janny108 said:
Exactly what I was going to say in some way; I'd talk about the feelings why you keep going back to the website. I agree with the blocking and limiting computer time. I got a filter for my computer I've had to do something similiar.
Jan
Or simply ask the administrators of the web site to ban you, your IP address at work, and at home (or IP block). If they are unwilling, then cancel your membership to that site.
You say you want to be more like her, but he does not like her. I know that this does not mean that you want to be disliked by him. Don't be like her, she is no good for him, and he knows it.
In a relationship, it is important to be yourself. If you try to be something different, it will ultimately backfire on you, because you will not be able to do so forever. Do you want him to love you, or someone else? If you want him to love you, then you need to show him the you that you are.
We are not able to change ourselves. We try all the time, but fail miserably. The only one who can change you is the Lord working in your heart, and that is always for the better. Even then, He usually takes what you have, and turns it in a better direction, like He did with Paul and his conversion. You will be yourself for your entire life.
One of the scariest things that I have heard in a divorce, is when the one leaving states that they never knew their spouse, what that person really was. We can not have a good relationship, if we constantly pretend to be something that we are not. It will drive you crazy, and confuse the one you are with.
We live in a world that is doing all of the wrong things. We live in a society that believes that a lie is better than the truth. The truth is, that you are good, just the way that you are. Whatever attracts this man to you, is the thing that you want to keep. I will bet you that he is attracted to you because you are not like the ex, and that is what he is looking for.
So not only are you hurting yourself by tormenting over this old relationship, but you are also hurting yourself by reading about what she was like, and wanting to be more like that yourself. It is not your curiousity, but the motives behind that curiousity that are dangerous here.
Also, if you do a lot of social things where she is always there, that is not a good thing, even if he does dislike her. All it will do is torment you, worrying about whether that old flame can be rekindled. I do not know the circumstances behind it, but it does not sound good to me. An occaisional party is one thing, but if hanging out with the buddies means hanging out with her, then I think I would avoid such things. Of course, since I do not know the circumstances, my advice should be taken with caution here, because it can cause friction between you and him, and you may appear too insecure. If it is bugging you, though, then you probably should do something to remedy the situation.
And if you can't stop going to this site, and it becomes a constant source of difficulties in your relationship, then perhaps this was not meant to be in the first place, and it will be the thing that God uses to keep you two from making a mistake for the rest of your lives. There are no guarantees in a relationship, but there is a guarantee that if you truly seek God's will in this matter, that He will protect you from major mistakes that you will regret.
I wish you God's guidance and blessings in this matter, and pray that He soothes your heart and brings you comfort in these things that are disturbing you,
John
But men will never fully understand women, and women will never fully understand men.
