I've heard of many stories of people in relationships [from those who are bf/gf or married or engaged] and most of it has been negative. And I guess that part is the biggest contributing factor. Entering a relationship is not a light matter..it's a selfless thing to serve [not in an unequal, servant type of way] your partner as best as you can and to potentially raise children which is a daily selfless act in which there's no 'you-time'. Most of one's time is spent taking care of the kids, being a wife, looking after the house, working..which is great and beautiful. The truth is..I never gave love a chance because of my fears. Would God respect one's wishes to remain single or perhaps He has a will for them to be married?
If you feel God is calling you to be single, go for it. But, if the primary reason you are not considering marriage is because many people have told you horror stories and made it sound like something best avoided, I think you need to listen to some other people. People who have not been able to make relationships work very well are probably not the best source of good information about what marriage can be and how to make it work. I think that the important thing is that the direction you choose is because it is a direction that you wholeheartedly want to pursue. If planning to be single is because one fears marriage, that is making a choice of avoidance, not a forward direction. If planning to be married to a particular person is because one is afraid of being alone, that is making a choice of avoidance, not a forward direction. I think that the best decisions in life are usually those that are moving us forward, not those made to avoid something.
We've been married for over 30 years and have 3 daughters (now late 20s and early 30s). I'd say that only about 1/5 to 1/4 of the couples we've known for over 20 years have gotten divorced and the rest are still married. Any discussions we've had with them have indicated general positive feelings toward being married and having kids. Is it work? yes. Is it easy? no. Are there problems to work through? yes. Is it worth it? By all means, YES. Those we have known who've had the most trouble either ignored a lot of red flags before the marriage or let problems grow and grow without effectively dealing with them.
Two of our daughters are now married and we have two great sons in law. At both weddings, a friend who is pastor pointed out that he noticed that there had not been a single divorce among the parents or grandparents on either side of the family (and as far as we know, going back a number of generations). This becoming rarer, but there are still people that know how to make long term relationships work. Both my daughters married into great solid families, one that we met through our daughter and now really enjoy seeing, and the other some old family friends from way back that we deeply respect. Having good in-laws is a blessing that will keep on giving for years and years. I didn't realize that until many years later when I realized how great my in-laws were.
A good long term marriage consists of two things, 1) marrying a solid Christian with good character and integrity and a good work ethic, and 2) being willing to work through the inevitable changes that occur over time. I'm no longer the young energetic hunk with a full head of hair that my wife married. I'm now the overweight balding man who has stuck with her through thick and thin for decades that she can roll over in the middle of the night and snuggle with when she has a nightmare or is troubled. My young bride is now graying with some wrinkles, but last year when I was having panic attacks from too much stress at work and ended up in the ER, I cannot imagine having been in there without her. She's no longer the exact person I married; neither am I. But we've made a good life together and I cannot imagine having done it with anyone else. She's an honest, solid, hardworking person, with an artistic and creative streak. She's also headstrong and stubborn at times. (She's hiked over half of the Appalachian Trail a few years ago, wants to take long walks each day, and still will drive a half dozen times around the parking lot to find a spot 10 feet closer to the door. She's now vegan and our Thanksgiving dinner consistent of rice and vegetables. I must admit to being a bit miffed when my supper was not turkey and mashed potato leftovers but a peanut butter sandwich.) I've got my quirks that probably have driven her nuts at times as well. (I can hold a complete conversation with her while I'm working on something else and not remember a word of what she said. At least that's her version of it.) We each married a person that we deeply respect and now completely trust. We each adapted and changed as the other changed over the years. I'd also emphasize marrying a Christian. I cannot imagine spending a lifetime with someone that I couldn't go to church with, pray with, and share my deepest spiritual concerns and dreams with. What started out with a high level of passion, infatuation, and strong feelings of romantic love has changed over time to contentment, security, familiarity, and connection. We are now such an integral part of each others' lives, it's hard to imagine not being with them.
If you want to really learn about relationships, learn from people who've figured out how to make them work. Is there negative? Of course. But most married people have found that the positive largely outweighs the negative. If you want to get a good sense of what marriage can be (and how to make it work well over the decades), spend some time with people who've been married for decades.
