I would like some advice please.

[alyssak]

So I joined this forum basically to get Christian advice about my ex a few months ago, and unfortunately, our issues with each other haven't been resolved and here I am again, needing advice on what to do.

He and I broke up and haven't spoken in almost 8 months. It was a terrible breakup and there's a lot of hostility and anger from him. However, I want to say that I truly did not do anything to make feel that much hatred toward me. Our breakup was over a misunderstanding that he refused to resolve with me.

Anyway, a friend of ours came to me yesterday telling me that my ex was openly telling other people intimate details about having sex with me. I understand that he and I have sinned by having premarital sex and I have taken that up to God. However, I don't like that he is telling people detailed accounts of what we did...

So I confronted him by writing him a message (I no longer know his phone number, otherwise I would have called) saying "Please think twice about the kind of information you are sharing and who you are sharing it with." And he responded by saying he was not going to do that, basically saying he would continue talking about it.

He claims he is a Christian and maybe I'm biased for being the one who is shamed in this situation, but isn't it wrong for him to be discussing what we have done in bed together with people in a game of truth or dare? What should I say or do?

 

[Forealzchola]

that guy is a jerk and surely doesnt seem like hes a christian..he seems that he is one of these guys like many guys who brag about the girls they have sex with..he didnt seem like one of these types of people when you first met him> but no of course not it is not right that he is doing that...you arent supposed to be having premarital sex as a christian but God forbid that you do...you have to be more selective of the types of guys you share your body with..there are rules even in the secular world that will help you to rule out people like this.

 

[razeontherock]

^ ^ The above poster is right. There really isn't anything you can do to control another person. 2 things that will help:

pray for him. (It'll help you way more than anything else)

Rejoice you didn't marry the creep (LOL)

 

[Autumnleaf]

The following is practical advice which I would urge you to consider.

1. Stop talking to the guy.

 

[x.miranda.x]

The following is practical advice which I would urge you to consider.

1. Stop talking to the guy.

2. Tell people he couldn't get it up and it was small. You can end his nonsense fast.

haha I like that, it's pretty funny

 

[razeontherock]

*Ahem* This is supposed to be Christian advice. That, doesn't count. (Funny or not)

 

[alyssak]

that guy is a jerk and surely doesnt seem like hes a christian..he seems that he is one of these guys like many guys who brag about the girls they have sex with..he didnt seem like one of these types of people when you first met him> but no of course not it is not right that he is doing that...you arent supposed to be having premarital sex as a christian but God forbid that you do...you have to be more selective of the types of guys you share your body with..there are rules even in the secular world that will help you to rule out people like this.

Thanks, I appreciate your points. I've definitely learned my lesson about the types of guys I'll be dating in the future and the lines I shouldn't be crossing. What would you suggest that I do? Should I bother saying anything to him about how it's wrong for him to do this and how would I do that?

 

[alyssak]

^ ^ The above poster is right. There really isn't anything you can do to control another person. 2 things that will help:

pray for him. (It'll help you way more than anything else)

Rejoice you didn't marry the creep (LOL)

I've been praying so much about it ever since I found out about it, and you're right, it has helped so much. Usually I would still be very angry but praying has helped subside it. And good point, I'm so glad I didn't marry him!

 

[Forealzchola]

Thanks, I appreciate your points. I've definitely learned my lesson about the types of guys I'll be dating in the future and the lines I shouldn't be crossing. What would you suggest that I do? Should I bother saying anything to him about how it's wrong for him to do this and how would I do that?

with your ex? dont say nothing else to him...ignore him..hes only trying to do what hes doing now in order to hurt you more. If he comes at you "foul" though go off on him and then ignore him some more...

In regards to dating guys..because i have dated nonbelievers and so called believers..set boundaries yourself

ok im not going to kiss this person until this point...finding about peoples belief systems are essential almost like a test really..and never ever have sex with a guy for at least a very long time..this is your only sure test of what type of person he is...you need to decide now if you want to date a saved guy or not..ill give tips for each..because its just reality you might find a nice guy who will do right by you and be respectful and he not be saved..and the saved guy will be the worst...this has been my experience..coming from a 22 young with a bit of experience pretty girl that deal with alot of men on a regular basis.

Dealing with a saved guy-assuming that you are dealing with saved young man...it should be understood from the getgo that :
-you arent going to be having sex: so how are you going to avoid that temptation
-beliefs-demonination wise
-goals what is he looking for-should be a wife some time down the line.
- test their "spiritually" you can tell if someone loves the Lord or if they are just pretending

Dealing with an unsaved guy

- is he willing to respect your religious beliefs and your desires to wait
- do less physical stuff with this person
-find out moral beliefs: what would he do if he got you pregnant
-is he looking for just casual or what
-ask him if he smokes,drugs,alochol
-his view on strip clubs, porn, and other sexual things of the world because not all guys just because they arent saved do this...

Hope this helps..i can get more indepth if you need me to..there are nice guys that arent saved...many times nicer than many saved guys...but these are real options. I have never ever met a practicing christian man in real life, but my life still goes on..and im looking for the best person..and when i saved unsaved...i speak really of someone who is a christian affiliate or background but that isnt or hasnt been praticing.

 

[r035198x]

...
2. Tell people he couldn't get it up and it was small. You can end his nonsense fast.

This will not help at all. Retaliating by acting exactly as he is doing is more than likely going to make things much worse.

 

[DoctorJosh]

So I joined this forum basically to get Christian advice about my ex a few months ago, and unfortunately, our issues with each other haven't been resolved and here I am again, needing advice on what to do.

He and I broke up and haven't spoken in almost 8 months. It was a terrible breakup and there's a lot of hostility and anger from him. However, I want to say that I truly did not do anything to make feel that much hatred toward me. Our breakup was over a misunderstanding that he refused to resolve with me.

Anyway, a friend of ours came to me yesterday telling me that my ex was openly telling other people intimate details about having sex with me. I understand that he and I have sinned by having premarital sex and I have taken that up to God. However, I don't like that he is telling people detailed accounts of what we did...

So I confronted him by writing him a message (I no longer know his phone number, otherwise I would have called) saying "Please think twice about the kind of information you are sharing and who you are sharing it with." And he responded by saying he was not going to do that, basically saying he would continue talking about it.

He claims he is a Christian and maybe I'm biased for being the one who is shamed in this situation, but isn't it wrong for him to be discussing what we have done in bed together with people in a game of truth or dare? What should I say or do?

Sad situation. It usually is the case where one or both try to hurt the other because they are hurt. Like some sort of retaliation to get back at the other. What ever dispute it was, perhaps you need to get together with him and start a new level. This hurting each other, or him just hurting you while he thinks you are trying to say things about him, what ever the case is there is mistrust now and this needs to be cleared up.

He truly is making sure you two will never get back together if you get mad enough at him, for he seems to think its over and is being over forever and being dramatic about it. Some people just do that, they over react.

Compassion and compromise needs to come into play from both sides, even from you showing you are willing to work things out or just to be on the same level once again even as friends, even if you don't want him back its just showing you are a True Christian and want to try and correct the situation before it turns into an exploding volcano.

Otherwise it turns into slander, more violence, and perhaps law suits. Calm the fire before it spreads, meet with him and work things out to at least show you don't want a war, but at least you can be allies through Jesus. God Bless.

 

[TheDag]

He claims he is a Christian and maybe I'm biased for being the one who is shamed in this situation, but isn't it wrong for him to be discussing what we have done in bed together with people in a game of truth or dare? What should I say or do?

yes it is wrong but realistically there is nothing you can really do about it. just one of those "unfair" things about life.

Edit to add: if he goes to church you can always try talking to his pastor to arrange a sitdown with him and confront him. of course there is no guarentee that the pastor will take further action (as required by the bible) if he refuses to repent. Approaching him one on one was the correct first step. if you do speak to his pastor get your friend to go along as witness. that is to say yes he said this stuff.

 

[Autumnleaf]

This will not help at all. Retaliating by acting exactly as he is doing is more than likely going to make things much worse.

With respect, its not retaliating by acting like him. If she said what I suggested she would nuke his nonsense. There is no way a man can trump that kind of thing. He would be quiet an slink away or he would deny it and sound weak. Either way he would be out for the count.

 

[r035198x]

With respect, its not retaliating by acting like him...

I take it we have differing meanings of retaliating. He tells people things about their sexual activities, you ask her to tell people things about their sexual activities. How is that not the same thing?

.. He would be quiet an slink away or he would deny it and sound weak. Either way he would be out for the count.

You are just guessing at how he will respond. Information we have been told about him suggests that he will act differently. More importantly, none of these actions represent good Christian behaviour.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I take it we have differing meanings of retaliating. He tells people things about their sexual activities, you ask her to tell people things about their sexual activities. How is that not the same thing?

We have different meanings of "like him". She wouldn't be looking for attention. She would be looking to shut him down.

You are just guessing at how he will respond. Information we have been told about him suggests that he will act differently. More importantly, none of these actions represent good Christian behaviour.

Yeah, I'm guessing. Like guessing about the consequences of putting a quarter in a gumball machine. Its just a guess but I bet if you do that and turn the crank a gumball will come out.

 

[r035198x]

This quote game is not going to lead anywhere since I don't see how your replies address what you are quoting from me. I just hope the OP will be able to distinguish between helpful and harmful advice.

Kind regards

r035198x

 

[TheDag]

We have different meanings of "like him". She wouldn't be looking for attention. She would be looking to shut him down.

Although what your suggesting could easily be bearing false witness which would be breaking one of the ten commandments. There is also a story in the NT of people who were struck dead by God for telling a lie (what we would call a white lie at that)

Yeah, I'm guessing. Like guessing about the consequences of putting a quarter in a gumball machine. Its just a guess but I bet if you do that and turn the crank a gumball will come out.

or he might turn violent. You actually have no way of knowing and are risking putting the OP in harms way if they followed your advice. At the end of the day what you said was funny but certainly not christian like behaviour.

 

[alyssak]

Sad situation. It usually is the case where one or both try to hurt the other because they are hurt. Like some sort of retaliation to get back at the other. What ever dispute it was, perhaps you need to get together with him and start a new level. This hurting each other, or him just hurting you while he thinks you are trying to say things about him, what ever the case is there is mistrust now and this needs to be cleared up.

He truly is making sure you two will never get back together if you get mad enough at him, for he seems to think its over and is being over forever and being dramatic about it. Some people just do that, they over react.

Compassion and compromise needs to come into play from both sides, even from you showing you are willing to work things out or just to be on the same level once again even as friends, even if you don't want him back its just showing you are a True Christian and want to try and correct the situation before it turns into an exploding volcano.

Otherwise it turns into slander, more violence, and perhaps law suits. Calm the fire before it spreads, meet with him and work things out to at least show you don't want a war, but at least you can be allies through Jesus. God Bless.

When we first broke up, I apologized for the things he was upset at me for and he ignored me. I tried to show compassion and trying to compromise with him and it didn't work. I actually did consider coming to his pastor and presenting the problem but I was unsure on how to do that. It seemed like it would turn into a messier situation since I don't know his pastor at all. Would you still recommend that I try again to mend the situation by asking him to talk to me about it?

 

[alyssak]

Hope this helps..i can get more indepth if you need me to..there are nice guys that arent saved...many times nicer than many saved guys...but these are real options. I have never ever met a practicing christian man in real life, but my life still goes on..and im looking for the best person..and when i saved unsaved...i speak really of someone who is a christian affiliate or background but that isnt or hasnt been praticing.

Thanks I was dating this guy for two years, so I thought I knew him better than this or maybe he changed. Throughout our relationship I thought he proved himself to be a good man.

 

[gzt]

Well, that's unfortunate. There's not much you can do except be glad you didn't marry this creep. If you really think it's worthwhile, you may be able to sit down with him and some person who has some authority over him and both explain to him that this sort of behavior isn't becoming of a gentleman. If you don't want to do that, the only thing you can do is tell him that you're disappointed in his behavior, that you thought he was a better man than that, and not talk to him again.