I'm afraid...

[Caty]

ok, im going to try cause i fell pretty good today. not many worries & I had a good, fun day w/one of my friends.,

 

[Caty]

Caty - there's no sin that won't be forgiven if you give heart up to Jesus. Please don't worry; that's kind of the point - you don't need to worry any more. When you are sure of your heart, say what you need to say to Him and then rest.

You know this already, so please be happy.

thank for tryig to help & everyones words are comforting but if you ask anyone w/ocd they will tell you that they cannot "know their heart"

 

[neon_tiger]

That's not true for everyone with the disorder, Caty. That was what actually got me to get over my religious OCD thoughts, knowing in my heart. You should really try and figure this out for yourself, because if you're not sure in your heart then I don't know if getting over the OCD is your biggest problem here.

I'm not trying to be discouraging or anything, but I think coming to the definite, concrete realization that you love Jesus and have faith in the Lord could be a way for you to overcome your problem. It worked for me and others, but of course everyone goes about recovery their own way...

You really believe that you truly mean these things that you think in your head?

 

[Caty]

I don't know if I truley mean them & hope I don't but my "ocd", by the way you talk Its a possabilty that its not my problem. But somethign attacked me one night in my prayers whenever I told God, "I love & thank you" and the thought came over me "what if you dont really love God?" & I have questioned myself ever since.

 

[Caty]

That's not true for everyone with the disorder, Caty. That was what actually got me to get over my religious OCD thoughts, knowing in my heart. You should really try and figure this out for yourself, because if you're not sure in your heart then I don't know if getting over the OCD is your biggest problem here.

you know I dont normally call people out, but I have to say thank you for this one...I was having a good day...

& since you seem to think something else is wrong what do you think that is??

 

[Caty]

i mean i hope i dont mean these things, but i dont think about it because im afraid of what my come about, because i dont want to be this way & i dont want to be thinking those things & if i mean them then there is no way God will forgive me...

 

[neon_tiger]

I really did not mean any of that in a bad or mean-spirited way, and I absolutely did not mean to ruin your good day. Honestly. It's just that when you said that you didn't know for sure in your heart it was such a terrible thing for me to personally hear because I at one time thought that I really meant the things I thought in my mind too. But I put that out of my head, because that was the only thing I could really still hold on to, my love for God. And to see that you might be slipping so far away to the point of not even knowing for certain anymore of your love for the Lord seems to me a bigger problem than the blasphemous thoughts.

I'll just have to apologize again, because I don't want to be the cause for you to become worse or anything like that. I only say these rather tough things to you because I've been where you've been and I know how terrible it is.

You don't mean these thoughts, and people have told you this a million times I know; but you're so overwrought over this whole thing because of your love for the Lord and it's why you're still fighting this and not giving in. Some people do give into these thoughts and take a horrible turn. You are not one of these people. You'll come out on top in the end, you just have to have faith.

 

[Caty]

I"m sorry also.
I thought you were insinuating that I had commited thhe uf-sin. & it scared me to death. But I know what you are saying but honestly I've had that same mind-set (not knowing my heart) for a looooonnnnngggg time now. for months. I just look back at whenever I started getting close to God and wanting to read my Bible & being excited to pray and watching the same Joyce Meyer episodes over an over or really watching anything about God, reading books to help me, loving the Christian music. and it makes me cry SO hard to thinkk baout where i am now. i want to be that way again SO bad. but again im sorry too.

 

[neon_tiger]

Oh my gosh, now I'm extremely sorry! O_O The thought never crossed my mind that what I was saying might sound like I was insinuating committing that sin. I would never want you to think that, Caty. Okay, I'm glad that's all cleared up.

I know there was a big debate earlier about you taking medication for this, and I didn't read most of it. But I suggest that you at least consider this option because I'm really concerned for your well-being here, the stress it's putting on you. Even more troubling is how it's disconnecting you from the girl you used to be, not being able to be as focused on your faith and loving all the things that go along with it. I couldn't even hear a mention of the Bible without fighting off a blasphemous thought.

So if I can realize that the thoughts are not truly meant by me, that they're meaningless and of the devil, so can you one day. And you'll also realize that you are not unforgivable. If I can believe wholeheartedly that Jesus still loves me and that I'll go to heaven, you can also be forgiven and feel the love again. God knows all, knows that many people face this ocd problem, understands that it is not of the heart.

Anyway, I'll keep praying for you.

 

[Caty]

I'm sorry, I don't want you to think you made anything worse either ( I forgot to adress that in my last post)
but i quit my counselor because I used to almost have a panic attack going to see them. & they were not helping me any. I hate the person I am now. I know I cant even hear God's name or anything about the Bible or I'll have a bad thoughts I'll have to fight off. but the thoughts dont have as much control over me because im now worried about me posting my thoughts and fearing that i had bad intentions by doing so ( it's a couple pages back in my thread). Im afraid i did exactly what the pharaises did by telling people on here my thoughts & im afraid that i might have had a bad intention or soemthing. i dunno though. but i just hope that i have a tiny bit of hope.

 

[Desperaux]

I don't know if I truley mean them & hope I don't but my "ocd", by the way you talk Its a possabilty that its not my problem. But somethign attacked me one night in my prayers whenever I told God, "I love & thank you" and the thought came over me "what if you dont really love God?" & I have questioned myself ever since.

What do you think that "something" was that attacked you?

Satan seeks to rob us of our blessing, Caty, and you blessing the Lord's heart with you loving adoration just irks him something terrible!


He stepped right in and took it from you! He is the giver of mental affliction. It is obvious to me that you need to be delivered of this OCD.

I know I cant even hear God's name or anything about the Bible or I'll have a bad thoughts I'll have to fight off.

This is further evidence that the enemy has you where he wants you, Caty. You must pray, and you must get into the scriptures if you are ever going to defeat this.

I am praying for you tonight.

 

[Stephen Kendall]

i understand what you are saying but let me ask you a serious question
if you did do that re you proud that you did it if not that shows you have the Holy Ghost convicting you still

No, I hate the fact that I could have. But what if I'm just afraid of going to Hell & I don't care about God. I don't know. I'm so scared.

Caty, Keryakos is right. How can you even feel fear and remorse (crying) if it were not the Holy Ghost still in you (convicting you of sin)? I still fear and remorse over my sin of over 20 years ago? Is this not the Holy Spirit still in me convicting me of my sin? I am glad still, for my hope is Jesus and I fear my God and love him. If the Holy Spirit is in you, then you can not have done the mortal sin, for would he not abandon you for it. Please just be glad that His conviction still lies in you. Didn't Apostle Paul have the constant reminder by a conviction of his sin against Christians before he was saved? Laugh & cry with joy for you have the Holy Spirit within you, for he convicts you, and you fear God and wish to love Him. Have a most wonderful day sister.

 

[Arphaxad12]

Hi Caty!

What you're describing sounds far more like an identity crisis, than OCD.

Before you do anything else you need to firmly establish WHO you are. Unless you know that, how can you know what you have done or not done, what you believe or don't believe?

Try sitting down with a journal and writing down the things you definitely believe, the things you definitely don't believe, the things you definitely like and dislike, the people you like/love and those you don't like or even hate (could even include God). Write down a brutally honest description of all that is Caty and don't "soft-pedal" it at all!

Do this FIRST before you try to figure anything else out. You'll thank me later.

No one else has to read it so that will make it a little bit easier to be completely honest. And being "hopping mad" at the Lord is not an unforgiveable sin, in fact it's not a sin at all, it's just very human. And the lord doesn't get all upset about it running around Heaven wringing His hands and crying: "Oh woe is me, they don't like me down there, whatever am I going to do!":
================================================================================
Jhn 7:7 The world cannot hate you; but me it hateth, because I testify of it, that the works thereof are evil.

Jhn 15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before [it hated] you.
================================================================================

But the marvellous thing is that Jesus so deeply loved people that He willingly came to suffer and die in agony on a bloody Roman cross to save even all those who He knew hated Him.

Best Blessings,
"Arph"
-------------

 

[Caty]

I try to think that if my heart was really bad then I probably wouldn't care about the thoughts or being "forgiveable".

 

[Arphaxad12]

Hi Keryakos!

Thanks for writing. You asked: "What i am asking is if someone questioned whether the miracles were of satan i am speaking of someone today if they questioned if they were from satan ..would they have commited the unpardonable sin .." (end quote).

I reply: I once worked for a boss who had severe heart trouble. And one day we were talking about miracles and where they came from. He answered that if the Devil was down at the local supermarket handing out new hearts, he would be first in line!

But as Jesus said to the Pharisees: "The Devil cannot cast out the Devil, neither destroy his own works. Otherwise he won't last long but will soon destroy himself." (paraphrased).

So "a tree is known by it's fruits." No good tree can bear bad fruit, and no bad tree can bear good fruit." So if something is good, like the instant and permanent healing of incurable excema I received from the Lord 20 years ago, then it MUST be from God. There can be no doubt that the Devil will never destroy his own work. Otherwise Jesus is lying and the Devil is stupid.

However there are some denominations even today who deny that the Lord's healing power is still available to all who ask the Lord for healing while having confidence in His mercy. Folks from these denominations often ignorantly say that a miraculous healing is from the Devil. No surprise they say this until they themselves need the Lord's healing touch in their own lives. And then it's amazing how quickly they rethink their theology!
==============================================================================
Jhn 9:30-33 The (previously blind) man answered and said unto them (the Pharisees), Why herein is a marvellous thing, that ye know not from whence he is, and [yet] he hath opened mine eyes.

31 Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.
32 Since the world began was it not heard that any man opened the eyes of one that was born blind.

33 If this man were not of God, he could do nothing. (parentheses are my own).
==============================================================================

And to further answer your question: Since my father was an atheist MD, I personally had a great deal of trouble in my own mind reconciling the many unexplainable miracles of divine healing I have seen, with my concept of reality.

It was really a great shock to meet and talk with a person in perfect health who, 15 years earlier, had been told by doctors in Ottawa, CA that he only had a few months to live because of his lymph cancer (Hodgkin's Disease).

I met and talked with many such people and carefully investigated their testimonies of healing to the "enth degree."

Also personally heard from, and read several books written by doctors from the Mayo Clinic and Johns Hopkins University hospital documenting numerous "impossible" healings from terminal illnesses which they had punctilliously investigated even down to checking the serial numbers on X-rays. These books are still available on Amazon.com: "The Miracles" by Richard M. Casdorph MD, PhD. Paperback is probably very reasonable.

Anyway, seeing these things first-hand was a great shock and "puzzle" to my mind. It took a lot of getting used to. Finally I just "gave it all up" and accepted the reality of God. It was the best decision I ever made. He is the best friend anyone could ever have!

But I suppose if I had been raised a Jehovah's Witness instead of an atheist, I probably would have said that all the many medically unexplainable miraculous healings I saw were from the Devil.

I hope you can gain something from this testimony, perhaps realizing that the Lord is FAR bigger than all our self-torturing ritualistic "mind games" involving calling Jesus the Devil.

You see, if a person calls Jesus the Devil as the Pharisees did, they will sure as heck never accept Him as their savior, hence they will never have forgiveness. Simple as one-two three. So if you believe in your heart that Jesus is the Christ from God then the bible says you're ALREADY permanently born of God.
==============================================================================
1Jo 5:1 Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him. (underline and color are my own).
==============================================================================

Best Blessings,
"Arph"
--------------
"Dogs call me by name"

 

[Arphaxad12]

Hi Caty!

You wrote: "I try to think that if my heart was really bad then I probably wouldn't care about the thoughts or being "forgiveable." (end quote).

Caty, you are the most forgiveable person I know. I also know a whole bunch of people who never even think about being forgiveable, or even about the Lord at all!

You are forever the Lord's holy child with the spirit of Christ within. God already did all the work, not you. So sleep like a baby in perfect peace:
=================================================
Psa 127:2 [It is] vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: [for] so he giveth his beloved sleep.

Psa 4:8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety. (underlines and color are my own).
=================================================

Best Blessings,
"Arph"
--------------
"Dogs call me by name."

 

[Caty]

I hope you are right, but now I worry that my worry is just all in cain because I'm terrified of going to Hell.

 

[Arphaxad12]

Hi Caty!

All worry is in vain anyway! It solves nothing and it helps nothing. It just wastes valuable time and energy which you could use to actually learn about the kindness and mighty transforming power of God. He's in charge, not you! Did you ever solve any problen by worrying about it. Worry doesn't count with the Lord. He just calls it a "dead (useless) work."

Apparently you think worry will be counted as virtue by God and will somehow save you and protect you. Unfortunately it counts for nothing except wasting your precious gift of time and energy from God.

Did you finally sit down and write a complete description of Caty yet? Do you think you can do it? Would you even know what to write? The first thing I would write is: "I am Caty and I think I'm far too unholy a sinner to even think about having anything to do with such a pure and Holy God."

But if you were perfect, Jesus wouldn't have had to save you. He came to save SINNERS, not the righteous! Do you know anything at all about the Lord's sacred written promises to Man?

The Lord has unlocked your prison door. All you have to do is push it open and walk out into the glorious light of His love and sure promises. Please don't judge the Lord and His good promises by what someone here on Earth did to you.

Best Blessings,
"Arph"
-------------

 

[Caty]

I'm talking about repentance, all the Bible calls for is "a change of mind" & I think those thoughts and stuff are wrong but what if I dont have genuine repentance. I'm not going wirte things down about myself because im afraid of what ill find. i just want all of this to be over. I want tpo move on, but I only gets sad and cry when i think baout God because I feel like I dont/or cant ever have Him.

 

[Arphaxad12]

Hi again Caty!

Who made you judge of the world? Don't worry about the sincerity of your repentance. All the Lord requires to be saved is that you will say just ONCE that Jesus is the Son of God. Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
Yes___ No____

See, the problem is that you really don't know anything about the bible.
Instead of useless worrying, you should study what the Lord has promised to Man. I've studied the bible for 35 years. So the things I write are not just my opinions, but exactly what the bible says.

PLEEEASE remember, Jesus came to save SINNERS, not the perfect. If you were perfect you would never need Jesus.. So just accept that Jesus saves sinners, which we all were, even you.. You're having a really hard time accepting that you're not perfect. Rejoice that you're not perfect, that's the main requirement for being saved!

"Arph"
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