I'm really confused.

[Mayflower1]

Caty,
You are right with God because of Jesus.
Because His blood cleanses us from all sin.
We are forgiven,
we are restored.
No ocd , no terror , doubt or confusion will ever change that.

Caty,
Jesus will never let you go.
As we learn to trust in Jesus completely ,Jesus will change us and heal us from the inside out.
Jesus always finishes what He starts
He who has began a good work in us will perform it til the day of Jesus Christ.
We are sealed til the day of redemption.
Jesus will let none snatch us from His hand and we will never perish.
As we trust in Jesus we will grow and be healed day by day.
Jesus will change us and make all things new
We can do nothing without Him.
Jesus gives us strength and changes us and makes us grow .
We just cling to Jesus , trust in Jesus.
We are not our own , we are bought with a price.
The more we trust and get to know Jesus , the more we cling to Him and lean on Him and trust in Him.
One day Jesus will wipe all tears from our eyes.
Jesus has you in His hand Caty and Jesus will never let you go.
You are not your own, you belong to Jesus and He knows how to protect and keep and heal His sheep.


John 6:47
Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life

John 10:28
And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

John 15:7
If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.






Romans 4:5
But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.

30What shall we say then? That the Gentiles, which followed not after righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness which is of faith.

31But Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness.
32Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumblingstone; 33As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

Isaiah 54:17
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.


Isaiah 53


1Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
2For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
8He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
9And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
11He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. 12Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors

amen sister!

 

[Caty]

but today i was sitting on my couch and see im getting ready to go to a book signing by one of my fav authors and i keep having a hard time (because my mom is really protective) and she is having a hard time letting me do things a little more grown up, but i finally got her to say yes and its been something ive been really excitied about. but i was thinking because i kept having these bad thoughts about selling my soul and stuff, and i thought "would you have sold your soul to have went to that book signing,...and then I said probably (i knew what i was saying)." and now im afraid that i would have or that i did, im really scared because that is absolutly rediculous to do something liek that, I DO NOT want to do that and it scares me SO much that a thought like that would come from me because I REALLY DONT want too, so do you all think that i have done it this time?

and if not (not that I want too or anything) but how does one sell their soul?

 

[zingiber]

Caty, your soul is not yours to sell! It belongs to God - you are not your own, for you were bought with a price. God punished Jesus for our sins. We are God's most expensive possessions, for we are the only things he ever bought, and this with the highest price that could ever be paid, even though all things were already his! Do you think he is going to let you go? Do you think even if you wanted to sell your soul you would not be in his keeping? You are very precious to him. Turn your eyes away from your worthless, condemning thoughts - look at Jesus, for he is sufficient.

You have to remember that all of these thoughts are OCD (You may remember "its not me, its my OCD"?). You are over-thinking things, letting your brain control you. As crazy as it may seem, the whole business really is beautifully simple - just trust in Jesus.

I have trouble keeping my own advice often, but I pray that he will help you and all of us to trust in him!

 

[gracealone]

I DO NOT want to do that and it scares me SO much that a thought like that would come from me because I REALLY DONT want too, so do you all think that i have done it this time?

Caty,
None of us with OCD want to do, or hear, or say those unwanted instrusive thoughts. That's how you know it's OCD. It's soooo revolting to you and it makes you feel sick inside. Don't make it worthy of your attention no matter how big a fit your brain throws over it. If the anxiety is just too intense for you to ignore it, (I know what that feels like), then that anxiety has to be addressed. What types of things do you think you would be willing to do to help yourself with the anxiety? When I was very young like you I took up running - 5 miles a day and it really did wonders to bring me out of a bad OCD flare. I hate that you are suffering so much. I'm praying for you every day as are so many others who continually respond to you with deep empathy and concern. I thank God for them. You sure are loved!! The dawn will come, and we'll be here waiting to rejoice with you when it does.
Love you!
Mitzi

and if not (not that I want too or anything) but how does one sell their soul?[/quote]

 

[Caty]

but im just scared because i havent know anyone else but the "ocd me" so how do i know if i really want these thigs or not? and sometimes when the thoughts of ' if i do this it will make me sell my soul' and then i do it anyway---it makes me think, what do you care about your faith? or when i start having bad thoughts about the Holy Spirit and the I REALLy start questioning if in fact those bad things could be reality when i know that they ARE NOT and Im really scared to even type that on here. im just angry at the fact of who i am and i feel so bad that even when i do good thigns and want to change who i am and stuff, 'i think---well it wont really matter because you going to Hell anyway." or 'Ill think, "well you sold your soul over taht so now it really doesnt matter." I mean can a person sell their soul just by thinking it their head?

 

[zingiber]

Caty, this business about selling your soul is unnecessary - truly! There is no place in the Bible where it talks about being able to sell your soul. The soul of one who is a Christian belongs to God - they can't sell it, because it is no longer their own. Those who are not Christian are already under Satan - thus it makes no difference if they "sell their soul" or not, because Satan already has it. You belong to the former category and thus have no reason to worry!
Please listen - I truly believe you have no cause to worry about this soul-selling business. The thoughts are (of course!) just your OCD playing tricks. Ignore your OCD! By the way, John Bunyan had the same soul-selling worry as you, and so many other OCDers also. Does this not show you that the soul-selling thoughts are OCD? You are by no means alone!

 

[Caty]

well, the 'selling your soul thing' didnt last long, now im back to worrying about blasphemey...

 

[Mayflower1]

Caty. You have no reason to worry. You are beautiful in God's eyes. Your beauty captivates Him. When He sees you, He sees a beautiful child of God, washed in the blood of Jesus. You don't have to worry about a thing. He will protect you, He will watch over you. Let no one tell you different. Because you are deeply loved by God.

 

[gracealone]

HI Caty,
So is it helping... I mean worrying about the blasphemous thoughts? Does it make the fear or anxiety go away when someone attempts to reassure you in regard to them?
I'm only asking because with my OCD doing all those things only made me feel 10 times worse. The only way to treat OCD is to first of all run the risk of labeling it as OCD because even doing that creates a big level of uncertainty in us. Then after you leap off that ladder the next ladder you have to leap off is the one where you run the risk of just letting those questions and doubts lay there without giving them any of your time and attention. And you can't expect your emotions to cooperate with this effort because you've spent way too much time teaching your brain that these things are big huge emergencies so ignoring them is going to make it have a bit of a temper tantrum. But if you've ever cared for small children you should be fully aware that ignoring a tantrum is the best way to get the child to stop throwing a fit. Same thing with your brain.
I don't reassure you because the thoughts are not worthy of such attention. But mostly I don't reassure you because of my own experience with how doing that is counterproductive. If you had the kind of OCD where you were always questioning whether you had locked a door, or locked it good enough etc. And you asked me to go and check it for you I'd refuse. This is because if I did that for you I'd be giving validity to your obsession that it might be unlocked. I'd be helping you with your compulsion and I wouldn't want to do that. So when you ask for reassurance as to whether your faith is "still locked" I don't want to help you with that compulsion either. Not because I don't care but because I know that to do so will only make your obsessions all the more intense.
Do you understand that?
It takes tremendous grit and courage to let the doubts/questions just lay there unattended. But you don't have to do it all at once. Just practice letting one obsession lay there for a short period of time each day and add more and more time to that practice each day. Time to break the cycle and stop letting OCD bully you around.
Having said all that... I still feel very strongly that you would benefit tremedously from a professional who is proficient in teaching exposure and response prevention therapy. It's good to have a coach when we're being trained to press through the thoughts without responding to them.
Praying for you always.
Mitzi

well, the 'selling your soul thing' didnt last long, now im back to worrying about blasphemey...

 

[Caty]

it doesn't help me worrying about them but it does help for a while whne people reassure me that im okay.

 

[gracealone]

it doesn't help me worrying about them but it does help for a while whne people reassure me that im okay.

Oh... don't I know that. This is why it's so hard to break the cycle. The comfort of OCD reassurances and checking is only temporary though. Then when the questions/thoughts come back... which they do, they can feel even more urgent and distressing. It takes tremendous effort to let go of them, and live with that nagging feeling of uncertainty. But that's all it is Caty, a feeling - a really rotten, miserable feeling.
When I had all those horrid OCD harm thoughts about my children the anxiety that accompanied them really made me frightened that they might be true. But they weren't, they never were they only felt threatening. Same thing for my religious OCD. Same thing for yours.
God Bless,
Mitzi

 

[Caty]

yeah, im just afraid because sometimes i get mad at God because I dont understand why, and i know i shouldnt question but, if this thing im going through did cause me to lose my salvation or to have caused me to never recieve it then i just dont understand.

 

[Caty]

have you all ever "argued back" with yourself, like your will try to "disengage" a thought but then your "mind" will try to offer "facts" to make you believe why you believe that thought or how it coudl possibly be true. like if i have a bad thoughts about God then Ill think "god really doesn't want those bad things to happen' but then I think about other bad things that happen in the world and I think "but he let that happen, so what if ..." just stuff like that. I DONT want to WANT these thoughts I fear WANTING these thoughts but im afraid i do because I get SO mad at God sometimes and sometimes I dont understand why bad things happen and I question WHY, why does God allow this to happen then I have a bad thought about Him and I feel like a terrible person. I HATE the person I am, I know that Jesus could NEVER forgive me. I'm almost 100% sure Ive committed that sin and that even if I havent Im WAY to bad.

 

[annrobert]

I DONT want to WANT these thoughts I fear WANTING these thoughts but im afraid i do because I get SO mad at God sometimes and

Caty,
Jesus understands you do not want these thoughts and fear them.
This is all ocd and the confusion and fear it all causes.
It is not you at all.
You have not committed that sin.
Jesus blood cleanses us from all sin.
Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out
Jesus said verily verily I say unto you he that believeth on Me has everlasting life.
Jesus is Truth and His words will not pass away.
whosoever will may come

Romans 9
30What shall we say then? That the Gentiles, which followed not after righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness which is of faith.

31But Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness.
32Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumblingstone; 33As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on Him shall not be ashamed.

Caty,
one day Jesus will wipe all tears from our eyes , this will not last forever.

I HATE the person I am

This is how Jesus Loves you.


Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.


blessings
annrobert

 

[Bushido216]

Hi Caty,

First off, I want to say that I think you're doing very well. It's very brave of you to come on here and talk about this. I also think that everyone here is correct when they say that Jesus loves you and that you have nothing to worry about. I think it'd probably be a good idea to seek counseling with your minister / pastor / priest (choose one ). I think that he'd be able to reassure you just like the people here have. It might be good to hear from him.

Secondly, I'm by no means an expert, but it sounds like you have the typical pattern of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD is characterized by the unwanted recurrence of negative thoughts, and severe anxiety that associates those thoughts. OCD is generally diagnosed when the thoughts and anxiety interfere with your normal life. It seems as though this is the case.

I think it would be a good idea for you to see someone about this, someone with training in helping people through ordeals like this. If you're still in school or university, they should be able to provide you with someone to talk to.

Affirmation in God is something that the people here and your pastor are more than able to help you with, and they're doing an amazing job.

A psychological hiccup is something that a professional can help you with. Being concerned about your relationship with God is natural. Worrying to the extent that you're this out of sorts isn't. You can really help yourself by seeing someone who can assist you with dealing with the recurrence of these negative thoughts.

Yours,
Brian

 

[Caty]

its like my brain is trying to convince that the bad thoughts are truthful ones and it makes me feel really bad, i just realized that i dont want the thoughts now but I hope that I never did, because i have a rally bad memory---but i hope that i never wanted them.

 

[annrobert]

Caty,

This is all ocd,you do not want the thoughts, they make you feel bad

You want Jesus
Jesus will never cast you out.

Jesus is trustworthy and He has you in His hand and none shall snatch you out

and you will never perish.

Jesus will keep you safe forever.

He loves you very very deeply.

 

[Caty]

caspercamehome, yes I know what you mean---I have kinda bad feelings towards God, but I don't want to be bad---so I don't know how to distinguish my thoughts either, mine relgious ocd/thoughts have been going on for a year now.

It's like I'm a little upset with God and I have these thoughts but I dont want to be upset with God or have these thoughts...

 

[kaykay9.0]

caspercamehome, yes I know what you mean---I have kinda bad feelings towards God, but I don't want to be bad---so I don't know how to distinguish my thoughts either, mine relgious ocd/thoughts have been going on for a year now.

It's like I'm a little upset with God and I have these thoughts but I dont want to be upset with God or have these thoughts...

I think all of these things, Caty, are part of the OCD cycle. You can't "figure" out OCD. It will always come up with some other "yes, but..." argument. You have to fight OCD, not argue yourself out of it if that makes sense to you. That is why gracealone is telling you above that reassurance doesn't last with OCD. OCD can be a "worthy opponent" so to speak. It almost always has a rebuttal to your "reassurance." Or the power of the reassurances just don't seem as strong after awhile and then you get back into the OCD thinking again. I personally will sometimes give some reassurance to someone because when they are so far in the pit that they can't even think straight, sometimes I think it does help them get on an even keel again. But again, it's not a permanent solution unless the OCD obsession is pretty mild. And even then, if the person is truly battling OCD, another different obsession will often arise to replace the original one. That's, again, why the OCD has to be battled itself, not just the symptoms.

 

[Caty]

i have had different obbsession arise but none of them last as long as the blasphemey one. they keep me from thinking baout it for maybe a week at max. but they are not a usually as near scary or anything as the blasphemy one. im pretty sure im unforigivable--i know ive committed this sin and i dont see why i even try anymore.