I'm 7 months pregnant and my fiance is addicted to inappropriate content

[madison1101]

The problem is that I see no biblical advice in your words. I see judgment, lack of biblical knowledge, and selfish appraisals of the situation but nothing biblical alluded to to directly stated. I see church traditions, and personal opinions, but nothing biblical. I would even accept biblical concepts, and generalizations, but all you have offered it would seem is condemnation and judgment. If you want to offer biblical advice, then do so, but don't offer tradition, judgment and personal opinion and call it biblical advice.

You want Biblical? Here is Biblical.

1 Corinthians 6

9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Sexual Immorality

12"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13"Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."[b] 17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Thessalonians 5

22 Abstain from every form of evil.

Romans 1

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality,[c] wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving,[d] unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.

1 Corinthians 5

Immorality Must Be Judged


9 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. 10 Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.
12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.”[d]

1 Corinthians 10

8We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. 9We should not test the Lord, as some of them did—and were killed by snakes. 10And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.
11These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.


Galatians 5

19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;

Ephesians 5

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.

Colossians 3


5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

1 Thessalonians 4

3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

As long as the OP is living with her boyfriend, she is giving off the appearance that she is sexually immoral, and therefore in disobedience to the Word of God.

That is Biblical Advice. If you think I am wrong for what I have said about this situation, REREAD 1 Corinthians 5:9-13.

 

[trinitygrace]

Reading this prompted two question that seem to be confusing some of us here on this thread. If the OPer would care to clarify I think it would help. 1. Does the guy still plan on marrying you? 2. are you trying to change him or pointing out a sin that is destructive and asking him to seek God's deliverance? Thanks

Yes he still plans on marrying me - June 7, 2008. We have discussd this and agreed on starting the planning for this wedding after our daughter is born. We cannot possibly do it now due to our daughter's upcoming birth and we just purchased a home together and we are fixing it up.

And I am not trying to change him because I know only God Himself can change someone and their heart. I am just trying to help him recognize his sin and get help for it.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

God designed families - a mom and a dad, married and committed to following Him - as the best means for raising a child. To the extent that you cannot provide this for your child I am suggesting that you consult with a crisis pregnancy center so that you fully understand that adoption is an option.

I'm sorry but I am going to have to disagree completely.

This woman states she is prepared to do her best, which may not be up to anyone elses standards, but it's going to be what's she has, to care for her child, it is not any of our places to go against it. She stated she isn't interested, and that should be enough.

A "mom and a dad married" doesn't mean that either one is suited to be a parent. It often means they're just too poor to get a divorce or one is too abusive to allow it.

 

[EbonNelumbo]

Trinity, this is my advice.

You are a child of God. Regardless of what was done to bring another one into this world, it's being done. It's not easy at all, and I can understand that. I can understand being afraid and feeling like the only person you have there to protect you is actually too busy with something else. Cling to God, and in that, for whatever sins you have committed, repent and move on. You cannot change the past and drilling it into the ground won't change it either. You're only going to have one chance to bring this girl up right-I will speak from experience and tell you that money and posessions do not make the child, it's the love that does. Necessities are obvious, but don't be concerned about not having the extra money for annual trips to Disneyland and brand new Barbies when they destroy their old one. What's important is YOU. What's important is knowing that God is there for you as well. If you and your fiance'` don't work out, I am sorry, but sometimes people can be happier apart than together.

You can PM me anytime you'd like. My prayers are with you.

 

[trinitygrace]

Trinity,

I am sorry that you believe that I was calling you a child. I am fully aware that you are an adult. But by your own admission you cannot financially provide for this child. I am not telling you that you ought to absolutely give the child up, but what is unfair about considering it for the sake of the child?

Mature adults consider ALL of the viable options and make the decision that is best no matter how painful the best option is. To the extent that we feed our own wants and needs above what is best we are being immature.

God designed families - a mom and a dad, married and committed to following Him - as the best means for raising a child. To the extent that you cannot provide this for your child I am suggesting that you consult with a crisis pregnancy center so that you fully understand that adoption is an option.

Should you decide that you are ready to take on the financial, emotional and physical needs of this child on your own and that this is God's will for you, I pray that you find this child to be the blessing that God intends children to be.

My concern is that you will decide that somehow, someway that this child will be the tool that God will use to make your man into the man you would like him to be, I pray that you find that this is a disastrous path sooner and not later.

I understand that adoption is an option but it is not for me. If it all came down to raising my child on my own, I would work 2 jobs if I had to to raise my child but I will not have to. My fiance is committed to helping to take care of our daughter. Plus, I am lucky enough to have help from my parents and people who love and care about me and more importantly, my daughter Grace.

She is loved so much and she is not even here yet. Yes I am going through a lot right now but I am NOT going to adopt by child. I feel I could and WILL give her the best life possible because not only am I her biological mother, I will be the one who introduces her to the Lord by bringing her to church and raising her in the church. We will have a beautiful relationship.

And one last thing. I am not trying to manipulate my fiance into marrying me. I am truly concerned about his addiction. I want the best for him and realize fully and completely that I, nor anybody else, cannot change him. Only God can. If God wants us to be married than we will be married. If not, than I will move on with my life WITH my daughter and we will be just fine. I am a firm believer in prayer and believe in my heart that God will provide for my daughter and I. I am a college graduate with a four-year degree. I didn't go to school for four years to not be able to support myself or my family.

I said those things about not being able to afford to live on my own because I was scared at that time. I am no longer scared after praying about this situation. I also believe the prayers of all of you guys have helped me tremendously! I have received a peace become all comprehension about this situation. I believe God has us in His hands. I am so in love with my God! He is with me and we will be taken care of. What a wonderful Lord that we have!

 

[madison1101]

I understand that adoption is an option but it is not for me. If it all came down to raising my child on my own, I would work 2 jobs if I had to to raise my child but I will not have to. My fiance is committed to helping to take care of our daughter. Plus, I am lucky enough to have help from my parents and people who love and care about me and more importantly, my daughter Grace.

She is loved so much and she is not even here yet. Yes I am going through a lot right now but I am NOT going to adopt by child. I feel I could and WILL give her the best life possible because not only am I her biological mother, I will be the one who introduces her to the Lord by bringing her to church and raising her in the church. We will have a beautiful relationship.

And one last thing. I am not trying to manipulate my fiance into marrying me. I am truly concerned about his addiction. I want the best for him and realize fully and completely that I, nor anybody else, cannot change him. Only God can. If God wants us to be married than we will be married. If not, than I will move on with my life WITH my daughter and we will be just fine. I am a firm believer in prayer and believe in my heart that God will provide for my daughter and I. I am a college graduate with a four-year degree. I didn't go to school for four years to not be able to support myself or my family.

I said those things about not being able to afford to live on my own because I was scared at that time. I am no longer scared after praying about this situation. I also believe the prayers of all of you guys have helped me tremendously! I have received a peace become all comprehension about this situation. I believe God has us in His hands. I am so in love with my God! He is with me and we will be taken care of. What a wonderful Lord that we have!

So, have you moved out yet? If not, when do you plan to move out and live celibately till your wedding?

 

[trinitygrace]

I'm sorry but I am going to have to disagree completely.

This woman states she is prepared to do her best, which may not be up to anyone elses standards, but it's going to be what's she has, to care for her child, it is not any of our places to go against it. She stated she isn't interested, and that should be enough.

A "mom and a dad married" doesn't mean that either one is suited to be a parent. It often means they're just too poor to get a divorce or one is too abusive to allow it.

Thanks for your advice OddBeani. It is some very wise advice. I will take it and use it in my life. I will definitely be pming you soon!

 

[EbonNelumbo]

So, have you moved out yet? If not, when do you plan to move out and live celibately till your wedding?

I don't think that living by themselves 2 months before they are due, worrying about separate bills when there's a baby to care for, and not having the father there to help for over 6 months of an infant's life are a wise choise.

Trinity, PM me anytime. I added you to my meessenger as well.

 

[madison1101]

Obedience to scripture will sometimes seem unwise to some people.

Ephesians 5

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.

1 Corinthians 6

18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

The choice to obey does not always make sense to us, but it is the difference between growing spiritually, or being a terrible witness for Christ. Living together is a terrible witness for the Lord.

 

[madison1101]

John 14

15"If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

 

[Johnnz]

Obedience to scripture will sometimes seem unwise to some people.

The choice to obey does not always make sense to us, but it is the difference between growing spiritually, or being a terrible witness for Christ. Living together is a terrible witness for the Lord.

As is being unnecessary judgmental in a complex situation. Paul never decried eating meat offered to idols, but left that to individual conscience. Jesus gave examples when God did not condemn David for eating the sacred bread. We don't need to lower our standards but often, in complex situations we need to rise to new levels of wisdom and compassion.

John
NZ

 

[madison1101]

As is being unnecessary judgmental in a complex situation. Paul never decried eating meat offered to idols, but left that to individual conscience. Jesus gave examples when God did not condemn David for eating the sacred bread. We don't need to lower our standards but often, in complex situations we need to rise to new levels of wisdom and compassion.

John
NZ

Exhorting Christians toward obedience is NOT being judgmental. And, if you read scripture, 1 Corinthians says we are to NOT fellowship with Christians who are being sexually immoral. If you think I am being judgemental, then you believe the Apostle Paul was wrong as well.

1 Corinthians 5

9I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
12What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."[b]


Please explain this passage in light of the context of Trinity's problem. She came here and told us she is living in an immoral situation and asked for help with her fiance's inappropriate content problem. I have already shared that I have two sons who are living with their girilfriends. I do not preach to them, because they do not claim to be Christians, nor do they ask me for Christian Advice. Trinity came to a Christian Forum asking for Christian Advice. I have given Scripture, as per the new rules, to explain my advice. What scripture do you have to support your criticism of my exhortations?

 

[Forealzchola]

This kind of judgement and criticism is why so many people have a negative image of christians. Where is the love that we are supposed to share?? We are not to analyze the actions of others. We are not to offer condemnation or scorn. As mentioned earlier- you don't know her heart only God does. If I was a non christian who read this I would surley not become one after reading this post. I would get the impression that christians are holier than thou. Would Jesus have given trintiy this advice?? Would he have said trinity you are sinning more than your boyfriend?? You aid why should she take a stand against his pron addiction? Is this the advice you would give your daughter?? Oh honey you have sinned so just deal with the way he treats you??? No you would not!!! You need to realize that your haphazard advice is hurting others. She truly just wanted prayer. You are not in any position to judge her moral character or anyone else's!! You are not God!! And btw- God would not scorn her like you just did! Perhaps you should re-evaluate YOURSELF!

they are not married in God eyes.period..its not condemnation..its not judging its the truth..stop trying to sugar coat things for trinity..people suffer and perish for lack of knowledge...and that includes the reality of the situations that they are in .

 

[Forealzchola]

Yes he still plans on marrying me - June 7, 2008. We have discussd this and agreed on starting the planning for this wedding after our daughter is born. We cannot possibly do it now due to our daughter's upcoming birth and we just purchased a home together and we are fixing it up.

And I am not trying to change him because I know only God Himself can change someone and their heart. I am just trying to help him recognize his sin and get help for it.

well how about a small wedding in the court ( this can be arranged by next month) and a large wedding a year later..do you know how unwise it is to buy a home with someone who isnt your husband? do you know what could happen in a year to your relationship good or bad..its just like a boyfriend/girlfriend realtionship...nothing is finalized until you are down the alter..the fact that you have a baby with this man..does not bind him in a relationship with you...you need to realize that and start preparing for a possible future without him...and re-evaulate the qualities that you want in a husband...just because you have a baby by this man now, does not mean that this is the man that God has for you as a helpmate...( did this man purpose to you before you got pregnant and before he started having sexual relations with you ? )you made a mistake which is now resulting in other consequences and decisions..if you had not had sex or even became pregnant by this man...at this time you might not be even considering a relationship with him....hope this makes you think a lil... God bless

 

[EbonNelumbo]

well how about a small wedding in the court ( this can be arranged by next month) and a large wedding a year later..

I don't think rushing things for the sake of a kid is a good idea. It creates more problems later. Trust me on this one, Trinity. Also, while having a small wedding now and a large wedding later sounds like a great option, chances are the actual wedding will never come.

do you know how unwise it is to buy a home with someone who isnt your husband?

So sign a notorized statement with an "if" clause. Is it better to have the kid born in a place and have to move just a few months later?

do you know what could happen in a year to your relationship good or bad..its just like a boyfriend/girlfriend realtionship...nothing is finalized until you are down the alter

...and if they're not going to work in a position where they can go separate ways besides him having to support the kid, would being married and having that issue to deal with better? Divorces aren't cheap.

..the fact that you have a baby with this man..does not bind him in a relationship with you...you need to realize that and start preparing for a possible future without him...and re-evaulate the qualities that you want in a husband...just because you have a baby by this man now, does not mean that this is the man that God has for you as a helpmate...

I agree with this. To be blunt, as I have been there, to hell and back, with an ex who had a similar habit, if he's addicted now and lusting after women online, who is to say he's going to stop and if he does, that it won't just be because he has another relationship on the side? I am sorry, but that is true. He is the father of your child. I am sorry for that because of the anguish you're going through right now.

I will say this, he's not bound to anything with you, but to that child, DNA says he's going to pay for that child until it's at least 18, 21 in some states. Whatever happens, NEVER back down from that.

Always

 

[Johnnz]

Exhorting Christians toward obedience is NOT being judgmental. And, if you read scripture, 1 Corinthians says we are to NOT fellowship with Christians who are being sexually immoral. If you think I am being judgemental, then you believe the Apostle Paul was wrong as well.

1 Corinthians 5

9I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
12What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."[b]


Please explain this passage in light of the context of Trinity's problem. She came here and told us she is living in an immoral situation and asked for help with her fiance's inappropriate content problem. I have already shared that I have two sons who are living with their girilfriends. I do not preach to them, because they do not claim to be Christians, nor do they ask me for Christian Advice. Trinity came to a Christian Forum asking for Christian Advice. I have given Scripture, as per the new rules, to explain my advice. What scripture do you have to support your criticism of my exhortations?

I am not suggesting that her living situation is overlooked, only that there are other issues just as important in her life and her marital status should not be the one criterion for change. What if we were to ask overweight, over eating members, or people who love acquiring possessions( the greedy), the swindlers (some Christian approaches towards giving) or idolators (buildings and traditions more important than real spiritual life or deep community affection, being fashionable, having the right body image) all to leave us? quite a few small congregations I would imagine.

Jesus' dealing with an adulterous woman is another example. His refusal to condemn gave her opportunity and hope for change (sin no more). Allow God to sort out that dear lady whenever He chooses to convict. Unless it is His conviction she will lack His enabling, and I will be amongst those who add to her burdens.

John
NZ

 

[madison1101]

I am not suggesting that her living situation is overlooked, only that there are other issues just as important in her life and her marital status should not be the one criterion for change. What if we were to ask overweight, over eating members, or people who love acquiring possessions( the greedy), the swindlers (some Christian approaches towards giving) or idolators (buildings and traditions more important than real spiritual life or deep community affection, being fashionable, having the right body image) all to leave us? quite a few small congregations I would imagine.

Jesus' dealing with an adulterous woman is another example. His refusal to condemn gave her opportunity and hope for change (sin no more). Allow God to sort out that dear lady whenever He chooses to convict. Unless it is His conviction she will lack His enabling, and I will be amongst those who add to her burdens.

John
NZ

Again, I have no issue with people who choose to live in disobedience if they don't ask for advice about their situation. Trinity came here and asked for advice. She has not addressed her living arrangement but has made excuses for it.

I participate in support groups for eating disorders and alcoholism. If I am in relapse with those behaviors, and go to AA meetings saying that I am drinking, you can be sure that the AA members will advise me on stopping drinking. I go there to get help. If I stay home, and drink, they leave me alone, as well they should. Same goes for the believer who seeks fellowship with other believers while maintaining a lifestyle of blatant sin. If a believer does not go to church, they should be left to their sin, and let the Holy Spirit kick their butt. If they go to church, you can be sure that their elders or pastor should confront them about their sinful lifestyles, as scripture says they should.

Trinity came to a Christian Forum asking for Christian Advice, and I gave sound Biblical advice.

 

[sinneD]

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[razzelflabben]

Yes he still plans on marrying me - June 7, 2008. We have discussd this and agreed on starting the planning for this wedding after our daughter is born. We cannot possibly do it now due to our daughter's upcoming birth and we just purchased a home together and we are fixing it up.

And I am not trying to change him because I know only God Himself can change someone and their heart. I am just trying to help him recognize his sin and get help for it.

Just as I understood the situation. In fact, except for the marriage license, your story as you relate it sounds hauntingly familiar.

As I prayed for you last night, I got an image of you leaving your "husband" for a time. I also got an image of how important it is for you to make sure he understands how much you still love him and that your love is not conditional. It is solid and firm and tough when necessary to be so. It is vital he understands that your love is not conditional, but rather complete as God's love to us is.

 

[razzelflabben]

Trinity, I originally came to this thread because I saw a glimpse of my own experience in a mirror and thought that I could share with you what God showed us. What I found was people offering you advice that did not follow the bible and in fact, some advice that encouraged you to sin. This grieves me more than you can know. So I am going to leave with one last word of advice, it would be so much different advice if the church would actually act like the church, however they don't, so here is the one piece of advice that I can give to you above all others.

Take every single word of advice you recieve and lay it over the scriptures. If it is God's wisdom, it will line up perfectly over the word of God, without fail, God's answers are consistant with His word. I might also add, that over the years I have prayed consistantly that God would teach me to love. As I explore love, I find that every issue I have seen raised, boils down to a lack of understanding of God's love. You might want to start a study on the Bridegrooms love for the church (His bride), it is full of wonderful wisdom that will be valuable to you as you face the many trials ahead, as well as the trials your fiance will also face. You are blessed among women, in ways you cannot fathom and ways you will not feel in the midst of trial, but you are indeed blessed and God wants to do wonderful and magnificent things for you and your family.

May the Lord of Host surround you with His protective love, shielding you from the enemies arrows. May He grant you strength to endure to the end and wisdom to know what is His voice. May He grant you ears to hear His voice and grace to accept all that awaits.