I'm afraid to get married! =[

[Mnse87]

This morning I just realized that I am so afraid of getting married! I saw my parent arguing about something stupid (and it has always been that way ever since I was young they always argue and before I meet my bf I had already decided that I didn't want a bf or get married I wanted to live alone for the rest of my life and be happy just by myself. But when my bf came along he changed me and i was able to love him) and it just occured to me that I don't want to get married and be in their situation...

I have been in a relationship for over 6 months now and since the first day my boyfriend had told me that he would want to get married w/ me and now I'm afraid to do it.

What should I do? I think that maybe I should just take it one step at a time but even then I don't know what to do...

 

[willard3]

Take it slow. Work on your relationship and ask your bf nicely to please not have expectations like that...explain why.

 

[Mnse87]

Take it slow. Work on your relationship and ask your bf nicely to please not have expectations like that...explain why.

Thanks =]

 

[jdorsey]

Taking it slow is definitely a good idea. If and when you decide you do want to take the plunge, do yourself a favor and go through premarital counseling. You learn a lot about each other as you talk through each of your beliefs and how they draw from your parents and their habits and issues.
And just because your parents argue doesn't mean you have to be that way also. Do you have those tendancies? Its really all about making the decision to work for a healthy relationship. Talk through it with your boyfriend. There are also seminars and classes you can go to about learning to communicate effectively.
You have a lot of options. Don't write off marriage (which can be wonderful!!!) because of bad connotations from your parents.
My parents fought a lot growing up too. Mainly due to my dad's anger issues, and I would be remorse to think his issues would keep me from living the amazing life I have with my husband Dave now. He is sensitive to my feelings about being yelled at. We have gone to a Christian class on communication in marriage, which helped. And I have never regretting making the choice to get over my past to make a great future.
Good luck!

 

[Blank123]

yep definitely take it slow, don't worry whats coming down the road too much in regards to marriage and be honest with your boyfriend about your fears. Getting counselling from your pastor or a Christian counselor might be a good idea too in order to arm yourself with Christian defenses against the traps and pitfalls many relationships fall into and keep your relationship a healthy one.

 

[sbvera13]

6 months is way too short to make a decision like that. Don't worry about it yet.

That said, there will be arguments, disagreements, and problems. The idea is not to get rid of them (you are two different people, after all) but to accept that you are different from each other and not take it personally. If you can both do that you've got a good shot.

 

[ernest_theweedwhackerguy]

...I have been in a relationship for over 6 months now and since the first day my boyfriend had told me that he would want to get married w/ me and now I'm afraid to do it.

What should I do? I think that maybe I should just take it one step at a time but even then I don't know what to do...

6 months is way too short to make a decision like that. Don't worry about it yet.

That said, there will be arguments, disagreements, and problems. The idea is not to get rid of them (you are two different people, after all) but to accept that you are different from each other and not take it personally. If you can both do that you've got a good shot.

I agree with the person above. I mean, 6 months is definitely too short of a time period to know if you want to marry somebody or not.
A thing like that takes years to realize. At least to me. I would never even think about marriage until around 2 1/2-3 years into the relationship.
Why? Because that's when you find out if you truly love that person or not.
Most marriages are over in the first year or so because the couple didn't wait long enough to see if it was genuine and/or if they could deal with their SO for that long.

So, just like everybody else said, I'm gonna have to say it too.
Take it slow.

 

[Rhamiel]

You are a young woman and this is a very important thing, take your time, do not be hasty, just because your parents fight a lot does not mean you will be like them
you want some advice from my Mom?

always date a person for at least a year before you decide to marry them, you have to see what they are like in all four seasons, they might be crazy in the winter, you don't know

lol, my mom can be a little out there

 

[RobinRedbreast]

It's ok to be not ready for marriage. It doesn't mean you don't want to marry your boyfriend, it just means you aren't ready -at all- for marriage. That's fine. Take things one step at a time, that's all.

About a month before my husband proposed, we had this long talk about marriage, and he told me about his fears -- his parents are divorced, and he felt like he needed to know if he could prevent that somehow. I myself happen to be divorced. I told him my thoughts on it as a result, and I also told him there wasn't much I could do to take away his fears unfortunately. We both felt that we wanted to get married, but he just seemed to want answers I simply couldn't give him. He said he wanted to talk to his dad about it, since it was his mother's and father's divorce in his mind when he thought of things he wanted to avoid.

I have no idea what was in that lunch conversation he had with his father, but I do know a month later he proposed.

So, maybe if you get to the point (down the road) where your boyfriend is talking marriage, and you STILL aren't sure, maybe you need to sit down with the root of your fear, which right now is your parents' bad relationship. Sit down with them, apart or together, and say "Mom, dad -- you guys fight. A LOT. I respect and love you both, but I think we need to talk about this, because the way you act makes me fearful of my own future in marriage." I wonder what they'd say? They might be able to give you some valuable insight. For instance, being an outsider to your parents' relationship means you don't really know what goes on -personally- between them from an insider's perspective. You see arguments, but do you watch them resolve them? How do they deal with the aftermath? They might have advice for you that could be useful.



On a random side note, my husband proposed at 7 months, and we had a 6 month engagement.

 

[Thunder Peel]

It's perfectly okay to feel like you're not ready to marry yet. Marriage is a HUGE step and everything will completely change for you. Give yourself some room and spend some serious time in prayer.

However, you should not feel at all tied to your family's past and mistakes. It's understandable that you don't want to repeat your parents' mistakes and that's certainly an issue you have to deal with. Just remember that we are free in Christ and that our past, as well as the past deeds of others, does not dictate our future and the problems your parents have may not be the same that you and your spouse face.

God will work out everything in His own time. Stay faithful and go at a pace that's comfortable for you. From your post you're certainly mature and responsible enough to be looking into these concerns, which are things that other people would probably try and ignore, leading to problems later on. You've got my prayers.

 

[someotheruser]

Lemon-zester of Doom (it sounds way cooler than Morning~Glory):
Congratulations and all the best with your recent marriage!

Mnse87:
While there are some wise people that I know who got engaged extremely quickly, it is the exception, rather than the norm.

Take your time to work through the issues and, as always, read the bible and meditate on it. If you have any particular questions, take a thorough look at all that the bible has got to say on the question and pray for wisdom. Look at what the bible has to say both alone and with your boyfriend. As Christians, we partake in marriage before God; because of this, it is important to see what he has to say about it - even more so because he is infinitely wiser than we are!

 

[Stephen Kendall]

When I was a late teenager, my parents had a bad fight, black eyes. I refused to consider marriage or relationships, for this was one of many such fights. Marriage seemed as a trap with bitterness and overwhelming responsibilities. Let me say that such a decision made early affected my entire life. I didn't get married until past 40 years old.

All the bad stuff that can happen to a single person is multiplied by the factors of a marriage. If you have children, then the factor is so increased. This is just a fact. How we handle ourselves is how close we are to our helper. The closer we are to God then the better we can stand the worst of circumstances. We must agree with Christ and listen to him. We may live out our lives with little problems or be given the works. The idea is how do we love? Free will is a powerful thing. You can follow Christ because of it.

To find someone like yourself is important. E-harmony.com uses this to promote their couples and marriage. It is important to make sure that the person is a Christian like yourself with the same commitment and convictions. He can love you fully, if he can love God first and completely. Our spiritual search and growth is more important than anything else in a marriage, but this is also the simplest; just listen to and obey Jesus Christ.

Marriage isn't easy or guaranteed. It is commitment, love and spiritual guidance from God. Its music is hope, given love and honoring our Father in Heaven.

 

[Mnse87]

Thanks to everyone that responded to my thread because everything you'll said helped me out in some way to reason things.

Yeah some people say that six months is too early to want to get married but I guess I'm not the only one there is Morning~Glory too.

Btw most of his family has gotten married in less than a year and they have been together for like ever. I guess its just there trend. lol idk.

oh! And I'm befriending all of you...you don't have to accept...lol =]

Thanks everyone... a lot. God Bless

Anyone else have an opinion?

 

[SkyArk17]

At least take two years before marriage to see if you're really willing to spend the rest of your life with him. Some of the feelings you have for him now can disappear later, and then all of a sudden, you realize what could really happen if you marry. If you genuinely love him though and you both accept each other 100% for who you are to each other, then you can marry without worry. (still, I recommend the two years (or more, you can take it slower if you need to) off marriage policy)

 

[IDDQD]

I agree with the person above. I mean, 6 months is definitely too short of a time period to know if you want to marry somebody or not.
A thing like that takes years to realize. At least to me. I would never even think about marriage until around 2 1/2-3 years into the relationship.
Why? Because that's when you find out if you truly love that person or not.
Most marriages are over in the first year or so because the couple didn't wait long enough to see if it was genuine and/or if they could deal with their SO for that long.

So, just like everybody else said, I'm gonna have to say it too.
Take it slow.

 

[Religious Crisis]

The posts about taking things slow are good, you need to go at your own speed. If you feel like you are going too fast you may resent that later in your marriage. I highly suggest that you pray about any decision as well as talk to several people who you trust before making any decision that will affect the rest of your life. Also I was engaged after 6mts and married after a year and have been married 4yrs this Jan.

 

[Blank123]

The posts about taking things slow are good, you need to go at your own speed. If you feel like you are going too fast you may resent that later in your marriage. I highly suggest that you pray about any decision as well as talk to several people who you trust before making any decision that will affect the rest of your life. Also I was engaged after 6mts and married after a year and have been married 4yrs this Jan.

yep ^^

IMO it doesn't matter much if all his family were married in less than a year or if anyone else married quickly and have had successful marriages. What the important thing is what is right for you? Everyone moves at their own speed and everyone has a pace at which they are comfortable moving at in a relationship and its not wrong to stick to that.

i do hope you'll talk to you bf and tell him your fears and such if you haven't already and tell him that you just need time to see if you two are really a good match, not to be pressured into marrying him too quickly because thats what his family did or something.

 

[Mnse87]

Thanks again guys but most of u got a little off topic the real pressure i feel is that i am afraid to get married because of the fear that my marriage might end up like my parents like arguing all the time.

But yeah I am taking things slowly... :/

 

[jul7246]

You are a young woman and this is a very important thing, take your time, do not be hasty, just because your parents fight a lot does not mean you will be like them
you want some advice from my Mom?

always date a person for at least a year before you decide to marry them, you have to see what they are like in all four seasons, they might be crazy in the winter, you don't know

lol, my mom can be a little out there

Your mum's words are so true
I've just realised that mid-September/October is a terrible time for my SO. I'm always so scared for them because they're so impulsive during that particular period of time. A year ago they attempted suicide and today they randomly got a tattoo without telling me anything >_<

 

[Thunder Peel]

Just out of curiosity, what do your parents argue about? You don't have to list it if it's personal but maybe you and your husband won't have the same problems. Every relationship is different and the two of you may not run into those same situations.