I'm struggling

[ermcon]

Hi! I've never really done this before, but I really just don't know where else to go. As the title says, I'm struggling. There's just so much happening in my life, it feels as though I'm drowning. I normally can find God in every situation, once I step back, but He seems to be missing right now.

So, I have severe depression and anxiety. That's something that I've been living with for years, and it's all under control. Some days are harder than others, but that's to be expected. I think it's important to understand that before I go into more detail with the rest of the junk I have on my plate at the moment.

My grandpa is dying. He lives 2 and a half hours from me. My grandma is still with him and she is healthier than the rest of us. But there is a guilt that is eating away at me: I want to help, but I just don't know how. I'm a full-time college student, taking 18 credits while also working upwards of 30 hours a week just to scrape enough together to pay for essentials. I can't afford to miss a weekend of work to go down, and I'm not even sure my grandma would want me to come down. My whole family still sees me as the baby, even though I just turned 21 years old a few weeks ago. My grandma is also taking care of my aunt who has dementia and Alzheimers. I know she has to be struggling emotionally, watching not only her sister's mind deteriorate, but also her husband dying. I want nothing more than to either curl into a ball and disappear until everything calms down, or to go be superwoman and take care of both my grandma and grandpa. It's killing me inside to know there's really nothing I can do. It's killing me to feel so helpless.

As a result from my crazy schedule, I don't have many friends at school. I'm about 3 hours from home (opposite direction of my grandparents). That wears on me too, as I'm a very social person. Sometimes I just need a hug, but have literally no one who I can ask for one.

School is absolutely kicking my butt right now, too. I have another 3 semesters to complete. I guess it's not so much specifically school that's kicking my butt--it's just life in general. I can't seem to stay healthy for more than a day or two. God has taken a back burner (mostly because I just get frustrated every time I try to spend time with Him because I can never see Him or feel Him). I've tried everything I can think of to stay afloat. I'm worried that I might fall into bad habits (especially since I'm 21 now and can buy my own alcohol). I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe understanding? Prayers? Words of advice?

I just genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

All of that does seem stressful. Don't exert or stretch yourself more than necessary because you have alot to focus on. Definitely try talking to a friend or family member. Talking helps relieve stress and can help provide solutions...

I hope things get better for you

 

[God is good]

Hi! I've never really done this before, but I really just don't know where else to go. As the title says, I'm struggling. There's just so much happening in my life, it feels as though I'm drowning. I normally can find God in every situation, once I step back, but He seems to be missing right now.

So, I have severe depression and anxiety. That's something that I've been living with for years, and it's all under control. Some days are harder than others, but that's to be expected. I think it's important to understand that before I go into more detail with the rest of the junk I have on my plate at the moment.

My grandpa is dying. He lives 2 and a half hours from me. My grandma is still with him and she is healthier than the rest of us. But there is a guilt that is eating away at me: I want to help, but I just don't know how. I'm a full-time college student, taking 18 credits while also working upwards of 30 hours a week just to scrape enough together to pay for essentials. I can't afford to miss a weekend of work to go down, and I'm not even sure my grandma would want me to come down. My whole family still sees me as the baby, even though I just turned 21 years old a few weeks ago. My grandma is also taking care of my aunt who has dementia and Alzheimers. I know she has to be struggling emotionally, watching not only her sister's mind deteriorate, but also her husband dying. I want nothing more than to either curl into a ball and disappear until everything calms down, or to go be superwoman and take care of both my grandma and grandpa. It's killing me inside to know there's really nothing I can do. It's killing me to feel so helpless.

As a result from my crazy schedule, I don't have many friends at school. I'm about 3 hours from home (opposite direction of my grandparents). That wears on me too, as I'm a very social person. Sometimes I just need a hug, but have literally no one who I can ask for one.

School is absolutely kicking my butt right now, too. I have another 3 semesters to complete. I guess it's not so much specifically school that's kicking my butt--it's just life in general. I can't seem to stay healthy for more than a day or two. God has taken a back burner (mostly because I just get frustrated every time I try to spend time with Him because I can never see Him or feel Him). I've tried everything I can think of to stay afloat. I'm worried that I might fall into bad habits (especially since I'm 21 now and can buy my own alcohol). I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe understanding? Prayers? Words of advice?

I just genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this.

Just keep praying to God and try to focus on Jesus and I will pray for you. I pray things get better for you. God bless

 

[JD16]

Hi! I've never really done this before, but I really just don't know where else to go. As the title says, I'm struggling. There's just so much happening in my life, it feels as though I'm drowning. I normally can find God in every situation, once I step back, but He seems to be missing right now.

So, I have severe depression and anxiety. That's something that I've been living with for years, and it's all under control. Some days are harder than others, but that's to be expected. I think it's important to understand that before I go into more detail with the rest of the junk I have on my plate at the moment.

My grandpa is dying. He lives 2 and a half hours from me. My grandma is still with him and she is healthier than the rest of us. But there is a guilt that is eating away at me: I want to help, but I just don't know how. I'm a full-time college student, taking 18 credits while also working upwards of 30 hours a week just to scrape enough together to pay for essentials. I can't afford to miss a weekend of work to go down, and I'm not even sure my grandma would want me to come down. My whole family still sees me as the baby, even though I just turned 21 years old a few weeks ago. My grandma is also taking care of my aunt who has dementia and Alzheimers. I know she has to be struggling emotionally, watching not only her sister's mind deteriorate, but also her husband dying. I want nothing more than to either curl into a ball and disappear until everything calms down, or to go be superwoman and take care of both my grandma and grandpa. It's killing me inside to know there's really nothing I can do. It's killing me to feel so helpless.

As a result from my crazy schedule, I don't have many friends at school. I'm about 3 hours from home (opposite direction of my grandparents). That wears on me too, as I'm a very social person. Sometimes I just need a hug, but have literally no one who I can ask for one.

School is absolutely kicking my butt right now, too. I have another 3 semesters to complete. I guess it's not so much specifically school that's kicking my butt--it's just life in general. I can't seem to stay healthy for more than a day or two. God has taken a back burner (mostly because I just get frustrated every time I try to spend time with Him because I can never see Him or feel Him). I've tried everything I can think of to stay afloat. I'm worried that I might fall into bad habits (especially since I'm 21 now and can buy my own alcohol). I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe understanding? Prayers? Words of advice?

I just genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this.

Life can be overwhelming at times, especially if you're stressed out and have no one to turn too. Maybe you can try counselling, as that would help you put things into perspective, and your councillor may recommend professional help if he/she deems that you require any. My advise would be to stay away from alcohol, it gives temporary relief but solves nothing and should you fall into addiction, it would just complicate your problems. Take care and all the best.

 

[Tomm]

Hi! I've never really done this before, but I really just don't know where else to go. As the title says, I'm struggling. There's just so much happening in my life, it feels as though I'm drowning. I normally can find God in every situation, once I step back, but He seems to be missing right now.

So, I have severe depression and anxiety. That's something that I've been living with for years, and it's all under control. Some days are harder than others, but that's to be expected. I think it's important to understand that before I go into more detail with the rest of the junk I have on my plate at the moment.

My grandpa is dying. He lives 2 and a half hours from me. My grandma is still with him and she is healthier than the rest of us. But there is a guilt that is eating away at me: I want to help, but I just don't know how. I'm a full-time college student, taking 18 credits while also working upwards of 30 hours a week just to scrape enough together to pay for essentials. I can't afford to miss a weekend of work to go down, and I'm not even sure my grandma would want me to come down. My whole family still sees me as the baby, even though I just turned 21 years old a few weeks ago. My grandma is also taking care of my aunt who has dementia and Alzheimers. I know she has to be struggling emotionally, watching not only her sister's mind deteriorate, but also her husband dying. I want nothing more than to either curl into a ball and disappear until everything calms down, or to go be superwoman and take care of both my grandma and grandpa. It's killing me inside to know there's really nothing I can do. It's killing me to feel so helpless.

As a result from my crazy schedule, I don't have many friends at school. I'm about 3 hours from home (opposite direction of my grandparents). That wears on me too, as I'm a very social person. Sometimes I just need a hug, but have literally no one who I can ask for one.

School is absolutely kicking my butt right now, too. I have another 3 semesters to complete. I guess it's not so much specifically school that's kicking my butt--it's just life in general. I can't seem to stay healthy for more than a day or two. God has taken a back burner (mostly because I just get frustrated every time I try to spend time with Him because I can never see Him or feel Him). I've tried everything I can think of to stay afloat. I'm worried that I might fall into bad habits (especially since I'm 21 now and can buy my own alcohol). I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe understanding? Prayers? Words of advice?

I just genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this.

Dear ermcon,

I will be praying for you.
God loves you. Which church do you go to?

Tom

 

[Greg J.]

... It's killing me inside to know there's really nothing I can do. It's killing me to feel so helpless.

As a result from my crazy schedule, I don't have many friends at school. I'm about 3 hours from home (opposite direction of my grandparents). That wears on me too, as I'm a very social person. Sometimes I just need a hug, but have literally no one who I can ask for one.

School is absolutely kicking my butt right now, too. I have another 3 semesters to complete. I guess it's not so much specifically school that's kicking my butt--it's just life in general.

I think you have answered your own question. When you are facing this amount of pressure, I think it is valuable to examine what you are actually responsible for—as in, accountable to God for. Why aren't your grandparent's children taking care of them? Except in unusual circumstances, you aren't responsible for that. It may seem like the Christian thing to do, but their children are equipped to care for them in ways you cannot be. The reality of your distance from them means you cannot care for them in ways that has them on your mind daily. Don't think that because you are closer to your grandparents than your parents that makes you any more responsible for anything. You either need to move close to them or let up on what you think you should be doing. In an emergency you might move up there for a weekend, but I would suggest not visiting them more than once/month, regardless, and even then homework may prevent that. Moreover, unless you consider dropping out of school a possibility, you might have to not visit them during the semester at all if it is going to keep you drained and not doing your best with homework. College can be more than a full-time activity and IMO should be seen as a very serious commitment which is going to affect the rest of your life.

Go to church / young-people groups for hugs and to share your burdens, which we are commanded to do by God for our own good.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Hi! I've never really done this before, but I really just don't know where else to go. As the title says, I'm struggling. There's just so much happening in my life, it feels as though I'm drowning. I normally can find God in every situation, once I step back, but He seems to be missing right now.

So, I have severe depression and anxiety. That's something that I've been living with for years, and it's all under control. Some days are harder than others, but that's to be expected. I think it's important to understand that before I go into more detail with the rest of the junk I have on my plate at the moment.

My grandpa is dying. He lives 2 and a half hours from me. My grandma is still with him and she is healthier than the rest of us. But there is a guilt that is eating away at me: I want to help, but I just don't know how. I'm a full-time college student, taking 18 credits while also working upwards of 30 hours a week just to scrape enough together to pay for essentials. I can't afford to miss a weekend of work to go down, and I'm not even sure my grandma would want me to come down. My whole family still sees me as the baby, even though I just turned 21 years old a few weeks ago. My grandma is also taking care of my aunt who has dementia and Alzheimers. I know she has to be struggling emotionally, watching not only her sister's mind deteriorate, but also her husband dying. I want nothing more than to either curl into a ball and disappear until everything calms down, or to go be superwoman and take care of both my grandma and grandpa. It's killing me inside to know there's really nothing I can do. It's killing me to feel so helpless.

As a result from my crazy schedule, I don't have many friends at school. I'm about 3 hours from home (opposite direction of my grandparents). That wears on me too, as I'm a very social person. Sometimes I just need a hug, but have literally no one who I can ask for one.

School is absolutely kicking my butt right now, too. I have another 3 semesters to complete. I guess it's not so much specifically school that's kicking my butt--it's just life in general. I can't seem to stay healthy for more than a day or two. God has taken a back burner (mostly because I just get frustrated every time I try to spend time with Him because I can never see Him or feel Him). I've tried everything I can think of to stay afloat. I'm worried that I might fall into bad habits (especially since I'm 21 now and can buy my own alcohol). I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe understanding? Prayers? Words of advice?

I just genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this.

Ermcon,

I am really proud of you, reaching out for help is never easy. Like you don't want to shake the boat and have others worry about oneself. In your heart you know it is not a matter if you will fall, but when. Last I checked the creator of our soul and being didn't intend for us to be a god of our own. To be super strong and hold everything together on our own... quite the opposite, God the Father made us fragile, weak, vulnerable intentionally. So we could learn that we weren't meant to carry the full weight of the world on our shoulders. Even the Son of the living God himself manifested in flesh, carrying the weight of sin of all of man kind on his shoulders. Even he got on his hands and knees, distressed to the point of sweating blood, asked to have the cup passed from him.

What I am saying is you are carrying a burden that you were never created to carry. You have a grandfather who is getting closer to departing from this world, and you will never get that time back. You have an amazingly big heart, you hurt for the pain in your family, and a grandmother who falling into the same trap as you. When you look in the mirror, and you feel that passion for your family. Who do you think put that in you? The one who created you.

Take a real moment, stop running the rat race and seriously ask yourself. What is really important? What really matters? What is eternal that will count for eternity vs what is vanity that will be here today and gone tomorrow? Be honest with yourself and decide what you must do, for the path you are on now is leading to destruction of your being.

May our Lord give you strength.