thoughts and emotions around my friends and family in order to vent in front of a bunch of strangers.

 

[heartnsoul]

If you don't feel comfortable sharing your marital problems on the internet, then you probably should take the problems to God in prayer. God is our best friend! God will comfort you and help calm you down. The worst thing to do is not do anything and keep the anger inside of you.

Venting is okay so long as the goal is to eventually solve the problem. Some people don't solve problems...they just vent all the time and the problems snowball into a huge mess.

I pray that God intervenes in your marriage and brings peace to your heart. God bless.

 

[LynnMcG]

Oh my gosh. I did this last Tuesday and I felt like such an idiot. I'm tempted to go back and erase my post... My situation was solved within an hour or so of me posting and naturally the responses were more dramatic than necessary. We don't know each other. You guys don't know my husband. AND I had NO business talking about something here that I should have talked about with my husband in the first place. The problem? Living in the flesh instead of in the Word.

 

[Redguard]

During our pre-marital counselling sessions we were taught that whatever problems arise in the relationship shouldn't venture outside for other to be privy to.

And I believe in that.

I can think back to times when my wife and I were dating, and I'd go on a messageboard and vent my problems with her, painting a horrible picture of her to others... and then if the next week comes and I'm talking about how much I love her and how wonderful she is, people start to think I'm schizo.

That's why I think that there is truth in the advice of keeping certain problems within your relationship and not having others see your relationship as anything less.

 

[isaiah5213]

i have done that before... and i wanted to melt thru the floor, because i would come back, and say all solved, but there were too many hard feelings toward my husband from the other posters.

it becomes hard to get other posters to believe in our marriages when they see negatives posts all the time.

 

[LynnMcG]

it becomes hard to get other posters to believe in our marriages when they see negatives posts all the time.

Exactly! Rarely do I read anything positive on this board. And that's a problem for those of us married a little longer than others and for those looking for a positive example. We should use this board for edification too. And I don't mean to criticize those who post their problems here. I can see where most people are truly in need of responsible assistance. I mean, what Redguard was talking about; what I am guilty of doing last week. We need to be more mindful.

 

[Southern Cross]

LynnMcG, I hear you. I'm one of those negative posters . I know it, I feel bad about it from time to time. But this is the only place I can come and actually get good advice (not sympathy) when things are really bad. When churches don't provide counseling anymore unless you pay $150/hr, when you just do NOT want to bring up things in front of your friends, CF is such a blessing. I hope the things I say about my marriage don't drag the rest of y'all down. Marriage can be oh-so-good!

Redguard - sometimes this is the BEST place to come. People here really do care about you. And if they didn't care, they wouldn't be here on this particular forum. So you can choose to stay away and keep things in your marriage, that's fine. But sometimes it really helps to get an outside perspective.

I know these folks have helped me tremendously. There is much wisdom in their words from time to time, once you sort through the opinions and recognize wise counsel. I'll often read through responses to my questions, then go out to Panera Bread and Starbucks, and just think (yes, it's 80 degrees here today, I can do that in shorts and sandles and sit under a palm tree, LOL!) And then I pray. Responses on these forums let me really explore all the possibilities, rather than just thinking in my own little box... and have helped me to change preconceived notions about how various problems should be handled in my own marriage.

One day I hope to be the one making positive posts here !

Exactly! Rarely do I read anything positive on this board. And that's a problem for those of us married a little longer than others and for those looking for a positive example. We should use this board for edification too. And I don't mean to criticize those who post their problems here. I can see where most people are truly in need of responsible assistance. I mean, what Redguard was talking about; what I am guilty of doing last week. We need to be more mindful.

 

[EmSchmem]

thank you for standing against that temptation. There are so many people who come here and vent everything that their spouse does and then they can't figure out why people think their spouses are crazy or that they need to get marital counseling. The same people get all defensive and all "you know nothing about me" and they don't realize what damage they are doing to their marriages. Even if you do need to vent it to a few close friends that's one thing but not for the whole world to see.

 

[heartnsoul]

I agree with Southern Cross. As the body of Christ, we are all here to help one another out. After all, we are all brothers and sisters, true? Granted, this forum has more negative posts than postive ones, but regardless--there is genuine love and care in this forum so it is really a blessing. Sometimes going to friends and family, you'll get a biased opinion. The beauty of the CF is that the opinions (for the most part) are objective. Because we are all anonymous, the advice/opinions being given are all objective. You can even say they are advice perhaps led by the Holy Spirit.

There are certain problems that do require marital counseling...and then there are some minor problems that can easily be remedied and easily viewed by others as just a "minor bad hair day" problem. Either way, as long as the main goal in our hearts is to get sound advice and not to degrade our spouses, then I see no harm in posting problems.

 

[Lorie]

My grandma always said......

Keep your words small and sweet because you never know when you will have to eat them...

 

[EmSchmem]

Either way, as long as the main goal in our hearts is to get sound advice and not to degrade our spouses, then I see no harm in posting problems.

True... if someone is looking for what to do with a situation they should feel free to talk about it and ask for advice. Though I STILL contend they should do so with a few select people rather than air their problems for all to see.
BUT! (and that's one BIG BUT!) there are many many many who rant and vent about their spouses on what seems to be a weekly basis. How is this POSSIBLY good for their marriage? The best advice for someone who needs to vent is to write it and burn it! We need to put our (and our spouses) best foot forward to other people. No this doesn't mean that we make everything look good on the outside while it really is awful on the inside. It means we don't need to air every gripe about our spouse who is just as big as a sinner and mistake maker and pain in the butt as we are!

 

[Redguard]

I ended up writing a letter that night (hand-written, as opposed to 'typed'). I was able to get a lot of the frustration off of my chest... and communicate my feelings without the interruptions that arguments cause.

It wasn't a nasty letter or anything... just a clear, unheated explanation of what I was feeling. I left it in an envelope for the wife to read while I was at work the next day.

Things still aren't back to 100%, but it's getting there now. Probably more like... 70%. Either way, in hindsight, I would've felt embarassed now if I had blurted everything out on here.