Dear Beamish,
I have read your comments with great sympathy; your good heart and intentions shine through everything you write.
For me the answer to your question is to be found away from the Protestant separation of the Church and the Bible. Christ founded a Church, and to the leaders of that Church He gave the power to preach His gospel; long before the NT there was the teaching that came from Christ Himself. The Apostles and their followers wrote what became the Gospels, St. Paul his epistles, etc. We know this how? Because the Church, by the fourth century, decided it was so. It was guided not by the temporary fads of modern NT scholarship (read Charles Hill's masterly The Johannine Corpus in the Early Church if you want a demolition of much of the 'modern' scholarship on that corpus) but by the Holy Spirit which we were promised by Christ would protect His Church against the gates of hell.
That Church which decided on the canon also decided that other works, such as The Shepherd of Hermas and the Epistle of Clement were edifying, and could be read with profit.
Now, we are free to reject what the Church has taught from the beginning, but we ought to remember that Christ founded it; He did not drop off a book which we could all understand by our unaided intellect; He founded a Church which decided on the canon and which has continued to comment on it ever since.
We can decide that we, alone, or with a good commentary, can know the fullness of the Faith; but when we do, we find, as you have, that there are problems with this line. If we read the Holy Scriptures in the illumination of Christ's Church which produced them, we find a greater light than that of our intellect.
Remember the words of the blessed St. John, recorded first by his disciple St. Polycarp, who, in old age, used to be carried into Church, and would be surrounded by people eager to hear from the beholder-of-God some of his wisdom, and would say: 'Little children, love one another'; it is recorded that some went away sorrowful, not knowing that the Saint had given them the kernel of Christ's message; if we have love we are in Him; if we do not, then whatever else we have, we do not have Him.
He loves you, me, and the rest of us, sinners though we are and will be, even though His Grace saves us. What can we do? Repent, accept Him as our Saviour, amend our way of life, and live in Him, as He does in us.
Which Church, you might ask? Let us not dispute these things here - we do not know the boundaries of His Church, only where it is not. We shall not attain the kingdom of Heaven by storming it, but by accepting as a child. As He calls, you will follow.
In peace and with affection,
Anglian