I wish I don't exist.

[cflittlestar]

Often there when issues happen, I will receive silent treatment from my brother. Even during normal time, he and his wife give me cold shoulder, and have very limit communication for me, during family dinner; yes, during family dinner, sitting at round table, as if you are just sitting with another customer across from you since the restaurant is very crowded and both you cannot get the sit unless you are sitting together. The situation is colder than chit chat with another patient in the clinic while both of your are waiting to see the doctor.

I really hurts when I receive silent treatment from my brother during family dinner and at any time. What deep the hurts is that my family don’t care, and don’t mind. They don’t think is a big deal, or anything deal or anything at all. And they tell me to ignore the situation, and that it’s just him being this way but not other people at the dinner. My family have to tendency to ignore and encourage me to ignore.

I am often the bad kid and coz I speak that I see the elephant in the living room. Often it’s when conflict arises, it will consider as my fault. What I say is not being listened. And mother will threaten to kill herself to get what she want, her unrealistic request.

The first marriage of my brother, he did it in disagreement of my parents. It turn my mother’s world up side down. And she lash her emotion on me. I tell my father about this, but he tell me to be considerate of her.

Sometimes, I just wish I never exist I this world. So I don’t have to go thru all the the hurts and pains brought from my family members.

No one think they hurt me so bad. And that people think I cause conflict in the family. I feel very unjustified. I wish to get justified. No one agree with me. I never get any agreement from anyone. I know I will never get justified and I just want to give up justified to get peace and improvements.

All I want it’s a let go, and I cannot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~edit:

Please pray for me. Even I want to give up anything in exchange of peace and improvement. I have hard time letting go (the fact that no one think they hurt me so bad). I am willing to give God control of my mind.
I hope God can help me. Sometimes I think the only reason for me to stay in this world is God. Even I feel vaguely about him.

 

[RuthD]

Oh, I am so sorry your family neglects you. I have a brother and his family that ignore me. I try to contact them and they ignore me, too. Just like you this hurts me, too. I am praying for a miracle to happen for you and your family. God bless you dear one.

 

[loved33]

Often there when issues happen, I will receive silent treatment from my brother. Even during normal time, he and his wife give me cold shoulder, and have very limit communication for me, during family dinner; yes, during family dinner, sitting at round table, as if you are just sitting with another customer across from you since the restaurant is very crowded and both you cannot get the sit unless you are sitting together. The situation is colder than chit chat with another patient in the clinic while both of your are waiting to see the doctor.

I really hurts when I receive silent treatment from my brother during family dinner and at any time. What deep the hurts is that my family don’t care, and don’t mind. They don’t think is a big deal, or anything deal or anything at all. And they tell me to ignore the situation, and that it’s just him being this way but not other people at the dinner. My family have to tendency to ignore and encourage me to ignore.

I am often the bad kid and coz I speak that I see the elephant in the living room. Often it’s when conflict arises, it will consider as my fault. What I say is not being listened. And mother will threaten to kill herself to get what she want, her unrealistic request.

The first marriage of my brother, he did it in disagreement of my parents. It turn my mother’s world up side down. And she lash her emotion on me. I tell my father about this, but he tell me to be considerate of her.

Sometimes, I just wish I never exist I this world. So I don’t have to go thru all the the hurts and pains brought from my family members.

No one think they hurt me so bad. And that people think I cause conflict in the family. I feel very unjustified. I wish to get justified. No one agree with me. I never get any agreement from anyone. I know I will never get justified and I just want to give up justified to get peace and improvements.

All I want it’s a let go, and I cannot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~edit:

Please pray for me. Even I want to give up anything in exchange of peace and improvement. I have hard time letting go (the fact that no one think they hurt me so bad). I am willing to give God control of my mind.
I hope God can help me. Sometimes I think the only reason for me to stay in this world is God. Even I feel vaguely about him.

cf little star ...i feel for you and i too feel these feelings, many of them in fact , in my own life.

You have expressed your feelings so very well, so much so , it made me cry , because you describe somethings so well , and they are similar to things I feel deep down about some people in my life too.

My honest answer to you saying you wish you didn't exist ...is that I'm so glad you do exist, and even more glad you have told thetruth about your feelings ...in doing so you have helped me feel mine.


Sometimes...when one has tried to be heard and it keeps happening that you not being heard....one can start to feel like 'what's the point'...and feel like you can't bear it.

It is a fundamental need in all of us , to be loved.

Jesus said that love was the thing that all of His teaching rested on...love and relating.

love/relate to God with your whole heart
love / relate to others and you do to yourself.

So when we are ignored...it is the absolute opposite of 'life'.

It is the opposite of what God said 'living' is to be.

It really hurts...you are right.



I'm sorry you feel so hurt around your family right now and how they behave.

I read a book of learning how to detach from such things, how to find a loving neutral gear to live in, inside myself...when such things happen...rather than let myself get so affected.

It is in a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings - how lovely and precious you are.

 

[aflower4God]

(((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))) yet I may not know what you are going through sweet sister but my best friend does, her brother has distance himself to her cause she is like her late mother and he has gotten attached to her half sister who is half her age. I see the hurt in her eyes all the time. Even though he is there for her for any legal advice (he is a lawyer) he is hardly there to talk to her ONLY when her father says for him to speak to her he does.
So hearing your story pains me BUT YOU KNOW WHAT you have us. See next time you are eating dinner imagine all of us there and MOSTLY imagine Jesus being there with you, it may help you some, cause you are a part of our family in Christ. I am glad that you exist you have a wonderful purpose in this world.
YOU ARE A BLESSING SWEET SISTER.
's

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying for you.

 

[Revived]

Heavenly Father, please heal this dear sister's broken places and help her to feel Your grace and unfailing love. Bring her into the light with You and help her find release now through prayer and show her how to claim that all things are new for her (2 Cor 5:17). Show her, Lord, that You see her as flawless and perfect now and always. With Your divine healing, show her how to overcome any thoughts, people, memories or challenges that might keep her from sustaining peace and joy in her life. Show her how to declare victory over her past and present and to begin anew, refreshed by your Love and by the unconditional acceptance of Jesus Christ. In His saving name, Amen.

 

[cflittlestar]

I was initially writing a letter to my brother (if he will read it) ....
And my heart raise up this thread. (of course the content of the letter is not of this thread).....

What I am trying to say.... it's that all these issue brought up, have deep impact on me, it end up that I have not sleep all night. It appear to be great hurt to me.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I was initially writing a letter to my brother (if he will read it) ....
And my heart raise up this thread. (of course the content of the letter is not of this thread).....

What I am trying to say.... it's that all these issue brought up, have deep impact on me, it end up that I have not sleep all night. It appear to be great hurt to me.

Sounds like your hurting man, and this thread is a cry for help. There is no shame in that.

Family is suppose to be a foundation for children, but today's reality is that they can be easily corrupted for the devil's purposes. Like when you mentioned the 'cold shoulder/ignore' thing. I would label that a generational curse that is killing your family's relationships, which are the glue that holds a family together.

I know your heart is crying out for the love that you should have received from your family members, especially your brother. I am going to encourage you that this will become a trap for you. They can't give you something something they don't have. I know your soul longs for it, even cries out for it. I can only tell you the path to truth healing is found only in Jesus Christ. I know that sounds like a cliche, but it is very true.

I been in your shoes in a different way. My parents got a divorce when I was 6 years old, and my father had to move far away. Over time I lost my relationship with him, and ultimately I lost his love for me(even to this day). It created such a void within me that I was all messed up about who I was and my own self image. This void was one of the things God had to work on me with. Things that I should received where never given and there was this big void because of it. God had to help me recognize that He IS my father, teacher, savior, counselor, and deliverer.

Every time I threw myself into the garbage bin, God would pull me out of it. Every time I gave up, he picked me up. Every time I beat myself up from the inside out, he would pick my chin up and encourage me with the truth about my situation. One of the hardest things I went through was to surrender my need for my father over to God. I was like a child with a death grip on it, and he had to help me to realize it was killing me. To put my arms around God instead, to receive His love. A love that never gives up on me, no matter what mistakes I make.

I share this to let you know, that the void within you is killing you. Jesus IS the answer to that void. It won't happen over night, but if you hold on to Jesus. He will help you give you life again, and purpose. I personally believe Jesus will use you to help fight the curse that been destroying your family and to save them from their sins.

There is something very beautiful inside of you that God purchased with the Blood of His son. Don't let the devil have the last laugh over your life and your family's. Hang in there brother!

 

[Saucy]

Dear Heavenly Father I pray for my sister here who is struggling with her family and feeling like she doesn't exist. It's always hard when we are ignored or people are too busy as things normally happen during this life, but grant my sister peace and joy everlasting. Reconcile her to you Father. Wrap her in Your loving arms. We pray these things in the matchless name of our Savior Jesus Christ Amen!