I'm really confused.

[zingiber]

Caty, I had the blasphemy one really bad for a long time. I thought I had committed the unforgiveable sin for sure and felt completely lost. I am not a crier (I'm a guy!), but I would just cry, feeling absolutely lost. This happened often during the day and occurred every night. I could think of nothing else - I don't know how bad you have the unforgiveable sin thoughts but I had them bad. I talked to my minister, to little avail - some hope was gained for a while, but soon the obsession and the blasphemies were back, as bad as ever. I would walk around the house in the utter depth of frustration and despair that only you and others with similar obsessions can understand.
But now the obsessions have gone, almost completely, and the blasphemies are themselves greatly reduced and toothless. I can now see why they do not matter - I can now see that no matter what I managed to convince myself my intentions were, no matter how numerous the thoughts, no matter how bad they were, they were not mine. I have other obsessions still, but this one no longer holds a sting.
And truly, it was pathetically easy! I am sure you have read all the advice of the others here to reject and ignore the obsessions, and then refocus? That is what you must do. It sounds hard, but it works. It really does! I did it finally, and I can't remember how long it took for the thoughts to go (it felt very short) but I can remember the fear and the desire for surety that went before I began. And paradoxically, the very surety I so desired is now mine - now that I no longer look for it. The pleasure of being able to think straight on this matter, of being able to read the scary verses without fear and to feel the thoughts come and go without condemnation is great indeed, and thoroughly worth the discipline required to get there.
I hope I have managed to convince you of the necessity of just letting the thoughts go. That is how you will get better, and you will look back on this period of time you are now in, and laugh with joy that it is over. You will be able to look at the thoughts, weigh them, and judge them for what they are - lies. And once all is over, you will be able to look at the God who you now fear with love that is always fresh!
This has turned into a bit of an epistle, but I am passionate about the matter, for I am out the other side (of this thought, not OCD, unfortunately. Pity!) and I want you and all others to be so also. I will be praying and I know that others have been praying too. Please take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, for Jesus died for you and your brothers and sisters are standing with you. Know that others have had the same problems as you, that they have fought them, and now in victory are as sure that the problems are not in fact problems as they had been that they were. Hope springs ever anew.

 

[RuthD]

Hi Zingiber,
I applaud you for overcoming a very hard part of OCD. You have given me good ideas with your post and I thank you. God bless you.

 

[Caty]

My thoughts disturb me and i wish that these things never come into my head but what makes me question if they are really from me is the fact taht they make me think, like im trying to find soem "justice" in them, like when i have a bad thought about God for some reason my mind brings up "proof" of how it could be true. and then it makes me question them, like what if that is true? But i dont know if im just making excuses for myself but i feel like, "well if i didnt have this obsession in the first place then i would think so much about the thoughts." because they are making me, and I HATE saying this so bad, but not like God because I feel like what if I lose my salvation for this and ive prayed for healing for a year now. and what if my heart is mean, can a person's heart just be mean and them want it to be good with good intentions and stuff but they cant change it. im just an awful person and i hate being this way.

 

[Caty]

My thoughts disturb me and i wish that these things never come into my head but what makes me question if they are really from me is the fact taht they make me think, like im trying to find soem "justice" in them, like when i have a bad thought about God for some reason my mind brings up "proof" of how it could be true. and then it makes me question them, like what if that is true? But i dont know if im just making excuses for myself but i feel like, "well if i didnt have this obsession in the first place then i would think so much about the thoughts." because they are making me, and I HATE saying this so bad, but not like God because I feel like what if I lose my salvation for this and ive prayed for healing for a year now. and what if my heart is mean, can a person's heart just be mean and them want it to be good with good intentions and stuff but they cant change it. im just an awful person and i hate being this way.

 

[Caty]

& I know that God isn't the thing the Pharasiess said but, Ill have a bad thought about Him and then Ill think well, "what if that were true?" and Ill run things through my head that are either "how it could be ture" or "How it couldnt be true." Have I blasphemed the Spirit like that? Because afterwards Ill think, "thats ridiculous, why did you even ponder on that?"

 

[annrobert]

Caty, you want Jesus and you want salvation.
This is all just ocd and that is why it causes you so much distress and pain, because you do not like all this confusion and ocd thoughts.

Caty, you will never ever lose your salvation over all this fear and confusion and ocd thoughts.


Jesus said you are safe in His hand and none shall snatch you out and you shall never perish.

We are all awful sinners , everyone of us and that is why Jesus died for us and that is why we need a Saviour.Jesus is our mighty Saviour and His blood cleanses us from all sin.

We grow and mature in Jesus day by day.

Jesus said , all that the Father has given Me will come to Me and he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.

The reason we come to Jesus is because Father God has given us to Jesus and Jesus will in no wise cast us out.


Romans 8

31What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

32He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[Caty]

like tonight from my sleep i woke up and i was thinking abuot my thoughts and stuff, and the f-word popped into my mind and right now im really not sure how all of this happened but just like nothing i put that with Holy Spirit and im not sure why i did it, but i did and it happened like twice and im not sure why, i wasnt mad at God i dont think but it didnt seem to forced either but it made me sick afterwards because i thought about what i had just done, and then i said that with what the pharasiess said and i just dont know why it happened, it didnt seemed force, bc ususally i can fight it off. but i wasnt doing ti to hurt God either. its worrying me bc i cant rememeber how exactly it happened, but i guess it doesnt matter how it happened--it happened. Thanks though Ann, but I just think that those scriptures are meant for the people who havent committed this sin, and the ones that can be forgiven.

 

[Mayflower1]

praying for you Caty.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Caty, I had the blasphemy one really bad for a long time. I thought I had committed the unforgiveable sin for sure and felt completely lost. I am not a crier (I'm a guy!), but I would just cry, feeling absolutely lost. This happened often during the day and occurred every night. I could think of nothing else - I don't know how bad you have the unforgiveable sin thoughts but I had them bad. I talked to my minister, to little avail - some hope was gained for a while, but soon the obsession and the blasphemies were back, as bad as ever. I would walk around the house in the utter depth of frustration and despair that only you and others with similar obsessions can understand.
But now the obsessions have gone, almost completely, and the blasphemies are themselves greatly reduced and toothless. I can now see why they do not matter - I can now see that no matter what I managed to convince myself my intentions were, no matter how numerous the thoughts, no matter how bad they were, they were not mine. I have other obsessions still, but this one no longer holds a sting.
And truly, it was pathetically easy! I am sure you have read all the advice of the others here to reject and ignore the obsessions, and then refocus? That is what you must do. It sounds hard, but it works. It really does! I did it finally, and I can't remember how long it took for the thoughts to go (it felt very short) but I can remember the fear and the desire for surety that went before I began. And paradoxically, the very surety I so desired is now mine - now that I no longer look for it. The pleasure of being able to think straight on this matter, of being able to read the scary verses without fear and to feel the thoughts come and go without condemnation is great indeed, and thoroughly worth the discipline required to get there.
I hope I have managed to convince you of the necessity of just letting the thoughts go. That is how you will get better, and you will look back on this period of time you are now in, and laugh with joy that it is over. You will be able to look at the thoughts, weigh them, and judge them for what they are - lies. And once all is over, you will be able to look at the God who you now fear with love that is always fresh!
This has turned into a bit of an epistle, but I am passionate about the matter, for I am out the other side (of this thought, not OCD, unfortunately. Pity!) and I want you and all others to be so also. I will be praying and I know that others have been praying too. Please take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, for Jesus died for you and your brothers and sisters are standing with you. Know that others have had the same problems as you, that they have fought them, and now in victory are as sure that the problems are not in fact problems as they had been that they were. Hope springs ever anew.

Ditto to this. I have had the same experience. The quicker you recognize the whole cycle of thoughts as OCD and don't give them significance, they will begin to cease.

 

[Caty]

But I know things that trigger me thinking them but its like I allow, my brain to question God about the thoughts (like if they are the thruth and stuff) and though at the same time im fighting them. i dont understand and they are really really bad, i had an awful day today and my thougths blaspehemd the Holy Spirit.

 

[annrobert]

Caty anyone who comes to Jesus is a child of God and will in no wise be cast out.
They are kept safe and protected and will never perish.

Ocd can cause confusion and fear, but it cannot seperate you from the Love of Jesus.

 

[Caty]

I let a bad thought happen today, I read something about God and it happened and I thought a bad thought. what if it is me and im thinking them, if i dont want to be thinking them do you think God understands that?

 

[Caty]

I let a bad thought happen today, I read something about God and it happened and I thought a bad thought. what if it is me and im thinking them, if i dont want to be thinking them do you think God understands that?

 

[Caty]

My thoughts are getting worse they are now playing upon my ultimate fear. They are calling actual miricales Ive seen or heard of (what the pharasiess said, I dont want to type it). They are doing EXACTLY what the pharasiess did, these are th most disturbing thoughts ive ever had and ive let a couple happen, im not sure if they are me or not, they scare me but sometimes i realize after i hvae them that what exactly ive thought, but sometimes im worried that they are thoughts about before i have them, its like i think that would be considered blasphemey if i thought that and then i end up thinking it, but it does scare me and im really upset tonight because ive had these types of thoughts for the past couple of days. ive never said anything out loud but to me that doesnt matter, im worried that they may have been intentional. I know im going to hell, Jesus wont save me and im so scared. i hate myself for this, i feel like im trapped like this and i wont out so bad but i can never escape who i am.

 

[annrobert]

I know im going to hell, Jesus wont save me and im so scared

Caty,

you are not trapped , you are not going to hell.

Jesus said whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

Jesus said whosoever will may come and drink freely from the water of life.
No conditions.



John 10:28
And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.



Luke 4:18
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,


28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

 

[zingiber]

Caty, your thoughts are absolutely identical to my old ones. It is incredible. I could have written posts just like these last few of yours when I was in the thick of the same obsession that now holds you captive. It never ceases to amaze me just how similar the thoughts of all of us with scrupulosity are. Take it as great encouragement; for it points to the fact that the invasive thoughts are just symptoms of a mental disorder, and it also helps to know that we do not fight alone.
I had exactly the same thoughts as you, and I thought it was me thinking them also. I had thoughts ascribing Jesus’ work to the devil. They are the worst, aren’t they? You feel trapped, impotent, with nowhere to go, nothing you can do. I can now write this, and read what you write, with a complete lack of fear of those thoughts, because God has helped me through. I want the same for you. As I and others have said, and still maintain: you have nothing to fear, so ignore the thoughts; focus on Jesus. This is how freedom will come. You must do this; I cannot stress it enough. You know as well as I that the more you obsess over the matter, the worse you will became. OCD is a prime example of circular and cumulative causation. The only way you can pull out is to relax – it’s like quicksand; the more you try to get out, the deeper you sink, but if you relax the sinking stops. I’m afraid my metaphor must end here, because unfortunately you cannot exit quicksand by just relaxing! A little bit of a pity really! (Not that we have mush quicksand in New Zealand!)
I am sure God knows that these thoughts are not of your volition; you should know the same thing. I know it doesn’t seem convincing (it wasn’t for me, either!) but this very struggling, this fear of letting them out, this dreading their very arrival are proof (sure proof) that your blasphemous thoughts are not your desire. Your brain will always let some thoughts through; it tires. Sometimes this is good, because it means you have to let the thoughts go. Now, as to the sin, the crime of these Pharisees was that of a wilful rejection of God’s son, ambassador, and free sacrifice for sin. They denied the Holy Spirit’s prompting and against all evidence, against all logic, they hardened their hearts and declared that Jesus worked for Satan. You must see that your experiences differ greatly from the sin of the Pharisees. The Pharisees wanted to disbelieve Jesus – you do not. The Pharisees made themselves blaspheme – you do not. You struggle tooth and nail to stop these blasphemous thoughts of yours – you would not dream of thinking them wilfully, let alone saying them. If you cannot see this, rest assured that when you are out the other side, you will!
Caty – I ask of you; listen, and stop the struggle. Just relax in Jesus arms and let him pull you out of the mire. I know that it is hard, but you MUST DO IT! You should try once to logic the thoughts down, but after that you must just relax
Last thing: Have you seen a psychologist or other similar person? I have had great help from a really good psychologist who helped with ERP and CBT. Even though she is an atheist, her mind sees things freshly in a way that we Christians can’t; she has helped break all my “normal” obsessions and compulsions, and surprisingly has proved of great help even with some of my religious obsessions! Also – have you talked with your pastor or elders to engage their help for the spiritual side of your obsessions? They study a lot, and are generally saner than all of us OCDers! Get someone on your side who can motivate you ignore the aberrant thoughts when they come.
Hope springs ever anew.

 

[Caty]

thanks, i dont want anyone to go through this but it helps me that you have. but sometime si get frustrated with God and mad at why im like this and why did this have to happen when i first got saved, i wasa young christian and i didnt understand much so i feel like it pulled me away and i get mad at God and i have these thoughts and althogh i still fight them i wonder if when i let soem through if i mean them just because my reaction isnt the same i dont want to want them but i wonder if i do seomtimes an thats a scary thought

 

[Caty]

its like I "make" the thoughts...like I put them thogether then I fight them,,,,, is that how you felt?

 

[Caty]

Like today I was at school and I thought, "do i really care." and its like i couldnt answer, i feel like ive been holding out for God for sooooo long that its like He doesnt want me or something? and It scares me to think that I wouldnt care, I hate being this way, & I dont understand why I had to be like this. its like i cant feel anything, but i just want to cry because i know my fate. like i was reading on anothe board on this site, that people were saying God told you what that sin was and He clearly said it in the Bible, why have people made it into something its not, there are NO exceptions to that sin. if you have said that (i dunno if it means in your mind or not ,but blsphemey is blasphemy) then you are going to Hell, and thats the way I see it , anger, confusion or whatever. ive done that.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Caty, regarding what you read somewhere else, this is my opinion~ I would just say that yes, God does say what He means and means what He says, so to speak. HOWEVER, regarding many things in scripture (not this issue alone for that matter) unless you consider the WHOLE counsel of scripture, your interpretation of something is likely to end up erroneous or skewed. The whole of the Bible was meant to be read and interpreted as a WHOLE, not taking bits and pieces of scripture and formulating doctrine out of them. I think if you will learn to interpret scripture this way it will save you a lot of error and heartache in the long run. However, it IS typical of OCD to zero in on a certain scripture (not necessarily about this topic) and obsess about it.