im struggling with suicidal thoughts

JoshuaM said:

ephraim, eternallypierced, thanks for the Bible-based encouragement.

Moriah, thanks for standing up for this situation.

People praying, thanks.

Madison, one must be in understanding that what works for some may not work for others, and it isn't always about a person being a willing participant.

Medications and committing to a mental institution may offer a vent and a lull, but they will not get rid of demonic oppression. In the past, my suicidal thoughts were not as frequent. In fact, they were hardly ever. This has happened ever since involving with praying for and ministering to suicidal persons.. and if you read my prior post, you will see there is more to the situation.

If you do not accept spiritual warfare as reality (which even is mentioned in the Bible), then you cannot be of help in this situation. If you do accept it, and you do accept not everybody is the same case, then you maybe can understand now and be of encouragement.

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Joshua,
It appears you have overlooked something in one of my replies. I am quoting it here to show that I did understand you.

"I agree that there is a spiritual component to emotional well being. That does not mean that all mental health issues can be handled with prayer alone."

I am fully aware that there is spiritual warfare that goes on, and that spiritual oppression is a problem that can contribute to depression. I have no argument with that. Unfortunately, I am also aware that there are many Christians who have serious mental illnesses, like my cousin with bipolar disorder. She claims she was healed of it at a healing camp, and now is out of control in a manic episode where she has attacked her boyfriend and jeopardized her mother's health. She refuses to go on meds, because she does not believe she is sick.

I have experienced spiritual oppression and suffered miserably at times because of it. I totally understand the need for close fellowship with believers that one feels safe sharing with.

I hope this clears up where I am coming from. I was not aware that you had previously posted about this, and that you were trying to discuss spiritual warfare.

As I said previously, my main concern is that you are safe from harm. How you wish to treat your depression is between you and the Lord. I just pray you are safe.

To add to my previous post, I once had a pastor who recommended reading a Psalm a day to help me deal with my depression. I have also found that making a gratitude list at the end of each day, and thanking God for things helped me as well. My discipler calls the gratitude list "Seeing God dazzle in the darkness."

JoshuaM said:

clouds are here so long it is hard to believe they will go. i will rest another 30 minutes then i will go be depressed at school for almost 3 hours

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Charles Spurgeon has a really good message called "clouds". It helped me a lot when I was suffering and wondering if things were ever going to get better. I would highly advise reading it. Click here for it Clouds. My favorite has to be Consolation though, I think it's what God used to start me on the road to recovery. You can read it here Consolation. I hope this helps my friend and you are in my prayers

That's funny how the devil works. He attacks you with what your trying to minister to. Now that I think about it however, the people that I've been most effective in ministering to are the ones that I have shared the exact same experiences with. As crazy as it may sound, maybe God is allowing you to go through this so that you might have a more pwerful testimony and can relate to all those that you are trying to help. I can't really put myself in an alchoholics shoes because I've never been an alchoholic. But I can relate to the depressed because I've been there and done that. I was hospitalized for it twice when I was younger (not to mention being stuffed full of pills). So maybe we're looking at this all wrong. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, a strength training so to speak. A first hand account of what it's like going through it. In my opinion, yor a lot more helpful to others when you gone through what they are going through. I'm now depression and pill free and have something to offer others that I didn't have before. Something to think about.

JoshuaM said:

If you do not accept spiritual warfare as reality (which even is mentioned in the Bible), then you cannot be of help in this situation. If you do accept it, and you do accept not everybody is the same case, then you maybe can understand now and be of encouragement.

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MY DEAR BROTHER,

ALL of life is indeed "spiritual warfare"--especially now that time appears to be drawing to a close. Satan and his minions are busy as never before attempting to drive God's people away from their Heavenly Father and into the darkness of disbelief and despair.

Given that you seem to completely understand this concept, i am wondering how you have let the Evil One bring you to such a strait as to consider dropping your weapons and turning in retreat--when you know, ahead of time, that the ultimate victory has already been won by our Lord on Calvary.

i am thinking that perhaps your focus is on the wrong thing as far as your dealings with God are concerned. Forgive me for bringing this up, but in reading your Posts i am continually drawn to your biblical quote at the bottom of the pages--

"Study this Book of the Law continually. Meditate on it day and night so you may be sure to obey all that is written in it. Only then will you succeed. I command you--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:8-9

--and i am wondering if perhaps your are caught up in the meaningless struggle to be "perfect" and to "please God" rather than in the struggle to accept more and more of God's Love for you minute by minute.

The Spiritual Warfare you mention, to a large degree, involves our combating the Evil One's assertions that we are not worthy of God's love and, through our sinfulness, have placed ourselves outside the pale of acceptability to Him. i believe, in the case of Christians, that the main ploy Satan uses to work his destructive wiles in the minds of Christians and to tear them away from God and His Love for them, is holding the Law up and trying to convince us that unless we are perfect in the keeping of the Law, God can have nothing to do with us.

i noticed, especially, in your quote the words, "Meditate on it day and night so you may be sure to obey all that is written in it. Only then will you succeed."

Soooooo . . . i was wondering if perhaps you have in some way gotten caught up in this Satanic scam and in some way feel estranged from God due to your lack of "perfection." i myself have been there and done that and the depression which resulted led me to the brink of suicide several times.

My suggestion would be that for the time being you stay away from the Old Testament and focus on God's overwhelming Love for you as chronicled in the New Testament. Especially helpful in this regard is the Gospel and Letters of John. (He, perhaps more than any other Biblical writer having caught the essence of God's eternal and unwavering Love for us which, i think, is why he appears to have been our Lord's favorite.)

Anyway, i hope that you will pick up your armor as Paul enjoins us:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.


Talk with you later!

MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim

Dear Joshua
I am not going to preach or quote scriipture because I wouldn't know what to say. I can tell you from experience, I have had a sister and a brother who committed suicide. I have another sister who is now getting help for a suicide attempt. I have struggled with depression at times during my life never as bad as yours, so I can't and won't even attempt to say I know what your going through. All I know is that I would do anything to speak with my siblings and try to help them through, but I didn't see the signs. I was very young and self centered at the time. My brother wanted to live with me and I said no. My sister ask me to adopt her unborn child, and I wasn't ready for children then. I look back now and wish that I could have put some of the signs together. How did I make them feel when I closed myself to them. If I would have known why they needed these things I would have stood on my head to help them, now I am left with the guilt of doing nothing. Please think beyond the feelings think possitive and remember that even though people let you down and love seems fleeting, it's there and somehow, someway you make a difference in this world. And you change lives no matter what you think. I am praying for you and you now will have a space in my heart.

I've been both suicidal and homicidal. There have been many times that I questioned why I just didn't follow through with either. Honestly, the answer was always manifesting itself before those questions were complete. It is everyday that I see what I would have missed in this journey of faith. All the wonderful rewards of my faith in the Father and the love of Christ...my testimony
and witnessing to you at this very difficult time in your life would be non-existent had I not worked through the
suicidal and homicidal ideas I had once been under the rule of. We are here for eachother...not to be against eachother. You don't know me from Adam's house cat but I will tell you that I love you. All my brothers and sisters...I love and need. Our lives are not for us to take
because we all have a purpose. Our lives are to be given
to fulfill that purpose. If I had taken my fathers life and then my own as I almost did...I would not be the living, breathing proof of what I believe. Jesus said"take my yoke" and I did. Jesus told me..."forgive" and I did. Jesus
said..."repent" and I have. I prayed for patience and understanding. I got it. I prayed for direction and He showed me the way. I asked for knowledge regarding my purpose and He showed me my life. Put your LIFE in His hands...not your death. I'm here for anyone dealing with these very serious conditions that result from the presence of the adversary in our lives. Put on the armor of God and be patient. Gain control of the flesh and the mind of the flesh. When we put our pain and despair in the hands of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit we are in the care of the greatest healing powers. Survival is not an option...it is a choice. I got tired of being victimized by my own memmories...I chose to survive. You have that same right. Don't let the down side cloud the up.

I've been involutarily committed for HI (homicidal intentions) before.
(oooh scary booga booga, but it's true)
I think I'm a greater risk for that than for suicide ... IF I'm a risk of either one at all. The Prime Directive has thus far served me well and kept me from taking human life in the physical, criminal sense.

That experience of being forcibly "incarcerated" (kaeps ot os) for my thoughts (not actions) is a large part of why I cannot trust the mental health industry system. Yes, I know, I know, what else were they supposed to do; at least they kept society safe for a few days. But still.

the term "prime directive" is used on Star Trek, yes, but it did not originate there. It's a term given to any principle given supremacy over other principles and desires. In my case, the Prime Directive is to avoid the loss of physical freedom -- that is, evade capture by the humans and any situation which places me physically at their (lack of) "mercy." This is deemed in Our world, in some cases, more critical than life itself.

Thread closed. Please feel free to pm the OP with more support.

This thread was closed by a team decision of the Recovery Team due to several posts that violate our recovery Guidelines. We were relunctant to close it as we were genuinely concerned for the member. However, lots of support has been given in this thread and through private messages. The OP was also encouraged to call hotlines, talk to a minister and a professional counselor or medical doctor.

Some of the rule violations include the following rules:

Spiritual Warfare, Ethical or Moral issues in threads or posts

Threads or posts that contain moral or ethical debates, and/or spiritual warfare discussion are not allowed in recovery. This includes but is not limited to suggesting that people are lacking in faith or is less of a Christian in any manner due to having a condition (includes mental illness, physical illness, disability, addiction, etc).

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No Off-Topic
Debating is off topic in all of Recovery Forums.

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No Professional Advice or Diagnosis

You will not direct, imply, or suggest that others should follow your advice by implying/stating you are an authority or professional psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, physician, etc. This includes, but is not limited to 'advising others to disregard doctors' orders regarding medical diagnosis and/or treatment' or 'natural remedy/supplement promotion'. You are also not allowed to say or imply that mental or physical illness is demonic possession.

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