I'm so lost and confused

Brianne · Mar 7, 2004

I'm a 16-year-old girl. My parents are Christians, and I went to church with them since I was very young (although I'll admit I never enjoyed it). A year ago, I hit that time in my life -- I guess everyone does eventually -- where I sort of stopped believing. I just couldn't bring myself to believe in God, and I was almost comforted in not having to try anymore.

But one day that changed, and in the strangest way possible. I saw this weird video in my History class about Nostradamus (yeah, I know, it's crazy!). After that, I became fascinated with prophecy and armageddon. I researched it on the internet for hours, going deeper and deeper until I could barely sleep I was so terrified. I wanted some verification that what I found out couldn't possibly be true, but the more I saw on the news, the more frightened I became. I was a wreck.

So I decided to speak with my very-Christian very-conservative dad and stepmom, and they were supportive about it. I wanted to be a Christian again -- I even started praying at night when I hadn't for a long time. A few days later, together we went to a Christian bookstore and they got me a teen Bible. I read it for a while, and it was pretty interesting, but eventually I stopped reading. Maybe it was because I didn't have time or whatever. I still pray now, but I feel like I'm rushing through prayer to get to sleep and it sounds practically the same every time. It's not talking to God, it's habit. I went to church today, but I just drew pictures, barely listening to the sermon.

I still call myself a Christian, but who am I kidding? I feel like...I don't know how to say it, but that it's almost impossible for me. I see other kids so dedicated to God and so spiritual, and it seems like it comes naturally. For me...It's forced. I can never believe or feel, just think, think, think. You could ask me, "Do you love God?" and I wouldn't know what to say. Who is God? Who am I talking to when I pray? I feel nothing. I believe nothing. I just don't want to go to Hell, I want something more, but why can't I be like other Christians?

So...there's my situation. I'm hoping someone'll answer who's been there before. I'll be honest, I only came here because I'm afraid again. I started reading about paranormal stuff (ghosts, Ouija boards...I know I shouldn't, I know), and what I found scared me here. I can keep telling myself I'll figure it all out when I'm older, but I could die tomorrow. Any advice?

The_Lords_Froggy · Mar 8, 2004

I know what you're feeling. I feel the same way. I'm having a very hard time recently, and my boyfriend seems to be threatening to end it all, while my parents are getting on my case and my nerves, and also my best friend might be moving back where she came from. It makes me wonder, and ask myself why I'm not like others and why I can't be like others, better than what I am now. I feel like I'm failing Jesus, like I'm failing God and He's going to condemn me to Hell because I'm not serving him with my whole life.
I'm a former Wiccan, I was interested in ghosts, paranormal and various demons. I found Jesus and it was the best feeling in the entire world. At first, I was like a child, learning everything that I could, and it seemed that I just lost it after a few months of learning. I ran straight smack into the deliberations of present day Christianity, such as which day we should rest on (Sabbath) and whether we should be baptized to be saved and various other things. I'm just so scared, and I feel like my life is spiraling back into witchcraft and various things that I used to be into. I don't want to go back down that road, because I know it only ends in condemnation, and that's something that will be permanent, once I die. I could die tomorrow for all we know, and I want to be dedicated to Jesus. Jesus Christ died for me, I believe that, and His blood covers my sins, but what happens when we've lost hope? I'm trying to have faith, and I believe in Him, that He's good and righteous, but then there's the feeling of being lost, of being just another face in the crowd that doesn't really matter. I'll pray for you, please pray for me. Do you want to get into contact? I can talk to you everyday, since I'm on. Please PM me about it or something, because I'm interested. Maybe we can get to know each other. God bless you!

JesusInMyHeart · Mar 8, 2004

If you looked up the word Babel in The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, you would find its central meaning is confusion.

The Tower of Babel in Genesis 11:

The Tower of Babel failed because it was built upon fear and pride. Failure always results when we search for security apart from the living God. As we are pushed to the edge, the Tower of Babel reminds us of the confusion in a community which looks only to the spirit of man for the guarantee of success.

"God IS our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Even though the mountains would shake, the oceans roar, even though skyscrapers fall, NOTHING can separate us form the love of God." (Psalm 46; Romans 8)

As difficult as it may be for some of us to believe the unexplainable mystery that in some way, somehow, Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified, dead and buried, was raised from the dead, what is really difficult to believe is what faithful men and women down through the centuries have proclaimed his resurrection means-namely, that God really does win. This is what takes real faith to believe: that regardless of all the worldly evidence to the contrary, the great, good news is that good really does triumph over evil, that love really is stronger than hate, that hope is more powerful than fear, that faith is more realistic than doubt, that the Giver of life is not defeated by the reality of death.

Here is a beautiful prayer that you can pray:

Forgive us when we are so focused on our earthly desires and not of the risen Christ. God, we need your guidance to make decisions in every way. Give us a vision of what our gift will mean, not only for the needs of today, but also for the needs of generations to come. Rescue us from all forms of earthly habits. Motivate us to seek your will and inspire us to do it. Inspire us to do what will please the risen Christ and in the process give us a sense of inner peace and even joy. This we pray remembering it was Christ who taught us to do your will when he taught us to pray...In the name of Jesus "Amen"

Protestant Minister · Mar 8, 2004

The good news is that you are spiritually seeking.The bad news is that you're seeking the wrong god.If you keep messing around with the occult,you will in time become demon possessed.You expressed your problem quite well when you wrote that you want something more. Christian "more is called the baptism of the Holy Spirit.Just keep praying to God for this incredible gift. because He does want to give it to you.The Holy Spirit confirmed to me that He wants to see you receive salvation.Once you receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit,you will have a personal relationship with God so the doubts in your mind about Him will disappear.Conmcerning your bible,there's a brand new bible on the market written for teen girls.You really should get a copy of it,it reads like a magazine and I'm certain it will hold your attention.

SpiritPsalmist · Mar 8, 2004

Brianne said:
I read it for a while, and it was pretty interesting, but eventually I stopped reading. Maybe it was because I didn't have time or whatever. I still pray now, but I feel like I'm rushing through prayer to get to sleep and it sounds practically the same every time. It's not talking to God, it's habit. I went to church today, but I just drew pictures, barely listening to the sermon.

I still call myself a Christian, but who am I kidding? I feel like...I don't know how to say it, but that it's almost impossible for me. I see other kids so dedicated to God and so spiritual, and it seems like it comes naturally. For me...It's forced. I can never believe or feel, just think, think, think. You could ask me, "Do you love God?" and I wouldn't know what to say. Who is God? Who am I talking to when I pray? I feel nothing. I believe nothing. I just don't want to go to Hell, I want something more, but why can't I be like other Christians?

So...there's my situation. I'm hoping someone'll answer who's been there before. I'll be honest, I only came here because I'm afraid again. I started reading about paranormal stuff (ghosts, Ouija boards...I know I shouldn't, I know), and what I found scared me here. I can keep telling myself I'll figure it all out when I'm older, but I could die tomorrow. Any advice?

Yes, I have been there. I've known the Lord since I was a very young girl and he's become my best friend. That I think is where I would begin. . .you have invited Jesus into your heart so therefore you have Him to talk to at any time of the day and during any activity you may be involved in.

A lot of people view prayer as a time when we get down on our knees, fold our hands and withing a few minutes tell God everything we want Him to do for us and then we say AMEN and get up and leave. Not so. Prayer is friendship with Him. Prayer is taking the time to talk to Him as you would your best friend. Telling Him your hurts, worries, frustrations, guilts, etc. And then waiting to hear what He may say in reply to you.

The Bible is important because it shows us the heart of God. It shows us how much He loves us and it gives us His plan for our life. As you read the Bible think about each sentense. Talk with God about each sentance.

Such as John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son". God so loved, wow God, that's a lot of love. You loved enough to offer your son in place of my life. God how can I love people more? God show me the areas in my life where I am not very loving and show me how to change.

Now that is just an example. . .but it is a beginning of opening the conversation doors between you and God. As you get to know His Word more you will learn to recognize His voice more clearly. His voice will never tell you to do something that His Word say's "no" to. His voice will never put you down. His voice will only tell you how much He loves you and desires to spend time with you.

As far as the paranormal stuff. . .I encourage you to stay away from that. There may come a time where God will allow you to research such stuff but it's not now. There is more power, and it's good, that you will find in His presense. The devils are not to be feared but they are not to be dabbled with either.

Talk with God and read His word and stay in contact with strong Christians. You will grow that way and you won't regret it. Honest.

The_Lords_Froggy · Mar 8, 2004

What does it sound like when He talks to you? Is His voice audible, or does He speak to us through His word?

SpiritPsalmist · Mar 8, 2004

The_Lords_Froggy said:
What does it sound like when He talks to you? Is His voice audible, or does He speak to us through His word?

He definately speaks to us through His Word. If we don't know His word it's easy for us to be lead astray, 'cause we won't know the difference.

I don't know that I've ever heard an audible voice but I have friends who have. Mostly it's just a knowing. I'm not sure I can explain it. It's like a conversation going on in my head, only one of the voices is God.

As you grow closer together, it just becomes like a normal conversation. One time He even told me a joke. LOL. Everytime you see something about Him just talk to Him. Get alone somewhere, where you can put on praise and worship music and just praise and worship Him all by yourself. Just you and Him. He delights in our praises. We grow stronger in His presense. And from being in His presense we can face anything that comes our way because He is with us and we've taken the time to be with Him. He is so good.

cyberwing · Mar 8, 2004

Brianne,
Dear one, first of all, you only need be scared when you don't have JESUS! When you have committed to Him you will find peace because HE will be with you! Jesus says in His Word (The Bible) that HE will be with you even unto the end! HE also promises to never leave nor forsake you! Jesus is so wonderful to us. IF you have committed your heart to Him then what you have is the enemy standing there lying to you. They will tell you 'that you are not saved', 'who are you kidding?' and they will also say 'you are not good enough for Jesus....' LIES from the Father of Lies! Brianne, these are LIES from the enemy meant to keep your heart locked up! For the enemy does NOT want you to find Jesus and they definitely do NOT want you to know your heart was ransomed by HIM!!!
Listen to what Quaffer said, read that Bible! It is like the awesome movie, Joshua said, 'The Bible is a LOVE letter to YOU!' Also dear Brianne, this is about a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus, not a particular doctrine or a denomination!
Now Brianne do you feel to distanced from JESUS because of guilt? Don't hold yourself to unrealistic expectations! Jesus LOVES you JUST as you ARE dear one! You don't get Holy enough to come to Him, you run to Him and let Him change you as you are ready!!! HE asks only that you open your heart to HIM! That's the key, let Him have your heart! Once you ask Him to come into and rule over your heart, HE cleanses your heart with His Holy Blood and you become new! A new creature in Christ JESUS! He comes to reside there. Jesus wants to talk with you like a friend. Read Genesis, it will tell you what God created us for, to fellowship with HIM! To love Him and talk with Him in the cool of the evening!
The enemy will continue to lie to you and try to injure your heart but you remember your heart is GOOD once it belongs to Jesus! We all still wrestle with our flesh but our hearts are restored to what they were MEANT to be originally by the tremendous sacrifice JESUS made to ransom us!
Brianne, you are His creation. HE knows you and all your trials and tribulations. HE knows your heart has been broken and HE wants to heal the hurt. Isaiah 61:1 (Jesus quoted this in the New Testament), HE comes to bind up the broken hearted and heal their wounds and set the captives free!!!
Brianne, you are a captive right now. I've used this illustration before, you are like Rapunzel! Do you remember the story? You are surrounded by the enemy who tries to keep you isolated in a tower of lies and pain they have inflicted on you to keep your heart hidden away. Jesus wants you to let down your hair Brianne, open your heart to Him! HE has the strength to overcome the enemy and you need Him!
If you want to chat more please feel free to PM me Brianne. I would be glad to help if I can. Bless you little sister. I'm sure you can take your pick of people to talk with but don't struggle alone, we are here for you!
Jesus touch my little sisters heart, show her just how precious she is to you! Let her see the deep love you have for her! Open the eyes of her heart Jesus and let her SEE!
Be blessed Brianne!
~Cyberwing

Mr.Cheese · Mar 8, 2004

Girl. You sound honest.
Your relationship is with Jesus and not the kids you see around you. Don't compare yourself to them. When it comes to churchy things we all put on our best faces regardless if it is our real faces.

1Faith1 · Mar 11, 2004

Dear Froggy and Brianne,

I'll agree with most of what others have already told you already, but let me add a little more. I'm older now, but I remember going through a stage pf questioning my faith. I had been raised in a Christian home and always attended church. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was 4, but when I got into college, I was suddenly slammed with all sorts of doubts and that made me scared. Since I was swayed by intellectual arguments, I could believe there was a God, but I had my doubts about Jesus as divine God. I prayed, "Jesus, if You are really God, please show me." I was sincere and in my diligent search for Him, He revealed Himself to me. I looked at Old Testament/Torah prophecies that Jesus fulfilled in His lifetime. That's very convincing. I also read Josh MacDowell's book called, More than a Carpenter. That book really helped strengthen my faith and I highly recommend it to you.

Years later, it's still not easy. I have New Age friends that claim they're seeing miracles in their lives and I wonder why God isn't answering some of my prayers. The spiritual battle rages on. I've been tempted to search out some New Age paranormal stuff, but sensed a very real evil about it. Knowing Scriptures helps, because I can check my Bible and find out that much (if not all) paranormal activity truly does have demonic roots. Beware. Remember that the enemy takes what God created and distorts it into something subtly evil. When things become confusing, think of that Tower of Babel. You're probably in enemy territory.

The enemy is very real and very sneaky. I have found he can get in through the tiniest cracks--just a little research into this and a question to a New Age friend about that. It's very dangerous. As powerful as the enemy is, I believe in Jesus and His awesome power to protect us, so we don't have to be afraid--unless we're walking out from underneath His protection. Then I think we should experience some healthy fear. God has laid out some strict ground rules for us to follow. (Read both Old and New Testaments.) If we walk outside of those lines, He allows us to face the consequences. He does this because He loves us and He wants us to learn from our mistakes. Trust me; life is easier when you just obey God.

I too have wanted something more from Christianity. Just like anything in life, church and sermons can become boring. I'd like to suggest going on a short-term summer missions trip. There's nothing like getting out of your routine, gaining a completely different perspective and seeing what miraculous things God is doing around the world. This has really helped me in my walk with the Lord. Not only will you experience the joy of helping other people, but inevitably God touches the hearts of those who give their lives to serve Him.

Blessings to you both!
1Faith1

Sketcher · Mar 12, 2004

There was a time when I was "trying" to believe the Good News, but just couldn't. I came to the point where it basically was believe or die. (Satan was doing a good job of messing with my head.) You don't need to live in fear.

The leap of faith you need to take is different from what you may be thinking it is. What is important is the object of your faith, not the amount of faith that you have.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

- Matthew 17:20

The mustard seed was the smallest thing that the people of that time and place knew. I used to think that I only had a molecule of faith, and was that much more pathetic than the disciples. But that wasn't true at all. I needed to put my faith in God Himself, not the amount of faith that I had.

I am praying for you both. Please PM me if you'd like me to explain something.

The Midge · Mar 15, 2004

Brianne said:
I'm a 16-year-old girl. My parents are Christians, and I went to church with them since I was very young (although I'll admit I never enjoyed it). A year ago, I hit that time in my life -- I guess everyone does eventually -- where I sort of stopped believing. I just couldn't bring myself to believe in God, and I was almost comforted in not having to try anymore.

But one day that changed, and in the strangest way possible. I saw this weird video in my History class about Nostradamus (yeah, I know, it's crazy!). After that, I became fascinated with prophecy and armageddon. I researched it on the internet for hours, going deeper and deeper until I could barely sleep I was so terrified. I wanted some verification that what I found out couldn't possibly be true, but the more I saw on the news, the more frightened I became. I was a wreck.

So I decided to speak with my very-Christian very-conservative dad and stepmom, and they were supportive about it. I wanted to be a Christian again -- I even started praying at night when I hadn't for a long time. A few days later, together we went to a Christian bookstore and they got me a teen Bible. I read it for a while, and it was pretty interesting, but eventually I stopped reading. Maybe it was because I didn't have time or whatever. I still pray now, but I feel like I'm rushing through prayer to get to sleep and it sounds practically the same every time. It's not talking to God, it's habit. I went to church today, but I just drew pictures, barely listening to the sermon.

I still call myself a Christian, but who am I kidding? I feel like...I don't know how to say it, but that it's almost impossible for me. I see other kids so dedicated to God and so spiritual, and it seems like it comes naturally. For me...It's forced. I can never believe or feel, just think, think, think. You could ask me, "Do you love God?" and I wouldn't know what to say. Who is God? Who am I talking to when I pray? I feel nothing. I believe nothing. I just don't want to go to Hell, I want something more, but why can't I be like other Christians?

So...there's my situation. I'm hoping someone'll answer who's been there before. I'll be honest, I only came here because I'm afraid again. I started reading about paranormal stuff (ghosts, Ouija boards...I know I shouldn't, I know), and what I found scared me here. I can keep telling myself I'll figure it all out when I'm older, but I could die tomorrow. Any advice?

Don't worry about the super spiritual. Seek out the humble and not the exhibitionist if you want to find deep spirituality.

Don't worry about not being able to be a "proper" Christian. If you go directly to God and ask him what he would have you do it is better tha imitating a flawed human being who invariably has faults. You don't want to learn bad habits. When you pray, study, worship and seek after God he is pleased with your efforts no matter how faultering they are. Ask your father what he thought about your first steps. Was he pleased with you? Did he get mad because you didn't run a 100m sprint on your first attempt?

As for the occult stuff- just rember that it is nothing compared to the power of God. It is like comparing a fire cracker to a nuke. You may be impressed by the little bang but it is really feeble- enough to hurt you if you play with it- but it won't bring you power or glory that it tempts you with. I know from experience. If you want to know about that you wil have to PM.

TylerHerrin99 · Mar 31, 2004

My friend, Although i would like to throw scripture at you, im sure your not ready for that, you seek to have a friendship with the Lord, So I tell you, it took me 5 years from the time i asked God to come into my heart, for him to start pushing me, and allowing me to feel him, My friend it may be Gods will for you to go through these things, to make you stronger, mabey to show you the streangth of his love! Keep holding on! The Lord will hear your crys, and has already heard your crys, But do not give up! Blessed you are for the trials you are enduring! The Lord wants his children to have character, and its normal to feel pain, you see your whole life you may have belived and had parents there to help in your belief. Now it may be your time to feel pain and seperation from God. Do not burden yourself with it but keep your preyers strong, and hold on tight! Do not be afraid for if you trust in the Lord Christ you will be deliverd in from death to life!

Blessings Friend

Ps
if you need more advise TylerHerrin@hotmail.com

Ruth_T · Apr 9, 2004

Quaffer said:
Yes, I have been there. I've known the Lord since I was a very young girl and he's become my best friend. That I think is where I would begin. . .you have invited Jesus into your heart so therefore you have Him to talk to at any time of the day and during any activity you may be involved in.

I think this is really helpful, I've never really thought of Jesus being my best friend, I could see it would help me to open up to him more when I pray.
Thank you Quaffer

Ruth_T · Apr 9, 2004

HHmmm, I'm a bit new to this posting stuff, How do you get the Quote into the box?
I'm so silly

Ruth_T · Apr 9, 2004

My Friend told me how to quote so I'm trying again...hope this works...

Quaffer said:
Yes, I have been there. I've known the Lord since I was a very young girl and he's become my best friend. That I think is where I would begin. . .you have invited Jesus into your heart so therefore you have Him to talk to at any time of the day and during any activity you may be involved in.

I think this is really helpful, I've never really thought of Jesus being my best friend, I could see it would help me to open up to him more when I pray.
Thank you Quaffer

Lil' A · Apr 16, 2004

From reading your post, it sounds like you're really trying to make a desicion. I've been there where i've stopped praying and such but you've got to contiune...it's the only way you're going to grow strong and stay connected to God.
You say that you feel "forced" when saying you're prayers. Trust me, when you really have God and really feel in your heart that you really want to follow Jesus, you're not going to have to feel like you're being "forced." It's going to be a desire to actually follow Christ, you're going to actually WANT to follow Christ. And maybe you don't feel that way, right now, but eventually you will. But keep praying and really ask your parents on some insight about prayer and such. Maybe they can give you some good advice.

Lil' A

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