I'm in tears

[GreyWolf]

I promised that if I was having a problem again I'd come back and post so I am.

I am supposed to see my counselor tomorrow. I needed to talk to her about my near-suicide and I really was holding on hoping to see her.

Well, my van driver, who I was trying to contact for two days, told me he can't bring me tomorrow. And he can't bring me to my psychiatrist appointment next month either.

I don't know how I'm going to get treatment if I have no way to get to the center. It looks like the van service, which is the only one I know of, is unable to get me to treatment anymore. So I don't know if I'm going to be forced to go without meds and counseling. Counselors don't make house calls. I don't know what to do.

And I'm still weak from fighing the depression. I'll be honest, all I thought of when I hung up is- I should take my life. The people on the forums think I'm happy- if I just stop posting, they'll never know. But I promised.

I am really really upest. Maybe someting can be worked out with some other forrm of transportation eventually, but certainly not by tomorrow. I don't know what to do- I really, really needed to see my counselor.

 

[GreyWolf]

I tried to edit this and it won't let me.

Just to say- I am ok- I just had been fighting these stupid suicidal feelings all day and this made them worse. But I'm ok. I know its stupid. It's not that big a deal- I'm sure something will get worked out. I just think there is no way to avoid missing my appointmetn tomorrow, and that is going to be very hard.

It's not like- oh, one little thing went wrong, let's be suicidal- its just that I've been in that frame of mind all day and this makes it harder.

I'll be ok, but keep my ride situation in your prayers, ok?

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

You sure you couldn't take a cab into see your counselor? I hope you will get better soon, and remember no matter what happens life will always be worth living.

 

[Jeshu]

GreyWolf at the moment it would be very good to receive some advise.

Ring if you can't go, to talk on the phone is better than not to talk at all.

Please remember sometimes unexpected things happen if you give them a chance!

Keep trying to get a lift, you've got - NO - already perhaps you can achieve a - YES - somehow!

Greetings. (Psalm 140:12-13.)



Gerry

 

[I'ddie4him2]

Is there public transportation like buses closeby you ??
Is that a possibility ??

 

[GreyWolf]

Well, I got a ride. I called that miserable guy up and begged him for five minutes.

My appointment is at 1 and is for 45 minutes. He's getting me there at nine am and picking me up at 4

I get to spend seven hours sitting in the waiting room

Well, I guess I'll bring a book....or three.

Oh well.

 

[I'ddie4him2]

Well, I got a ride. I called that miserable guy up and begged him for five minutes.

My appointment is at 1 and is for 45 minutes. He's getting me there at nine am and picking me up at 4

I get to spend seven hours sitting in the waiting room

Well, I guess I'll bring a book....or three.

Oh well.

Just a little bit of a wait eh ?
But much better than missing the appt totally.
I have had similar things happen to me where I had to wait for an hour or 2 for my Dr.
I'd go outside and sit down somewhere in the sunlight and just kick back.

 

[Soulwings]

At least you get to go. In the future, is it possible to do a phone appointment? because I do that sometimes with my T. It isn't as helpful as face to face, but it is definitely better than nothing.

Enjoy your reading time!! There could be worse things... what books are you going to read/reading?

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Man I got a bunch of cool books I wouldn't mind reading in a waiting room all day like that.

Here are the books I want to read I have bought them I just got to read them.

Freedom Evolves by Daniel Dennett (It is about free will.)

How The Mind Works by Steven Pinker

The Ancestor's Tale by Richard Dawkin's About evolution

River Out of Eden by Richard Dawkins.

They are really fascinating books if you want to learn about the mind and evolution. The catholic church permits people to believe in evolution and still be catholic, just to let you know. You just have to believe that God caused the mutations in the DNA. You can believe that and be catholic it is something else.

This post is not intended for debate only to tell the opening poster about some super cool books to read when waiting seven hours for his ride.

 

[GreyWolf]

Yes, I made it to my counselor's and we had a good talk. I'm going to be working on getting a regular ride there- it seems the van service I'm on can't take me with reliablility- but I have an ICMS worker, someone assigned to me by the hospital I was in to help with stuff like this and I'm hoping we can work out a way to get me there in the future.

Anyways, I read nearly all of Lisa Jackson's Final Scream. It's a total "soap opera" of a novel. Totally trashy and great.

It' s the saga of a rich family whose one daughter is killed in a fire (arson) and who was pregnant with somebody's baby, and and her sister, the main character, is torn between two men (of course) and her childhood crush is accused of setting the fire (he may or may not be the father of her sister's baby), and she helps him esacpe on her horse. She's only sixteen but she pines for him all her life, even though she marries his brother. And it turns out that her own alcoholic half-brother marries the best friend of the dead sister but harbors a grudge against the main characters' husband, while the main character's father actually had an affair with her HUSBAND"S father after his first wife (the mother of the daughter who died) committed suicide, and before his marriage to the main character's mother, prompting fears that both her husband and her childhood sweetheart were actually her half brothers, such fears turn out to be unfounded (of course) but her father actually fathered a third son with the brothers' mother (who is a crazy palm-reader who can see the future) and he was thought to have drowned, but he really didn't and is mentally handicapped due to the near-drowning and is living secretly on his father's ranch. Meanwhile there's another fire and it turns out that the husband is killed in that fire, and the childhood sweetheart takes his place, but nobody knows it even the main character because both men were burned beyond recognition. So the main character is nursing the man she thinks is her husband back to health, (their marriage was falling apart until the fire) but its really her childhood sweetheart. And who's the arsonist?

It's crazy. But I loved it. I just finished it. It was totally awesome trashy and pointless. And I was glued to every page.

It was exactly what I needed.

Well,I hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

 

[I'ddie4him2]

Thats great Greywolf.
I am so glad you were able to go. I hope that the van service works out well and there is no problems making arrangements.