jesus_freak_cleveylover#1 said:
ok so maybe it wasnt one thing but you know out of that it would be one of those i think..... i know what you mean about not wanting to be born i have had that feeling before... in fact i have it alot... sadly... but know God has me here for a purpose and no mattter what it will be ok.... but mind you i dont remember that often... i am a deeply depressed person and really i dont tell anyone but i have now... my parents have me in couseling and its helping but not a ton.... and im suicidal.... i have thought about it sooooooooooo much and still do alot... but like i said i am here for a reason and have no reason to change that.... its just the wold dont understand me and thats something i just have to deal with
Don't fall into that trap of believing you're the only one in the world who suffers this way and thinks no one understands you. Depression has reached epidemic proportions. Counseling is only part of the picture - you may need a little chemical assistance until you learn the tools you need to work your way out of this state you're in and it can take awhile.
My husband was in your shoes most of his life and he really had to make a lot of personal effort to put the counseling and other tools to good use. He had to learn to work with his situation instead of against it. He (and others I know, including me) had to learn and believe that we have more control over our emotional state and our attitude than we give ourselves credit for. There is a book I'd like to recommend, although I can't recall who wrote it at the moment. It's called "Happiness is a Choice" - I have it at home and I can get the author's name for you tomorrow.
Don't give up yet - life is such a gift and you won't see all the good that can come of it until you've lived it awhile. You will someday look back and be thankful you stuck through. Think of all the people who suffer as you do and don't even have eternal salvation to look forward to? You've got HOPE!
Take one day at a time, really. Try to find something in each day to learn from or find joy in, even the hard things.
I'd also like to suggest this: I believe one of the biggest reasons people sink into serious depression, aside from chemical imbalances, is that they get too focused on themselves and all the baggage and isolate themselves from those that could help them, including God. You've got to try and NOT focus so much on yourself but focus first on God and then on others. You would be amazed at the joy that can break through your pain when you have taken time to help someone else in their need - it is a healing tool of the highest quality. God's wisdom proves this - the more we focus on Him and others, the less obsessed with ourselves we become and our load gets lighter. I know people don't like to hear this, but it's true: There IS always someone worse off than you, and what if God puts you in his or her path to help them on their journey? You won't recognize the opportunity unless you stay close to God and pay attention to His leading.
You may be allowed to suffer the very things you do because you could be instrumental in saving someone else's life someday.
You are made in the image of GOD and are very special to Him! When things are tough, remember that an eternal heart calls you Beloved.
