I'm really confused.

[Caty]

I don't know where to go from here, I'm scared that I'll die or that the world will end before I'm right with God. & it really makes me sick (literally) to think about how wonderful (even though I was confused and a new Christian) my relationship with God was. I used to watch preaching all the time and read all of these books about God and listen to christian music and read my Bible and try so hard to do the right things, and now I cant even hear preaching without freaking out because it scares me. I'm terrified of the fact that I might go to Hell, I'm just so tired/scared to do anything. Does anyone else with ocd have an unsual fear of dying.

 

[HumbleServant94]

I don't know where to go from here, I'm scared that I'll die or that the world will end before I'm right with God. & it really makes me sick (literally) to think about how wonderful (even though I was confused and a new Christian) my relationship with God was. I used to watch preaching all the time and read all of these books about God and listen to christian music and read my Bible and try so hard to do the right things, and now I cant even hear preaching without freaking out because it scares me. I'm terrified of the fact that I might go to Hell, I'm just so tired/scared to do anything. Does anyone else with ocd have an unsual fear of dying.

I know exactly what youmean. I have been through the same thing.

 

[annrobert]

Caty,
You are right with God because of Jesus.
Because His blood cleanses us from all sin.
We are forgiven,
we are restored.
No ocd , no terror , doubt or confusion will ever change that.

Caty,
Jesus will never let you go.
As we learn to trust in Jesus completely ,Jesus will change us and heal us from the inside out.
Jesus always finishes what He starts
He who has began a good work in us will perform it til the day of Jesus Christ.
We are sealed til the day of redemption.
Jesus will let none snatch us from His hand and we will never perish.
As we trust in Jesus we will grow and be healed day by day.
Jesus will change us and make all things new
We can do nothing without Him.
Jesus gives us strength and changes us and makes us grow .
We just cling to Jesus , trust in Jesus.
We are not our own , we are bought with a price.
The more we trust and get to know Jesus , the more we cling to Him and lean on Him and trust in Him.
One day Jesus will wipe all tears from our eyes.
Jesus has you in His hand Caty and Jesus will never let you go.
You are not your own, you belong to Jesus and He knows how to protect and keep and heal His sheep.


John 6:47
Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life

John 10:28
And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

John 15:7
If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.






Romans 4:5
But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.

30What shall we say then? That the Gentiles, which followed not after righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness which is of faith.

31But Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness.
32Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumblingstone; 33As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

Isaiah 54:17
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.


Isaiah 53


1Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
2For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
8He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
9And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
11He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. 12Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors

 

[dabro]

Yup I do, when my theme goes all out it's about me being at God's Judgment. I expect Him to say everything is done Daniel, your sentence is hell. Cos when my OCD is flaring I think I'm dead and already there. So each and every moment I'm waiting for God to appear to throw me into outer darkness. This, what I'm writing you is not healthy with OCD. Face and tackle it head on. Show your fear your not afraid. Some times when my OCD is flaring cos of a dream I had about hell and I have to take a Xanax cos it defuses it and then I'm on track. When you have mantained your OCD, your going to have flare up's and that's just apart of it. Prayers for you Caty!

 

[RobertZ]

and in my case preachers i think get tired of me ,people who try to help me get tired of me and abandon me ...i feel so hopeless and lost i dont know who to trust ..

Your not alone, im going through this very same thing and I know how hard it is.

 

[Caty]

You are not alone nikolai & trust me the same thing has happened/happens to me. I'm always here for you to talk to.


---I dont know if all of my thoughts are unintentional, and I have never been diagnosed for sure by a doctor that I have ocd---she just told me that I had ocd tendancies and that I had and that I had an anxiety problem, so that worries me that its really me.

 

[Caty]

I'm begining to have another fear about selling my soul---im thinking about thigns I want to accomplish in the near future and the thoughts about dying before i get them accomplished scares me but along with those thoughts i have thoughts about "would you sell your soul to stay alive to accomplish that" and stuff like that am Im afraid that I may have done it in some form or something---or that maybe I secretly want to and that really scares me because i dont want things of this world control me to such a degree.

 

[annrobert]

Caty,

That is just ocd and fear and all the confusion it all causes.
That is not you and not what you want.
You have not sold your soul in any form at all.
Jesus is our High Priest.
Jesus is touched by our infirmities and understands our weaknesses.
Jesus is moved with compassion for us.
We our not our own, we are bought with a price, the precious blood of Jesus.
We are not our own.
Jesus owns us and Jesus knows how to protect His sheep.
We are safe in Jesus hand and none will snatch us out and we will never perish.
love and hugs
annrobert

 

[Caty]

My fear of dying is playing upon alot of thigns.
1.im afraid if i talk about it--it will happen.
2. i look for signs (things that i say or things that are happening) that may point to the fact that i could die soon.
3. things are looking up for me right now---so i fear that im gonna die.
4. my 13yr old friend just died and my cousin just dropped dea out of no were and its all just scaring me.

has anyone else felt like this?

 

[zingiber]

Caty, have you read John Bunyans book, 'Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners'?. I may have recommended it on here before, so pardon me if this is a repeat - however, I believe it is worth repeating! He had OCD (not that they knew that back then) and really, really struggled. His book addresses all the points you raise completely, I believe. He struggled with the fear of death and hell. There is one place where he wrote that he was listening to a bell ringing, and then had this thought that it would fall on him and kill him, and so he retreated a bit several times with different permutations of the thought running through his mind (Like, will it swing outwards and then fall and hit me?). Real OCD stuff. I hope I got the story straight - it is a long time since I read it. I truly recommend the book - I believe any OCDer will benefit from it (especially the sprupulous kind). In the end he just decided to throw himself, sink or swim, on Jesus and trust him for all things. This was the beginning of his healing, and he got almost completely better. I can also recommend 'Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder', by Ian Osborn. It is really good, and the section on John Bunyan is illuminating!
Praying for you.

 

[RobertZ]

Caty, have you read John Bunyans book, 'Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners'?. I may have recommended it on here before, so pardon me if this is a repeat - however, I believe it is worth repeating! He had OCD (not that they knew that back then) and really, really struggled. His book addresses all the points you raise completely, I believe. He struggled with the fear of death and hell. There is one place where he wrote that he was listening to a bell ringing, and then had this thought that it would fall on him and kill him, and so he retreated a bit several times with different permutations of the thought running through his mind (Like, will it swing outwards and then fall and hit me?). Real OCD stuff. I hope I got the story straight - it is a long time since I read it. I truly recommend the book - I believe any OCDer will benefit from it (especially the sprupulous kind). In the end he just decided to throw himself, sink or swim, on Jesus and trust him for all things. This was the beginning of his healing, and he got almost completely better. I can also recommend 'Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder', by Ian Osborn. It is really good, and the section on John Bunyan is illuminating!
Praying for you.

She can Read grace abounding and many more by clicking on this link.

Know I'm Saved: Contact Us

 

[gracealone]

My fear of dying is playing upon alot of thigns.
1.im afraid if i talk about it--it will happen.
2. i look for signs (things that i say or things that are happening) that may point to the fact that i could die soon.
3. things are looking up for me right now---so i fear that im gonna die.
4. my 13yr old friend just died and my cousin just dropped dea out of no were and its all just scaring me.

has anyone else felt like this?

Hi Caty,
Yes... I've felt like things were "signs" with my OCD but only because everything is scary when OCD is bad.

Have you ever put forth some effort to step back from your OCD and categorize the different components of it? I've had to learn to do this in order to get a handle on each episode. Here's the categories that I use to help myself.
a. what is the obsessional fear/spike.
b. how did it make me feel - anxiety response
c. what was my compulsive response to it?
You see... a. & b. are uncontrolled events. The thoughts and questions are going to come and we cannot unthink them. The anxiety that occurs is an inappropriate surge of fight or flight chemistry. We can't stop those two things. But c. is where we have to learn to apply the brakes. If we don't understand what our compulsive activity is, then we can't stop the cycle. And it is a cycle.. The obsession triggers the anxiety which triggers the compulsion which triggers another obsession, more anxiety and more compulsive rumination. The cycle of really bad OCD seems to overlap in such a way that we just view it all as one big nightmare. But we have to learn to seperate the components of each OCD theme in order to learn to manage it.
In your post - 1-3 were obsessional spikes. 4 Was two major stressful events which your OCD is feeding on to give you more obsessional fears. But at the end of 4. you said... "it's all making me feel really scared." There's the anxiety response. So then.. in light of these obsessions what do you do? I mean what goes on in your head in response to them? Because that is where the compulsive activity is taking place.
I had to learn what rumination meant before I could actually stop doing it.
I know that I seem all clinical and cold in my responses to you... but that's only because I want you to begin to do the things that will actually help you. You're never going to solve your way out of OCD. The more you try to the more lost you become in it's maze.
Love you!
Mitzi

 

[Caty]

thanks, you make me feel like i have a chance with God---I feel like im waaaayyy to lost & terrible for Jesus to forgive.

 

[annrobert]

My fear of dying is playing upon alot of thigns.
1.im afraid if i talk about it--it will happen.
2. i look for signs (things that i say or things that are happening) that may point to the fact that i could die soon.
3. things are looking up for me right now---so i fear that im gonna die.
4. my 13yr old friend just died and my cousin just dropped dea out of no were and its all just scaring me.

has anyone else felt like this?

Caty,

Talking about it will not make it happen.
You are being protected by Jesus
and only Jesus decides when it is time for us to be with Him.

There are no signs we need to watch for , since our Good Shepherd has us safely in His hand.

I am so very sorry to hear about your friend and your cousin.
That is very sad and must be very hard on you and that can make a person feel scared sometimes for awhile.As well as be very painful.((hugs))
annrobert

 

[annrobert]

nothing is impossible for Jesus Caty,
His blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness.

 

[gracealone]

thanks, you make me feel like i have a chance with God---I feel like im waaaayyy to lost & terrible for Jesus to forgive.

Caty,
I know this sounds rather silly but those horrible feelings need to be treated like so much nonsense. When they come I acknowledge that they are there but I'll usually sing this in my head... "Feelings... nothing more than feelings.." and then do my level best to distract myself with something else to keep from ruminating.
There's coming a day when - this too shall pass - and after that you will begin to see how God has taken this horrible affliction and used it to draw you nearer to Him and stand you up as a powerful ambassador for His Kingdom purposes.
Love you!
Mitzi

 

[RobertZ]

There's coming a day when - this too shall pass - and after that you will begin to see how God has taken this horrible affliction and used it to draw you nearer to Him and stand you up as a powerful ambassador for His Kingdom purposes.
Love you!
Mitzi

Very encouraging, thats the way Im trying to see all of this. While OCD can be a curse it can also be a blessing because I pretty much think about God all day long. Now if I can just get my mind to concentrate on his mercy instead of only his justice I think I will be doing much better.

Its really sad, ever since I was a child I have never really been able to picture God as a loving merciful God. I wonder if something happened during my child hood years to cause these thoughts?

 

[Caty]

I dont picture God as loving and merciful, ive always been afraid of Him. I know though---I KNOW Im a terrible person and that I just dont see how I could ever be secure in the fact that Jesus loves me or that I could go to heaven.

 

[annrobert]

I dont picture God as loving and merciful, ive always been afraid of Him.

Caty,

This is why we need to be renewed in the spirit of our mind meditating on the Word of God and renewing our minds.
Our minds are naturally carnal and do not picture or understand things of God by itself.
We need to renew our minds to the Truth of Jesus Words.
It is very normal for our carnal minds to not understand or picture things rightly.
We need to be renewed in the spirit of our minds.
The bible says we need to.





I know though---I KNOW Im a terrible person

There was two people in the temple praying and one prayed thus,

God I thank you that I do not do this wrong anf that wrong and that I tithe and that I am not like that sinner praying over there etc.
He did not ask for forgiveness or recognize that he was a sinner.
Jesus said he was not justified.

The other person prayed like this,
God be merciful to me a sinner,
Jesus said this person went away justified.
He knew he was a sinner and asked for mercy.
Jesus said if you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children how much more shall your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.
Jesus said we are evil.
This is why we need a Saviour.
Being sinners , we qualify for salvation.
The theif on the cross recognized he was a sinner and good thing he did.
He was forgiven and shown mercy.
When we realize that yes we are sinners
we give up on our own righteousness and works.
We accept forgiveness and are washed in the blood of Jesus
and our righteousness is of Him.
We abide in Jesus and trust Him and surrender to Him and let Him work on us and heal us .
We trust Jesus to give us a new heart
and make us grow day by day.
We can trust Jesus our good Shepherd with our souls.



and that I just dont see how I could ever be secure in the fact that Jesus loves me or that I could go to heaven.

Jesus is Truth.
Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.

Jesus said verily verily I say unto you , he that believeth on Me has everlasting life.

Jesus invites us to come to Him for rest.

He restores our souls

He heals the broken hearted and sets at liberty those who are bruised

He delights in mercy

He is moved with compassion

He is our High Priest

He laid down His life to save us and cleanse us

This is all proof of His love for us

Jesus is Truth

we can trust Him

He wil not cast us out

none will snatch us from His hand

all who believe in Jesus has everlasting life

Jesus is Truth

our minds need to be renewed

we cannot trust our minds or our feelings

we can trust Jesus who is Truth and the Way and the Life

blessings
annrobert

 

[gracealone]

Hi Caty,
I'm a terrible person too. In fact, "all my righteousness is as filthy rags."
But "where my sin abounded - His Grace abounded more." But then you already knew that didn't you?

I had to get over myself. I still have to do that because I have OCD.

We can't believe that our sins could in any way shape or form out weigh or over power His mercy and grace. The only way we get into that trap is by letting the painful anxiety that we experience with this disorder be the measuring stick we use to determine our standing with Him. It's rather like saying..."I have a horrible migraine so I guess God doesn't love me." With OCD are - in essence saying... "I'm having this horrible anxiety in response to a thought I don't want to think... so I guess that means God doesn't love me."
My OCD made me think and feel all sorts of threatening and scary rubbish about God and my standing with Him. So what! That has nothing to do with who God really is as shown forth by the Cross of Christ and as spoken to us through scripture.
Every time you chase these questions, accusations and feelings you trick your brain into interpreting them as being of extreme urgency. The longer the cycle goes on the louder the spikes get. It's like you're swatting at a Bee and making it very angry. If you'd just let it alone it would fly off and leave you alone... but instead you swat at it and the more you do the louder it buzzes. That's why you can't stop freaking out about the questions and thoughts.
Please put down the fly swatter no matter how loud that angry bee is buzzing.
I'm praying for you... I really am... even though your OCD may suggest to you that I'm not.
Mitzi

I dont picture God as loving and merciful, ive always been afraid of Him. I know though---I KNOW Im a terrible person and that I just dont see how I could ever be secure in the fact that Jesus loves me or that I could go to heaven.