I'm sick being a Christian

[WalksWithChrist]

That comment was disrespectful at best, and moronic at second best.

You can't tar all nineteen year olds with the same brush.

Only speaking for myself...I was pretty dumb at 19! But you're right about generalizing. ; ) I've met plenty of grown people who change their minds like changing their socks.

 

[SaintMarco]

I'm afraid I can't delete that link. If it has to be a stumbling block for Christians, then so be it I'm afraid. I guess that's just fate.[/qoute]

Fate is fate, but Destiny is Higher than fate.



Even the greatest of sinners, worse than you have turned around and have become a child of God.
I am actually believing that this is something else, maybe this has nothing to do with Spirituality at all. The thing is your probably seeking "Satanism" because you want to feel as though you belong in a crowd of people who will accept you for who you are-even though us Christians are not accepting the idea of Satanism, you don't want to be in a group with Christians. People give me a nickname- Bible Thumper- it's their insult towards me, but hey I love it. I take humility for Jesus everday. So if you join Satanism, you would think, this feels cool, I am in a crowd of people who love and respect on what I do. The thing is I am not that much older than you, however, God has given me great wisdom for my age. I was 19 not that long ago, but I went through a two year of darkness, when I was 17 and 18. I am going to admit this for the very first time in my life- I thought Satan was cool. I rebelled against God. I hated everything of Good, and I don't know why I turned away from Jesus but I remember saying this to Jesus one night, "Jesus, I am letting you go. I don't want you in my life right now, maybe another time." I was happy that I was free, well so I thought. Months passed and I felt something happening to me, I was becoming dark inside my heart, I felt my soul turning ugly. This is something SaintMarco you don't want to feel. I ignored the feelings but deep inside I had pain, anger, frustration, and saddness. I tried praying to God, but the sound of prayer made me sick inside.So I would stop. I once even threw the Bible against the wall when I was 17. Any message of God made me angry or hateful, even sick. A year and half later I asked spoke to Jesus once again and I asked him, "Please can you show me what my soul looks like inside." Few days later I had a dream where I saw something that made me seek God once more, I saw my soul. This is what happens when someone does not repent or falls away from God, and I thank Jesus for showing me this, if you ever saw the movie the Exorcist, let me tell you, my soul made that movie look like Goody Goody Gum Drops, my soul made me scream when I got to see it. My soul was becoming evil, my soul's image itself would scare those who could of seen it. This is what Satan wanted. I remember waking up and shaking, my heart was racing, nothing could calm, but yet I stayed that way for another six months. My family never saw this, I kept this hidden beneath smiles and laughs, but deep inside I was dead inside, After my family moved, I began turning myself around, I begged Jesus to come back into my life, I was begging him to forgive my sins, because I was afraid. I kept hearing Demons in my room when I was a teenager, because I gave Jesus up. How much I begged and cried for Jesus. I fell to the floor in my bedroom and cried. I yelled out his name, anything you could think of I tried to get his attention. I wanted Jesus back so much that I would of died for his love. This is very hard for me to write, because I am reflecting on my past, and this is making me cry, because what I did. That night I felt the glorious presence of Jesus with me in a dream, he took my soul in my dream and I could only remember him saying to me was, "Your sins are forgiven," and he took my soul into a bright light. That morning I woke up a very different person, my soul could breath like freash air of a country morning. Yet my body was very weak. My body was weak for three days, but my Soul was very alive and clean. I never returned to be that person again, that experience ended when I was 18. I am now going to be 24 soon, and when I look back I cherish what Jesus has done for me all my life. I put him first now, even though sometimes I still fall, every Christian does, we get back on our feet. We carry our Cross and we demonstrate our love for Jesus. I love talking about him, he is my number one love. I am actually getting a degree to teach children about Jesus. Even though SaintMarco this is not Satanism, I am giving a little dose of what can happen to you if you abandon Christ for Satanism. I did not even give you my full experience of my letting go of Jesus. If you join Satanism, your soul is going to scream like mine did, your life will be going around in circles, and then one day everything is going to come crashing down all at once, then what?? I don't think you want to experience what I went through!! Like I said this was just a dose of my experience, not the full blown story. This was all because I dropped Jesus because I didn't want to be apart of Christianity ever again, I wanted to become an Atheist. Well look where I am today. I am a Christian once again and I am proud that I am. I cannot speak for you, but your own soul is going to speak for/to you when that time comes. So please rethink your decision, I don't want you to suffer how I did. Even though this is not about Satanism, I want you to understand the punishment your soul is going to be taking when the flesh makes the wrong decision in life.

Godbless.

Rubies

I know what you mean about feeling your soul becoming darker. Not a nice feeling.

Part of wanting to be a Satanist might be to do with belonging. I've never fitted in to anything really. I always thought Satanism would suit me perfectly, and that I would be one of the best. It's not about rebelling against God, although a few weeks ago I spat into the pages of my bible..

I learned some interesting facts about Anton Lavey today. Lying sod that he was...

 

[SaintMarco]

Only speaking for myself...I was pretty dumb at 19! But you're right about generalizing. ; ) I've met plenty of grown people who change their minds like changing their socks.

Fair enough, but you gave off the "he's just a silly teenager" impression, which really gets on my nerves. Some teenagers are dumber than others, but to generalize them all in the same category isn't really fair.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

Fair enough, but you gave off the "he's just a silly teenager" impression, which really gets on my nerves. Some teenagers are dumber than others, but to generalize them all in the same category isn't really fair.

[whisper]that was someone else that made the original comment...[/whisper]

 

[+RubiesFire+]

I know what you mean about feeling your soul becoming darker. Not a nice feeling.

Part of wanting to be a Satanist might be to do with belonging. I've never fitted in to anything really. I always thought Satanism would suit me perfectly, and that I would be one of the best.

I learned some interesting facts about Anton Lavey today. Lying sod that he was...

You made me smile SaintMarco, I am very proud that you are seeing what Anton Lavey truly is. Your making Jesus smile even more. He loves you. And yes even when I was 19, again not that long ago I wanted to "fit" in. You want to fit in with Jesus, he's the greatest. God has given you much wisdom. Though I would like you to try something- either write on a piece of paper, keep it in your pocket, wallet, or write this somewhere, but keep this with you, when you feel that Satanism is trying to get your attention I want you to pull this paper out and read it or say it out load-Jesus says, "I belong to him!" Satanism, will creep away from you and return into the dark shadows it came from. Did you ever hear of the Catholic Knights of Columbus?- a very great group of people. I have seen them before and spoken with them, have you ever thought about maybe volunteering or signing up for something like that?? You get to do a lot of Ceremonies for Jesus, the Church, Saints, the whole entire thing is a great experience that I have witnessed. And I mean WoW!!

Here is a link: http://www.kofc.org/un/about/index.cfm

SaintMarco-my door is open-I want to see you Progress with Christ. Satanism is going to try and creep into your life, be very strong and fight. We all have our battles, even I do if life. The thing is- Your better than that to be in Satanism-You Belong to Jesus, your worthy of his love and his blessings. It all takes time. My Cross right now is very heavy that I feel my knees want to go out, but my love and strength in Jesus keeps me going. I believe in you. Keep your head up. Be strong. Open your heart to Jesus, even though it may be hard, because I sometimes have my days, but it's all worth it. Trust me. You've read my experience, again which is not the full blown story, but I went through Hell and Back. I don't want you to go what I went through. My door is always open if you want to talk with me, I am here. Just P.M.
Keep Strong.

Godbless.
Rubies

 

[Im-revived]

SaintMarco don't you think its time you just stopped arguing, your first post was a general question/need and has ended up you getting your answers, but has now gone on to you just deliberatly arguing and knocking others answers back. You've heard the truth many times on this thread, and you know the truth which is Jesus, its up to you now, people are encoraging you or at least trying. You can't fight the Lords power every arguement comes back to the Truth Jesus.

Im-revived

We just all pray you will realise!

 

[mikeforjesus]

Jesus Christ washes us from all sin...not we ourselves..

If you have time I recommed you read the story of this saint if you think you are a very bad sinner... I also have done very bad things maybe more so than you... I was under the grip of satan ... My mind was polluted with so many bad memories and I was a slave to horrible passions and habits but Christ can set you free and even purify your mind... He has set many people free...
I hope I never go back... there were many saints who never went back... they were preserved by the Holy Spirit.. but even if I fall Christ will forgive me... but I am not to allow myself to fall.. Because God loves me even as his son he may chasten me so that I may not be punished with the world and so that I can go back to Him...


http://www.copticchurch.net/topics/synexarion/maryofegypt.htm

Isaiah 1:18 (King James Version)

18Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
From
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%201:18;&version=50;



Psalm 51 (King James Version)

1Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar

From
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2051;&version=50;

Psalm 86 (King James Version)

Psalm 86
1Bow down thine ear, O LORD, hear me: for I am poor and needy.
2Preserve my soul; for I am holy: O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee.
3Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.
4Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
5For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.
6Give ear, O LORD, unto my prayer; and attend to the voice of my supplications.
7In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.
8Among the gods there is none like unto thee, O Lord; neither are there any works like unto thy works.
9All nations whom thou hast made shall come and worship before thee, O Lord; and shall glorify thy name.
10For thou art great, and doest wondrous things: thou art God alone.
11Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
12I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore.
13For great is thy mercy toward me: and thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest hell.
14O God, the proud are risen against me, and the assemblies of violent men have sought after my soul; and have not set thee before them.
15But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.
16O turn unto me, and have mercy upon me; give thy strength unto thy servant, and save the son of thine handmaid.
17Shew me a token for good; that they which hate me may see it, and be ashamed: because thou, LORD, hast holpen me, and comforted me.

From
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2086;&version=9;

Psalm 103 (King James Version)

King James Version (KJV) Public Domain


Psalm 103

1Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
2Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
3Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
4Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
5Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
7He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.
8The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
9He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
10He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
12As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
13Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
14For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
15As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
16For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
17But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;
18To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
19The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.
20Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.
21Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.
22Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.


From

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm 103;&version=9;

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

I'm sick of being a Christian. It isn't working for me. I treat people around me like crap and it's because I'm not happy within myself. I have tried being God's child and it's not working out for me. I am too opinionated, too arrogant and too different. Humans are naturally selfish creatures and that's what I am. I have a sad pathetic life, and it's all thanks to being a child of God, he is making me very miserable.

I believe Satanism may be the religion for me afterall. God is proving this to me. I asked for answers and I'm getting them.

I have one question....do you want to know God intimately? Have you sought that? That makes a big difference in knowing and serving God.

 

[mikeforjesus]

From
The Life of Repentance
and Purity
BY
His Holiness Pope Shenouda III
http://tasbeha.org/content/hh_books/Repentan/index.html

Do Not Despair.
At this point, I remember a letter which I received
from a youth 22 years ago.
When I read it I was deeply affected by it to the stage that I
wept. I replied to his letter, in which I said to him: `I have
received your letter, O beloved brother, and I imagined that I
had read it many times before I had actually seen it, it is the
picture of a life that I know, and the story of many hearts'.
Yes, it is a war which tires many. Its thoughts are known, and
repeated in the people's confessions and in their spiritual
questions. Here we will try to deal and answer each of these
thoughts about despair.
A.
The first complaint: I have lost hope. I am useless.
Know my brother, that every thought of despair, is warfare
from the devil. He wants you to despair from repentance, either
from its capabilities or its acceptance, so that you feel that there
is no use in struggling and you give in to sin and remain in it
until your soul perishes. So do not listen to the devil, no matter
what he says to you. When you are struggling with one of the
thoughts of despair, answer it with the saying of Micah the
prophet:
"Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I
will arise" (Mic7:8).
Know that if you despair from repentance, that this is more
dangerous than falling into sin. Through despair Judas perished
34
and died. Despair leads into deeper involvement in sin and the
sinner progresses from bad to worse. In despair the devil battles
with the sinner to keep him away from his Confession Father,
from every spiritual advice and from all of the church, so that he
will be alone with him, leaving the sinner without any help. The
prophets and saints were in warfare with the battle of despair,
and so the prophet David said:
"Many are they who say of me, there is no help for
him in God" (Ps 3). He answers this saying: "But You, O
Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up
my head" (Ps 3:3). David did not despair at his falling but he
wept for it and repented. So God returned him to his original
rank. God performed many good things for numerous people
and He said: "For the sake of My servant David" (1 Kin
11:32,34,36). So do not despair but remember those who
previously repented.
If you have lost hope in yourself, the Lord has not
lost hope in your salvation.
He has saved many and you are not more difficult than all of
them. When grace works in you, there is no room for despair.
Enter into repentance with a courageous heart and do not
belittle yourself.
B.
He says: `How can I repent while I am completely
unable to arise from my fall?'
Do not be afraid. God will fight for you, for the battle is the
Lord's (1 Sam 17:47). Your resistance, whether it is weak or
strong is not important. God can save with much or with little.
35
God is more powerful than the devil who fights with you and
He can drive the devil away. So do not look at your power, but
at the power of God. Cry and say if you allow me, I will repent
for you are the Lord my God (Jer 31:18).
C.
You will say: `My state has deteriorated immensely
and has lost hope'.
Can you see that it has lost hope, more than the barren woman
to whom the Lord said: "Sing, O barren, You who have not
borne..." (Is 54:1)? He gave her more than the other that had
children. Your state seems to have lost hope from your point of
view, but as for God, He has hope in you.
Do not place your hope according to your state, but to
the richness of God, who gives in abundance, and in His love
and ability.
D.
You will say: `But I do not want repentance or strive
for it'.
Of course, this is the worst part of your state, but still do not
despair. It is enough that God is striving for your salvation. He
wishes for your salvation. The prayers of many saints are raised
for your sake along with the pleadings of angels. God can make
you want this repentance. Remember the saying of the apostle:
"for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His
good pleasure" (Phil 2:13). Just pray and say, `Please God,
give me the desire to repent'. The lost sheep was not searching
for the way back, but it was its owner who searched for it and
returned it to himself. A similar situation occurred with the lost
coin (Luke 15).
36
E.
You may say: `Is it possible for me to live the rest of
my life away from sin, even though my heart loves it? If I
were to repent from it, I will return back to it'.
The error is that the devil makes you think in despair that you
will live in repentance with the same heart that loves sin. On the
contrary, the Lord will give you a new heart (Ezek 36:25). He
will remove from you the love of sin, and you will not think
about returning to it. But on the contrary, in your repentance,
God will make you hate sin and be disgusted with it. Your
present feelings will change.
F.
You will say: `Even if I repent, my thoughts will
remain stained by old visions'.
Do not be afraid. In repentance, God will purify your thoughts.
You will reach "the renewal of mind", in which the apostle
spoke about (Rom 12:2). How many bad visions were in the
memories of Augustine and Mary the Egyptian? The Lord
erased these visions so that their minds would be sanctified by
His love. Be certain that those who returned to repentance,
were in a more powerful state. Many of them received from the
Lord virtues and miracles. For example, Jacob the struggler,
Mary the Niece of Abraham and Mary the Egyptian. The love of
the repentant is greater, just as the sinner woman who loved
much, because He forgave her for much (Luke 7:47). David
also in his repentance was deeper in his love and humbleness.
37
G. You will say: `Will God forgive me? Will He accept me?'.
Be at ease, for He says, "the one who comes to Me, I will by no
means cast out" (John 6:37).
David the prophet said: "He has not dealt with us according to
our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities....As far
as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our
transgressions from us....For He knows our frame, He
remembers that we are dust" (Ps 103). He doesn't only
accept us, but He washes us and we become whiter than snow
(Ps 50).
He does not again remember our sins (Jer 31:34), (Ezek 33:16,
Heb 8:12). Remember that your soul is precious to God, for its
sake, He incarnated and was crucified.
H.
You will say: `But my sins are very disgusting'.
I will answer you with the saying of the Bible: "every sin and
blasphemy will be forgiven men" (Matt 12:31). Even those
who left the faith and then returned to it, God forgave them.
Similarly those who fell into heresies and then repented, were
forgiven. Peter who denied Christ, swearing and cursing, saying
"I do not know the man", was also forgiven. Not only this, but
he was returned to his rank of pastoral care and apostleship.
Even those who were in a position of leadership, for
example, Aaron the chief priest, who shared with the people of
Israel, in making the golden calf to worship (Ex 32:2-5), was
forgiven when he repented. The Lord rebuked the devil for the
38
sake of Joshua the great priest and clothed him with a new
garment (Zech 3:1-4).
I.
You will say: `But I have delayed too long and so is
there still a chance?'
Augustine said in his confessions: `I have delayed too long in
your love', but the Lord accepted him. He accepted those of the
eleventh hour, and gave them the same reward (Matt 20:9). He
accepted the right hand thief on the cross, during the last hours
of his life. As long as we are in the flesh, then there is a chance
for repentance. We say in the prayer before sleeping: `Repent
therefore, O my soul, so long as you dwell on earth', because
hope in repentance will not be eliminated except in the abyss
(hell), just as our father Abraham said to the rich man,
"between us and you there is a great gulf fixed" (Luke
16:26). So long as you are in the flesh, there is an opportunity
for repentance, so take it.
J.
You will say: `I am frightened that my sin could be a
blasphemy to the Holy Spirit'.
I say to you, that blasphemy to the Holy Spirit is a continual
complete refusal, throughout life, of all the work of the Holy
Spirit in the heart, and so there will be no repentance or
forgiveness. If you repent, then you have responded to the work
of the Spirit in you, and your sin will not be a blasphemy to the
Spirit *

 

[SaintMarco]

From
The Life of Repentance
and Purity
BY
His Holiness Pope Shenouda III
http://tasbeha.org/content/hh_books/Repentan/index.html

Do Not Despair.
At this point, I remember a letter which I received
from a youth 22 years ago.
When I read it I was deeply affected by it to the stage that I
wept. I replied to his letter, in which I said to him: `I have
received your letter, O beloved brother, and I imagined that I
had read it many times before I had actually seen it, it is the
picture of a life that I know, and the story of many hearts'.
Yes, it is a war which tires many. Its thoughts are known, and
repeated in the people's confessions and in their spiritual
questions. Here we will try to deal and answer each of these
thoughts about despair.
A.
The first complaint: I have lost hope. I am useless.
Know my brother, that every thought of despair, is warfare
from the devil. He wants you to despair from repentance, either
from its capabilities or its acceptance, so that you feel that there
is no use in struggling and you give in to sin and remain in it
until your soul perishes. So do not listen to the devil, no matter
what he says to you. When you are struggling with one of the
thoughts of despair, answer it with the saying of Micah the
prophet:
"Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I
will arise" (Mic7:8).
Know that if you despair from repentance, that this is more
dangerous than falling into sin. Through despair Judas perished
34
and died. Despair leads into deeper involvement in sin and the
sinner progresses from bad to worse. In despair the devil battles
with the sinner to keep him away from his Confession Father,
from every spiritual advice and from all of the church, so that he
will be alone with him, leaving the sinner without any help. The
prophets and saints were in warfare with the battle of despair,
and so the prophet David said:
"Many are they who say of me, there is no help for
him in God" (Ps 3). He answers this saying: "But You, O
Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up
my head" (Ps 3:3). David did not despair at his falling but he
wept for it and repented. So God returned him to his original
rank. God performed many good things for numerous people
and He said: "For the sake of My servant David" (1 Kin
11:32,34,36). So do not despair but remember those who
previously repented.
If you have lost hope in yourself, the Lord has not
lost hope in your salvation.
He has saved many and you are not more difficult than all of
them. When grace works in you, there is no room for despair.
Enter into repentance with a courageous heart and do not
belittle yourself.
B.
He says: `How can I repent while I am completely
unable to arise from my fall?'
Do not be afraid. God will fight for you, for the battle is the
Lord's (1 Sam 17:47). Your resistance, whether it is weak or
strong is not important. God can save with much or with little.
35
God is more powerful than the devil who fights with you and
He can drive the devil away. So do not look at your power, but
at the power of God. Cry and say if you allow me, I will repent
for you are the Lord my God (Jer 31:18).
C.
You will say: `My state has deteriorated immensely
and has lost hope'.
Can you see that it has lost hope, more than the barren woman
to whom the Lord said: "Sing, O barren, You who have not
borne..." (Is 54:1)? He gave her more than the other that had
children. Your state seems to have lost hope from your point of
view, but as for God, He has hope in you.
Do not place your hope according to your state, but to
the richness of God, who gives in abundance, and in His love
and ability.
D.
You will say: `But I do not want repentance or strive
for it'.
Of course, this is the worst part of your state, but still do not
despair. It is enough that God is striving for your salvation. He
wishes for your salvation. The prayers of many saints are raised
for your sake along with the pleadings of angels. God can make
you want this repentance. Remember the saying of the apostle:
"for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His
good pleasure" (Phil 2:13). Just pray and say, `Please God,
give me the desire to repent'. The lost sheep was not searching
for the way back, but it was its owner who searched for it and
returned it to himself. A similar situation occurred with the lost
coin (Luke 15).
36
E.
You may say: `Is it possible for me to live the rest of
my life away from sin, even though my heart loves it? If I
were to repent from it, I will return back to it'.
The error is that the devil makes you think in despair that you
will live in repentance with the same heart that loves sin. On the
contrary, the Lord will give you a new heart (Ezek 36:25). He
will remove from you the love of sin, and you will not think
about returning to it. But on the contrary, in your repentance,
God will make you hate sin and be disgusted with it. Your
present feelings will change.
F.
You will say: `Even if I repent, my thoughts will
remain stained by old visions'.
Do not be afraid. In repentance, God will purify your thoughts.
You will reach "the renewal of mind", in which the apostle
spoke about (Rom 12:2). How many bad visions were in the
memories of Augustine and Mary the Egyptian? The Lord
erased these visions so that their minds would be sanctified by
His love. Be certain that those who returned to repentance,
were in a more powerful state. Many of them received from the
Lord virtues and miracles. For example, Jacob the struggler,
Mary the Niece of Abraham and Mary the Egyptian. The love of
the repentant is greater, just as the sinner woman who loved
much, because He forgave her for much (Luke 7:47). David
also in his repentance was deeper in his love and humbleness.
37
G. You will say: `Will God forgive me? Will He accept me?'.
Be at ease, for He says, "the one who comes to Me, I will by no
means cast out" (John 6:37).
David the prophet said: "He has not dealt with us according to
our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities....As far
as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our
transgressions from us....For He knows our frame, He
remembers that we are dust" (Ps 103). He doesn't only
accept us, but He washes us and we become whiter than snow
(Ps 50).
He does not again remember our sins (Jer 31:34), (Ezek 33:16,
Heb 8:12). Remember that your soul is precious to God, for its
sake, He incarnated and was crucified.
H.
You will say: `But my sins are very disgusting'.
I will answer you with the saying of the Bible: "every sin and
blasphemy will be forgiven men" (Matt 12:31). Even those
who left the faith and then returned to it, God forgave them.
Similarly those who fell into heresies and then repented, were
forgiven. Peter who denied Christ, swearing and cursing, saying
"I do not know the man", was also forgiven. Not only this, but
he was returned to his rank of pastoral care and apostleship.
Even those who were in a position of leadership, for
example, Aaron the chief priest, who shared with the people of
Israel, in making the golden calf to worship (Ex 32:2-5), was
forgiven when he repented. The Lord rebuked the devil for the
38
sake of Joshua the great priest and clothed him with a new
garment (Zech 3:1-4).
I.
You will say: `But I have delayed too long and so is
there still a chance?'
Augustine said in his confessions: `I have delayed too long in
your love', but the Lord accepted him. He accepted those of the
eleventh hour, and gave them the same reward (Matt 20:9). He
accepted the right hand thief on the cross, during the last hours
of his life. As long as we are in the flesh, then there is a chance
for repentance. We say in the prayer before sleeping: `Repent
therefore, O my soul, so long as you dwell on earth', because
hope in repentance will not be eliminated except in the abyss
(hell), just as our father Abraham said to the rich man,
"between us and you there is a great gulf fixed" (Luke
16:26). So long as you are in the flesh, there is an opportunity
for repentance, so take it.
J.
You will say: `I am frightened that my sin could be a
blasphemy to the Holy Spirit'.
I say to you, that blasphemy to the Holy Spirit is a continual
complete refusal, throughout life, of all the work of the Holy
Spirit in the heart, and so there will be no repentance or
forgiveness. If you repent, then you have responded to the work
of the Spirit in you, and your sin will not be a blasphemy to the
Spirit *

Thank you Mike, that made a lot of sense to me and I was able to relate.

I'm actually quite glad you're around. There's something comforting about it.

There are some very good people here.

 

[vespasia]

I have this morning off from working. I have read the whole thread and this response is picking up on your posts Marco starting with the earliest first.

Humans are naturally very frail Marco. They are easily discouraged, easily hurt, easily broken our strength does not even register in the cosmos.
Even Paul struggled as you are with his own nature.

The middle letter of sin is truly 'I' self; selfishness.
Where did Christ EVER promise that following Him would be easy nice or make you happy all of the time? He never promised me that. He did give me some far better promises that meant far more to me and give me a deep abiding joy in my life even when by worldly standards I ought to be miserable.

So Marco you spoke of the beast that stirs within the dark recess of mans nature. It has all the faults that old Harry himself has not realising that to indulge such is to make yourself more attractive to things you would perhaps with hindsight prefer not to have made yourself attractive too. Paul wrote of this nature in Galatians and contrasted it to Gods nature that is open to those who are willing to run the race for Christ.You are clearly in good company with that struggle.

Satanists the alien elite?
Why only in their publicity material and dreams. I believe it could also be said...remember some of your dreams!
All the ones I have meet and know have exactly the same faults as any human in any church. They seem more able to wear a veneer of respectability that hides the chipboard underneath.
You spoke of how man is naturally supposed to live. The works you have read are but one construction of a perceived social reality by a tiny group and you accept this unquestioningly as truth and consider you would make a Satanist?

Animals live on the principle of 'everyone for themselves'? Anton was not noted for his study of animal behaviour preferring to utilise 'everyone knows' school rather than examining hard scientific journals. If he had he would have noted that many creatures will sacrifice themselves to ensure their family DNA is passed on.
Social Darwinism is not the same as Darwinism.

Hell exists Marco it truly does. May you never catch a glimpse of it. Those who have never come back unless God moves in an almighty Gracious way that surpasses any understanding we have.

People do go to hell for rejecting Christ Marco. Take a long hard look at the lives of noted occultist and how they ended. Mess with the occult in any form for long enough especially on the LHP and it will turn around and mess with you.
Its a triumph of style over substance!
Anton is a typical example of this Marco same as many others. They recreate their own subjective reality to suit their own wants time and time again, then impose it outwards on others to see how gullible they are.

God is righteous. That's something we humans kick hard against the concept of theistic RIGHTEOUS creator entity that asks us to account for our actions. You do not have to choose to account in this world you can always do so in the nest but that might be a place with hindsight you would regret.

The pain comes from the entities you deal with. They are unforgiving of fools.
Ritual is needed to keep your mind focussed because one slip and 'something' will peel your mind like a rotten onion. Their is no room for learning and making mistakes.
The CoS would never kill but you are a fool if you think all Satanists adhere to a vegan policy of never using animal products.

No self respecting Satanist would attempt to kill a cat. They dislike having their own blood spilt. (Try grabbing hold of a cat and giving it medicine) A depraved self styling want-to-be might do so in an attempt to cause fear but that is far removed from the attitude that typifies a serious scholar.

Imrevived. You can be in theistic or atheistic Satanism even in the UK. Worshipping is not a requirement. A dedication to place knowledge and learning before all other things is regardless of the order. You have to prove a demoinstrateable ability to learn at a higher educational level to even be considered.

No one is ever so steeped in sin that Christ cannot save them if they cry out to Him for forgiveness with a broken and contrite heart. NO ONE.

I was considered a hopeless reprobate by Christians who knew of my leanings and many were too scared to even debate with me.
I began with occult studies then aimed for consideration of a theistically based UK order. I had to be able to offer serious evidence of prolonged study and a willingness to explore concepts in practical terms. Realising I was becoming someone I did not necessarily like was one of many things that eventually forced me to reconsider.
Such was the seriousness of that reconsideration that I could drop everything I had thought should be worked for overnight.

Christians are people messy people. Christ is more than human and more worthy of consideration.
God allows us to ask questions Marco.

Jeff is worth your time communicating with. He will never force you to choose, he will never look down on you for your age.
He will give you the space you need to consider in.

Take him up on that offer it was meant.