I'm scared of being in a relationship..is this normal?

[GirdYourLoins]

I believe that God has given us free will in choosing to marry and who we marry. I have known too many people in the past who didnt marry because they thought that God had told them not to marry a particular person or they passed up on the right person because they thought God had told them to marry somenoe else. One person even said he heard an audible voice telling him he was going to marry someone he knew but had no feelings for. She married someone else he still waited about a decade thinking he was going to marry her before he finally married someone else. he was never able to have children of his own as a result which he desperately wanted to.

So when the right person comes along go for it.

 

[ToBeLoved]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?

I think you have two different things going on here.

First, if your 28 yo and never dated, but have all these fears for no reason, then this in itself is a problem. Whether God wishes you to marry or not, part of your growth in Christ is to overcome fear and you have all these unfounded fears going on. I think you need to start trying to deal with it.

What if God's will is for you to marry?

How would you or could you follow His will for you in a relationship with all this extra garbage and stuff in your mind and heart?

 

[harko]

It seems you inwardly yearn to love another soul! God wants you to have love in abdunce. Keep your eyes open and don't hesitate when God shows you a potential partner

 

[joshcorn]

Sounds like you need to get alone with Jesus and open up your heart to Him and ask him to heal your wounded heart from past relationships .We as christian carry around to much baggage and we wonder why we have so must problems in life.

 

[Celticroots]

I don't think it's abnormal. I am your age and have only had one relationship, which I ended, because it became evident later he didn't want a girlfriend. I felt like I was the one pulling the weight. Makes me wonder if there was something wrong with me. Like he didn't care enough to put in part of the effort.

I have a fear of relationships…marriage. My parents divorced after 30 years together. My father re-married. My mom hasn't. Whenever I speak of marriage, my Mom always says "If you end up with the wrong person it's not worth it."

Since I haven't seen a good relationship, how I am supposed to know whether someone is the right person? According to my Mom, my Dad's emotionally and verbally abusive behavior didn't become apparent until after they married.

I want someone who is a Christian, not in name only, but actually displays fruits of the Spirit in his behavior, and is a similar to me spiritually in other ways, and we can strengthen each others' faith. I won't tolerate abusive behavior from him. Guess that's one way I'll know he isn't the right one.

Then there's the issue of marriage. I have a disability and am on SSI. If I were to marry, my SSI would be taken away or cut severely enough to where it would be useless because I would be on his income. But I can't work a full time job, (only part time) so he would become my sole means of support which isn't fair to anyone.

If I were to marry someone with a disability also on SSI and also unable to work full time, we both could lose our benefits or have them cut so severely they'd be useless. Some couples in that exact situation have had to divorce because of the financial stress. Then there's cooking and cleaning which I am not sure I could ever have the energy to do. Fatigue is part of my disability.

Although I had a dream in which I believe God showed me He has someone for me. I'll be interested to see what He does.

 

[timewerx]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?

More and more people are thinking this way so this is starting to become normal.

Some of my reasons for remaining single would sound silly to most people. Your reasons are still within bounds of sound reasoning and fixable!

I've been rejected a lot but mostly in job applications last year. It stung just as bad as being rejected by a woman after 50x rejections!

I've learned to find joy by the possibility, not when something does not materialize. Keep in character, no matter, the show must go on!

 

[tulipbee]

So I've pretty much been single my entire 28 years of my life so far and..I feel like listing out the reasons why I'm scared/hesitant/weary of potentially being in a relationship.

-For some reason, I hate how vulnerable I feel when potentially liking someone. It's the vulnerability that scares me, I think. And possible rejection and hurt that may follow said vulnerability. [But then again, what's there to 'lose'? If one has a crush on someone, then nothing really is lost if that person ends up not taking any interest in you]

- I'm scared of being cheated on, of ending up in an abusive relationship, of being blind-sided by lust/feelings/hormones and ignoring any potential signs from the get-go before starting a relationship with someone

I've asked God to confirm for me if it's His will for me to be married one day by having someone in real life confirm it by the end of this week..which is Sunday. Is that a silly request? Is there a better way of asking? Or a better approach altogether? The reason I've been praying that is because I'm starting to open up to the possibility of being in a relationship. I've been content far too long in being single. Being single, for me, is comfortable. It's safe. It's 'freeing' in many ways. I don't feel lonely or anything..I just feel like it'd be nice to have a family one day. It's not a strong desire by any means.. it's more like 'that's a nice thought' type of thing. I'm just a bit confused I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel slightly silly asking something like this. It really isn't..something I'd think about. I am happy and content in being single but I don't think I'd mind being in a relationship with the purpose of marriage and starting a family and centred on Christ. It's just my fears are ..frustrating and annoying sometimes. I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?

I'm scared of being out of a relationship .

what's the difference?

what's with, " better to marry than to burn"?

 

[ToBeLoved]

I'm scared of being out of a relationship .

what's the difference?

what's with, " better to marry than to burn"?

To burn with lust or desire.

 

[WisconsinRetiree]

I just finished a book on online dating, remembered your postings, and thought I would pass the title on to you since I thought the book was very good: DATA, A Love Story. How I Gamed Online Dating to Meet My Match. By Amy Webb. The put a lot of work into the book and I think you should read it.

 

[ToBeLoved]

One other thing I would like to mention, is that the Bible tells us to not fear over and over.

Do you know the words "fear not" are mentioned in the Bible more than 365 times?