im struggling with suicidal thoughts

[JoshuaM]

i totally hear you about meaningless conversations -- they are like salt in the wound.
no chance you live anywhere near me? we could get together and do something if you do!

Joshua,
Being depressed is not a sin, and not a sign that someone is or is not a Christian. Sometimes, depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, and requires medication to make the chemicals right. Sometimes, we believe distorted ideas about ourselves, or our situations, and that causes us to be depressed. Sometimes, it is both. That is why I recommendd that you get help with your depression, professional help.

If you continue to have suicidal thoughts, get to an emergency room for an evaluation. A professional should help you deal with your depression and work through it, while evaluating you for medication.

I have been there and understand it well. I also work in a psychiatric hospital with people who have attempted suicide. It is an awful thing to deal with. Worse, is for the family members who have to bury a person who has succeeded in killing themselves. My husband had to bury his father when we were first married.

God bless.
Trish

counselors never have successfully helped me. one prescribed zoloft and i got more depressed. one prescribed ritalin and i lost too much weight (ADD), one was more a chore than help, one i went to depressed, went away suicidal.

the one i love seems to have depression more frequently and heavier than me and keeps saying i am useless and incapable of loving and communicating with a woman and cannot be a leader, yet i played a big role in leader her to where she is now in Christ. I helped lead her. but since i love her so much it breaks my heart so much that she doesn't even want to talk to me. it seems it is because i am not God that i am useless. but nobody can compare to the Lord.

Then jobs are hard to find, and finding the right doctors for my health are. what kind of refining process is this? make me sick and almost dead then blessed? you know they mention Job earlier. I have epilepsy, depression, ADD, serious skin conditions, back problems, a crooked jaw that makes my teeth grind and gives me headaches and makes my ear and nerves on that side of my face hurt. i really will be out of work soon. i wish i knew what God wants me to do before he lets me work. all these words of the woman i love saying im useless and incapable i am listening to now and starting to believe. maybe i should not try anymore.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

OK, now I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts too.
Guess I should start my own thread.

 

[madison1101]

counselors never have successfully helped me. one prescribed zoloft and i got more depressed. one prescribed ritalin and i lost too much weight (ADD), one was more a chore than help, one i went to depressed, went away suicidal.

the one i love seems to have depression more frequently and heavier than me and keeps saying i am useless and incapable of loving and communicating with a woman and cannot be a leader, yet i played a big role in leader her to where she is now in Christ. I helped lead her. but since i love her so much it breaks my heart so much that she doesn't even want to talk to me. it seems it is because i am not God that i am useless. but nobody can compare to the Lord.

Then jobs are hard to find, and finding the right doctors for my health are. what kind of refining process is this? make me sick and almost dead then blessed? you know they mention Job earlier. I have epilepsy, depression, ADD, serious skin conditions, back problems, a crooked jaw that makes my teeth grind and gives me headaches and makes my ear and nerves on that side of my face hurt. i really will be out of work soon. i wish i knew what God wants me to do before he lets me work. all these words of the woman i love saying im useless and incapable i am listening to now and starting to believe. maybe i should not try anymore.

I am not suggesting counseling, but psychotherapy and psychiatry. There is a difference. First get emergency help for your suicidal thoughts. Then, seek therapy from a licensed psychotherapist, either a Ph.D. psychologist or a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. There is a big difference in their qualifications.

As for the medications, you probably need to work closely with a psychiatrist. If the side effects are bothering you, you need to talk to the doctor to have the med adjusted. Sometimes, the docs need to adjust the meds several times before they find what works for the patient. I know, I see it in the hospital I work in all the time. I also know I had to have my meds adjusted several times in the beginning.

Do not give up on the mental health profession. It is not a perfect science, but it is one full of caring people who do not want you to hurt yourself.

 

[JoshuaM]

i've seen psychologists, psychiatrists, and sociologists (i think that is what they are called). all useless to me. besides my 2 medicines which are heavy dosages for Epilepsy, are medications used for depression. i am already on too many medications.

 

[JoshuaM]

OK, now I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts too.
Guess I should start my own thread.

if you are, yes. i do not want something to happen to you.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Do not give up on the mental health profession. It is not a perfect science, but it is one full of caring people who do not want you to hurt yourself.

Some of us have had a much different experience with the mental health and psychopharmacological industries. But we are prohibited from discussing this on CF as it can be construed as "advising people to go against medical advice" or whatever.

 

[madison1101]

i've seen psychologists, psychiatrists, and sociologists (i think that is what they are called). all useless to me. besides my 2 medicines which are heavy dosages for Epilepsy, are medications used for depression. i am already on too many medications.

I think the word you were looking for is "social worker." I am a licensed social worker, and I do not consider the work I do useless. Therapy takes work, and requires the desire to get better. It is often painful, and can be discouraging. The people who get better are the people who work hard and keep trying no matter what.

I speak from my own personal experience, having been in therapy for 18 years. My lack of progress at times was not the fault of my therapist, but of me not being willing to change my thinking and my behavior concerning certain things.

I wish you luck. I hope that if your suicidal thought persist, you will go to the hospital and make yourself safe.

 

[JoshuaM]

that doesn't make sense because the people that work with adoption cases are called social workers. the person i was forced to go to didn't do anything but give me a soda and sit there. he did not have an office either. nothing there helped me. none of those people helped me. maybe they helped you but they did not help me and not every person in a given profession is effective. i have been to neurologists that don't care about me as a patient as much as they do about getting money.

also not all cases can be handled by medicine and second-guessing everything. sometimes also there is a spiritual factor and even some factors are left unconsidered allowing for a misdiagnosis.

 

[madison1101]

that doesn't make sense because the people that work with adoption cases are called social workers. the person i was forced to go to didn't do anything but give me a soda and sit there. he did not have an office either. nothing there helped me. none of those people helped me. maybe they helped you but they did not help me and not every person in a given profession is effective. i have been to neurologists that don't care about me as a patient as much as they do about getting money.

also not all cases can be handled by medicine and second-guessing everything. sometimes also there is a spiritual factor and even some factors are left unconsidered allowing for a misdiagnosis.

Adoption is not the only area in which social workers use their skills. Many also work in mental health, either as psychotherapists or case managers. They are also found in various types of agencies, and government positions.

You are right that not all therapists are effective. Equally true is the fact that there needs to be a good therapist/client fit, and if that does not happen, then therapy will not work.

You mention that you were forced to go to therapy. If that is the case, it is almost sure not to work. Therapy is most effective if the client is a willing participant, and not a prisoner to the process.

I agree that there is a spiritual component to emotional well being. That does not mean that all mental health issues can be handled with prayer alone. I am grateful that I sought the guidance of a mature Christian woman to disciple me years ago. She has guided me in my walk with the Lord, as well as prayed consistently for my therapist to be given wisdom and discernment from the Lord as he worked with me.

The most common reason for misdiagnosis is if the client, or family members, do not reveal all of the symptoms or problems for the therapist to consider. At the first visit, there should be an assessment done to help the therapist ascertain the behaviors and symptoms that are occurring, as well as any precipitating events that trigger a crisis, or need for therapy. Often, there are very personal questions, which the client may not wish to answer as honestly as necessary for an accurate diagnosis. Furthermore, there are often behavior patterns which do not reveal themselves for weeks or months, which do not allow the therapist to fully diagnose until they are dealt with. I know in my own case, my primary diagnoses were Eating Disorder NOS, and Major Depressive Disorder. It was not until months into therapy that my therapist was able to see, and diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder.

Again, if you continue to have the suicidal thoughts it is imperative that you get to a hospital for an evaluation.

 

[Criada]

Still praying, Josh.

 

[JoshuaM]

Adoption is not the only area in which social workers use their skills. Many also work in mental health, either as psychotherapists or case managers. They are also found in various types of agencies, and government positions.

You are right that not all therapists are effective. Equally true is the fact that there needs to be a good therapist/client fit, and if that does not happen, then therapy will not work.

You mention that you were forced to go to therapy. If that is the case, it is almost sure not to work. Therapy is most effective if the client is a willing participant, and not a prisoner to the process.

I agree that there is a spiritual component to emotional well being. That does not mean that all mental health issues can be handled with prayer alone. I am grateful that I sought the guidance of a mature Christian woman to disciple me years ago. She has guided me in my walk with the Lord, as well as prayed consistently for my therapist to be given wisdom and discernment from the Lord as he worked with me.

The most common reason for misdiagnosis is if the client, or family members, do not reveal all of the symptoms or problems for the therapist to consider. At the first visit, there should be an assessment done to help the therapist ascertain the behaviors and symptoms that are occurring, as well as any precipitating events that trigger a crisis, or need for therapy. Often, there are very personal questions, which the client may not wish to answer as honestly as necessary for an accurate diagnosis. Furthermore, there are often behavior patterns which do not reveal themselves for weeks or months, which do not allow the therapist to fully diagnose until they are dealt with. I know in my own case, my primary diagnoses were Eating Disorder NOS, and Major Depressive Disorder. It was not until months into therapy that my therapist was able to see, and diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder.

Again, if you continue to have the suicidal thoughts it is imperative that you get to a hospital for an evaluation.

if you don't understand my situation why cannot you just offer prayer and encouragement? just because somebody thinks of death does not mean they need to be buried in pills and need to be at a hospital. This is one reason i do not trust people.

 

[Criada]

Just hold on, brother!

 

[JoshuaM]

ai yo. the woman i love sent me that exact thing.

 

[JoshuaM]

well i want to say something. is back hmm the beginning of 2006, an online friend was talking about a failed attempt of suicide and in the same time i was hearing stories that she was singing hymns and praying to the Lord. later i found out she succeeded on another attempt. it was strange, soon after her "Brother" seemed to recover too fast. but that time i was devastated as i believed fully she was dead. some people said God told them she isn't real. i thought God told me she was with Him. so i don't know. but that is besides the point. it took a long time for me to recover, and during that time also another friend was suicidal. i told her not to and i prayed and fasted for her, encouraging her.

then this happened:

im not sure you will understand this, but i will send what i believe to be part of the root of my problem

here

during this time a lot of ideas of suicide suddenly came to me. and despite in the past i thought of suicide, this became a constant thing, a constant yearning for death, as if somehow i was influenced by some spirits having to do with those i was praying for.

 

[EternallyPierced]

Well Joshua, it seems you've gotten to the root of things. I believe you a 100% and I think you have hit the nail on the head. Satan will do anything he can to try to stop you. The last thing he wants you doing is praying for the lost.

I think he is trying to make you so focused on yourself and your problems that you can't see to help others. He's done it to me before and I don't doubt he's doing it to you. The key is not to give up, that's just what he wants you do to do. He wants you to stop fighting and stop trying and just lie down and go to sleep. But that is not an option. You've got a job to do and no matter how painful or hard it is, you still have to do it. Rest assured though that you will be in our prayers and that we will be supporting you all the way.

I was reading Luke 22:31 this morning and it talked about Satan asking to "sift Peter (Simon) like wheat". It goes on to say that Jesus said he would be praying for Peter so that his faith would fail. And that when everything was said and done, he (Peter) would turn back and strengthen his brothers. I think you are going through your own sifting right now. Satan is trying to keep you from doing something monumental, stand firm and you'll be a witness and a testimony to many.

I have faith in you my dear brother. God said He would never leave us or forsake us and He's never let us down yet. I'll pray that you might be strengthened in your trials and come out a stronger man refined by the fire.

You are in a battle for sure, so don't forget your armor. Don't forget to be reading your bible regularly as it is your greatest weapon. Here are some verses to help you along the way

Hebrews 4:12
12For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Ephesians 6:10-20
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Isaiah 43:2
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

1 Corinthians 15:58
58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Galatians 6:9
9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:12
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 5:10-11
10Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

James 5:13-16
13Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


Don't give up Joshua, you can do this. God has great plans for you and He'll see you through it. You should really get back into going to church regularly. It will help more than you know. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Your in my prayers

Your brother in suffering,
EternallyPierced (Matt)

 

[ephraimanesti]

i do not feel close to God, and my best friend always thinks im a liar no matter what. i never lie to her. there isn't any job opportunities and i desperately need one. in all this it makes college seem like a waste of time, and it also makes me feel trying to live is a waste of time.

MY DEAR BROTHER,

Sounds like an unpleasant spot to be in--MAY GOD DELIVER YOU QUICKLY!

i read with interest the beautiful sentiment you use as your slogan--

"IN GOD'S HANDS EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE IT."

i trust you won't forget this all important truth in your time of trial and suffering.

GOD IS THERE--EVEN WHEN WE DON'T FEEL HIS PRESENCE!
​

Sometimes, our feelings can be our worst enemy because they can change from moment and be affected by so many things--what we have had to eat, the weather, how we slept the night before and, first and foremost, Satan.

The Evil One often concentrates on playing with our feelings in such a way as to distance us from our Loving Heavenly Father by causing us to feel that He has deserted us. This, i believe, was our Lord Jesus' last temptation--when on the cross He felt deserted by His Father and cried out, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" i imagine you are feeling something similar yourself at the moment.

DON'T BELIEVE SATAN'S LIES! God has promised you,

"I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU;
NEVER WILL I FORSAKE YOU." (Hebrews 13:5)

As you know--GOD ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES!
​

i was on my way out the door to work when i read your Post and i just wanted to quickly respond to let you know that you will be in my prayers throughout the day today. i will be looking forward to chatting with you this afternoon when i get off work. Might i suggest that in the meantime you read the First Letter of John and think deeply about what it says?

i look forward to talking with you again!

MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim
​

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Again, if you continue to have the suicidal thoughts it is imperative that you get to a hospital for an evaluation.

The thing is, if you're "together" enough (normal, consensus-oriented, mundane, whatever) that you can actually CONCEIVE of walking into a hospital let alone trying to tell them you're having those thoughts, say nothing of actually doing so, then you're not really a suicide risk IN MY "unprofessional" opinion because you're already sufficiently invested in the human game to keep going with it.

THEREIN lieth the problem.

See, for me to actually go do something like that? I would have to engineer artifice, and that is not something I am prone to do at all, let alone capable of when I'm feeling so oppressed that I actually entertain those thoughts.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

if you don't understand my situation why cannot you just offer prayer and encouragement? just because somebody thinks of death does not mean they need to be buried in pills and need to be at a hospital. This is one reason i do not trust people.

 

[madison1101]

if you don't understand my situation why cannot you just offer prayer and encouragement? just because somebody thinks of death does not mean they need to be buried in pills and need to be at a hospital. This is one reason i do not trust people.

I am sorry you think I do not understand. The point is, I do understand, more than you know. I have been suicidal at times and even attempted it in the past. I know the despair that leads to attempting to end one's life.

Life is painful. It is not easy, and it is unrealistic to think it should be. It was through my discipler and my therapy that I learned how to cope with the feelings I felt, even the suicidal feelings, and not act on them.

I am a recovering alcoholic, and have other issues as well. I have been through an unwanted divorce, and all my kids have grown up and moved far away. I get extremely lonely sometimes and I long to have my family back.

My therapist helped me go back to school and become a therapist myself. My heart's desire is that nobody would attempt to kill themselves, but instead seek help.

Going to a hospital is not just for medications. It is to protect you from yourself, until you are stable enough to not want to kill yourself. We have patients contract for safety, or go on one-to-one watches, where they are observed all day by one staff member, in order to protect the patient from harming himself. While there, the patient has group therapy sessions as well as talks with the social worker and the nurses to help work through the problems triggering the suicidal thoughts.

The choice is yours, but as a mental health professional, I must advise seeking professional help in an emergency to anyone with suicidal ideations.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Going to a hospital is not just for medications. It is to protect you from yourself, until you are stable enough to not want to kill yourself. We have patients contract for safety, or go on one-to-one watches, where they are observed all day by one staff member, in order to protect the patient from harming himself. While there, the patient has group therapy sessions as well as talks with the social worker and the nurses to help work through the problems triggering the suicidal thoughts.

I can respect this, honestly, but again, in my mind, if you are "stable" enough to control yourself to do something like this with all it entails, you are "stable" enough to manage yourself without it.

There is also the additional factor to consider that by doing something of this nature you are introducing your name and your personal business into a vast system that can track and monitor you in the future. Not smart IMO.