Hi everyone
God has done amazing things recently!
I have been suffering from depression all my life im 33 years old now.
I was brought up in a single parent family. My dad looked after me since i was 2 years old. My mother left when I was 2. well she didnt leave exactly my dad divorced her he couldnt cope anymore. she has a mental illness called schizophrenia. she has the mental age of a child. she suffered brain damage when she was born cos she stopped breathing for period of time.
my dad was never there for me emotionally. He never told me he loved me. He is a very negative, hurt depressed man himself. He would brag with other people about me like how well i was doing and how proud he was of me. He never told that to me to my face though cos he didnt want me to get big-headed! but i needed to hear that. I tried to share something with him once about something personal and the reaction i got from him I stopped trying! He was in his world and i was in mine I hated living at home. I was a very shy reserved child.
I became a christian when i was nearly 22 through a dream that was a complete miracle. I lived away from home at college at the time I was so messed up. I used to walk the streets and cry about my mother I was so lonely, suicidal couldnt see the point of life at all. when i came to the Lord that helped a lot it gave me purpose. i was failing my college art course at the time(cos i was on the wrong course) i denied it but when i became christian i had the strength to leave there.
I continued to struggle really in my walk with God. I had a bad couple of years then got sacked from 3 jobs it was so painful.
I found a church in my own town to go to and i met my husband there. Life was still a struggle. I had a real low point where I would try to cut myself, didnt suceed! had some sort of prayer at least that improved. I used to go to my church group and get so low afterwards. I would want to try and reach for some pills to overdose i needed a lot of prayer and support. I used to ring up a friend to chat, and would drink sometimes to try and ease the pain. I had a bad point once where i took some aspirin and drink and tried to overdose. i called a friend, she came over it was a wonder i didnt end up in hospital it was a lethal combination. I didnt really want to die, it was a cry for help. I was in and out of counselling.
It was like there was a big cloud over my life of depression.
I got some deliverence prayer at some point and boy was there a lot needed to be delivered! rejection, self-rejection etc. things were a bit better after that but not wonderfully great.
As i didnt have my mother i would look to mother figures naturally. It was like I was hiding the real me from them to get attention. I couldnt be myself. I was locked up inside. hated going to social events would avoid them as much as possible.
Just last week I had a bad depression turn and ended up going to hospital.
But this Tuesday something wonderfull happened! unexpectedly i got some prayer for healing from the past it wasnt expected. I feel different now its like God has given me confidence! ive never had that before. Its different i cant explain I know Gods touched me! I feel like im a different person like Im free to be me! I belive I have been healed from depression and everything with it. Im thinking differently than I used to.
Im so thankful to God, I couldnt carry on the way I was going. Praise God
Thanks to everyone who prayed for me it made a real difference.
God has done amazing things recently! I have been suffering from depression all my life im 33 years old now.
I was brought up in a single parent family. My dad looked after me since i was 2 years old. My mother left when I was 2. well she didnt leave exactly my dad divorced her he couldnt cope anymore. she has a mental illness called schizophrenia. she has the mental age of a child. she suffered brain damage when she was born cos she stopped breathing for period of time.
my dad was never there for me emotionally. He never told me he loved me. He is a very negative, hurt depressed man himself. He would brag with other people about me like how well i was doing and how proud he was of me. He never told that to me to my face though cos he didnt want me to get big-headed! but i needed to hear that. I tried to share something with him once about something personal and the reaction i got from him I stopped trying! He was in his world and i was in mine I hated living at home. I was a very shy reserved child.
I became a christian when i was nearly 22 through a dream that was a complete miracle. I lived away from home at college at the time I was so messed up. I used to walk the streets and cry about my mother I was so lonely, suicidal couldnt see the point of life at all. when i came to the Lord that helped a lot it gave me purpose. i was failing my college art course at the time(cos i was on the wrong course) i denied it but when i became christian i had the strength to leave there.
I continued to struggle really in my walk with God. I had a bad couple of years then got sacked from 3 jobs it was so painful.
I found a church in my own town to go to and i met my husband there. Life was still a struggle. I had a real low point where I would try to cut myself, didnt suceed! had some sort of prayer at least that improved. I used to go to my church group and get so low afterwards. I would want to try and reach for some pills to overdose i needed a lot of prayer and support. I used to ring up a friend to chat, and would drink sometimes to try and ease the pain. I had a bad point once where i took some aspirin and drink and tried to overdose. i called a friend, she came over it was a wonder i didnt end up in hospital it was a lethal combination. I didnt really want to die, it was a cry for help. I was in and out of counselling.
It was like there was a big cloud over my life of depression.
I got some deliverence prayer at some point and boy was there a lot needed to be delivered! rejection, self-rejection etc. things were a bit better after that but not wonderfully great.
As i didnt have my mother i would look to mother figures naturally. It was like I was hiding the real me from them to get attention. I couldnt be myself. I was locked up inside. hated going to social events would avoid them as much as possible.
Just last week I had a bad depression turn and ended up going to hospital.
But this Tuesday something wonderfull happened! unexpectedly i got some prayer for healing from the past it wasnt expected. I feel different now its like God has given me confidence! ive never had that before. Its different i cant explain I know Gods touched me! I feel like im a different person like Im free to be me! I belive I have been healed from depression and everything with it. Im thinking differently than I used to.
Im so thankful to God, I couldnt carry on the way I was going. Praise God
Thanks to everyone who prayed for me it made a real difference.
