I would like some advice please.

[alyssak]

Well, that's unfortunate. There's not much you can do except be glad you didn't marry this creep. If you really think it's worthwhile, you may be able to sit down with him and some person who has some authority over him and both explain to him that this sort of behavior isn't becoming of a gentleman. If you don't want to do that, the only thing you can do is tell him that you're disappointed in his behavior, that you thought he was a better man than that, and not talk to him again.

We have been writing each other on Facebook and he somehow turned it around that it was my fault and he had a "right" to tell whoever he wanted about me. He told me to stop talking to him and that I was fake and ridiculous for caring what he said about me, even though I tried explaining that it was just not appropriate to talk about private matters like that.

I ended up just blocking him on facebook after I told him that he shouldn't have so much hate in his heart.

 

[GaryP]

I hoped you learned your lesson.
Those who play are those who pay,
(Roy Putman)
I would say most people he tells your information to, do not really care, and will forget
about it. Becasue they are caught up in their own lives.

Next time make better choices.

 

[JoyinChrist09]

Since this is a Christian forum, I'll use the Bible to get some answers your questions.

"He claims he is a Christian"

Matthew 7:16-18
“By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit."

Starting with myself, no one is perfect. A non-Christian even knows gossip is wrong and even after a written warning he refuses to repent. It's a real eye-opener sometimes to the type of dating-partner God protects us from.

"Isn't it wrong for him to be discussing what we have done in bed together with people in a game of truth or dare?"

Romans 1:29-30 explains how God does not love it when people slander and gossip. So yes, it is wrong.

"What should I say or do?"
I am thinking you went through betrayal. And I think of the story of Joseph in the Old Testament how he was betrayed by his brothers. He experienced a lot of suffering by his own family but years later forgave them and loved them.

I think forgiveness is the answer in the Bible when someone hurts you. I can understand if it is too hard for you but I think through prayer you could reach that state of mind.

All the best!
Joy

 

[alyssak]

Since this is a Christian forum, I'll use the Bible to get some answers your questions.

"He claims he is a Christian"

Matthew 7:16-18
“By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit."

Starting with myself, no one is perfect. A non-Christian even knows gossip is wrong and even after a written warning he refuses to repent. It's a real eye-opener sometimes to the type of dating-partner God protects us from.

"Isn't it wrong for him to be discussing what we have done in bed together with people in a game of truth or dare?"

Romans 1:29-30 explains how God does not love it when people slander and gossip. So yes, it is wrong.

"What should I say or do?"
I am thinking you went through betrayal. And I think of the story of Joseph in the Old Testament how he was betrayed by his brothers. He experienced a lot of suffering by his own family but years later forgave them and loved them.

I think forgiveness is the answer in the Bible when someone hurts you. I can understand if it is too hard for you but I think through prayer you could reach that state of mind.

All the best!
Joy

Thank you so much Joy. When I confronted him, I wanted to be able to have the Bible back me up in what I had to say...I wanted him to know that I had forgiven him for this and to show him love and compassion even though he hurt me, however, I know God doesn't like gossip and slander, but is it still gossip and slander if it's true? He claims that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing because he's only "exposing" who I really am, but I still don't believe it's anyone's business.

 

[DoctorJosh]

When we first broke up, I apologized for the things he was upset at me for and he ignored me. I tried to show compassion and trying to compromise with him and it didn't work. I actually did consider coming to his pastor and presenting the problem but I was unsure on how to do that. It seemed like it would turn into a messier situation since I don't know his pastor at all. Would you still recommend that I try again to mend the situation by asking him to talk to me about it?

Yes, I would still try and get together with him and find a common area you two can agree on. Perhaps it can stop his bragging about you in bed though, but obviously some unmature men like to brag about the women they had wild times with. In any case, all you can do is try and stop the fire before it spreads and find some respect with each other again. If it turns into another argument from his part, then you know he is just being ignorant and in those cases it is best to walk away. But..if he is willing to listen, to work things out so you two can at least be allies, then that makes a big difference. At least you are showing you are trying to be a good person, even when he is out bragging about you and making you feel uncomfortable about it. All you can do is try, but if he acts like a two year old, then that is just the way he is and you are seeing his true colors. Don't let him turn you into something you are not and make the same mistakes he is making, don't go to his level. Keep your good side glowing in Jesus. God Bless.

 

[JoyinChrist09]

Thank you so much Joy. When I confronted him, I wanted to be able to have the Bible back me up in what I had to say...I wanted him to know that I had forgiven him for this and to show him love and compassion even though he hurt me, however, I know God doesn't like gossip and slander, but is it still gossip and slander if it's true? He claims that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing because he's only "exposing" who I really am, but I still don't believe it's anyone's business.

I don't think slander and gossip must be lies to make it gossip and slander.

I think you could use the story of the adulterous woman thrown at Jesus' feet.
Jesus was not supportive towards the people who wanted to slander her. Instead He told them if they judge her, He judges them. And in the end He forgave her for her sins.

Joy

 

[JCFantasy23]

So I joined this forum basically to get Christian advice about my ex a few months ago, and unfortunately, our issues with each other haven't been resolved and here I am again, needing advice on what to do.

He and I broke up and haven't spoken in almost 8 months. It was a terrible breakup and there's a lot of hostility and anger from him. However, I want to say that I truly did not do anything to make feel that much hatred toward me. Our breakup was over a misunderstanding that he refused to resolve with me.

Anyway, a friend of ours came to me yesterday telling me that my ex was openly telling other people intimate details about having sex with me. I understand that he and I have sinned by having premarital sex and I have taken that up to God. However, I don't like that he is telling people detailed accounts of what we did...

So I confronted him by writing him a message (I no longer know his phone number, otherwise I would have called) saying "Please think twice about the kind of information you are sharing and who you are sharing it with." And he responded by saying he was not going to do that, basically saying he would continue talking about it.

He claims he is a Christian and maybe I'm biased for being the one who is shamed in this situation, but isn't it wrong for him to be discussing what we have done in bed together with people in a game of truth or dare? What should I say or do?

What you should do is try not to think about what he is doing. In other words, by asking him about it or dwelling on it, it slows your healing and it increases the damages he may be currently doing. You cannot control his inappropriate actions, nor you can change his heart or have him realize he is being a jerk here. It's amazing the sides we can see when a relationship ends.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Thanks, I appreciate your points. I've definitely learned my lesson about the types of guys I'll be dating in the future and the lines I shouldn't be crossing. What would you suggest that I do? Should I bother saying anything to him about how it's wrong for him to do this and how would I do that?

I really wouldn't. This is a common moral issue he should have sense to know is wrong. Going to him and acting hurt just gives him the response he's expecting and may even be looking for. Some people like to hurt their ex's, I have no idea why, even if they are the ones who ended it. Ignoring the situation and not reacting to him would bother him more than anything else, and would help you at the same time (which is the most important thing).

 

[alyssak]

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I had already wrote him about it, asking him to just consider his actions because it didn't seem very Godly of him to do what he was doing and he took offense and I apologized, telling him that I wasn't looking to offend him. And then I ended the messaging and blocked him on Facebook (I had no other way of contacting him). I feel better about the situation...I do wish he responded differently but by the way that he did, I see him in a whole new light. The bright side is that I no longer miss him the way I did and I'm just praying for God to work in his heart and turn all that hatred towards me away.